varyael
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Aug 1, 2024 4:30 PM
varyael
29888
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CoffeeMakesMeTwitchy
It's your brain making changes. The changes take time and yeah it fucking hurts
hisnameisshdynasty
Biggest god damn mother fucking hugs for you @op!
cereza570
I'm so sorry. Sending hugs
Will0099
Grief is tough. It can feel like the world is on top of you. Let it flow. Embrace it and then let it pass. It takes time. There will always be a little left but in time it fades.
Mazzy94
It's hard. It's also universal; you're never alone.
GTimgur
That picture is hilarious
Mazzy94
imnotinthewitnessprotectionprogram
Talk. Talk to the bartender if you have to. But talk. Cry on a shoulder. Let the emotions flow because holding it in does more harm than good
varyael
I literally asked local convenience store clerks, ER workers, police, apartment management and strangers on the street and they all told me to get fucked, so I am. Other parent disowned me, im disabled and cant manage for myself, society has let me die when my entire focus in life has been doing good for others
imnotinthewitnessprotectionprogram
That’s awful. I’m so sorry that has happened to you
michaelfire
some therapists are trained to deal with severe grief...https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/complicated-grief/diagnosis-treatment/drc-20360389 it really is physically very painful as well as emotionally hard.
fnoigy
Elaborate!
DarkParn
Monkeyface8
You gotta wait, OP. I KNOW, I feckin know. It’s agony. But it won’t always be, I swear. You have to hang in. There are people that know and will catch you.
theskepticinme
Don’t give up. Please. It’s not better that what you feel now. It wasn’t for me at least
thimin
Haggis4breakfast
This helped me - https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3156458/
Freeasabird2015
You have my empathy, I lost a family member last year. The shock and grief and terror at this new reality almost overwhelmed me. It takes time and its very slow. It really is one hour at the time.
varyael
Except my kis alive, kidnapped, being used as a weapon to hurt me daily. Deaths I have handled, a living torture weapon I love most dearly who deserves love not forced abandonment is grief that only grows, never subsides
Freeasabird2015
Loss like yours can be unbearable. Please seek help and support if you can.
varyael
I have an advocate for the disabled and they have me scheduled for regular psychiatric care, unfortunately "get over it" is the societal response. It's like a runners wall, a mental block, some call it a disability
It is unbearable, I am overburdened, and so far just one person has helped me carry this pack. I have no destination though, so I can only go where they help me to. That I managed to have a stranger help me, a good Samaritan, leads me toward the light at least, instead of into dark
varyael
The government, doctors, and financial institutions have labeled me "disabled". Ableism toward me is another burden I carry
everythingzed
Take one hour at a time, one day at a time, portion up your time. Time never stops; you will not be left in this moment and this feeling or thoughts forever. Time moves, even if it doesn’t feel like it. Endure. One step at a time.
badgerZ505
Hang in there. Have a pixel hug. It all hurts but it will get better. I know it seems feels like it won’t but it will. And we are all here for you.
drduffer
In my life, at certain times, grief has been the strongest of emotions, has been most debilitating, and has lingered the longest.
I’ve grown through it, but it took time and intensive therapy (because addictions were involved), but looking back, I don’t think I could have done any differently.
I wish you patience and encourage you to reach out and ask for help through the parts you’re struggling with.
You will eventually be ok.
annoyingsandfly
This book saved my life: https://ia801202.us.archive.org/26/items/women-who-run-with-the-wolves-clarissa-pinkola-estes/women-who-run-with-the-wolves-clarissa-pinkola-estes.pdf.
Don't let the title fool you, it's a book for all genders. This book is best read by perusing the table of contents, and reading the chapters that leap out atcha. You can do this. Godspeed.
LariCheltsy
ToddTheTerrible
My mother passed 4 months ago. She lived with us and died here in our house. I had much to do afterwards, but about 6 weeks after that it hit. At the peak I had no idea how to get through the day, or if I even wanted to. Now it’s not a question of as to whether I will get through the day, but there are times when I get hit with grief so strong and sudden that it literally buckles my legs. The good news is that this is both good and progress. It does get better, even if it remains hard.
DarkfireDragon
Totallyscrewedinaustin
Did you ever get ahold of a caseworker/social worker? Did you try sending emails to the people who could possible help you? I know the last few posts that shit has been rough, are you still struggling with the going non-verbal?
varyael
I have an advocate now who is helping with speaking, writing, and reading/sorting things when I become overwhelmed which has been for a month solid now. Ive lost 40 pounds so it's not getting better unfortunately
Totallyscrewedinaustin
But you have help now! That's a big improvement! Now you can focus on getting yourself a bit healthier and then you can start working on the kiddo situation. You know the kiddo is safe (even though your ex is a horrible shitty person considering what they did, they're not putting kiddo in danger, right?!), once your able to, you can start trying to get legal with it. You're a parent, they can't say you don't have rights to see/visit/be involved in kiddos life just because you have a disability!
varyael
The kid has needed medical care since last summer and other parent is still refusing me the ability to handle it myself. The child is not safe as other parent has also neglected all schooling for 5 months now, child was expelled due to the medical things
Totallyscrewedinaustin
So work on getting healthier and at the same time try and start the ball rolling with legal! At least now you have a little help, and the ability to find more! Good luck!
tg2222222
I was in a very dark place after my wife left. It gets better. All emotions have a lifespan. They just need to be fully felt before they settle and unfortunately there's no shortcuts.
ucandcantunc
I'll add to this saying while medication can be helpful in dire situations, it can also mask the emotions for a long time preventing really healing.
rokucitymayor
Omg this. It wasn’t until I accepted this that my panic attacks got under control
mustardcutter
Don't know about @op's situation but I think that "every emotion has a lifespan" is a great mental health principle that I wasn't acquainted with before
tg2222222
I am fortunate enough to have a good friend who works as a therapist. He taught me that one.
mustardcutter
I was going to DM you to thank for sharing this. Glad that you were able to see that your comment today has improved someone's life. Send my gratitude to your friend too!
tg2222222
You're welcome random internet person.
varyael
There is never relief when a child is kidnapped and contact with a parent becomes a weapon of suffering
WanderingNerd
Keep your head up OP, children grow up. There is still time. My son passed 10 years ago and I would give anything to see or speak to him again. As long as your child lives, there is always hope!
meowmixup
(((HUGS))) if you want them OP, that sounds like an incredibly next-level tough situation.
KarlRoyGabriel
The grief will forge you into something stronger. But…. It does suck. Definitely.
varyael
That's a different take than what others have said and actually helps, thank you very much
Kilo11
Youre welcome
EdmundandHarald365
That's not the whole story, though. Reading your past penguins, it seems you are refusing to do anything an blaming everyone else for helping you, and claimed you were more like a child than an adult. You resisted every piece of advise offered. Sorry, but a lot of this is your doing, and you need to own that and make changes if you want things to improve.
varyael
Lol, thanks for the ableism. Ive been disabled since birth and I dont resist advice, I have complete catatonic and dissociative fugue states when extremely stressed, like from abuse, neglect, and abandonment. Tell a paraplegic to walk while you're at it
I didnt kidnap my child or lie to government officials. Nothing is my fault but the volume of my voice and the content of my words. Children are not pawns in relationships, they're people. Sayonara
upsidedownalarmclock
Yeah agree I have also been reading previous posts, absolute rollercoaster. Needs an immediate intervention by a functioning adult
varyael
Literally been asking for one since december last year because Im disabled, i got abandoned and psychologically imprisoned instead. Go society!
whysomuchdoghair
Oh yeah you sound totally able to take care of a child /s
conmandavis23365
Try to remember that you are not your emotions. Ur feeling sad. Ur not sad. Because ur more than just what ur feeling... That helps me start using the other side of my brain to pull myself out of that hole we ALL get into sometimes. People are usually more responsive than youd expect when ur honest and say, " i need help, i cant go on like this much longer." Sometimes help comes from unexpected places. Dont isolate
TheLovelessHummingbird
Isolating is sometimes the only thing to do
varyael
Its not sadness so much, its like a death, but the dead people are living but incapable of life due to a third party's emotions
I am sad, very, but I can handle sadness. Complete disownment by society and my spouse has left me realizing disabled people are still having their rights abused and neglected. I had hope, it is dashed. I had faith, it is fallen. I had love, it has abandoned me
It's not overdramatic, I relied on family instead of being a ward, but society hides/ignores people like me
ShinyLikeACrow
It's a truly terrible situation for everyone when a support person is no longer able to provide adequate care. This can happen in a variety of circumstances and is not necessarily a reflection of the caretakers intentions. It really sucks that you lost someone you depended on, but it's also a little unreasonable to think they were always going to be able to take care of you(or anyone) with the same consistency you require, without needing some kind of support themselves.
ShinyLikeACrow
You say you're twinning with your 8 year old as a level of functionality, so is it possible that your spouse held on, essentially taking care of two kids without a strong support system, as long as they could? The way they left absolutely sucks for everyone, but maybe that's what they felt like they needed to do to survive after years of self-medicating through caretaker burnout. You feel unsupported and helpless dealing with all that you have to on your own?
ShinyLikeACrow
Is it possible your spouse felt the same way? I think that if you are willing to step outside of your own experience in this, and *really* consider what it takes to be the carer of someone with high assistance requirements for a lengthy period of time without having help themselves; you might be able to trade some of the anger for something like the understanding and empathy you desire for yourself. It'll serve you better than rage and resentment will going forward from here.
varyael
I dont have high requirements, I have phobias of care/treatment by strangers so needed a loved on to fnd me a doctor I was comfortable with because I was sick
I functioned perfectly as a single parent while my coparent drank and neglected, then kidnapped my kid. I can act like a kid and an adult simultaneously, pay bills and be deathly afraid of doctors for myself but not my child
My spouse drank their happiness away, hit me, then blamed me. I am not at fault for anything but being loud