SaltySpartan117
286784
7679
195
Sep 26, 2015 3:28 PM
SaltySpartan117
286784
7679
195
OnBelay
What are thooooose
irritabletom
Zeus: "I'm gonna fuck that." Everyone else: "Please don't fuck that." Zeus: "...I'm gonna fuck that." I stole this from somewhere.
notanalien117
Also, in the original myth it was Heracles.
ChrisMcadam
The fact that the word "Kno" is all over this just makes it too horrible for me to attempt to read.
CorneliusCornwall
Thanks for not ruining one of my favorite childhood movies
ratmagic
Technically, Triton and Hercules would be cousins. Ariel is Hercules' cousin once removed
v1nchent
I still think ariel is hot :D
ThisIsWhatYouAreLookingFor
Does nobody realize that the first fact on this list is wrong??
J3greene
I want to meet the person that sat down and counted the worn out pencils.
scarletswordfish
He's a real pencil pusher.
thebuttcollector
that last one...damn
weakintheknees
Mleimnek
Hercules is triton's cousin
jcshishka
It also didn't release in there's in Greece because there were too many inaccuracies from the mythology
andrewbert
Fun fact: Hercules is the Roman demi-God son of Jupiter. The Greek demi-god son of Zeus is Heracles.
iwillalwaysupvotecanada
See you on the front page! This is some really cool stuff.
Dranton12
That Ariel gif is mesmerizing.
RadiationNation
folder[The More You Know]
lysithean
ah yes, the return of "kno"
sodafizzman
Rape in most classical works of art refers to abduction (or the latin Raptio), not the modern definition of forced intercourse.
SAWhowhatnow
Yes, because you know after kidnapping the woman I'm sure the man would never think of forcing himself on her.
BatLadyRielle
Consider "the rape of persephone" which involved zero sex. Actually, whether they even had relations is debatable, as some interpretations-
BatLadyRielle
-say that her children were gotten by Zeus, disguised as Hades. Additionally, the modern concept of rape is not the same as the ancient use.
ToastyPotato
That said, there are a whole lot of instances of non-consensual sex in Greek/Roman myths. Many of which are because of Zeus.
Protean2648
There are a lot of those in current literature as well. Not sure what your point is
VaginaOrchard
*most
pineapplepuppy
Was a gif per fact necessary?
pigbuttworm
That 1st "fact" isn't really true. Rescuers and [...] Down Under both aren't fairy tales. And if you're not considering Hercules one ...
Stewker
Yeah I stopped reading the list after that. I was like if they lead with that "fact"...
newsguycraigevans
I wouldn't consider The Fox and The Hound to be a fairy tale. Robin Hood is more of a folk legend.
Tarelgeth
Great Mouse Detective
Redmancometh
Pretty sure Greek Mythology is looked on as a collection of fairy tales anyways.
thunder2132
Rescuers and several others still aren't fairy tales. And they even call out Ariel as being part of the same universe, so not a fairy tale.
pigbuttworm
... then you probably shouldn't consider Lion King or Aladdin to be fairy tales, both of which came before.
omgycantigetaname777
Oliver and company, lady and the tramp, the great mouse detective, fox and hound, 101 dalmations, aristocats...er...just to name a few...he
monkeymuffins
Yeah, that one isn't true at all. Dumbo, The Jungle Book, Bambi, 101 Dalmatians, Lady and the Tramp, Pocahontas...
Felderburg
Or anything Donald Duck or Mickey Mouse related. Or any of their WWII anti-Nazi propoganda...
newsguycraigevans
Or Dumbo or Bambi ffs
newsguycraigevans
101 Dalmatians, Jungle Book, The Aristocats, I mean the 1st fact is really busted at this point.
newsguycraigevans
Also Lady and Tramp is not a fairy tale.
tallroses
And....you know...The Little Mermaid. Pay no attention the the fact that number #7 invalidates #1
BenShambrook
Not all fairy tails are by the brothers grimm, Little marmaid is a fairy tail by hans christian anderson.
tallroses
It's still from the same mythology as Hercules no?
BenShambrook
nope, hans christian anderson was a Dane who wrote thumbelina, princess and the pea etc, the triton/posiedon connection was added by Dsney.
tallroses
ahhhhhh....bastards
BenShambrook
another fun part of the original, Ariel can't stand abandoning her family for a human life, and kills herself.
101stBlackhawk
On that last one, rape in ancient times meant stealing a woman to be your wife. It didn't necessarily include sexual assault.
ASquirrelNamedLloyd
Thanks for that. Excellent fact
Beepity
Also, to be clear: If she was okay with marrying you, but her parents weren't, it would be rape.
Zombraina
Now whenever I think of "stealing" a woman I think of Ygritte and the other wildling women.
Redmancometh
So ancient rape was the foreplay to the sexual assault main course? Dude nice. #themoreyouknow
iTzAwesomesauce
Still pretty fucked up.
illegalacorn
I think it's fair to say that it also did though
Aerolfoz
Why else would you steal someone. Rape pillage burn...
WhythehelldidImakethisaccount
What if she didn't want to marry someone and wanted to marry you and you eloped? In there definition, you raped her.
illegalacorn
we all know that doesn't count
Aerolfoz
They had pretty strict marriages back then. I guess punishment is the same as rape, for both, so why not merge them..
Aerolfoz
Oh, even better, the woman if discovered, and captured, can just claim it was involuntary rape. No punishment for her then.
qussow
Further clarification: stealing in this case means taken away without permission of her father/family, not necessarily the against the 1
qussow
woman's wishes. Not trying to say sexual assault didn't happen sometimes, just saying a lot of concepts have evolved and changed meaning.
qussow
and a better translation for a lot of these is probably elopement.
FakeGamerGirl
Yeah - a modern reader might be confused by the title "The Rape of Helen" because we would characterize it as "abduction" or "elopement."
Dawnstempest
Yeah, and if you actually read the unedited ancient texts what you said is the standard. They knew all about true love.
Adthay
I mean there was a greek story all about why you shouldn't fall in love with your wife...
Dawnstempest
Which one is that?
KatInTheCorner
It also included things like being "tricked" into sex, not necessarily forced into sex. (ie. the want to have sex and SURPRISE it's Zeus)
CorwinMacGregor
oh, that would explain the "rape of medusa" then. that part always pissed me off, that she was condemed for being sexually assaulted
KatInTheCorner
"impure" so they are married to their rapist or forced to become prostitutes. Yes I'm fun at parties. The joys of being a social worker.
KatInTheCorner
Actually being condemned because you were sexually assaulted is still a thing today. In many cultures, women who are raped are considered1/2
Kargathia
Rape still includes sex-by-deception. Although generally cases are slightly more mundane than "impersonating a swan".
KatInTheCorner
Well, yes. Coercion is rape. But like you said, there are not many men taking the guise of a sexy (?) bird and then *poof* they're a god.
IDontCareImStillFreeYouCantTakeTheSkyFromMe
lol at "Sexy bird"
KatInTheCorner
I love your user name. It's so...shiny!
omnipotentmonkey
That first one... what? a LOT of disney's movies aren't fairy tales, I'd dare say even the majority.
omnipotentmonkey
Seriously... the movies that preceded this were a pseudo historical story about american settlers and a fucking Victor Hugo adaptation! 2/2
freezeDriedBadger
Plus Lion King was based on Hamlet, Jungle Book & Alice in Wonderland = Victorian novels, sword in the stone & robin hood = English legends
ThisIsWhatYouAreLookingFor
Don't forget Peter Pan, Lady and the Tramp, 101 Dalmatians, Dumbo, the list goes on and on.
Heavymettle
James Wood's Hades is one of my all time favorite characters.
IDunGoofed
Who doesn't know basic Roman numerals??
emkaysi
Here's another question: How many practical uses for knowing Roman numerals are there?
emkaysi
It was a legitimate question guys. :'(
Erkhyan
A depressing number of people.
Cela84
First movie to break away from Fairy Tale favoritism? Great Mouse Detective, Fox and the Hound, The Recuers, Rescuers Down Under, Bambi...
MrSaturn64
Also Hunchback of Notre Dame, Fantasia, Oliver and Company...
astronomygeek7
That first one though, I'm calling bs. What about 101 Dalmatians, Aristocats, Jungle Book, etc? None of those were based on fairy tales.
sms001
And a splendid little film called Fantasia, which not only has the fairy tales, but plenty of ancient myth as well.
jurassicbond
Right before Hercules were James and the Giant Peach, Hunchback of Notre Dame, A Goofy Movie and The Lion King. No fairy tales there.
easyridercat
Marilyn Monroe made a guest appearance in the Sea of Souls. http://imgur.com/cZxBsUE
rpgaff2
Neat.
donkeymoney
lol
2tall2walk
http://jimhillmedia.com/mb/images/upload/Hercules-starfield.jpg
easyridercat
+1
Fancyrobot101
Fun fact
MinisterKai
I misread that as Marilyn Manson, so I was scanning the picture going, "What?"
theIdris
What a wasted opportunity, really. He'd make a great soul in a scene like that.
WEEGEETIME
So did I, you're not alone.
BiteTheHandsThatThieve
Holy shit me too.
icypants
You are not alone
womaniak
Me too
easyridercat
I almost typed it like that hahah.
Imonthebrutesquad
Well I'll be damned.
Pikuseru
You cheeky cunt. Have your upvote then.
WhythehelldidImakethisaccount
Well, thats how you get there so probably.
DoctorWatchamacallit
Everyone in Greek mythology went into the underworld, unless you were one of the God's favorites, and got to go to the Elysian fields. 1)
DoctorWatchamacallit
2) however, this was extremely hard to get, and would probably be considered a sainthood in modern Christianity. If you were REALLY amazing,
DoctorWatchamacallit
3) the gods could even make you one of them, HOWEVER, this only happened like 2-3 times EVER, and you pretty much had to already be ademigod
MinisterKai
Incorrect, in Greek Mythology, everyone went to the Underworld, unless they REALLY pissed the gods off.
WhythehelldidImakethisaccount
I couldn't find the term Sea of Souls when describing the Greek Underworld so I would assume that Marilyn would be in Tartarus.
DoctorWatchamacallit
2) and there were a few Rare demigods who actually got made into an immortal god themselves, (Hercules was one, Diyonisus was another)
DoctorWatchamacallit
technically you COULD get sent to the paradise of Elysium, but this was kind of like a sainthood in Christian terms.
afetai1011
Thank you for making my wasting of time educational! AND! FUN!
howlongareweabletomakeusernameswowthisisreallylongholycrap
So technically Ariel and Hercules are 2nd cousins.
stevenwonder
I knew my jimmies wouldn't be the only ones rustled by that.
ILikeYourNudes
Technixally first cousins once removed. Hercules is first cousin with her Dad. His kids & Ariel are 2nd cousins
stevenwonder
Herk's* kids & Ariel
ILikeYourNudes
thank you for clarifying the ambiguous his. Cheers!
TheGoatyGoat
Isn't ariel his niece?
Gunslinger8912
No, first cousin once removed.
DrOsmium
Yeah, this. Hercules would be Triton's cousin, and Ariel's uncle.
xrufus7x
That is incorrect. Your uncle is your fathers/mothers brother
DrOsmium
Hercules was Zeus' son, Triton was Poseidon's son, Ariel was Triton's daughter. Herc is Ariel's uncle.
PantsAreTooMuchWork
Not really. Herc would be Ariel's uncle if Triton was Herc's brother, but he's not, he's Herc's cousin- so she is 1st cousin once removed.
DrOsmium
In other words: Zeus + Poseidon = 1st gen, Triton + Herc = 2nd gen, Ariel + her sisters = 3rd gen
Gunslinger8912
Ariel's first cousin once removed.
CoconutCyclone
No? Aunt/Uncle are for direct siblings of your parents.
DrOsmium
Zeus and Poseidon are bros, Triton is Poseidon's son, Ariel is Triton's daughter. But Hercules is Zeus' son.
Porthos542
No because triton would be Hercules cousin
CoconutCyclone
Which makes Poseidon his uncle and Ariel a cousin.
Joxem13
Fun Fact: Zeus fucked everything that moved
[deleted]
[deleted]
LoveAndCoffeeButNotNecessarilyInThatOrder
It's kinda that whole "a square is always a rectangle, but a rectangle isn't always a square situation."
Harumatsu
What a Zeus bag
MeatyNoodle
Gettin bitches with my swan schlong!!
SometimesICanFreestyle
Just like Pat Burrell
Deathfrombelow
Like OP's mom. (Sorry SpaceCowboy02, I'm sure SpaceCowmom01 is a saint. I'm just making a joke.)
pIanetarysociety
Zeus throws a lightening bolt then starts chasing it to fuck it
wakarimasu
It's good to be a god.
SometimesICanFreestyle
It's good to be the king
unknovvnMike
Everyone: Zeus, no. Zeus: Zeus, YES!
kurtist04
In the Iron Druid Series, a modern fantasy where gods and myths are real, Zeus has a perpetual erection. That is all.
BenHatesHugs
Then why am I so alone?
notanalien117
That's why he's the ALL Father.
kurtist04
Odin?
hellblazre
Seems like fun for just Zeus...
Alexagon
When he appeared to Danaë, he took the form of a golden shower. Undoubtedly whilst having "Superfreak" play in the background. Or R. Kelly.
SpyMonkey3D
He is afraid of Angela Merkel though.
dautofor
Fun Fact: Hera frakkin loathed hurcules
CyrenVelsoul
Just like OP's Mom
Darkcl4w
and ate children
Kargathia
Scotland would confuse him.
craigreyna
nowyoukno.com
GrandPubabofMoldistan
And some things that didnt
jackwhitesotherotherotherband
and if it didnt move he fucked it till it did.
gotthisonmyfirsttry
And a cow!.. Or at least what turned into a cow
swagbornslayer
Just like Robert Baratheon
burreberre
Kinda like David Cameron. Only it didn't move...
Telkesh
Not so fun when you're the one that moved
gothaminvader93
so what you are saying is that zeus is like the wendigos from "untill dawn".
hwatL4bloopy
Even poseidon
MisprogrammedTeddyRuxpin
Accurate.
101stBlackhawk
As anything that moved, too. Including gold dust
d1d1t4t3hlulz0hl4wdy
Yup
QueenCousland
Zeus didn't father the minotaur, a chick who'd been cursed by Posideon fucked a bull and gave birth to the minotaur.
easyridercat
+1
d1d1t4t3hlulz0hl4wdy
In the spirit of the joke, YOU MISSED THE JOKE!
ChefHannibal
CanadianMooseRider
prettttttty much
easyridercat
This is my favorite tumblr post.
PeopleKeepTellingMeILookLikeJesus
This is the hardest I've laughed in a long while. You, sir, have earned your upvote.
Okaywiththis
reminds me of the pic of him without hair...
TharrickLawson
Zeus, no! "Zeus YES"
MrPredator
Damn it Zeus!
Sklrr
Is it just me, or does Zeus look like a very excited Ron Pearlman?
ChefHannibal
.... cannot unsee
Sklrr
sorry
ChefHannibal
no no.. /hug thanks
spiritualbeingonahumanjourney
Kinda like Captain Kirk
AstartesLibrarius
Except Kirk only ever had one kid, because only one of the women he slept with survived/didn't use birth control.
citoyenne
Also, Kirk got consent.
AstartesLibrarius
Also true.
ATimeTravellingRobotFromTheFuture
Although kirk was basically raped by the Dolman of Elass.
enigma1235
Or James Bond.
Zreen
Or Captain Jack Harkness
CarlosBandana
In the Casino Royale book, Bond fancies Vesper because "each time would have the sweet tang of rape". Bond was a fucking mental.
Pleasedontletittouchme
ಠ_ಠ
Mobileuserwholikestoberandom
Or Zeus
Beezelblublublub
What about that Zeus guy?
ChefHannibal
or Captain Kirk
Deathfrombelow
Or James Bond for that matter.