Can't see a reason to keep going

ThereAreChameleonsEverywhereProbably

1445

This past semester made me a total wreck. I was very stressed out and depressed, became almost entirely nocturnal (if I got any sleep at all), lost 10lbs from loss of appetite, fell sick constantly, wasn't taking care of myself.

When the semester ended I vowed from that day forward to turn my life around. I started training myself to go to sleep at midnight, worked out almost every day, forced myself to eat, made sure I was taking vitamins and eating well, made sure I was hydrating, stopped turning to weed or alcohol when I wasn't happy, made more of an effort to spend time with my family while I'm home, worked hard to help out around the house to improve my relationship with my parents.

The other night I did everything I could to go above and beyond to show my parents I was making an effort, which included constantly taking care of guests for my mom so she didn't have to, feeding my cousins baby so his daddy could eat dinner, keeping up with training my mothers aggressive and poorly trained dog and attaching him on my hip all night so he wouldn't scare the baby with his barking from separation anxiety and need for attention, helping my mom cook, doing most of the clean up, doing every single thing they asked of me without hesitation, AND I even gave up my ability to visit my friend before he left the country for a month so I could be there to help out.

And then as soon as I messed up my mother didn't appreciate it anymore. And now I'm realizing that although I've put in all this work, there's been no change in result. I'm just as depressed if not moreso, my mother won't even look at me, because we've gone back to fighting the family still thinks I'm an asshole, and I hate myself just as much as I did before. And I just can't see a future where any of this gets better and I'm not sure my problems are the kind I can run from. I spent the first few hours of the New Year crying myself to sleep and now I can't get out of bed and quite frankly, I'm scared.

I know this will die in usersub, but I just needed to vent.

ChristmasAccount

Hey! Fck family, fck everything. You do you and everything will be good in the end. And if it's not good... it only means it's not the end.

8 years ago |

perki1984

Go to bed at 9:30, Cinderella.

rogue00ff

The problem isn't you. It's basing your validation on mom's approval. You know what you're doing right. Make sure mom knows. Do it for you.

Reorder

You made your goals based on someone else's values. Make your goals based on your own values, and when you meet them raise your goals on up.

MakerOfBadJokes

Just keep swimming...

PileOfWalthers

"Weeks", LOL.

WhatDoYouMeanIcantStickmyFingersthere3

I worked my ass off for months, eating A LOT better, exercising more. I didn't lose any weight, nor any inches off my stomach. Shit sucks.

I was honestly not so worried about weight or how I looked. I was just hoping I would feel better.

Zeroforwinger

Don't do it for parental approval. Do it for yourself. You'll appreciate it

RadmanTheWise

A few weeks isn’t long enough. Keep at it.

sortbynewanddownvotedegenerates

Keep doing what you’re doing, but I would suggest getting the fuck out of your parents as soon as you can. Who cares what they think. Keep 1

Working on you. It’s not your fault you and your mom don’t see eye to eye. I hated my family until about 2 years living on my own. We have 2

A good family relationship now, but seriously when you’re on your own all the good feels better and there isn’t that negative cloud over you

HaikuCarChase

You can do this. It's a marathon, not a sprint - cultivate upward spirals and you will be in a much better place in six months. 1/2

Keep working towards the best version of yourself. Be careful not to import other people's negativity. See a mental health professional- GL

eruditic

You're out of balance, go see a doctor, get blood tested, get some anti'anxiety meds

I've considered it but only as a last resort. I've seen the way those drugs affect my friends and I'd rather try and fix my lifestyle first.

It can't hurt. Don't think of it as last resort, think of it as an experiment. Stop if it doesn't help.

NoVoteForYou

This is something I have found, once you stop trying to make others happiness the reason for your happiness, you will become more happy.

I used to try to make others happy because I thought it would make me more happy but it is a vicious never ending cycle. No matter what 1/2

There will always be someone who is not happy with you. Once I stopped worrying about that and focusing on myself, I became much happier.

Because of this too I was able to inadvertently be a much better person to those around me and thus make them happy by proxy.

sadpersonissad

1) If you’re still depressed while doing everything to maintain your physical health, it’s time to talk to a doctor about it. 2) Your 1/

you need to decouple your goals and self-worth from their opinion, it anyone else’s opinion that’s not yours. 3/3

family and their opinion has no bearing on whether or not you’ve made improvements in your life. They suck for not supporting you and 2/

Also improvements in your physical and mental health can take month, not weeks, to be able to see results. Don’t be so hard on yourself.

Spudistic

1. I rarely comment but it looks like you are basing your happiness and future on your family. You are not a slave, your worth is not

2. By how well you take carw of a family that is suppose to support you. You have to find yourself and your worth to you. Define yourself

3. Famous wise saying I once heard, you do you haha. Sometimes the leeches of life become to blood sucking and you have to rip them off.

My wife went through the same thing when we started dating, her parents hated me because I was showing her their slavery and showing the wor

Her mom tried to get us to divorce simply because she never got her license or worked so she needed someone to provide for her and drive her

When she got bored or wanted to go somewhere (not the doc because she refused to go)

Comments (51)