How To: Brown Thumb to Green Thumb!

Brown thumb as in, plant killer, you perverts.

My indoor jungle! I used to kill all my plants. Everything. Even the easy stuff--spider plants, rubber plants, whatever. I learned a few basic tips that even you (yes YOU) can use to go from brown to green! Note I'm still a newbie, relatively speaking, so doublecheck your specific plant's care regardless, but here goes.

Ft: indoor jungle, closeup. First off: the most confusing thing to me was "underwatering" vs "overwatering." See, they have the same damn symptoms, which made no sense to me--how can TOO MUCH water and TOO LITTLE water have the same effects?! Well, when you overwater, you keep the roots pressed under a bunch of waterlogged soil.

This tiny idiot Tradescantia on the left keeps growing big stems that fall off. That's fine--I made new plants! (The two to the right are its giant 'babies.') Anyway--waterlogged roots means plants don't get oxygen circulation and they're basically sitting in a suffocating bacterial farm and rotting. Rotted roots means the plant can't take up water, which in turn means it's... you guessed it, "under" watered. There's ways to treat that (mostly potting, trimming rot and re-rooting) and as long as there's green left on a plant, there IS hope. But the best treatment is preventative! How to water correctly, then?

(This is my bedroom "jungle.") Mainly, don't water "too much" and use good drainage. Drainage means draining pots (plastic "liner" pots with holes elevated inside an outer creche pot) and draining soil correct to the plant type. Too-dense soil compacts and holds water. Break it up with a dowel, or repot in a better-draining substrate.

(Or you can do what I do. Just chuck everything straight into Lechuza Pon--a German company's mixed pebble/pumice/fertilizer/etc. mix. It's good at wicking moisture, doesn't get compressed with time, and so far all my plants have loved it. No, I'm not affiliated!! Sidenote, terracotta's known for drying out its substrate very quickly--so if you pot directly into a terracotta pot (hopefully with drainage) you may need to water far more often.

How not to water too much? Poke your finger into the soil. If it comes away damp with dirt on, you're fine. If it's dry, it needs a water. (And if, when you water it, the water just sits on top of the dirt for awhile? That's hydrophobic soil and you waited a bit too long this time.) I like to take my inner pots, put them straight into the sink and run water through it (not too cold or warm) and then tip it around until it stops dripping. That's it!

(Tradescantia hybrid "Pale Puma." This plant is also an idiot and falls apart.) Water quality can also be important. If your water is chlorinated, use distilled or captured rainwater, or--depending on the type of chlorine used in your water--sometimes boiling and letting it sit out for 24 hours can make it okay for plants. Plants react differently to chlorine--Calatheas in particular (a type of prayer plant) are noted for being extremely sensitive to it. "Hard" water can actually be a good thing depending on the type of minerals, which can serve as plant food for your plants! Also: fertilize, but that's a whole other topic--you'll need to check that on a plant-by-plant basis.

Strobilanthes dyeriana - Persian Shield, in two lights. Love this bad boy. It really is that vibrant. Ahh--LIGHT is the other super important thing plants need. Direct sunlight will burn a plant that isn't acclimated to it so don't jam your new buy into a window and basically magnifying glass it to death. Likewise, no plant is really "low light." LowER light maybe, but nothing will thrive (maybe survive) in a dimly lit room. Fear not: low-energy-use LED bulbs are here to save your day. You don't need those ugly-ass plant "grow lights" that come in blue/red (blurples) on tripods. They are generally too weak and blurples aren't necessary. I get some nice full-spectrum, high-brightness LED bulbs and slap them into standard lamps! Your interior lighting can also be your plant light, without issue. (I still HAVE a couple full-spectrum+blurple-crappy-stick-lights here, mostly for whatever the big bulbs don't quite cover beneath my shelves). You can pick these bulbs up for 20-30 bucks online. If you want to check specs, find the brightness and the warmth, and check what your plants need. But honestly, I'm finding "go super bright with LEDS; one size can pretty much fit all."

Random Pilea Mollis for your viewing pleasure, in flower. These guys like humidity. Humidity can be important: to increase it, cluster your plants up. The more plants you have in a space, the more humid it will become, often by 5-10% in that area of your home. (Bear in mind potential wallpaper damage if it gets TOO high.) You can mist Pon or Leca, if you use it, or mist the general air--beware of water mineral buildup on leaves, though, and don't drown your plants' leaves either. You can also set water in pebble trays to evaporate over time. (Wipe down your leaves from time to time, too, just to keep off dust and buildup!)

This is my favorite plant--Philodendron Verrucosum--after shipping from the German "Jungle Leaves" online shop. Love 'em and highly recommend if you're in this area; I'd link except it might get spam-flagged... Re: new plants--QUARANTINE new plants!! Plants with fewer, larger leaves are better than plants with hundreds of small ones for treating pests. Keep an eye out for tiny moving specks, for gnats, and for bits of webbing UNDER your leaves (check where the leaf meets the stem). Those can be mites, thrips, aphids--the webbing will be either mites, or spiders. Spiders are friends. Spider mites are not, and will need treatment--either with pesticides OR predatory mites you can purchase, or with a few other options out there. (This Philodendron was perfectly clean!)

Same Verrucosum today! These are, like many house plants, toxic to pets which brings me to PET TOXICITY. Pollen from outdoor lilies can kill a cat at a concentration of a few grains licked off the fur. Other plants, such as Monstera, are toxic if the plant's chewed and ingested, but toxicity varies by plant from "irritating, mouth is swollen" to "rapidly destroys the kidneys." Spider plants are harmless, but mildly hallucinogenic to cats, so if your fur potato gets a taste you can say goodbye to your plant--and hello to a terrible new cat habit. Check EVERY plant's toxicity before you bring it home, if you have pets. (And beware those "Himalayan salt lamps," too. Deadly poisoning from pets licking those and ingesting far too much salt DOES happen.)

Bonus fact: the plants you buy may not be the plants you thought you bought. "Trade names" tend to stay the same--for example, a plant sold as "Pothos" is one of the most common houseplants. But Pothos were split into other genera (genuses); most of the "Pothos" we buy are actually either Epipremnum or Scindapsus. Actual Pothos plants are unusual as houseplants--likewise most Calatheas are actually Goeppertias; "Monstera Minima" is "Rhaphidophora tetrasperma" and the former never existed; Philodendron "micans" is actually Philodendron hederaceum var. hederaceum, etc. When plant taxonomy is updated, established trade names are usually not abandoned (for fear of losing sales). If you find a plant vendor whose online shop takes the time to explain the real Latin names, imo you've found a keeper! (This is a Micans/hederaceum in the foreground--I love how its leaves look multicolored as they grow!) Good luck growing!