theSoulciologist
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There are reasons we sort people into A or B rather than the complexities of humanity.
Humans evolve to categorize others quickly, into threats and non-threats. This is most easily done positively, "are you straight?".
A more developed categorization is to sort people discretely into preset categories "are you gay or straight?"
Most people have trouble adding complexity beyond 2 choices into our busy lives. But when we begin asking "are you lesbian or gay or bisexual or transgender or queer?" Begins to open up a dialectic spectrum to sort identities from.
The most in depth individual responses can be discovered through an open ended question, rather than multiple choice.
What does your sexuality mean to you?
Where are you currently in your sexual expression?
How does your sexuality impact your identity?
What does X mean to you?
LeoGrun19401
I'm going to hit on everyone, but that's because I'm horny, not bisexual. Or am I just so horny it made me bisexual?
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theSoulciologist
Oddly, a great reminder for the LGBT community too
DJOldguy
Monogamous LTRs have only been important to the wealthy, to "ensure" the line of succession. In reality, we are a matrilinear species, with a patriarchal overlay. We have never acknowledged this, but it does mean a lot of our social practices are out of step with what should be more representative of our actual biological and emotional developments. We should take lessons from the Mosuo peoples of China. They have no word for rape, btw.
Valase
I love how people get really confused when they talk to me in these "categories" and I tell them that I identify as bi, but am still single AND a virgin (all true, by the way).
I also once joked to my (straight) friend that I'm so undecided that I can't even decide on my future partner's gender and they said one of the best things I've ever heard in response: "Nah, you're not undecided, you know exactly what you're looking for, you just don't care if you find it in a man, woman or other gender."
theSoulciologist
Labels tell us more about the person with the label maker than what the label got slapped on. Labelling theory is a scientific principle that can be traced and observed
sunyudai
My spouse and I have a running joke about 'we are both bi enby switches, we're up for prettymuch anything, just don't make us decide'.
NachtReborn
Oh but you forgot the popular dismissive statement/question put to bisexuals...."Why don't you just admit that you're gay/lesbian?" This question gets asked by both the straight and queer communities. (Cue the "I've never had to deal with that" responses)
theSoulciologist
Is that not in the slide with "aren't bi guys and gals just... Gay/straight?" I could divide them into invididual slides. Overwhelmingly, audiences (men, women, straight, LGBT) all tend to perceive bi men as being gay and partially closeted, and bi women to be straight and just experimenting.
theSoulciologist
It would be wild to find someone that hasn't dealt with that. Bisexualism occupies a social space of overlapping into straight and LGBT community spaces, known as a borderlands identity. Both, and neither. Bisexuals face ostracization from both LGBT and heteronormative spaces.
originalityisnotmystrongsuit
I came out to my ex as bi years ago. The response was so bad that I have never mentioned it to another person again.
DJOldguy
That's not right. You should find the right partner/s and live a happier life, without having to hide who you really are. I really hope you find them.
RexPhantom
*hugs* you're bi-utiful. Don't let one idiot stop you.
theSoulciologist
Mentioned it to us. Love you, support you, proud of you, and thank you for sharing
Everfearful
I identify as bisexual, but as I'm really only into femboys and twinks on the male side, it occurs to me when I try to explain it that it sounds like I'm basically straight with extra steps. It feels easier to keep my mouth shut instead of asserting myself as bi.
theSoulciologist
Thank you for sharing. The subjective perception of people to sort things that we see is phenomenology. Social phenomenology means some people define gay/straight individually. Guys wearing pink, dating guys, or only feminine people may be gay/straight depending who is asked. Rather than using the discrete labels, going in a broad open ended question like a short essay answer adds depth
ImAWeirdMom
Question for the audience:
What do you do or say to put out feelers for if someone is a safe person to come out to?
What do you do or say to signal you are a safe person without being blatant?
theSoulciologist
Great questions that should be reflected on our own individual answers, or lack of. Putting out feelers, I sometimes will ask "what does sexuality mean to you?" And answers including religious dogma, political rights, family values etc may be more red flags. Signalling to others, I'll usually begin speaking or sharing tidbits of sexuality, identity, last pride I went to -, etc. not saying any of these are prescriptatory, but what I do in my personal interactions.
sunyudai
I don't hide myself and let people self-select themselves out of my social circle. But I also understand that it's a bit of a privilege to be able to do that - it can still be risky, but I'd rather accept the risks than hide myself.
Generally, the above attitude communicates my safety without me needing to do anything specific.
SomeDetroitGuy
I just don't come out to anyone in real life and stick with online folks or folks I meet in LGBT+ sex clubs and even that last group is one where I'm hesitant.
InboxMeYourHDGIFs
I typically don't put out feelers. At least with me, people are usually pretty quick to share their opinions on LGBT+ people of their own volition, positive or negative.
And I'm typically pretty blatant in signaling I'm safe, as I openly admit to being bisexual, and that most of my relationships have been with other men.
usernamesarenotcomments
I've had a rainbow pin I got on my first pride on my backpack. Also the groups I mostly hang in are all safe people. and diverse.
RexPhantom
I ask, what do you think about the rocky horror picture show? They like it, you're good. Hate it, no Bueno. They have cosplayed every character and frank twice. They shall be your scary godparents for life
ImAWeirdMom
Good thinking!
UNHchabo
For what it's worth, I know a trans woman who hates Rocky Horror, because she feels in this day and age it still has an outsized negative effect on public perception of trans folks. But of course there are many other trans folks who love it.