NotYourLady
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I knew more than anyone else at work about his addiction and his home life. The last time i saw him 2 weeks ago, I knew he didn't look good but chalked it up to withdrawals again (he was randomly trying to quit but typically gave in after 3-5 days). He didn't show up last weekend or this past one and I knew something was wrong. I texted him last night to check on him but it was already too late. He passed yesterday morning (from what we think is sickness and not overdose so far, thats why he hadn't been to work). As the only person who knew aside from his drug-addicted wife, I could have, and Should have done more. Especially when he missed work 2 weekends in a row. I know he legitimately wanted to get clean cuz he even talked about leaving his wife if she wouldn't. But I didn't offer any help other than begging him to stop before he killed himself. In the end it seems it was a viral sickness/infection that took him because his body was too weak to fight. I feel completely responsible cuz I was the only sober person that knew the true depth of his addiction.
EDIT: I know I couldn't have saved his life single-handedly. I know I couldn't beat his addiction for him if he didn't truly want to beat it himself. But he did seem to want to beat it, he was willing to leave his wife over it. But I KNOW I could've made more of a difference. I could've been there for him in his last days. I could've helped him get to the hospital and possibly beaten his infection. I couldn't help him beat the addiction but I could've helped him get ready to fight it.
Jordan7831
Don’t beat yourself up. You were a friend to him and I’m sure he was thankful to have you.
NapalmZer0
Do what they cant now. move on, grow, be brighter, learn from it and if you see it happening again elsewhere act accordingly.
schtomp
Maybe you could have pointed him at some resources, but realistically there's nothing you could have done- People don't get sober for others
The8obman
I want you to understand something, I NEED you to understand it: you could not have gotten them clean, they could only do that on their own.
NotYourLady
I know that. But I could've helped him have a better chance
starlord56
Trust me you doing that is alot. Most adicts have no one in their life supporting them stopping. Its hard, and stopping 3-5 days is usually1
starlord56
The first step for a addict before they get clean. They are testing that they can do it before doing it. I now I got hooked after a surgery.
Jawesome19
Drug addicts either help themselves or they die. You can't do anything but try your best. Not your fault. Sad but true. Keep moving
NotYourLady
They can reach out for help. And I think he was trying to. That's my problem
whitlink5
Don’t beat yourself up to much over it. I have lost a few friends that have died from OD’s. If they want help they will take it.
NotYourLady
That's the problem. I think he DID want help but I didn't take him seriously enough or try hard enough.
Remember6aby
Ahh, it seems my old friend, misplaced guilt, has found another mistress. It can help to identify that feeling for what it is.
Remember6aby
Sorry for your loss
NotYourLady
I truly don't feel it's misplaced. Because I suspected/knew better. I might not have made a difference but I could have tried and I didn't.
NowGoAwayBeforeITauntYouASecondTime
You have zero % to blame yourself for. You can trust me on this.
suffyr
This is so similar to a dude I went to high school with that just died of a heroin od
NotYourLady
He had been on heroin but had recently been shooting fentynal and coke. He wore his sleeves down at work and gloves on his hands because his
NotYourLady
Track marks were so insanely bad. I'm the only one that knew.
imadethisjusttomakeyoulookstupid
i find it odd that people have the stupid notion that they can fix people without proper training
imadethisjusttomakeyoulookstupid
and even then if people dont want and act on the proper actions to fix themselves, no one else can do it or them
NotYourLady
I don't have training but I have been through years of therapy-not drug addiction related but alcohol addiction. I could've done more. Even
NotYourLady
If the result was the same and I didn't save him, I STILL could've done more. And now I'll never get the chance to know if I could've made
NotYourLady
A difference. I'm too ashamed to tell my coworkers cuz they might blame me. Everyone knew he did drugs but no one knew what kind or how much
QtheM
You didn't cause it, you can't control it, you can't cure it.
NotYourLady
But he WANTED to get better. I could've helped him. He may not have succeeded in the end but at least I ould've given him a better chance.
QtheM
Did you encourage him to find help? That, and not enabling someone else's addiction are about all others can do.
NotYourLady
I didn't encourage him really but I did tell him to stop/slow down or he was gonna die. And I told him that I didn't want that to happen.
QtheM
those are positive things to tell an addicted person. I speak as a recovering addict.
NotYourLady
Should be people tell them negative things instead? I never wanna make this mistake again.
Nunyajonesinc
This isn't on you, addicts aren't going to change until they hit rock bottom. Some don't make it, it's just the way it is.
NotYourLady
I think he knew he was at that point. And I think deep down so did I. That's why I hate myself. So many signs of him needing for help more
NotYourLady
Seriously than I'd acknowledged. I knew better. I should've done more.
Nunyajonesinc
I'm sorry for your loss. My sister was a lifelong addict. I did absolutely everything I could to get her help, 6 different times I put my
Nunyajonesinc
Life aside, flew across the country, found her (she was frequently homeless) and got her into rehab, she still overdosed and died. Even if
Nunyajonesinc
You could have done more, it still wouldn't have mattered until your friend was ready to hello themselves.
Firstena414
I'm sorry. Addiction is a terrible terrible thing, and so much of it requires a personal willingness to get outside help. It's not your faul
NotYourLady
No it's not but if I'd helped more when I KNEW I should, he may have had a fighting chance.
clumsiii
Addiction is cruel. Even if you had done more he may have died anyway. I lost my mom to her alcohol. It’s hard but you have to find peace
NotYourLady
As bad as he was he may have died anyway. But I feel responsible cuz he wanted help and I didn't do enough. And he could've beaten this
NotYourLady
Sickness/infection or at LEAST been more comfortable through it, if I'd reached out earlier and taken things more seriously.
jjsjosCreator
sounds like blood poisoning if they used iv , i lost an old friend this winter to the same. i knew she was in trouble and reached out many
jjsjosCreator
times. she had gotten clean several times over the years and just got unlucky this time. you can't blame yourself , the system need to chang
jjsjosCreator
and the general population needs to change their outlooks of addicts to treat them as people. you can't save people alone . fight for change
jjsjosCreator
and tell their stories when you can. any time i can vote to help addicts or sex workers i do , as some small way of honoring her memory
NotYourLady
That's honestly how I feel. I know he wanted to get clean but he needed help. He was trying really hard.
jjsjosCreator
it's a hellish trap I've been there myself . I've gotten afew others out but it weighs on your soul and you never know if it will stick.
SubiBryant
Long term, there isn't a thing you could have done. Don't beat yourself up over it. Truly.
NotYourLady
Long term maybe not. But short term I could have. And short term could've turned into long term.
recliningpanda
Mate it’s going to suck to hear this. But it was his life to lead. Not yours. He made his choices. All you can do is learn from it and hope
recliningpanda
He finds the peace that he was looking for. Maybe do a collection to charity in his name.
NotYourLady
Ive never been close to someone who died (other than grandparents) definitely no one as young! Charity is a great way to honor him. Thanks!
SubiBryant
It could have but that's not a game you should play. Let yourself off the hook. This isn't on you.
NotYourLady
I know ultimately it isn't cuz he was an addict long before I knew him. But I could've been a better help/influence on him
Firstena414
Do you have experience with addiction yourself? It's freaking terrible. It makes people lose sight of who they are sometimes.
Firstena414
Sometimes even your children/parents/BFF/partner can't get through. As a friend and co-worker it'd have been even harder