No options

I've been trying so hard. SO SO HARD. Fighting just to survive, physically, mentally, and financially. Just found out that I have a THIRD surgery to pay for. I haven't even managed to fully pay off one yet. I've got a new job that I love, and I was so excited for Pride next weekend, but they just can't outweigh everything else. We can't afford to go to Pride anymore. Not that we could've really afforded it before, but now the little amount I had managed to save for it has to go to yet another medication.

The medicines I need to survive and function bleed me dry every month. It's not even uncommon for me to go without meds I need to function just so that I can afford the ones I need to survive. Food stamps are the only reason we're able to eat sometimes, and the rising grocery prices have made it even more difficult. We can't get to food banks, because we currently have no car. Having to rely on friends and family just to get to work is another major stressor.

My SO is a wonderful man, and he works so hard. He pays for pretty much everything except food and my medicine. I feel like such a burden. I'm so tired of this. I hate having to fight for my life and his. I hate that we can't relax for even a second. I hate existing. All I want is to exist with him, and we can't even do that, because we work so much.

Everything is fucked. The country is fucked. Society is fucked. My body is fucked. My brain is fucked. His brain isn't doing much better, and I know that it's worse because he's supporting us. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't want to die. I just don't want to be HERE. I can't be HERE anymore.

We can't survive here, but there's no way out. I can't do this.