stifflyunwound
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I’d like to start by sincerely thanking this community. I have posted, commented and and made some pretty cool internet friends and I’m desperately seeking their advice.
I really thought I loved my job.
Now I wake up in a panic thinking about going to work.
I’ve been working for almost 8 years since 2020 I have been almost completely remote. To be transparent I have been laid off three times and that has been demoralizing. Not to mention my only remaining parent likes to send me emails reminding me that lay-offs are typically done through rankings, so before I was laid off I was probably also ranked last. (this is why she has to email, as she no longer has my phone number)
Following a third layoff I got a new job pretty quickly but have been falling face first into it every day for the past 6 months.
I never thought I was bad at this job, I got regular promotions and acclaim for my work. Quite frankly, my portfolio is pretty impressive. (At the cost of a personal life). Earlier this year I moved in with my long time boyfriend who has two children under the age of 11 who require special needs and care. I’m doing my best to get them to and from school on time but that kind of effort along with a huge lifestyle change has made me worse at my job. I lack attention to detail, if I ever even had it…
I feel I cannot do anything right. Like each project I turn in has a glaringly stupid error just waiting to be pointed out.
My current work generously allowed me to reduce to a contractor with 40 hours a month, after I really floundered the first 3 months on the job. But to be fair, they have me doing work I am not good at and have no experience in. Like social media, generating and creating social content and graphics and using AI. I don’t even have a social media other than Reddit and Imgur because of how much social anxiety most social platforms give me. I had to get an Instagram and Facebook account to even post for their clients. Now even as a contractor, their expectations of me seem too high. I’ve been given more people to review my stuff, but if a mistake slips through the cracks it’s on my head, not the full time employees. Plus using AI generates more mistakes and as I am not a part of the company day to day I DONT EVEN KNOW ENOUGH TO FIX HALLUCINATIONS.
I’m struggling.
I’m reaching out for advice. Or maybe just the catharsis of writing this out and getting it off my chest, idk…
I think I’m burnt out and need something else but I don’t even know what to look for. I’m also feeling incapable of most jobs since I’ve made so many simple mistakes that likely wouldn’t be tolerated in any corporate setting.
Anything is helpful, I am truly at a loss for where even to start. My dms are open.
Scanning job sites for part time remote work in the meantime.
Pope and Indy Tax. I lost this sweet gal in red in April after only getting 5 years. Fuck cancer.
xXCutieMomokoXx
you got this. It sounds like you're dealing with a lot. Best tip I can give about work is to notate everything. I wish I could help on the job search but most job applications sound good but then you look at company reviews & most of them say "run, don't join"
I hope things get better. and the best time to be looking for a job is while you still have one. give you leverage & security until you're ready to make the jump
soulseekbob2320
When everything is going great you seldom grow and get better at what you are doing. Failure (and persistence) it the best teacher. Hang in there until/when you definitively decide you are not the right fit for this particular position. You might just surprise yourself once you come out the other side.
Good Luck ☺️
Dizastrpiece
I definitely feel being stuck and miserable at a job. I'd say the best advice is that you don't owe any employer loyalty. It's okay to be looking for an upgrade, especially nowadays when most companies don't offer pension or skirt schedule to avoid paying benefits. I know that's easier said than done but definitely don't feel bad about it.
stifflyunwound
Thank you!
This company has had a lot of turnover, but sometimes when you get laid off you’re just looking for any landing pad. I probably should have always thought of it as just a temporary fix, but I do feel guilty about looking elsewhere and I shouldn’t.
I shouldn’t feel guilty trying to look for something better for me.
filiuspelei
I think you need to talk to your boyfriend, about the domestic arrangments. Doing remote work with kids is hard: its easy for taking kids to school to eat a huge chunk of your day.
Also, to be honest, probably you taking the kids everyday there and back is a bit much. Most parent I know try to split that task a little bit 50/50.
Furthermore, once you and your partner have a new plan, I would talk to your manager proactively. You can tell them you have plans for improvement
stifflyunwound
That’s a good point.
He’s been doing his best to support the other domestic parts because he has to work during kid school pick up and drop off.
I don’t have any children of my own so I though it would be such a simple addition to my remote work but just having all that scheduling in my brain I think has made me forgetful at work.
filiuspelei
Also the thing with the layoffs is half true. When laying off, companies also cut people whose skills and background arent perfectly synced with the company's (possibly altered) stategic posture
stifflyunwound
Thank you for saying this. The mean voice in my head sounds a lot like my mom and I need to remember not everything it or she says is true.