ButtBot9900
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The key to good guacamole is to keep it simple. The best combination is still avocado, salt, pepper, cilantro and lime juice. Maybe some garlic or cayenne if you're so inclined.
BuddyTheAlion
I get the “no nazi” part but why you gotta come down so hard on my man Steve. Lazy eyes shouldn’t be made fun of.
ChristopherHallett
Yeah a lil' garlic and just a touch of ginger, too.
jennym123
BootsDusty
Alfadorfox
Always put in more garlic than the recipe calls for. General rule.
thegarts
Doesn’t that racist group with khakis and a white shirt use these?
thegarts
I thought it was all a joke on Letterkenny but I guess it’s based on a real group.
magicrhombus
Use white pepper instead of black pepper though, and skip the cilantro because it tastes like soap. (Yes, I know it doesn't to most people)
Brocid3n
Avocado, tomato, onion, garlic, salt. Use cling wrap to push air out of the bowl to keep it fresh longer.
Brocid3n
Ah, almost forgot jalapeños. Fresh or canned are fine. And with canned you can use the juice to add some extra flavor.
khun2
Seems awfully specific.
dronir
I add a bit of very finely chopped shallot to my guac, which works too.
sloch
Just tell everyone you're Getting Lei'd. Dad joke for the win!
nognomwifey
No red onion?
HandoB4Javert
Guac first then
drunkbs
Oh hey! I made this a long time ago. It's nice to see it in the wild.
ilovethatyoucanmakestupidlongusernamesonthissite
Sounds like a bunch of drunk bs.
HandoB4Javert
It's fantastic!
Spootybutt
I laughed WAY too hard at this
ElroyJetsonEsq
lasergunpewpewpew
Fuckme721
Oh god. It's like one of my past panic attack inducing nightmares. Cripes ?.
ILikePugandFrenchiePictures
Onion you monster.
JAFIOI
2 avocados, 3 tomatillos (pureed), 1 clove garlic, 1/4 fine diced tomato (for color), salt, pepper, cilantro, lime juice. That's it.
QotU
Garlic - absolutely. Sadly, cilantro tastes like soap to me.
lower88rider
If you like soap; otherwise, skip the cilantro.
SomeDetroitGuy
Only genetic mutants find cilantro to taste like soap. The vast majority don't.
lower88rider
You should see my other super power.
SkamanSam
Simple is avacado, Pico de Gallo style salsa, garlic salt
Raventhief
Minced red onion.
fakefucknfireplace
Onions for sure and a pinch of cumin
Comeonnowreally
And Roma tomato
wipethatfaceoffyourheadbitch
And little cubes of red pepper
Toebeans8
Bbq with friends family and neighbors or nazis... can't i just stay inside?
LeOneTrueTroll
Good guacamole also has diced tomatoes and onions.
leojlm15
And jalapeños or spicy pepper of your choice. I dig the spice though.
LeOneTrueTroll
Oh and a bit of fresh diced garlic and Serrano peppers for a bit of kick
rcgom
2:1 avacado & la victoria salsa. authentic? nah. good? the fucking best!
Whateveridontcareaboutnames
Avacado. Lime Juice. Jalapenos. Green onions. Salt. Diced tomatoes. Now you can get rid of Steve.
SavienKennedy
I like to add finely sliced tomato to my guac
SavienKennedy
Diced**
Astramancer
As someone with defective genes, FUCK CILANTRO
SmokyDoggg
Thank you for getting your guacamole right with lime juice. I go to so many places and it doesn't have lime juice and it doesn't taste right
GeneralWho
If you taste and you've put in enough lime juice...put in more.
Cryolith
Avocado, Tajin, garlic. Done easy.b
angrytaco
Avacado, touch of salt and lime juice.
IWantedOneOfThoseLongUsernamesTooSoIGotOne
Interesting! I'll try this. We usually just do avocado, garlic, lime juice, salt. Gotta skip the cilantro because my girl hates it.
Cryolith
Yeah I have to skip cilantro and cumin because of the SO. Tajin is great because it adds citrus, chili, salt all in one.
EngravedToaster
That's just fancy hummus.
TehBox0rz
It ain’t hummus if it doesn’t have tahini
Cryolith
Different flavor profile. On a side note, if you've never tried avocado hummus, you should. Tasty shit.
spaceystacey
Also, if there is any left over, be sure to use cling wrap plastic and actually have it touch the top of the guac. It helps keep the 1/2
spaceystacey
Brown color away. Don't eat the yellow snow or the brown guac!! 2/2
gracefacespacecase
you gotta have cilantro
TehBox0rz
Fresh Parsley for me, but I feel ya
Cryolith
My wife would vomit.
gracefacespacecase
oh is she a soapie? I have friends like that. still tho I think I'd split the guac in two, and add cilantro to half cause you gotta have it
Cryolith
Yerp. I have done that before, to mine i add cilantro, cumin, crushed coriander, and smoked paprika.
gnomestress12
Don't tell her coriander is cilantro. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coriander
gforsythe
As someone who puts garlic on everything, I'm weirdly not inclined to do so in guac-- for me macerated onion/jalepeno, lime/cilantro, cumin.
DancingPanther
4 avocados, 2 cloves of garlic, 1/2 cup red onion, pinch hot pepper flakes, 1 tsp cumin, juice of 1 lime, more salt than you think, pepper
nickdillinger
I'd sub out hot pepper flakes for chopped jalapeno. I like adding diced tomatoes. Key limes are stellar and skip the pepper.
nickdillinger
Don't forget about the dreaded soap plant for garnish/aromatics/flavor
JuggerGnome
Replace hot pepper flakes with New Mexican chili and we got a deal.
positiveleroy
Get that red onion shit out of my face. If my guacamole has anything crunchy in it I’m throwing hands.
TehBox0rz
I do white onion, jalapeño, garlic, cumin, lime, salt, and purée it all till it’s buttery smooth
smilefromaveil
Upvote for cumin. Toasted and ground cumin is what I use. Pretty underrated spice.
folkscallmehi
Cumin is the key
ohnonotagain42
Thank you for reminding I need to pick more cumin at the store today. Ran out last week.
TheMentallyillist
Where’s the cilantro? It’s gotta have the cilantro.
Heatseeker49
Avocados do require a ton of salt
HelpIsOnTheWayDear
Y no jalapeño
Makerofroads
What about chopped Chipotle in adobo?
imasneakypineapplehead
SOCKS ??♂️
korndogg83
Por qué
TheGhostofElizabethShue
recently discovered I’m one of the ~14% of people for whom cilantro tastes like soap, which explains a lot. For those so cursed, use parsley
IWantedOneOfThoseLongUsernamesTooSoIGotOne
My wife too. For the most part I just leave it out rather than try to replace it, but yes, parsley can work.
MichaelGrubbs
Yeah, i'm a 14%'er too
justworkdamnyou
I live in so Cali, I have to pretend I'm one of the 14% so I don't have to defend myself about hating cilantro
theloudinja
I’m part of the 99% that hates the taste of cilantro and wonders who the heck thought it was a good idea to make cilantro a thing.
JT1984
I get why people dont like it, but I do. Pretty sure it's more than 1% of us.
gnomestress12
It's a staple in cuisine from India to Mexico and places in between.
Phelpysan
You greatly overestimate what percentage of people dislike coriander my dude
belongsinamuseum
Yep, as I’ve said before, it’s not a deal breaker, it’s just the food tastes like you drizzled dish soap over it.
GoldenSun3DS
That sounds like a deal breaker to me.
belongsinamuseum
If the tacos are fire, then I’ll allow it.
Phelpysan
Same
TheGhostofElizabethShue
It’s not exactly soap, but it’s a close way to describe it. It’s strong, fresh, and overpowers everything. Like your food’s been cleaned.
CompletelyUniqueUsername
I say " sprinkled just a little bit of diesel" you can pick it out. No big deal.
BernieMittens
How the fuck did Hawaiian tiki torches turn into Nazis?
MachoMemeRandySavage
How did and ancient symbol of good fortune turn into Nazis?
BarryTheCyborg
Assholes
pallyman
Nazi assholes
ReaperCDN
Same way they ruined the Swastika. They destroy things. It's fascist culture. That's why I won't let them take anything. Buy Tiki torches./1
PrfctDrk
They never heard of a Zippo?
ReaperCDN
Or empathy! Can you fucking believe it?
ReaperCDN
Buy red hats. Fuck fascists. You don't get take anything away from the world ever again. Except yourselves. You can keep the nazis. 2/2
DoctorAwesomeEsq
Americans.
Basis64
You plant the torches in the garden and when they get struck by lightning, Bam! Nazis.
BernieMittens
This is truly the only acceptable answer.
GenStrike
One word: Charlottesville.
TheBreadlord
Because those idiots don't know how to make torches and tiki torches are the only ones you can buy.
Saker82
Seriously? Wrapping an old t-shirt doused in lighter fluid around the end of a stick was just too complicated for those chuckle fucks?
Aaronb1138
They're cheap and only have the 50/50 blend trash. Melting, burning chunks of polyester everywhere...
ArcaneAlchemist
if they can throw money at a problem, that is their solution. if they cant, they shoot it.
DocWino
But they robbed the military train of explosives? Didn’t happen. Not smart enough to pull that one off.
ThomasThundersword
ima go out on a limb and say, if you can’t even make your own torch. you are not part of the superior anything.
ExaDeuce
HOW FIRE WORK?
Nlchacon
Same way New balances used to be considered Nazis apparel.
HuskyParty
Hugo Boss outfitted the Nazis yet they are still around making the world fashionable still.
ReaperCDN
New Balance are millennial dad shoes and always have been. Two decade expert here. Definitely anti-nazi. Like shoot them in the face.
stonetemplefox05
What?
CosmicSurfingInstructor
Just like you, I’m finding out so much right now... what ?!
Cryolith
And now Under Armour
stonetemplefox05
WHAT?!
chunglungus
Wait, what!? i just bought two pairs of under armor sneakers like 4 days ago. FUCK!!
arandomfish
Nazis claim random brands to fuck with people. Just ignore them and don't act like a nazi.
Cryolith
The CEO was a huge Trump supporter, and they had some lawsuits around racial issues. Had to step down over it, iirc.
CurbYourClassWar
It's not Nazis claiming, it's social media building stereotypes. Just don't be a fucking nazi and use whatever brand you like regardless.
stonetemplefox05
Words to live by.
Nlchacon
Damn Nazis ! What's next Targets Casaluna Bedroom linen collection !
Cryolith
I think the Anarcho-Mutualists snagged that one.
Nlchacon
Had to look this up. Limited education and all.
Alrmterahwk
origamivagina
This is a travesty of tiki torch use.
thedarkcanuck
Those looks like the types of guys that even I could and would have beaten up in school, and I wasn't even popular
Legomaniac91
DrunkenMarineBiologist
Oh man, as if I needed ANOTHER reason to hate polo shirts
TrialOrc
Hey, I'm just trying to look somewhat put together at work while still getting to wear a t-shirt and putting no effort in.
ScreenshotsofSpam
greendvl
I’m a bald white guy and these dickheads are ruining it for me
Cr4zyC4tLady
Don’t worry, The dickheads that do this kind of shit are crazy & insane and SUPER easy to spot. Like, literally can spot them a mile away.
Velorex
Sigh. As a white dude I get strange looks when I buy them... I like Hawaiian themed parties. I wear straw hats when I go buy them now.
EngravedToaster
Aeav8r
Had the same argument with my wife, setting up the Hawaiian themed party, that SHE wanted. Tiki torches are cool, fuck the Nazis. The 1/2
Aeav8r
Finnish Air Force thought that too and only recently took the Swastika off their emblems. 2/2
BojanglesTheFlyingCar
Fucking boogaloos fucked it up for everyone
zenoshogun
Why do you need to keep buying more? Can't you just refill them?
BreenW
They are usually cheap and look pretty unsightly after a couple years. If you are having a big event and want things just so, I buy new ones
GenStrike
Well, okay, sure, but that still sounds pretty heckin racist. Cultural appropriation. America has not exactly been kind to native Hawaiians.
walmartlogic
Idk why you're being down voted. You're right. The US has a lot to answer for when it comes to Hawaii.
GenStrike
White fragility.
angryscreechingnoise
wear a floral shirt too, just to be safe.
flamingflamingo
As a white person I have no idea how tiki torches are used for racist stuff
GenStrike
You missed Charlottesville?
flamingflamingo
Guess so, at least the imagery
BoozeHound001
Go already in gear. Hawaiian shirt, holding a roasted pig
StephenDaniels
Get a Black Lives Matter hat or shirt.
catrov
Wear a grass skirt as well.
SpaceSphere
I'm worried if I would get an approving nod if I buy them. I live in a very red county where they drove around the block with a Trump flag
Harryteeters
Lol I'm from Charlottesville so I feel ya. I get my backyard bbq tikis from 2 towns over
Malaphore
Hawaii is just part of the american colonial story. You might as well be taking a dump in Mauna Kea. You monster!
BrazilianThunderPanda
You’re being sarcastic but as a Polynesian raised 1/2 time on the big island, your sarcasm is correct.
Malaphore
I don't take moral positions on stuff anymore, Kamehameha had more people killed unifying the islands than the US did anexing them. With so-
BrazilianThunderPanda
Because the US overthrew a sitting monarch with the mere threat of its brute force strength. If countries want to fight between themselves>
BrazilianThunderPanda
That’s one thing but conquering another country is quite another.
Malaphore
much moral ambiguity, sarcasm is all i have left. Although i'd love to see hawaiian land be made a common property and only be leasable-
Malaphore
to businesses and individuals instead of sold as it is now. In canada the corruption of tribal bands is pretty awful, but it might be worth-
weaselodoom
Last year gearing up for the forth i bought tiki torches, some bottle rockets, beer, and ammo...i think im on a list somewhere.....
TheSkleebler
That sucks. As a Canadian that just sounds like what everyone would buy down there for the fourth. Nazis are ruining iconic americana.
weaselodoom
Dont get me wrong, im still gonna buy 20 lbs of tannerite and 100 rounds of .50 cal ammo, as well as cases of spotted cow
RacecarIsRacecarBackwards
Honest question: don't you guys have like, regular torches? Tiki torches aren't very Naziesque, really.
BearToof
They aren’t nazi-ish. It’s probably the only thing the losers had on hand - I doubt a rational person really associates tiki’s with racists
whitefoxkei
It's to show the other fascists that they're fun and quirky!
GhostbusterGuy
Wear a Hawaiian shirt.
Treblaine
You have to wear something a Nazi would never wear. I don't know... deodorant?
colt64
I just cleverly disguise myself as someone of a different race.
Treblaine
Hmm, blackface may not be the best idea to prove you aren't racist.
colt64
The main thing I learned is that black people call other black people racist a LOT
Superchief86
I have a similar problem. I'm going bald so I shave my head. But I sure do look like a skinhead as a result. Those fuckers ruined it.
PoopyProblem5
Sura ya dooo... Ya nazi!!
Raventhief
Make yourself a sign to wear that says, "Not a Nazi, just like luaus!"
BennyLarva
but but cultural appropriation! thats the gateway drug to nazism!
Velorex
I rather be thought of as an ignorant cultural appropriator than a Nazi.
BennyLarva
its a thin line in the eyes of a growing number of ppl
defcon275
I'm lost. What do Tiki torches have to do with Nazis? Genuine question, I think I'm missing something.
thegarts
There is a name for them. I can’t remember. They wear white polos and khakis.
GenericNord
Nazis ruin a lot of good things
RetroRicki
These fine members of the superior race never learned to make actual torches and instead used daddy's money to get them wholesale at Costco
lowerider777
That bullshit that went down in Charleston a few years ago, racist fucks used tiki torches for their mob. So now they get to be a symbol.
BennyLarva
is it? or is it hysterized to a symbol?
Anonanimal3000
Charlottesville*
lowerider777
Ah, thank you for the correction
nugenki
How do jew nazi the connection?
applesforjuice
They're stealing everything. I made a OK gesture with my hand the other day and someone said it means white power. Tf
Heyyzthisguy
Or growing up if you made it below the waist and your buddy saw it you get to punch him in the arm. We thought it looked like a butthole.
CAAFlo
I refuse to let them claim OK. 3% can go right to hell
applesforjuice
It would take me years to stop making that gesture, it's my response to like 90% of my interactions
MH9009
Charlottesville white supremacist rally
apdilemma1984
My company had to remove every Tiki Torch from the sales floor because of this very thing.
Forobviousreasons
I hate that everyone now knows my home town for a fucking Nazi march…
aslanlives
UVa is good. Charlottesville is lovely, full of smart peeps. Hence the surprise of Nazis coming out of the woodwork
servingmytimeinusersub
With the quality I thought it was clip from a movie or something at first
MH9009
It's from one of BabyFark's lesser known intergalactic posts lol, really it's a shot I snagged from Reuters
techdog
Jesus these assholes ruin everything for me.
aFreeUsername
*everyone
techdog
Pisses me off I am a white man. I can't even shave my head in the summer with out being called a skin head. WTF people
UsernameMayBeSubjectToChange
Sad fucks
StanielRonathan
Does anyone here have 4chan's reply saved? They made a photo of it into a 60/70's Nazi exploitation film poster "Revenge of the Tiki Nazis"?
MH9009
I haven't seen that but I want to so .
StanielRonathan
I kick myself for not saving it back then.
StanielRonathan
Been looking for it forever and could never find it again.
TeddyBearWitch
.
PraiseTheMachineGod
They look even more hilarious with those torches.
Bmxtucker
If you can’t make your own torches, store bought is fine. Lmao
Markamanic
Not to mention the polo shirts and fucking khaki shorts
MoistlyFlaccid
Barefoot Contessa? Made me chuckle.
RacecarIsRacecarBackwards
Honest question: don't you guys have like, regular torches? Tiki torches aren't very Naziesque, really.
hannahbutnotreally
These are neo-Nazis, they have no style. At least old Nazis LOOKED like the bad guys ... black leather and skull hats with silver lightning-
hannahbutnotreally
-bolts. These guys are dressed in fucking polo shirts and khakis. My neighbor Jim dresses like that and he's absolutely no Nazi.
Harryteeters
Charlottesville Nazis. I hate Charlottesville Nazis
Valdros
I hate nazis in other locations too, for the record
Carnelianchick
Same. I hate all nazis, just in case you were won
Gryphonosiris
Grand dad had the best idea about Nazi's. He let his Garand do his talking for him.
BrazilianThunderPanda
As a Polynesian, “Hawaiian” themed parties are gross, tacky and incredibly disrespectful. I’m all about cultural appreciation but plastic >>
BearToof
Tbh it’s turned on itself and I think mostly now the tacky part of it has been embraced similar to the ugly sweater. I can see how it’s not
BearToof
great if it’s something people associate with someone else’s culture, though.
walmartlogic
Why the fuck are people down voting you? You're right. I'm not even Polynesian and I've always thought they were tacky because of the >
walmartlogic
< fundamental misunderstanding of Polynesia. Why not have a Hawaii themed party with traditional foods and actually appreciate the culture??
datphone777365
Ide get indignant about texmex, but meh?
pawdraig
Yea but everyone cultural appropriates everyone. Best thing to do is get over it and appreciate people like part of your heritage.
BrazilianThunderPanda
You can appreciate or you can appropriate, but not both. If you want to research and be authentic AWESOME! If you want to wear a >
BrazilianThunderPanda
Tommy Bahama shirt while pulling at a coconut bra while making “im gunna lei yah” jokes with plastic flowers, you can get bent.
MontyPythonKillerRabbit
Honest question, if I wanted to appreciate Polynesian culture then do you have any resources that would help me figure out what I shouldn’t
pawdraig
I agree you shouldn't be inappropriate but most countries use their culture as a selling point to tourists, like hey come here and buy a
GenStrike
Dude, we just uncovered a mass-grave of children who were separated from their families to have the "Indian educated out of them". At the >>
GenStrike
>> same time that these children were being beaten for speaking their native language, white kids were dressing up "playing Indian".
GenStrike
To say that "everyone appropriates everyone" is dismissive of the genocidal violence that certain groups have endured.
BrazilianThunderPanda
Leis, plastic grass skirts, coconut and “Hawaiian” shirts are tasteless to an entire culture. It’s like having an “Indian pow-wow” party >>
BrazilianThunderPanda
With feather head bands, painted hand prints and random leather patches as costumes, eating corn and saying “How”. It’s simply rude.
didyouseewhatgodjustdidtousman
I’d like to think brightly colored, patterned shirts are not cultural appropriation.
xRHIN0x
Nobody tell this guy about Cinco de Mayo lol
narnicles
As a Mexican, Cinco de Mayo just makes me laugh.
BrazilianThunderPanda
I’m a girl. And I don’t celebrate that or St Patrick’s day either. Frankly I think July 4th is celebrated garishly but that’s just me.