Number34
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"Got my days wrong and ended up alone in a room with my boss and the President of Ireland while I was on ketamine."
May 3, 2018 2:09 PM
Number34
390332
11897
145
MimirBlue
That actually made me sweat. 5/7, would read again.
Badorsickguy
SavgeHnry
Beautiful. Hunter S Thompson would be proud.
timmyg68
An a mhaith.
Radandie94
Great post. Nearly pissed myself several times
weareall1
That’s the funniest thing I’ve read in awhile. Thanks for the laugh
Hidesertgal
I laughed so hard
krammo
Many lol's. Much admiration. So ket. +1
jumpbus360
I had to give this a +1 even before I finished it. Reminds me of dropping lsd and ending up in a 1/2 conversation with a cop who knew me.
keillrandor
Did the cop know?
jumpbus360
Yep. He knew me for years. Went to school with his daughter. Didn't bust us because we were on foot and not causing problems.
defarious
That was a better read than a million little pieces.
dumbefi
But where are your pixels?
JunglePygmy
Twitter novel. Jeez
TacoBellChipotle
5/7
Digitaldude427
This is... The most impressive thing I've ever read on Twitter. Or social media... Or ever. Period. Holy shit this better be a novelist.
MyLeftNutHangsLower
I read this whole thing and it made me late for work
Felderburg
I read this whole thing at work.
MyLeftNutHangsLower
I should’ve done that
whatspaulplayingtoday
That was an incredible read.
FiveHeadedSnakeGod
Worth the effort, +1.
2GunsDually
Perfect amount of time needed for a good shit and entertaining. +1
2GunsDually
Although it almost warrants a -1 back for uploading it as one fecking image. I feel magnanimous and haven't taken it back.
EpilatorAlligatorBothReduceGrowth
This made me laugh. Such an experience.
dmaro
This was great. Thank you
gaggingforit
no ragets
MemeElder
you spelled it wrong its "no ragrets"
gaggingforit
thankyou kind nazi
Solbion
Spelling has come full circle. We now correct people on how to incorrectly spell words.
gaggingforit
surreal
Demagur
coughed up a lung i was laughing so hard
MrDrMatt
I want everything I read for the rest of my life to be written by this person. "my fingernails owe me money" wow!
snuzzbobble
it reminds me of the way a lot of my Irish pals speak tbh, great figures of speech
reverseporkies
I read that and looked at my fingernails... I might not be as sober as I thought I am.
MistressLyda
By then, I am not even sure if they are joking or not.
TheCapnJoe
I think I understand. I once farted a new-yorker magazine style, black and white caricature of Orson Welles while I was on shrooms.
Aceituna
I stopped in my tracks to contemplate what that might feel like.
DARfuckinROCKS
I know that feel.
PetuniasByAgrajag
Sweet, time to take some K and then off to my job at Air Traffic Control
jpitsch20106
Nooooooooooo
Starcatcher1986
I mean, he was doing a job in which he could've been replaced by a conveniently placed table.
lemmonjello
Gotta be honest the story was funny but i enjoyed this more.
Kelevra732
Surisuule
eadgbe42
C>P
SalmonTheWise
Locolarue
Looks like a picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue.
BuiltLikeATruckCuddlyLikeATeddyBear
PetuniasByAgrajag
I was WAITING for someone to post this.
Dyayo
Working from my building, when this happened. Remember seeing the helicopters falling in pieces. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kTIijI32vA0
busychillin
This will one day make a great story on a nazi-riddled microblogging platform
hotdognachos69
I audibly reacted to that one, so great
bacchuss
I had to take a breather after that one
metalfoto
ThePastmaster
I'm internally debating on whether it's Twitter or Tumblr. XD
KoalaLovesPanda
More like 4chan
ThePastmaster
Since when is 4Chan a microblog? o_O It's an imageboard.
Blud4BludGod
Reminds me of a time I took acid and then went in to do prep at a kitchen I worked at. Was my day off, the Chef had cut his wrist the day...
Blud4BludGod
...before and wouldn't be able to work. I dropped some acid when I got home and freaked out all night, then rode the train in for an...
Blud4BludGod
...unscheduled six AM prep shift. Didn't stay to help for dinner service, but I made sure the guys were well prepped.
hazelbunny
Same. First acid trip. Had to go in still quite high and worked the line next to the broiler for the first time. 1/2
hazelbunny
First order of prime rib comes through and I had to cut the fat cap off of a huge prime rib. Was gross
Kitdivine
My favorite part XD
gorditos
B3ta.com is...special
PmMeYourFavDinosaur
What is this?
gorditos
It’s a nazi riddled (satirical) micro blogging site
gorditos
Erm the tweet is in response to the twitter account owned by b3ta.com but yeah sure Twitter is a mess too
thecrystalqueen
ravagefox
Um.
SlyMrFox
He's a dragon that hordes awkward situations.
notthedevilipromise
I think twas a reference to the frequent "ums" that litter the original comic.
SlyMrFox
Oh yeah.
lollipopPunch
Scritch...
[deleted]
[deleted]
thornlord
Toast215
Bless your soul.
UserSubHunterOfIndeterminateGender
Andalite
zenoshogun
Imadethisaccounttogetmoreupdoots
MathGoat
ZKrock
UnhelpfulAnswers
That's probably how that out of body experience felt like to that person
THRILLHOUSE69
Oh yeah, that guy. Yeah he'd treasure this one
TheFastpaws
This would be one of his crowned jewel memories he would keep for all time.
HungarianOxPenisInABlender
Ketamine hydrochloride is a man-made anesthetic that moonlights under names like special K, Kid Rock, and K
flavivsaetivs
I wrote an entire paper on how it works with the PCP receptor in the brain just because it's called "Cat Valium."
bitemark
It sounds legit, like where he disconnected from his body. Matches up with, er, experiments conducted (in the name of science!) in my youth.
popoduff
I recognized the out-of-body experience too. When i walked it was like my conscience had a two second delay following behind my body
HungarianOxPenisInABlender
Depending on how much you do, you may fall into what's known as a K-hole You may even feel like you're walking on marshmallows
MistressLyda
"May even"? That is a regular morning for my sake.
krammo
I've walked on marshmallows before!
lashingsofgingerbeer
Well worth the effort of deciphering +1
KnightOwl23
Seemed straight forward to me. Lol
lashingsofgingerbeer
I meant the lack of pixels!
Jomini001
I knew a guy who took ketamine at work along with several of his buds. Got fired and blacklisted, seriously damaged his company's reputation
chazol
Yeh we are talking about Dublin here though, pretty much if you don't break something we get a second chance!
Jomini001
I can appreciate the sentiment, just sharing my special K story bruh.
Jomini001
The really ironic part is they were supporting a US training program for the local national police, and one of the big things they
Jomini001
Had to deal with on the daily was reminding the future boys in gray/blue not to do drugs on duty. Or molest little boys. Another big one.
Jomini001
Same guy was later fired from the company we were both working for several years later. He was smuggling booze and got caught stealing
Jomini001
Mini-fridges from our client's warehouse of furniture and shit with a couple others. Can't keep a good man down, ya know?
FlabbergastedLoaderbot
I feel like you need your own post.
Stodggy
Worth it for "I would become time itself"
olmusk
Empires crumble and glaciers dissolve.... I’ve been there 35 minutes
SoraPonyBoyVersetti
BarneysLSD
Kids nowdays wont never know the feeling of some new exciting drug because dabbing and fortnite. So sad...
Magicflutefreddie
Holding a tray of drinks filled with noise and judgment.
MostlyJeffGoldblum
For real tho that was a great line
mcginger72
I've had that feeling before. It's fucking crazy and exhausting
tygerpsimatrix
"traversing the 5 foot between us like it's a wooden plank on the Crystal Maze"
lagomorpha
Dormamu, I've come to bargain.
walkernotskywalker
"My fingernails owe me money"
HitlersClonedButthole
I lost it at "HELLO GUYS!"
dontcallmeplath
The bit about wanting to yawn so that the memories would come out made me cackle. I have known that feeling.
Magicflutefreddie
Cackle.lol
stardy
that and "i suddenly become extremely aware of my hands"
stardy
for such a sentence, can only come from drugs and its hilarious
RonnySoahx
total agreement and some nice memories...
whitehallstories
"You know that feeling when the roof of your mouths starts politely folding your brain in half" Yup, all too well
slackbamboo
Followed up much later with "time passes on my own". Beautiful.
Oddfish
"Out on the dusty plains of mother Earth, hot bursts of young love gift the miracle of life; children are born, raised stricken infirm and
Oddfish
die of old age. And then Mary McAleese walks in."
CongratsYouAreHereNow
I once took bong hits before my easy class at high school, turns out the teachers friend, the drug czar under bill Clinton was guest speaker
PixelBob
Was once waiting to come down a bit before having to go work on a project, I absent mindedly took a few rips, that project was a radio show.
Badsequence
Oh man one time in high school me and a buddy went and blazed before class (Went to continuation HS) we pull up to the building and 1/2
Badsequence
out front is a cop car so we circle the block a couple times figuring they would leave as they must have stopped by real quick for 2/3
Badsequence
something or another. Anyways at about 15mins past class time we finally say fuck it and roll into class. The cop was there to give a 3/4
Badsequence
talk about drugs and what not he even had a couple displays with drugs (or replicas) in them so we could see what drugs looked like.
CongratsYouAreHereNow
That day. I had to sit front row center because I got in last. High as a fuck
Imissharambesoomuch
Don't stop. Finish the story
CongratsYouAreHereNow
smoked a bunch of good californian weed out of a good bong with the grevo method (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DzP12qfawC0) we had a 1/3
CongratsYouAreHereNow
full sized blowtorch though... here's an example of the bong, http://www.wadesworldglassgallery.com/store/trident-glass.php ours was 2 feet
PraiseDickbuttLordAndSaviorOfUsersub
I got high as a kite in English class, on the day we watched some trippy as fuck animated movie. I got so Damn spooked.
MemeElder
watership down?
PraiseDickbuttLordAndSaviorOfUsersub
I don't remember the name but it flying trains and songs about 10 year olds fucking. It was wierd as hell.
CongratsYouAreHereNow
i should mention that by bong hits i mean 2 foot, double bubble, jerome baker designs bong, using a blowtorch and a hot stick, with good 1/2
CongratsYouAreHereNow
california weed. hot sticking or "grevo-ing" was the precursor to dabs. head up glass wand with blowtorch and use that to burn the weed
CongratsYouAreHereNow
i should also mention that this was an AP (Advanced placement, college level) class. i wasn't a dumb stoner, i was a smart one
alicefreak47
What's the point? Is it more efficient, less harsh, or is it just a neat way to light up a bowl?
CongratsYouAreHereNow
you get wayyyy higher. i don't understand the mechanics of it, except that it's hotter than a lighter. i've heard people say it burns the