yeahrightok
78428
1490
54
I have a very hard time saying no and I am constantly in fear of letting people down.
Aug 25, 2021 10:37 AM
yeahrightok
78428
1490
54
I have a very hard time saying no and I am constantly in fear of letting people down.
KiltedinSeattle
Learning to set healthy boundaries is tough, but a good therapist can help you master that. Best of luck!
randomguy365
Have you tried some sort of martial arts training? One that emphasizes discipline might give you both stress relief and management skills.
ThanosTheGreat
At least you’re aware of your behaviour etc. and looking to actively work on it and get better. That’s like 90% of the way there.
FurrMama95
I can relate to this post, but all the comments are about seeing a therapist. Any recommendations for people who cant afford a therapist?
TheHorseThief
Youtube has a pretty good library of therapists who offer information (some good, some less so). I recommend Dr. Ramani.
VanillaAddict
omg same here! with everything, it sounds like you turned out for the better like I did, a lot of people go the other way, now we just need
VanillaAddict
*2 to work on our assertiveness towards others. I walk on eggshells and have horrible anxiety with people in any position of authority.
sven2778
Learning to better manage your emotions is a skill everyone is constantly learning. You can do it:)!
Skidood
Get therapy, and get friends who will call you out, will encourage you to stand up for yourself and who will check up on you regularly.
Skidood
I know that's all easier said than done, but it can be a good goal to work towards.
CrazyPetLady
Are you me? I'm sorry you feel that way but your words enlightened me. Let's start therapy together!
FallingStar7669
My mother told me that my father abused her, and his father abused his wife. I'm single and terrified that I'm genetically predisposed to +
FallingStar7669
+ hurting the people I love. I'm 36 years old. I'm planning on dying alone.
niterosin225
Still feel this way from time to time. Taking care of people, pets... hell, even plants nulls this feeling for a bit.
BernieMittens
Look up reparenting yourself.
yeahrightok
I definitely will. Thank you
weirdsmith
Yeah, that sucks. Therapy can really help with this kind of thing, though it can take a while to unlearn all that stuff. I wish you well.
GiveYourBallsATug69
Important to keep in mind that you might not be able to truly unlearn it. But knowing it's there can allow you to handle it better at least.
peenisbutterjellytime
Whats maybe worse is that OTHERS have to learn that youre not some yes man anymore that can be taken advantage of easily..
AhsokaLivesMatter
Talk to RAINN. It’s an abuse hotline that can also help you find free therapy in your area. It literally changed my life.
rift555
Sounds exactly like my wife...except for the guilt part. She has never apologized for her blow ups...ever...not even to our child.
yeahrightok
I'm sorry to hear that. Apologizing is the first move towards self awareness 0
badatediting
Being aware of it is step one. You're already there. Good. Next step is working on it. Talking to someone is usually beneficial for most.
badatediting
Some professional if you can afford it.
TanithRosenbaum
I grew up the same way, and I have exactly the same issue. It sucks badly. Therapy helped a little. *sends internet-enabled contactless hug*
ChodoSagginss
You are self aware and that is the biggest leap for mental health! Gotta talk to a therapist or councilor. It really helps you learn to be->
ChodoSagginss
The best you can be, and feel better about yourself. The outside insight is priceless
dumblastname
You’re not alone.. a lot of us have been through it. Therapy and support systems will help.
Vergenbuurg
I hear ya. I don't seek out companionship because I know I'm a selfish asshole with a deeply-flawed personality. I don't want to hurt others
cutiewolf11312
get therapy, and if that is too expensive, practice talking about how you feel in a mirror until it feels non explosive
cutiewolf11312
if all else fails, know when to apologize
stepsister69
I used to be like this. It got worse after being able to see it but it gets a lot better every day. Now I am happier than I ever was before.
yeahrightok
That is where I am now, I think. I am currently in the "facing your shit" phase of therapy. But I do see positives come from the process.
nat300Lord
Please, please go to therapy. If you don't have insurance, there are income-based options.
KZFDG
Learn about setting boundaries in a healthy way.
Sentay
To heal, the damage must be opened, cleaned, disinfected, and restitched this must be done as necessary the mind is the same way.
yeahrightok
GREAT analogy. Well done. ?
Sentay
Literally saved my life and the lives of several of my close friends, I can personally vouch for it's efficacy.
Chubfish
I nearly crippled an abusive/toxic friend due to bottled up emotions. Need to stop doing that my friend
joshuNoodleDriver
I can't say I was ever abused but I watched my parents abuse eachother growing up. The terrifying thing was I began to emulate1
joshuNoodleDriver
2 them in my own marriage and it drove me to depression. Therapy is a powerful tool, we all have the power to be better.
CenturionXIX
I've struggled with this too. My wife and I both came from abusive places. It helped me to admit that I am abusive, but I don't have to be/1
CenturionXIX
And she love some anyway and I love her. We both forgive each other and help each other each day. 5 years on and we have a wonderful and /2
CenturionXIX
Healthy relationship. Sure we still argue but we have unlearned loads of manipulation, gaslighting, and other emotional abuse that we were/3
CenturionXIX
Conditioned into. I hope that you find hope and love and forgiveness for yourself. Love you OP
ath1337e
See. A. Therapist. Wanting to not be a crazy asshole is unfortunately not enough. You need to take action.
xyxyxyxy31
jumpbus360
And if the first therapist doesn't work/fit find another one.
amyzool
Cannot agree with this more. Ex-boyfriend told me the fact that I should take his word it would never happen again without changing or (1/2)
amyzool
Trying anything. We're no longer together. It sucks (2/2).
yeahrightok
Been in therapy all my life. It is a work in progress.
dexlamrg
I have been in therapy for 25 years. I have come so far, but still have more to go. keep up the work. It will pay off. be kind to yourself.
yeahrightok
ath1337e
Good to hear it. Good luck!
ImprovedLoungewear
Wanting to make positive change is key. A childhood trauma therapist can provide you with actionable information and guidance.
WattisLove
If you haven't been diagnosed with it yet, this sounds like Complex-PTSD. Do a little research on it and talk to your therapist about it.
WattisLove
C-PTSD is different from PTSD and related to prolonged or ongoing trauma. Different set of recovery guidelines.
yeahrightok
Thank you for the info, I will look into it and talk to my therapist about it for sure.
magicgirl
How old are you? I was same and because I was aware I worked on it - took years but I'm ok now both in terms of behaviour and how I think (1
magicgirl
About my behaviour. Recognising the pattern and working on it is all you can do
yeahrightok
37 yo Female. My blow ups are rare now, because I have been working at this for over 10 years. But when it does happen I feel like a failure
magicgirl
You're nearly there - I don't know anyone who is proactively working on themselves who hasn't reached a deep settling and resolution by (1)
magicgirl
Mid-forties. Keep swimming fishie, I have faith, I've been through exactly this and so many people I know xxx
yeahrightok
Thank you so much. You give me hope. ? it really means a lot.