Only you can make your choices. Bit I will say, as someone who has also walked that like and lost friends to that choice. I understand it does not make your issues go away, it just cements them into your last moments and you deserve better.

In response to a post I could not respond to before the op removed it. It was a call for help to someone considering ending their struggles. Please don't.
You deserve to be known. You deserve better. I'm so sorry.