PrincessBatCat
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32, living in a prominently red state with a very anti-LGBTQ+ governor, not even a week since realizing I was trans. Told my mother about it, she seemed supportive, even if a bit unsure as to what it all meant. I sent her the article I had read that had opened my eyes to what was going on.
Did some light digging while on break at lunch and turns out transgender-related health care is covered by insurance. I told my mom when I got home and mentioned how it was good if I was considering going the HRT route, which I am. She mentioned that she wasn't entirely sure and that "I was doing some research and reading up on it and I don't know. I don't think it really sounds like you."
I don't want to be mean, but... I don't really care? I'm not asking for her permission. I'm nearly 33, it's my body, and I can and will pay for it on my own. But at the same time, I just wish she would be fully supportive. If there's one time she could just be supportive, with no negativity or hesitation, it's now. It feels like I'm going to be facing this new life and journey on my own.
ProbablyABitDrunk
I figured the same thing out myself a year ago and still haven't told my parents. You're brave! I'm sure it will take your mom more time to process than it took you, because she didn't live the experiences you've felt. You're right about not needing anyone's permission, but wrong about being alone. There are so many supportive people, you're guaranteed to meet plenty along the way. <3
rabidworm
I didn't find out till I was 28 and started HRT about 9 months ago at age 30. If you have any questions (or if anyone else out there does!) feel free to ask me as a comment or dm, whatever you are comfy with. Like everyone else said your mom will come around, you felt comfortable enough to tell her this fast, there is a reason for that. My parents got to know after I started HRT already :3
Shenaniganz80
Best of luck on your journey
anSSLerrorhasoccuredandasecureconnectiontotheservercannotbemade
Look, it’s okay. It will be okay. One element to all this is that there is the notion going around that parents have to be instantly supportive which just isn’t practical for your journey. Or anyone’s. You have to advocate for yourself and give things time. It’s uncertain sure, but that’s life. Follow your heart, lead as best you can and see who follows as things develop. You’re on your way. This might just be one of the hard times. Good times are on the horizon. Best of luck.
dudehiemer
ImmortalChild
Maybe (hopefully) she just needs some time to figure out (or be told) how she can be more supportive. In the meantime, you're not alone - I think there's a pretty supportive community here. I hope you can develop a support network to help you with this next part of your journey. I'm wishing you all the best :)
KarmaRaven23
As the mom of a trans kid, it can be a big adjustment to reorder your idea of your kid with their view of themselves. I wouldn’t write her off quite yet; there’s a whole lot of bigots spreading misinfo about HRT and stuff that she’s going to have to learn to ignore. Hopefully, she’ll get there!❤️
shakefu
The best thing about being an adult is nobody, not even your parents, can tell you who you are. Your journey is your own, and those who accept who you are is a great filter for those who will be in your life for years to come. I’m sorry to hear your current location isn’t somewhere supportive. Maybe try a visit to somewhere that is, and be yourself, and see how it feels? I can only imagine it will galvanize your resolve, which will help against the external doubts of others.
SharkLove
FluxSagrie
when I was about 17, I came out as gay to my family. No one really cared, didn't like how my mom kept trying to say I just don't know. Turns out I was ace and nonbinary at that, so she was right.
Keep going for yourself. Times have changed a crazy amount even for people our age. Give her time, the mental dexterity to accept and learn new things isn't as easy to have with age.
She isn't fighting you, she just seems to not know what to advise and she doesn't want you hurt by rushing in.
Sotai
It's obviously not the same thing, but I was diagnosed with ADHD in my 30s. My parents didn't want to admit I had any issues growing up, because, in their minds, not noticing it meant they were bad parents. Your mom might be feeling something similar. My advice is to just do what's right for you and hope she gets on board. My parents changed their tune once they saw how much easier things got for me. When your mom sees you become who you are, hopefully she'll realize and apologize, too.
PainKiller01
No, you won't be doing this on your own, there's a whole community that can't wait to support you 😊
Since it's Pride Month, it's seen everywhere, so it's easier to reach out! ❤️
Twrecks123
I’m not your mom, but I am A Mom. Honey, you do what you need to. Make sure it’s want you want and then do what you need to be happy. I wish you all the happiness in the world and joy in your new found self discovery. *Hugs* friend!
Betterbecauseofthem
It has to be confusing and maybe disappointing for a parent who really is losing a child. They need time just like you do
Nyxera
They are not losing a child, they are seeing their true child in full. The "losing your child" rethoric is used to justify some serious abuse and denial of trans people, and shows how the parents see their kids as not their own people but things that the parents own
IncrediRis
nothing is easy & everything takes longer than it should.
Wuz314159
I just wish that my parents weren't buried in the same plot as my grandparents because now I can't piss on their grave. . . You got this OP.
VirtualHugger
solarshado
lol, username checks out!
TiredBanana
If it's been just weeks and you're concidering something that will have an effect on you for the rest of your life your mother is right to feel hesitant. Especially knowing how trans people are targeted and demonised in red states. If transitioning is your path i hope you get to do it and i hope it leads to a happier you, but you can't blame your mother for having her concerns.
RevolutionOnHerLips
Just gonna echo the sentiment that if your egg cracked less than a week ago, she's still processing what this change will mean. That she wasn't automatically full-blown transphobic immediately is a good sign. I think it's good that you are willing to be independent and make the choice that is right for you. You may want to consider a therapist, esp if your state and/or insurance has requirements for trans-related milestones like name changes, birth certificates, etc.
JohnWickdidnothingwrong
"How do you mean it doesn't sound like me?" You know you need to talk this through when you can, but she may still be in the "WTF is going on?!?" stage of things? Give her a bit if you can, best case is she's struggling with not having seen this earlier. It's a lot for you, and it's a different lot for her, she might just need to get her bearings. Do talk about that, though. With respect, she doesn't get to decide what you sound like. Nobody knows that but you.
skoronesa
Not for nothing, but politics aside, Transitioning isn't a common thing. Most people don't know anything about it other than what the talking heads on the tv say. Just do right by yourself and let her slowly come around as she learns more through you.
fartharder
Seeing you happy with yourself should be a strong motivator in the long run
FaecalJacksonPollock
Sounds to me like she never suspected you were trans, so it may just be a lot for her to process. Maybe she just needs some more time.
mijolnirmk4
I’ve heard from other parents of trans kids, even supportive ones, that they’re still losing a child and there’s a grieving process. Obviously you’re not dying, but you’re changing to a different person than they know.
TooooPrivate
I hope she gets better after processing. I imagine it takes time.
But anyway, congrats on cracking your egg 🥰
I came out at 32 as well
Wiamond
I would highly recommend finding a therapist, local or telehealth, that can assist with you with the emotional changes of HRT. I have been on it for nearly three years and having a therapist there with me to navigate and understand the changes I could see, and those that were too subtle for me to notice.
TooooPrivate
It’s hard to go through puberty in your 30s 😓
SDWeasel
Sorry you're having to go through that, friendo. It's always a weird turn with parents. Mine are "supportive," even though they don't understand, but still have constant deadnaming and misgendering with no apparent remorse or intent to change.
If, by chance, you're interested in a trans gaymer space of friendly and supportive folx who have/are going through similar things, I can provide an invite to a discord server I moderate. Your call, though.
skoronesa
Not for nothing, but politics aside, Transitioning isn't a common thing. Most people don't know anything about it other than what the talking heads on the tv say. Just do right by yourself and let her slowly come around as she learns more through you.
PrincessBatCat
Trans and transitioning and HRT has been around far longer than people think. Nazis were burning books about it during the Second World War, just SD an example.
Apologies for the near week old reply, but got another comment today and saw this one as well.
PrincessBatCat
Just as* God, imgur really needs an edit button.
MahuAurelius
I don't want to sound like a dick, but I don't understand the trans world, the reasons or feelings that designate changes or desires etc. I don't. And who cares if get it or not?! Be you and happy!
But the intolerance is just fucking insane and pisses me off so much. It has the same level of hatred as religious intolerance. Why would ANY of this bother someone? I end up bitter and angry thinking about that side of this. I'm just so tired of everyone hating everyone and everything it seems.
PrincessBatCat
It's for personal reasons, I would say. Some people go through with surgical changes, while others settle for HRT. Still others simply don't change anything and are happy with how they look. It's what makes someone happy when they look in a mirror or can just be their true self.