paradoxicdomino
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I move into a new place tomorrow. I've dug this from my favourites to stick on the fridge. Isn't it time you dived into the abys
Cleaning schedule. For those that like lists and simple, bite size tasks.
otiumCatulli
Actually this is very helpful, as someone whose new year resolution is to be get better at adulting, thanks!
HSVBH
No fucking way I'm cleaning in the morning. Mornings are for breakfast and then running to whatever I'm late for.
Powerviolins
If you're like me, you'll wait until 1 am on a random weeknight and suddenly end up in a cleaning frenzy.
OnlyQuietOnTheOutside
I am like you.
vetinar1
Making the bed allows bed bugs to stay nice and cozy.
VoraBora
As the mom in a family of four, vacuuming and laundry once a week is mighty ambitious.
TheFuzziestBunnyAround
At first I saw "November: Move" and thought, "hey they plan for failure, too."
feedmeseymour
Haha 'just give up on your life here... Fuck it'
kummeli
Don't make your bed in the morning, let your sheets breathe.
HughWattmeight
This is true. Bedbugs show up sooner if you make the bed.
doctorbees
I let mine "breathe" while I shower and get ready, then I make my bed right before I leave for work.
valoriest
Yeah. I'm never going to do this.
SwAmper9
Procrastinate, do everything half heartedly before your guests comes to visit
EroticZombiePants
I wasn't aware there was any other way.
FergalHB
Alternative version: If it looks or smells dirty, clean it
Lawlzncoffee
Work 5 days a week, usually do most of these chores on my first day off so I can be a lazy fuck the next day
ThinkFurther
take the trash out every day? wtf?
lexithestrange
Favouriting for never.
CamelToeChew
Daily!! Who the hell has time for that!?!?
EroticZombiePants
Making the bed seems like one of the most pointless things to do ever.
onesharedmoment
Okay Monica...
ClutsyMcDangerPants
Not much point dusting two days after you vacuum. Dust and vacuum that shit up straight away.
forensics11
Monthly 5th: Dust unused cleaning calender
Leralith
Nah, too lazy. *sigh*
AtlantisSkye
I work six days a week. I clean my house on Sundays, the only day I have off.
PeachyFuckingKeen
Me too! I actually look forward to it, it calms me.
thvottabjorn
ahh yes... life without kids
TardisMistress
My thoughts exactly...
loony23
Notice they also don't cook...
DannyVino7
The person that wrote this doesn't own a cat or dog.
ballpeenX
Step 1 - Take OCD meds.
soraurora
As someone with OCD: being a clean-freak is not the same thing as having Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.
ballpeenX
You are, of course, correct. I know someone whose OCD manifests in constant handwashing. I meant no offense.
soraurora
Valid! Just trying to dispel some misconceptions :) all is well, my friend.
burnsidef250
Step 1. Hire a house cleaner
Naturally90
This is proving so much more difficult than I first thought. Been trying to get someone for a month now. So unreliable.
dormantmutant
Step 2. Throwaway list
SirDistic
Step 0: Be rich.
ceolsige
We've not got money for daily cleaning services, but once a year we have them come do the baseboards/deep cleaning. Worth it, IMO!
burnsidef250
Mine is 20 bucks an hour for an hour a week.
GnomeAndGarden
Agreed on most everything except making the bed. Waste of time
LegenWaitForIt
It's also healthier not to. It's better to let it air out over the course of the day.
A2Rasta
But you can't leave the sheets and blankets balled up. Unless you are hanging those up, you're just kidding yourself.
LegenWaitForIt
I just flip the corner back.
kleptothermiac
I just frantically clean the whole house when my mother comes to visit.
terrorista31
My mother travel at nights, so I spend the night cleaning and without sleep lol
GothicMonkey
My mum gets suspicious if the house is too clean
terrorista31
"You just cleaned because I was coming, right?"
koalamom
Ones a year?
VodkaReindeer
Wouldn't it be smarter to leave it be and leave her unable to resist the urge to do it for you?
LadiesInboxMeYourInsecurities
I really don't understand the desire of complete cleanliness. If it looks alright a little dust ain't botherin' me.
rainbowunicornsocks
I have a pretty serious dust allergy so I need to stay on top of that shit.
WhatRaySay
I can empathize with almost anything, brain chemistry is some crazy shit, we're all so diff. with that said, I'm def no clean freak, hell no
wompwompwomp
I love the idea, but I'd never put in the work and ultimately it doesn't bother me. I'm satisfied with a clean kitchen and bathroom.
Leralith
I think it's more about the routine than having a perfectly clean home.
kuemmel
Cleaning the inside of your furniture once/y won't make it that clean. I think we(or rather my parents) clean a lot more.'tis about routine.
saucefornoreason
Right? And I've never known a person to dust the inside of cabinets
dogfostermom1964
Me. Every week.
OldAceMerrillUsesDynamite
Are you my mother?
dogfostermom1964
No, but I'm someone else's mother. Stop putting sticky hands on the cupboards!
OldAceMerrillUsesDynamite
Okay I'll just put them eveywhere else. That glass cabinet needs some fingerprints.
barqshasbyte
I do a few times a year. We move fairly often so staying on top of this kind of stuff makes move outs much less work.
chickNlittle
Do it like me- clean and do laundry for 8 hours straight on Sunday. Every Sunday.
SaturdayMidmorning
This! It's my meditation/workout.
flattoppancake
Yes, that. Plus cooking for the whole week.
mpari88
May cleanliness be with you...
Naturally90
I'm desperately trying to find someone I can pay to do this. I've now had 2 cleaners no show!
sinbios
Where do you live that has this problem? Maid agencies seem pretty common around here though I've never used one.
Naturally90
Scotland abot 8 miles out from a city.
IWishThatICouldSeeYouSoon
My issue is, who has time to do any of those yearly chores on a Tuesday evening? They're whole day jobs!
IDrinkThereforeICan
Well, you do get 4 Tuesdays to do it...
Casswigirl11
Yeah, I don't have time to shampoo my carpets on a Tuesday...
kaeits
Saturday is a catch up day. So maybe Tuesday evening you can see what needs to be done & get any supplies then actually do it on Saturday.
tr3buchet
Shampoo the carpets? It's just a simple, bite sized task...
spinnytea
I'd swap the Tuesday/Saturday tasks.
xcelita
I guess if you really do stay on top of this chart, it won't be so messy that it takes all day. Idk though, my house is a shit show.
sinbios
Housewives/husbands.
AggressiveViper
My wife does.
IWishThatICouldSeeYouSoon
Well your wife is a superhero! Re-wife her!
AggressiveViper
Housewives for the
AggressiveViper
Win!
Atheology
You have 4-5 tuesdays every month to do it
Jufasa
This
mushrumer
No you don't it's just the last Tuesday of every month.
Casteelgrey
Tuesday is my day off pretty consistently. I suppose one could just rearrange so it was a Saturday or something.
MyLuggageAteMyHomework
Fuck that, I'm not wasting my day off.
IWishThatICouldSeeYouSoon
Fair point! I think I also hate those kind of big jobs so I'd just make an excuse anyway ;)
wompwompwomp
I love time consuming cleaning projects, especially when they're trivial and nearly pointless. Dishes? No. Organizing the Tupperware? Fuk ya
Casteelgrey
Hell yeah. Exactly the same.
IWishThatICouldSeeYouSoon
Come and organise my house please?!
wompwompwomp
Only one part for 2x as long as it should take.
SirPooperTScooper
You prob won't need to be taking the trash out every evening...unless you accumulate that much garbage in a day..idk your life
yoginioftruth
5 kids, sometimes 2xs daily!
feeblesmisadventures
We use shopping bags so they're tiny. I would say I take it out every day or at least every other day, stops the kitchen getting stinky
KalleLarsson
also depends on what you throw in the trash.. stuff like seafood and fish smells like ass after some time
Wuz314159
in 2015, I put out 2 cans of trash.
netharia
Depends on where you live. I used to be in Hawai'i, we had to take the trash out three times a day to keep the bugs from coming in for it.
andsy
Baby + diapers. = Yes you do want to take the garbage out every evening, and possibly once in the middle of the day too, if poopageddon ;)
Flyndaran
I have two monster cats that somehow spew out more than went in. I fully understand that need.
wordsandzombies
My life is a giant pile of garbage. Daily will be necessary.
yoginioftruth
5 kids, sometimes 2xs daily!
FriendlyNeighborhoodLesbiann
I share a two bedroom apartment with 4 other people. We have two kitchen trash cans. That shit gets taken out like twice a day..or it should
itsfunnythatwordsmeanthings
http://youtu.be/_I8ucLNE5WM
Gameskyjumper
I prepare a plastic bag before cooking and throw it out right after finish dinner. So no trash whatsoever in the kitchen.
rainbowunicornsocks
I do a similar thing, I start a bag in the evening for cooking and then do the kitty litter and throw it all out together daily.
Flollop
That would be a fuckload of plastic bags.
einschtein
Or you have a very small trashcan.
gearsmith
Place I live in has garbage pickup twice a MONTH. You take it outside, animals get in it. Leave inside? it stinks. no win.
MrSpindles
My advice, get a small steel shed OR a galvanised bin to store waste in (put a brick on the lid to keep critters out)
cathode
My dad lives in a rural area and has this problem. His solution is to use bungee cords to secure the lids. Raccons can't get at it that way.
Neotecha
I take it to mean: check the trash to see if it needs to be handled, and if so, take out the trash.
thatwomanwiththebeard
Depends. If it has wet garbage you might want to take it out every night unless you want bacteria for pets.
sweetnaivety
my pets have never gotten into the garbage, though.
Theverant
...I own my own pet virus. I get to pet and name her...
lobstasalad9095
two words: beer bottles
PoppyOK
One word: cockroaches
SirPooperTScooper
Three words: recycling
haddermeatmah
Why is this so funny?
DarkTowerRose
I have 2 kids and my brother in law lives with my husband and I. It's necessary.
Ijustreallyreallylikeelephants
I would do laundry more than once a week too.
twirling
I live alone and i spread my laundry over 3-4 days a week. I don't wanna be stuck at home for an entire day doing laundry... brrr
yoginioftruth
5 kids, can confirm, daily
Ijustreallyreallylikeelephants
I have one and it's daily, you must have a lot of laundry!
yoginioftruth
Ridiculous amounts!
saucefornoreason
Or mop the kitchen every damn day
FriendlyNeighborhoodLesbiann
Yeah no. Fuck that noise
boomslander
That would be "weekly.".
saucefornoreason
Or every evening in the kitchen
Flyndaran
I was so clumsy as a kid my parents initially worried I was retarded and grandparents that I was abused, yet even I don't spill every day.
rutslut
Toddlers and dogs over here. This is required daily.
Flyndaran
We have a chihuahua/corgi mix, but even walking her daily only rarely brings in mud.
rutslut
We have an English bulldog/lab mix and between his slobber and tearing around the yard throughout the day, he smudges up the kitchen badly.
MrSpindles
yet only vacuum once a week? Guess OP doesn't have pets or a dust allergy.
JesusHorsedickChrist
Well, it says sweep or mop. Just whatever it needs to get the floor clean. It will usually take very little.
hilhas1
You probably don't have (babies, toddlers, preschoolers, etc). It needs to be done EVERY DAMN DAY.
hencethequeef
When will someone invent a feedbag for children?
Skudoo
I have 3 kids...I have to do this after each meal lol
jrau18
Depends on the size of the family. OP didn't say they were moving alone.
KingoftheIntroverts
If your family is generating an entire garbage bag worth of waste a day, you need to do some reexamining of your habits.
ThrowMamaFromTheTrain
Between recycling and giving our food waste to our chickens our family of 4 fills one white drawstring bag of garbage every 2-3 weeks
jrau18
OKAY, well not everyone has chickens to give some of their trash to. My family of six fills one every day or so. Even with recycling.
ThrowMamaFromTheTrain
Oh I know. Just saying how cool it is. Doing my part.
woodenbadger
I read about this family that output only about a gallon or so of waste a year. They just worked really hard to not generate any.
ThrowMamaFromTheTrain
Goals.
SirPooperTScooper
Ive seen that as well...I hope to do that once I'm a full fledged adult
Ds2k7
Daily: get up, go to work, work, go home, get drunk, sleep.
hollafoadolla
You forgot play video games between get drunk and sleep.
kingtyrion
Daily: get up. Survive. Sleep
Mayhaveshatmyself
As is life on the savannah
vStonie
Daily: get up. No again. Stop Fucking snoozing. Well now you're late asshole; then the same as your list
thebluestthingsonearth
This was me this morning.
jubilantpoppyseed
http://imgfave-herokuapp-com.global.ssl.fastly.net/image_cache/131364427991411.gif
MADFOX
Me: wake up, hit snooze, contemplate on calling in sick, get up, go to work any way, regret not calling in sick on the drive to work.
Nalianna
get up, get drunk, go to work. go home, get more drunk, collapse.
dulakhc
Or get high.
mully19
The life of a high functioning alcoholic :( (my mom is my roomate)
TheycallmeDanger
Wow if this isn't me summed up in 12 words
EverythingWithFries
It's as if I'm imitating the life of the ones I simulate in Dwarf Fortress.
KarlNapf
and fap once a week.
css3485
Nailed it!
socolorfullyneon
currently on step 5 of your daily plan! Anyone else a whisky sour fan?
DarkMutton
Get up a 5, work from home at my computer, look at all the beer bottles around my computer, get sad and make more bottles and sleep
R2d2US
Repeat.
MrBananaFingers
Amen
noctynight
*Go home, get drunk, play games, forget to eat, sleep.
buttcrackel
Story of my life brotha
MrDuckie
Add 2nd work, remove time for drink, and maybe only half sleep. I don't like being an adult.
bukkakebana
lmao. truth.
HorseBot3000
But.. Where does fallout fit in?
Flyndaran
How you exit the bed is your own business. Ha.
CrazyCatLacey
I came back to this post to upvote this comment. Gold.
gorgosaurusrex
In between getting drunk and sleeping.
noWhiteHorseHereJustBatturuPrinsu
The real man's safe space
HorseBot3000
That's the recommended application.
AlexLeeDee
This is way more accurate than OP's
everyonelovesadrunkgirl
Same.
AppleTreesAndHoneyBees
Exactly what I'm doing right now
mnfrostyprincess
Why is this so accurate it hurts?
idrinkcheapbeer
Are you me?
KillingTheJoke1
Jessica Jones?
OffBeatNinja
Army? Lol
freelove
You are describing a construction worker schedule
JBib
"That's what I'm dooooooin', theeeese days..."
chapped67
+1. I concur. this is my program. Exception: landlord is coming? Clean house. After visit, return to previous schedule.
cptcr
lie down, try not to cry, cry alot
pancreas
You forgot masturbate before sleep
toneman238
You forgot cry.
Sean5
I bundle that together with "shower" and "masturbate" to save time ;)
djnibler
Wake. Skip breakfast - no time. Drive 1hr to office. Guzzle coffee to get through stressful boring work. Skip lunch due to meetings
djnibler
Eat candy for some blood sugar. Work late. Drive 1hr home. Too tired now to cook. Eat shitty frozen food. Drink to forget abt day. Repeat.
Flyndaran
I ate well, got plenty of exercise, and kept a healthy weight, yet I'm fucking diabetic, and I bet you aren't. Bitter lol. ;)
malloji
Sounds extremely familiar
hormelchi1i
Holy shit, this is why I'm getting fat
OmegaTengu
This is why I'M losing weight!
SixWingsWide
It's (almost) never too late to turn things around.
johnson21
Not a fatality! Go for a quick run before getting drunk.
Flonaise
(looks at watch) Phew, only 40 years left!
catsandcoke
Ha ha. I only have 30. Sob.
dezmagner
Damn. Hit way to close to home.
Pionin777
Deep
icomehereforthecomments
I recently started smoking a joint when everyone's asleep and watching Rick and Morty. I'm an overwhelmed mom, it's been a game changer.
Grapechicken
Dank
RaymondGarraty
Kill me now.
KorruptJustice
Only if you do me too.
RaymondGarraty
Thereisnocat
Did i just upvote this from 40 to 69? What power have i been given!? I will use this for good and head towards user-sub
iovoid
Take up smoking to shave a few more years off.
RaymondGarraty
Never stand up during the day, +35% colon cancer.
importvita
Surely you're joking...right?
Flyndaran
+35% of a tiny number is still tiny, but something to remember if you're at an otherwise high risk making the initial number not so tiny.
Flyndaran
It also correlates to cardiovascular disease regardless of weekly exercise amounts, oddly.
UncivilizedEngie
Eat red meat and processed meat. Speed a little bit more. Drive drunk/buzzed. Ride a motorcycle. Drunk. Keep a gun and then get depression.
Flyndaran
Randomly yell racist slurs in public, possibly shaving all years off.
TheCanadianNerd
Replace drunk with high. I don't feel like shit the next day and it's cheaper.
bukaki2011
Both!
Waaahmbulance
That's why it sucks to have an adult job
TheCanadianNerd
Fair enough, I didin't think about work ordered drug tests. Alcohol it is!
ImJustaCountryBoyWhosLookingforaThrill
How is it cheaper?
Flyndaran
It took me a whole damn bottle of vodka to get drunk. My tolerance and hatred for the taste forces me to be a teetotaler.
TheCanadianNerd
A gram can last me a day and its $10. A 26er can last me a night and its $30
m4rci4no
I wish that would apply where I live.
GarthBlader
Do you have a reasonably secure backyard? Or an unused room.. grow your own mate from seeds easily bought from the net, pruning drying is 1/
GarthBlader
3/3 heal what ails you.. :)
GarthBlader
2/2 enjoyable and easy.. 3 ladies and you have more weed then you know what to do with, keep leaves for cookies and prepare to relax and
TheCanadianNerd
OHHHHHHH CAAAANADAAAAAA OUR HOME AND NATIVE LAND. :)