Montanaebananae
1206
19
2
I would love some advice from other parents, or anyone who knows about this topic because i have all the feelings and just want to do this next thing right. You see in about a months time I’m going from being the primary parent of my 3 and a half year old son and having him in my care 95% of the time to a 50/50 split with his father. Everything is amicable, his father has been heavily involved this entire time - there’s no ill will, everything is as peaceful as possibly can be, it’s just going to be a huge change. Not only are we moving into 50/50 custody but I am also returning to full time work after a two year break to raise my son, and the change is going to be felt by us all. To go from being together all day every day to being together a couple hours a day 50% of the week, it breaks my heart to even think about it. I am afraid of my own adjustment but more so my sons adjustment, and if anyone has any advice to share about this kind of thing, I’d love to hear it. Thanks!
heyletsbefriends
lostwalllet
Yes, it will be an adjustment but it will also be an adventure for both of you. Both you and your child will make new friends and learn new things and the time you have together will be even more precious. The real adjustment will be to make sure you both are in the best place possible, which may take a few tries, but you’ll both be fine.
golemwrath
Relevant:
icouldntthinkofabetterusername2
Old comment but anyway: I used to hear this advice multiple times and I was like yeah yeah of course I wouldn’t talk to friends like that. Recently I went went through a specific case of negative self talk with my therapist. She wrote things down on a whiteboard and we talked about it. Then she started reading that stuff out loud to me and even put some emotion (“acting”) into it. “Why the fuck did you… you should have known better… fucking moron…” Actually hearing that shit from someone else’s
icouldntthinkofabetterusername2
mouth, even though she of course didn’t mean any of it, she was just reading my words back to me, that really put things into perspective. In the end she added: “And this is your everyday normal life, must be pretty hard?” Jesus fuck, powerful moment.
TheMurderousCricket
You know what? I admire you. You both managed to carry out your separation / divorce in a civilized way and can still talk to each another with no grudges. By this, I'm saying that you made the most important thing separating parents can do for their children - a peace of mind and no drama or battles over "who gets the cheese". I'm sure your kid will thank you both for this sooner or later.
TheMurderousCricket
I know a guy from my previous work who is an insufferable egocentric and, when it comes to intellect, essentially a village idiot whose life was saved by the military. He and his ex-wife have been battling in courts for EIGHT FECKIN YEARS trying to proove that the other person is bonkers and cannot be trusted. You are several leagues higher, trust me.
Montanaebananae
Thank you for your words! We both really try to do the right thing for our son. I couldn’t imagine this kind of fighting and how terrible and traumatic it must be for the kids involved. As much as my ex and I weren’t the right people for each other romantically, We are still a family, and that means we are a team - With everyone’s best interest at heart. I think sometimes people lose sight of that, that the goal isn’t to win an ego game, but to create the best life for everyone involved. And
Montanaebananae
Most importantly for the child/ren you have bought into this world!
TheMurderousCricket
You are really an intelligent person to understand all that and take a step (or few steps) back in order to run in the future. I understand how torn you are inside to suddenly realize that you will spend less time with a person you love, but I truly admire that you took decision to seek middle ground rather than high ground... Cheer up. I'm sure the three of you will work it all out.
VanessaNelson
I don't have any profound advice, but I do wish you well, as a fellow mom, I can imagine it will be a very difficult transition for you ❤️ You may want to post this on reddit?
Montanaebananae
Oh ive never thought about that - I’ve personally never used reddit but I’ll go have a look at it thank you!
VanessaNelson
It's much more text-based and there are different groups where this would be a very great place to get advice ❤️ Let me know if it's too overwhelming and I can suggest a specific group (subreddit) for you!
VanessaNelson
Here are 2 good ones
https://www.reddit.com/r/As">rents">https://www.reddit.com/r/AskParents
https://www.reddit.com/r/Parenting