ChocolatePoopy
36768
1120
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Jan 28, 2026 4:37 PM
ChocolatePoopy
36768
1120
20
FreeNorth
Melanomia - When full exposure to too much sun gets you a position
GratuaCuun
SPQAAE
Did I just watch someone die?
SeriousYouCantBeShirley
Netflix? I thought it was Amazon.
RigidGristle
GravyEducation
I really don't care do u
CaptainYesterday
I tried giving a shit but I took one instead.
azazyel
It's not on Netflix
Ac1dBurn72
It will be required viewing by 2028. In schools. For children.
Anfalicious
It's getting a cinematic release in Australia. Who is that for? It almost like the whole thing is a bribe...
FreePalestineAndTheWorldFromIsrael
Probably for the "March for Australia" terrorists. Wouldn't be surprised if it was endorsed by Pauline Hanson.
Anfalicious
Pauline is funded by the same people (russia via the NRA) so probably. I just can't see them going to the cinema. Probably a good option if youre looking for 2 hours of air-conditioning and dont want to be around other people
drpain522
Wasnt this an amazon production, not netflix?
Squossifrage
Fake quote. Variety have not reviewed Melania (when that tweet was posted, they hadn't written about it at all) and the quote is originally from a YouTube comment under the trailer for Snow White (2025).
mrcatpoop
I sure hope I see this on rare insults later
georgejimmydoodle
I just checked my local Regal. In 4 showings on Friday, only 3 seats have been sold, all for the same showing. It's really odd, because while 2 of them are together, the third is right behind them. So, like is the single there to ruin the experience for the pair?
Madalchemist2018
My local one always has the same two seats sold for every show. Just as part of the system maybe its a reserve for some reason but I always notice it and have never seen anyone in them.
egoAristippos
LespritDeLescalier22
Oh look. They made cancer airborne and contagious. -Patton Oswalt
chefgwynne
We’re Science! We’re all about coulda, not shoulda.
LespritDeLescalier22
Like pushing an uncooked Cornish game hen thru grey drapes.
whythefucknot215
danicalifornia505365
It’s the look of how she got her start, by opening up to one Jeffery Epstein, then on to the current resident of the White House
Kenbamazingbutprobablywontbe
I wouldn't even pirate her movie.
FreePalestineAndTheWorldFromIsrael
Couldn't pay me enough to watch it either
NoodlesDOTExe
I feel like a CLEAN COPY would still qualify as Malware.
Kenbamazingbutprobablywontbe
And require and std screening after
ourari
We might be motivated to try and remove it from the internet completely, though.
BaphoMettbroetchen
That would be a funny challenge tbh. But I think we should put our energies elsewhere for now. ^^
choppedliveraldente
I'll hold my breath until I die if I ever hear about it again
ourari
Make sure you prepare for retirement.
zackingsman
You couldn't clockwork Orange. My eyes open and forced me to watch it because I would spontaneously die just like Natalie Portman in and The phantom menace did from having a baby
MechKelly
She died in Revenge of Sith.
LanceSackless
The second time, yeah
imnotinthewitnessprotectionprogram
I thought she died of sadness
Anarchduke
She did, because she saw this movie
Kenbamazingbutprobablywontbe
The future is bleak yo
TheVampireDante
She finally realized she'd be raising twins on her own.
torbtom
She will still receive the FIFA Best Documentary Award
ThadisJones
Only terrorists give this movie bad reviews /s
CaptainYesterday
What if I review it without even seeing it?
ThadisJones
It is your patriotic duty to watch this movie
CaptainYesterday
I will watch it burn from the V.D.s
Blunderwriter
Amazon...not Netflix...
VaclavUrbanek
It wasn't made by Netflix but by MGM, which is an important distinction since MGM is owned by Trump's oligarch buddy Jeff Bezos.
TheVampireDante
Line stolen from the chat music one about the snow white live action? (I do expect a chat music on this disaster as well though).
cxmpxsxd
Bars.
Grimlinnan
The theater near me doesn't show shitty Russian Porn.
thatwoodguy
Writing for a College Newspaper we did reviews of movies. One of my friends Chris wrote a review of Sylvester Stallone's movie over the top. It is review he wrote over the top is a pile of slop the world won't meet you halfway, and neither will this movie.
flornholio
I love it, but I can't find a source for this citation. It's all over socials, but not on Variety. :-/
Feralkyn
Someone basically posted an image macro with a ton of fake reviews from real critics; I'm assuming someone thought that was real and pulled this one from that. I don't think it's real, no.
doctorId
The woman has all the charm and personality of a damp paper bag frozen to the sidewalk. Personally I'd rather eat a whole bus tire than watch a documentary about her.
ruferto
2/3rd of the New York filmcrew asked to have their names removed from the credits. I never even knew that was an option before today
linkoid01
That's interesting.
rshini
It's actually a whole thing - though usually it's a director or screenwriter will have their names removed to protest meddling in their works, either declaring the work can't be considered theirs anymore or fear it'd hurt their career to be associated with it.
(SGA used to use 'Alan Smithee' for that until someone tried to make a comedy over the concept - Alan Smithee alias and it's purpose was brought to public awareness, and the film was SO bad, they retired the use of that specific name).
Leaps
Cowards. Will take the money and do the work, but only if they can hide what they did.
ruferto
Money put food on table and clothes on back. We don't always have the space to choose where our next paycheck comes from
CrumpetsWithHoneyAreCrumpetsWithBeeVomit
A reddit comment was "If I wanted to watch an entertaining movie about a hooker and a rich guy, I'd watch Pretty Woman". 😂
nimeton0
More reviews...
terronium12
Fake or not, who gives a shit — that last one is FUCKED up lmao.
DarkVoivod
Oh, that last one....
OffendingBacon
These are funny, but fake.
certainlynotaserialkiller
DeepThought42
I miss the old Conan show !!!
Grimlinnan
Malignant Maxwell is her real name. Protect the Pedophiles for a price. End.
TheobromineAddict
Once again, the lines between reality and fantasy are blurred.
maolmuire
rogerebert.com does not have any reviews for Melania.
nation543
I was about to check, myself, as that's exactly what I'd suspected. Thank you for saving me clicks
gablestout
Unfortunately, I'd venture these are fake reviews. I just checked RobertEbert.com and Rotten Tomatoes: Rotton Tomatoes does not have any reviews, and RogerEbert.com doesn't even list it
Toqom
Roger Ebert is a moron and only attacks movies that won't fight back. My favorite is his review of Gentlemen Broncos, "I didn't understand Napoleon Dynamite and I don't understand this" proving he is incapable of understanding a story. From the same folks as Napoleon Dynamite but it's a far sweeter story with Stifler's mom being the hero in the end.
50m31AW
And? You do know that Roger Ebert has been dead for almost 13 years, right? It's not him doing the reviews anymore; it's his successors that took over the brand after his death doing it now
CyberHexx
Besides. Napoleon Dynamite was garbage anyway.
HandsomePenguin
They are, this meme has been around for a few weeks now.
HandsomePenguin
Except they aremt. This meme has been around for weeks, and the movie isnt out yet. Stop spreading misinformation.
nimeton0
I'll stop when the POTUS (PedophiIe Of The United States) and the GOPedophiIe protectors and the rest stop.
HandsomePenguin
Telling lies when there are SO MANY TRUTHS that are way worse is not only stupid, but its short sighted. If they can prove one thing you said is a lie, then they can use that to weaken every other thing you say. Misinformation ONLY hurts the stuff you are fighting for. Pick a page from the epstien files and make a post about that.
dogfavoriter
I cannot even fathom why anyone would want to make a movie about her.
Munchman347
The line to lick the fat pedo's diaper was too long...🤮
MartianWeasel
To appease their King.
UncleMartha
Succinct.
I was going to say, "to butter up their orange-tufted shit-gibbon King." It's a bit wordy.
wisher1977
Porn star producers maybe…
SavageDrums
Same reason law firms are doing millions of dollars of free work for him, they're pussies
AgamemnonsMemes
Amazon paid like 100 mill for it, its just a bribe
Rockafella83
She’s a gold digging whore. And I meant every words.
SixSixxtySix
Bribery
knotwingknot
I think Melania's an interesting figure for discussion - just not in *this* way. She's interesting as first lady in a fascist government, in the most misogynist era of the 21st century, and as a white immigrant during a racially pointed anti-immigration movement.
Each first lady (and how we treat them) says a lot about us and about the presidency. For ex the misogynoir for Michelle was a canary in the coal mine.
Alice Capelle is preparing a vid essay on Mlnia and I'm looking forward to it tbh.
yamsonyamsonyams
So they could have a plausible reason to give her $40,000,000
Anfalicious
They paid the Trumps $40m for the rights and access
FurtiveGlancer
To kiss *his* ass - where's D'Souza? Oh wait, he's not white
torokunai
glazing the orange mushroom
johnathanrossshoulddie
It is money laundering a bribe, nothing more.
Uginscion
Money laundering
youreathing
Pardons and favours most likely.
Bundalicious
Krasnov used American tax dollars to pay off the fimmakers
yesdearmetoo
https://media4.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPWE1NzM3M2U1dDBrbmdnZjVhNnNyZHVsa2x1NXFjNnJ1eTkzdnV0Zjh6dmt4ZTI5NSZlcD12MV9naWZzX3NlYXJjaCZjdD1n/kj41Ti8GLVs1STX0bH/200w.webp
ReallyOG
I would be confident that there are “many” movies featuring her.
OhNooNotAgain
$$
Dannyalcatraz
Tax writeoff, because it’s guaranteed to lose money.
Sticklebrickk
Apparently 2/3 or the production crew didn't want to be credited for their work.
TheJuiceLoosener
I understand starring in a few movies tends to increase your draw at strip clubs
TheobromineAddict
I can easily imagine a future where Donald is in jail and Melania is eking out a living in strip clubs.
ABotImNot
Pretty sure there wouldn't be anybody going to that show either. Fucked out whores like that don't draw much of a crowd.
veesee
Because Maga uses Netflix and they eat that shit up
B3N15
Its a bribe
Bossco20
They needed to give her pedophile husband money as a bribe and figured this rancid liquid dog shit was the perfect cover
cytherians
Money laundering. I doubt Melania even wanted to do this. She has far more money than she'll ever need. But her husband is obsessed with money and image... thinking this would glorify Melania and boost his own image.
Misora
I mean I know it's not legitimate but I can't even fathom why you would fake a UK release. The number of people who care about the FLOTUS inside the US is low enough but who gives a flying $@#$ about another country's president's wife? That's the kind of thing that maybe if it were a huge hit in the US you might have a single specialty showing of overseas not a nation wide launch. And I've watched a lot of really weird and crappy niche one off movies that 99% of the population didn't like.
Marsupialmessiah
Ahhhhh maybe they want to elevate her to Evita Peron level? Which honestly, nah
rshini
sadly there are Magats aboard who think the first escort is a class lady compared (redacted racial epithets for Michelle Obama), but yeah, not enough to justify sending it overseas.
Darklinkinfinite
It’s a grift. It’s always a grift. Amazon paid like $40 Million to make it. Melania gets paid $30 million. Even if it only makes a million at the box office (which is generous) Amazon gets to kiss Trump’s ass and Melania gets her pay day
zanarchy805
I’m tread somewhere that they just followed he for 20 days before the inauguration. So they probably didn’t down much to produce it.
AnthonyBC
Don’t forget any tax write offs for low ticket sales
Fanner50
I suspect it will bring in money due to conservatives, especially via astroturfing: buying tickets to make it look successful, then not going.
Mmbear
Yep. She gets $30mil and Bezos gets a $10B tax cut and all the market manipulation, sell high buy low, insider trading they could ever want.
sweetandsmokey
I feel like bezo overpaid. The fifa guy got him for a 50$ trophy he made up.
GravyEducation
Goebbels needed a job to do, too
BaphoMettbroetchen
Goebbels was highly intelligent and really fucking dangerous.
We should be thankful that the orange cockwomble doesn't have that Nazi at their disposal.
GravyEducation
I dig your username especially in this context.
firlefranz
Let that sink in:
eetsumkaus
fun fact is that Goebbels has a Ph.D in literature. He would have been defunded by this administration.
meganical
They hoped people’s hatred or love for her would be enough to get them to watch the film but they were wrong. People don’t hate her enough to spend money to see something about her to point fun at. Nobody seems to actually give a crap about her except Russians
CaptainYesterday
And Russian assets in public office.
ZackWester
also nowdays if you have someone your not going to pay to watch the movie. you wait 1-2 weeks get the pirated copy whit out the FBI copyright warning that takes for ever to get past and the you wouldn´t download a car whit Copyright infringed music playing.
LicensedAdHominem
It's a thinly veiled bribe. I don't think anyone expected people to care about the movie itself.
JacktheKind
huh, yeah this seems most likely. Hadnt thought about it
iRecommendBooks
Precisely this. A documentary no one cares about and no one will watch that Amazon paid $40m to get the rights to.
They spent half as much on it as The Minecraft Movie cost to make, and that's all a bribe because - again - it's not a conventional business decision.
rshini
well about $70-80mil is what Amazon will pay once you factor in the marketing and distribution costs, but still.
also Minecraft movie is a poor comparsion is that's a CGI-fest with big name stars so that's always going to jump the price. $40mil is reasonable for a biopic - given Song Sung Blue was $30million
iRecommendBooks
$30m was how much Song Sung Blue cost to make, including the rights. Take that against $40m for just the rights.
The reason the Minecraft movie is a good comparison is because that should be many times more more expensive than a documentary - not a biopic - covering three weeks of time.
rshini
okay, misread $40 mil as production cost, but yeah, that's absurd.