TheNuclearRabbit
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21 lol, as if flat-earthers believed in other planets
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49 See more like these at http://www.tylervigen.com/spurious-correlations
50 Corrective tax
Did you know if you take the number days between Pearl Harbor and 9/11 (end inclusive), add (the number of days between Jesus' death and zombification (inclusive) times 24 hours and subtract one), divide by the number of days between the release of Half-Life and Half-Life 2 (end inclusive), subtract the number of days in a week, then subtract the length of your dick in inches, you'll get tree-fiddy.
lktimpanaro
#13 so if I were to smash someone's head in with a toaster...it would be the toasters fault...Right!?! #BANTOASTERS
InJenius
THERE IS NO EARTH ONLY ZUUL
Mack1986
*takes a sip* mmm that's good shit post
Alistairetheblu
#5 I love the slightly more subtle level here of thinking they'd have to fly around continents
RobertZimmermanWasRight
Flat basketball theory!! Wow!
Yesferatoo
The hero we need... +1
Klorkin9
They didn't even finish the firetruck joke. "That's why firetrucks are red, because they are Russian all over."
BigFatBobbie
backwardclock
rimoeng
Ask Siri why fire trucks are red. She responds with this joke.
Viewtheentirealbum11imagestotal1remaining
Yesterday a guy in a bar invited me over after seing me in a bad mood. He started talking about flat Earth. That really helped. #notgay
Ibrakadabra4
wurdtoyer
Man that sugar ad is insidious. Flies just enough truth at you that the bullshit slips right underneath your radar.
Sleevey27
#9 the French Revolution and Napoleonic Wars left a residual resistance. Don’t look it up, just trust me.
laton
imma resist your statement so I don't get struck by lightning.
Synard
#13 You don’t toast toast, you toast bread. Gah!
spacedrgn
#35 DEVO
InTheDistanceAPlaintiveEnglishHorn
Why does glass taste like blood?
MarvinOGravelBalloonFace
Toasters toast bread, not toast.
ROBOTvsMAN
#1 Apollo 1. Coincidence? I think not.
mdubyofficial
No, toasters toast bread - not toast. Unless you’re a psychopath and like burnt bread.
prfesser
"8am?? I'm not even done throwing up at that hour!" -- H. Ulysses Grant
falselashesandfakenails
Toasters DON'T toast toast. Toasters toast bread.
chewbakken
But what if you put it down again because it wasn’t fully toasted the first time?
icounttopotato
#13 People toast toast.
Throwaway0506
And if they didn’t have toasters, they would use a stove or open flame.
Coyote8
No, people toast bread... Why would you toast toast?
wintercoat
Because sometimes it's not as dark as I want it to be, so I send it through a second time.
Atlas008
People toast bread
nicksNoodlePoster
Thank you
Othernate
Obviously you have forgotten: https://youtu.be/hv7jvyslRek
FuckMeThenYou
#27 Isn't wrong
FinlandExists
Yes it is. We don't need sugar for anything, so instead of balanced the diet is "lopsided due to unnecessary shit". And kids are fat now...
luke55thedude
Sugar naturally occurs in tons of food. Moderation is key.
Metdrummer
I'm gonna agree with you. Sugar is perfectly fine to have in your diet, just don't overdo it (like with everything).
veryhuman
Isn't the type of sugar they're talking about different from the sugar we actually need for energy? So aren't they still technically wrong?
Corona688
No? and no?
SoPhoKingWong
Looked at #4 an thought ‘fair point’ then slapped myself in the face.
Tsamane
To be fair, Pokémon evolution is closer to metamorphosis not evolution
LoonyBoBdammitwhotookmyname
Yes! Exactly. That comic made me facepalm.
SerOctopun
I would go further and say that Pokémon evolution really is metamorphosis and not evolution at all....
bertmacklinfbi01
#21 my flat earther family doesn't believe in other planets, and they're pretty sure the moon is a hologram. I wish I was kidding.
Cyberpunked
Don't be daft, of course it's not a hologram. Then moon was there before holograms. It's clouds obviously.
ohdeepthought
Could you ask them if they want to play basketball then start trying to bounce a frisbee instead?
Teasaurus
littlesquishablecake
My mother believes that dinosaur fossils were put there by Satan to test people's faith. People are weird.
ThrowAwayAcct0000
My chemistry and physics teacher told my class this. We all started arguing back.
littlesquishablecake
That's terrifying. I'm glad the class argued back though, at least someone in the room had the intelligence lol!
StartingTomorrow
Start a YouTube channel and live stream them!
bertmacklinfbi01
Oh goodness, that would be entertaining for sure.
oblimo
How does a whole family become flat-earthers?
therealgrennhald
I say stuff like that all the time, but the difference is I'm just trolling people. Wait, maybe your family are trolls!
BunnyBooBear69
Nah, that's no small moons. It's a space station.
flappymoobs
Strength to you
FungusForge
You should periodically mail them globes.
ohdeepthought
Moon night lights to go with the globes?
Sarcasticlydelicious
AppleFoster
That's ok, my mom believes that dragons & dinosaurs are both alive right now in our modern world, that everyone in hollywood is a trans 1/2
AppleFoster
gendered alien, thinks Trump is the best thing ever, & constantly votes against her own interests. 2/2
OreoD
HOW HAVE YOU SURVIVED??
AppleFoster
Believe it or not, I don't think she was always this crazy. I genuinely feel like the immense amount of empathy I have for others is 1/2
AppleFoster
b/c of the lessons she taught me. It's actually really hard watching her walk down this path at this point in her life. It's like the 2/3
youfoolyouhavefallenformytrapcard
#30 actually made me upset lol
dillonpkelly
Ya but culd u like imagine living on the line tho
QuiteHugeMegaPlusUltra
Yeah fucking imaging it. Right between day and night!
LarvaLamp
And how would for those who live on the border???
CrackedGoggles
All I could think of was a video game I saw on Kickstarter with this premise.
krauraurgg
It's pretty common in science fiction. A planet has a permanently boiling side and a permanently frozen side, with life only on the border.
jherazob
Adumbria
NotWittyEnough
Need to cheer up? Go watch a sunset.
PhantomOfTheDopera
All of those people are going to Jupiter
Beehawk
I don't get it. Ik it's supposed to be stupid but
Beeekman
Evening/dawn.
Lucallia
It because the earth rotates and the day/night line is constantly moving all over the earth.
Xaixar
Don’t worry now, it’s most likely fake.. I hope..
treyryan3
There are people in California that can’t name the Ocean to their west.
AmityVilleHorror
We can do nothing but hope.
aikastar
I feel like it's not "fake" so much as there's probably several thousand comments and he had to comb through to find some real dumb ones.
megamanan
nope, just translated, unbelievable but true.
KWJester49
I went to tap on the #30 and accidentally clicked your name and went to your profile/posts. Wtf mate?
Gambinakeisari
Thanks, I loved it!
youfoolyouhavefallenformytrapcard
Hahaha I don’t know man somethings probably wrong with me
UpgradeCookie93
Whats the deal with #3?
ohdeepthought
Must have an attendance requirement and kids hate 8am lectures so they lied about their grandparents dying to receive the grade.
ohdeepthought
3pm is late enough that you will slide out of bed for but 8am people will say feck that. Especially on a Monday
wintercoat
People use dead relatives as an excuse for missing an early class. Moving to a later time sees less people skipping, so less dead relatives.
Alistairetheblu
Students sleeping in then afterwards saying they had a family emergency.
UpgradeCookie93
Thank you. Don't understand people skipping class, they the ones paying anyways.
BunnyBooBear69
A lot of it has to do with the good ol' "fuck it" mentality. That, and there's some classes you can skip all but test days and still get A's
Thorbane
Also some professors are actually so bad you're better off staying home and reading the book.
BunnyBooBear69
As said by numerous people, fuck early morning classes. But really, is this a required English gen ed? Only those classes took attendance...
CanadianGiraffe
Students would skip early classes and use the excuse "family member died" cuz who wants to get up early. Late class, less excuses
rrlyrae
common excuses for missing an early morning class.
chaseNC
Kids use dead grandparents as a common excuse to get out of 8am class, but when she moved her class they stopped needing an excuse.
Juicytoast
#2 for Jet Fuel can't melt steel beams. you think the twin towers exsisted?
whitefoxkei
Whether it can or can't, I'm pretty sure slamming a jetliner into the side at a couple hundred mph would do the trick.
brakiachi
The problem is we those planes were carrying all the stuff for chemtrails, and who knows how hot that stuff burns at
Metals4J
Scientist here. Answer: hella hot. Like, “damn, that shit’s really hot” hot. Totally melts steel all day long.
BigFatBobbie
Thank you, Dr. Sciencey.
NYCMNWIFL
The WTC were built with Truss' not Beams. That contributed to them melting so easily.
BigFatBobbie
I will truss' YOU!
Gundarian
You think you existed? You are in a simulation man! Wake up! Stop being a battery!
lethaldoobie
for most of those conspiracy stories you have to wonder - they think THE GOVERNMENT is real?
BigFatBobbie
madman604
Well its true. It's the heat when its burned that melts it. ;)
BigFatBobbie
onecowboytoo
You don't have to melt steel beams, You just have to heat them up enough so that they begin to weaken.
EvilKam
For the "steel beam" argument, I just show people blacksmithing videos.
BigFatBobbie
I have 77 level smithing skill on Skyrim. The Twin Towers were built of dwemar cogs.
[deleted]
[deleted]
krauraurgg
It still demonstrates the principle that metal gets softer well before it starts to melt. Softened beams can't hold up skyscrapers.
CloneTHX2012
It hit in the middle. If the fire had started at the bottom, I might agree. The top didn't keel over. It dropped like a demo. From 1 plane
krauraurgg
You realize that the supports at each floor are designed to hold up the floors above it, no more and no less? They're not all the same.
Volensblood
The collapse was due to beams only being in the sides of the building. There were no supports in the middle for the floor. It caved in.
CloneTHX2012
Wrong. It had a Central Steel support.
stonebrood
alright that spoon mosquito thing tho totally works. obviously don't heat it skin blistering temperatures
laton
Found the Johnson & Johnson's employee
purplesafruit1
Yeah, the heat stops the histamine response and can give relief.
purplesafruit1
Or rather, makes all the histamines release at once and then there aren’t any more to cause itching.
Agisek
The Pokémon one is wrong, evolution is gradual adaptation to environment over generations, Pokémon don't evolve, they mutate
Minnakht
Pokemon perform some kind of transformation and people appropriated the word "evolution" for it because people are stupid.
TheNuclearRabbit
They neither evolve nor mutate. They metamorphose.
grimwyrd
Less about speed and more about heritability. Would an Ivysaur give birth to another Ivysaur or would its offspring be more fucking lettuce?
CloneTHX2012
Actually Sugar is terrible for you.. We are being overdosed with carbohydrates and sugars since the 90s.. The food pyramid was evil
FuckMeThenYou
*excessive kcal intake is terrible for you... The food pyramid doesn't account for people overeating
CloneTHX2012
Excessive intake of carbs and sugars lead to Cravings. Cravings lead to overeating. A + b =?
FuckMeThenYou
Excessive intake of carbs and sugars means you are eating to many kcal. It isn’t rocket surgery buddy
CloneTHX2012
Wrong. I can eat as many eggs, steaks, or avocados I want to.. It isn't calories, it's grams of carbs and sugar. You are so completely wrong
CloneTHX2012
And I've lost the weight, and CONTINUE to lose weight. I'm waiting for your research and subsequent apology that will inevitably follow
lethaldoobie
overeating is the only real issue. look at europe and (the non-starving) africa and their cuisines. yet ppl arent fat....
otiumCatulli
it's also possible to be fat and malnourished at the same time, calorific food doesnt always provide enough vitamins etc
[deleted]
[deleted]
PlutoIsMyHomeboy
I mean, the fact that you had 120 lbs to lose means you probably weren't eating the balanced diet that the ad mentions....
IamtheGreatQueenSnugglewombs
Few people can live their entire life on no sugar, fat or other bad foods. We need to learn that overeating is the only real issue,
VRenoux
People are fat in Europe too, sadly...
lethaldoobie
of course. i was talking about % of overall population
Jalfred1992
Overdosing on carbohydrates? Too many fruit? Too many whole grains? Too many legumes? "Carbs" are not interchangeable with "sugar".
Corona688
Tell that to a chemist.
Jalfred1992
Will a chemist tell me that starch is sugar? And what does that even have to do with anything?? Clearly the context is nutritional outcomes.
Corona688
A chemist will tell you that carbohydrates are trivially transformed into sugar. The process begins before you even finish swalowing.
Jalfred1992
Are you a second account of Clone or something? You both completely missed the point, ignored the context, and dodged the hard questions.
CloneTHX2012
Tell that to a diabetic.
Jalfred1992
Tell what to a diabetic..? Are you claiming that carbohydrates are effectively interchangeable with sugar as far as they are concerned?
Corona688
What do you think "carbohydrate" means?
CloneTHX2012
YES
Jalfred1992
There would be no relevant physiological difference in the consumption of 50g sucrose or 75g oats (which contains 50g carbohydrates)?
LondoMollariIsMySpiritAnimal
If you're in the States, then sugar isn't your problem. The problem is corn syrup. Sure, overconsumption of sugar isn't good for you (1/2)
DoctorSpaceDog
big sugar memeing you.
LondoMollariIsMySpiritAnimal
But the low-cost of corn syrup and the chemical differences between sugar and corn syrup are no small part of the USs health problem.
FuckMeThenYou
That scapegoat has been debunked and killed. Health problems are caused by to many kcal not sugar or any of it forms
Corona688
Yea no. HFCS is the same as honey chemically, and nobody's calling honey especially evil. It's just sugar.
CloneTHX2012
Exactly! This guy knows what's up.. High fructose corn syrup destroys the pancreas and the ability to break down sugars at all..
Corona688
Sugar is bad for you, who knew.
FuckMeThenYou
No it doesn’t
CloneTHX2012
Then why is hyperinsulinism also known as pre diabetic? Why did I beat Type 2 Diabetes by changing my lifestyle to low-carb low-sugar?
CloneTHX2012
Lost over a hundred pounds, and have no more blood sugar issues.. There's a reason for this.
Corona688
Sugar is bad for you, who knew.
FuckMeThenYou
You lost weight and maybe started excercising
sparta67dt
#1 what do you think "dying of old age" is? Years of oxygen poisoning deteriorating your body.
oblimo
Entropy: it ain’t what it used to be.
xbolt
Oxygen. Can’t live with it, can’t live without it.
imbatmanlol
Oxygen causes immense damage to our bodies over our lifetime, free radicals from oxygen go around and steal electrons from our cells causing
imbatmanlol
Damage to our cells DNA which causes cancer
boogablend
So oxygen does kill us! But not from breathing its those damn mitochondria!!! KILL ALL MITOCHONDRIA!!!
yourself458
Parasite Eve was a documentary in movie and video game form.
tyr888
Oxygen just takes so long to burn us to death
tchoukiwalimou
caution life can cause death
BunnyBooBear69
"There's no such this as toxic substances. Only toxic levels" -- one of my university profs. (Cant remember class. Maybe A&P? been 5 years.)
LanceSackless
How much lead is a non toxic level to ingest :o
Trimbl
About 3
LanceSackless
It was a trick question and ur right
Skittleballs
I mean, in a way this is not totally off. Oxidation, loss of electrons. It's like burning really, really slowly. But that's, well, living.
Wizardasfuck
Dying of old age is due to the deterioration in our chromosomes from cellular reproduction. Each copy gets worse until something breaks.
boogablend
Oddly enough, because of the effects of super oxides as a byproduct of metabolism and super oxides have oxygen in them lol
IOnlyFavouriteDogPictures
woosh
NoodleyLove
Multiplicity?
Talligan
Oxidation bruh
Corona688
And what do you think causes that deterioration? Elves? And the cells which stay put for 80 years, like brain cells, deteriorate too.
Wizardasfuck
The loss of telomeres at the end of chromosomes, that's what causes deterioration.
Corona688
Sorry, no. Telomers are just a counter really. They're there to halt replication after a certain # of divisions.
TheAnswerWasAlwaysMoreLube
And why do the body have to produce new cells?
Xenolith166
Because if it didn't you'd die a lot faster than you do already
Wizardasfuck
Cause cells suck at being alive
AIRBORNEALLTHEWAY
To prevent your lungs from rusting you can fill a plastic bag with nitrogen, put it over your head & tie around your neck.
Peanutmm
Can confirm: this will have a 100% chance of making it so you don't die of old age
AIRBORNEALLTHEWAY
Disclaimer: DO NOT DO THIS, YOU WILL DIE VERY QUICKLY. Although it's painless, YOU WILL DIE.
Faloopsinarb
Aw, you had to ruin it.
Alfadorfox
Actually wouldn't you need a continuous stream of nitrogen for it to be painless, otherwise you get carbon dioxide buildup? Or just big bag?
AIRBORNEALLTHEWAY
Neg. Your body can't differentiate between nitrogen & oxygen in the blood stream and with no oxygen in the blood there's no C02. Read up on-
Alfadorfox
I just thought there's already O2 in your blood when you put on the bag, and nowhere for the CO2 to go after. Not enough to be a problem?
dogsarebetterthanhuman
Actually there wouldnt b carbon dioxide buildup as there would b no oxygen for the body to convert.
AIRBORNEALLTHEWAY
- Nitrogen Hypoxia (Nitrogen Suffocation) if you want to go further into it. I've kept it as an exit plan in case I ever get a fatal illness
eykompis
"YOU WILL DIE VERY QUICKLY" thanks fam. That's all I needed to know. Brb.
dogsarebetterthanhuman
No u wont but that's ok. U wont b missed
gIoblobbIobgob
I think you mean “afk”
Flubna
Afk generally implies you're coming back
Arracor
Not if they believe in reincarnation!
Flubna
But then again so does brb