hahway
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I LOVE my son's school. We live in Pensyltucky, right on the border of Ohio, and it is somehow the most progressive, inclusive, supportive school ever. He is in an ABA classroom with a ratio of 1:1 for students and aides/teachers. He has adaptive lessons for all his special stuff (art, music, PE). He participates at his level with his neurotypical homeroom. Honestly, I could go on for days about the stuff in this school that's in place for him. There's so much. Friggin' love the school. And 99% of all the parents I've met are incredible.
But MAN this one bitch.
So, pickup in the afternoons doesn't support a car circle thingy, mostly because busses are available no matter where the student lives so almost all kids ride the bus. The handful of parents that pick up their kids have to queue outside an exit by grade, and sign their kids out. For kindergarten there's about 10-12 parents in line each day.
Sorry this has a point I promise.
Because my son is autistic and non-communicative and basically Away With The Fairies mentally, he's brought to me by a teacher after school. I ALWAYS queue, just like everyone else, but I'll leave the line to meet the teacher when she exits and take him from her.
All the other parents in line get the situation. They smile and say hi to us and all that. Except this one bitter lady who apparently thinks my not having to wait in line is the Injustice Of The Ages. So many dirty looks. And Friday when I got my lad, she sighed and said 'Of course' to herself.
I looked at her and said 'I do get to go ahead of you. I know. I've never heard my son tell me he loves me; I don't know his favorite color or food. He's never given me a hug. He may never be able to live on his own. But it's totally worth it because I get to skip this tiny line and take him before you get your kid. Wouldn't trade places with you for anything.'
She said she just thought he should wait til I'm at the front. I told her she should bring it up at the PTO meeting and assured her everyone would be super receptive to the idea. Then I took my kid and went home.
I try hard to let go of the little things but...some days...
fedeColorTerror
"i JusT ThInK hE ShoUld WaIt..." "I just think YOU should wait before thinking anything at all. Clearly is not your strongest ability"
ChickenROAR
I believe some things must be said, even if the words fall on the daft ears of the intended person. Stood up for yourself and the kid. +1 dude.
hobojones85
This is why we can't have nice things.
n0n53n53
I know right, damn autistic kids ruining it for everyone /s
MeticulouslyCareless
OP getting back into his car:
GCRust
She sounds like a woman whose kids don't speak to her when they get older.
reverendbonobo
"My kid doesn't speak to me because he can't. Your kid doesn't speak to you because you're a cunt."
Illpostcheese
Please, try not to dwell on shitty people or your whole life will be shit. Don't let her spite taint your soul.
hahway
Oh never. Never never never. Too much joy up in this piece to ever let it be ruined.
thewalkinged
Hehe, taint.
blankunderscore
This was also my reaction hehe
thewalkinged
Hehe
Richter12x2
Spite taint is now going to be my new band name.
ExPFCWintergreen
Your kid may never speak (they also could just depending on how old he is and how much he develops) but he can still communicate. If you don't see good progress with your school's speech therapist, try a private one. Especially one who specializes in adaptive technology.
Imalwaysready
Damn. I’m kind of an a-hole stickler for rules like this, esp. around schools for a variety of reasons, but I can’t understand what possessed that lady to get pissy about this at all. That is seriously selfish, entitled, and without compassion. Jesus.
giganticroboticpenguin
Helicopter parents gotta helicopter.
Sumdumguy42
I think YOU should bring it up at the PTO, in her name of course. Show your support :)
malachilenomade
Oh please say she brings it up at the PTO... we have GOT to hear how that goes over.
MatchaKitsune
Your response was brilliant! (Although she may be too selfish to process it), and cheers to how well you handled it. You are an incredible parent, and your son is fortunate to have you. It sounds like the school and community are outstanding otherwise, try not to let her pettiness disturb your peace of mind. You are awesome! :)
hahway
You are a blisteringly dazzling sunshine beam, and I love you. Thank you.
MatchaKitsune
Keep being your amazing self! :)
Nalianna
Your kids teacher is awesome, and you're awesome too. Don't let one Karen ruin your day/life.
IIikethecutofyourjib
Hubby has ALS and is in a wheelchair. We left a concert and headed to a parking garage where there was a large line of people and it was on an incline. Everyone towards the back/middle ANGRILY told me to go to the front lol. We go towards the front of the line, waiting on the elevator to come down, and some BITCH catches an attitude with me! Like...believe me, he would rather walk...some people are awful. A lot of people are supportive and helpful. Love to you friend.
hahway
And to you! I'm sorry you had to deal with that.
DeathLemons
I feel sorry for her kids
SpockIsMyHomeboy
Your kid sounds like he is loved and cared for intently and dearly, @OP. You sound like a great parent and I'm proud of you :-)
DirtySnakeEyes
when we were kids, we used to leave flaming bags of dog shit on the porches of people like that. i say we start bringing it back.
PlatypusInterrobang
I agree wholeheartedly! As an autistic adult, I will say to look into ABA more. A lot of autistic adults speak out against it. Take care of you and yours @op
PlatypusInterrobang
(I realize that my comment is unsolicited, but please know it's well intentioned. No judgement if you continue, I just want to bring awareness to it)
hahway
ABA has come a long way in a few short years. It's misused a lot, and there's a lot of controversy, but it really is the one therapy that helped my son develop/progress. I've scrutinized it a lot, and I make sure whoever is using it knows exactly what they're doing and, so far, it's been wonderful. His 'team' are all bright and experienced and loving, so that helps
hahway
I do my best. I have failings and shortcomings, with my own mental crap, but boy oh boy do I adore that little dude.
BklynPunisher
Don’t be too hard on yourself nobody is perfect. All that matters is that you’re perfect in the eyes of those closest to you and you sound like an awesome person/parent.
SpockIsMyHomeboy
As a parent myself I feel that. Keep it up :-)
purplespaghetty
Aw!! You warmed my heart!!
Nalianna
Perhaps he can't express it, but I'm sure he loves you too.
hahway
God I hope so. I like to think he does but I wish I KNEW, ya know?
Blazingpantloads
We all have our shortcomings, but you are a good dad. Fuck that smooth brained bitch.
hahway
I am actually an abysmal dad. An ok mom though.
PectorialMuscles
You could try teaching your son a physical way of saying "I love you." Such as three taps, or three of anything really. He may not be able to communicate that feeling, or understand it, but perhaps he can offload his affection for you that way.
PectorialMuscles
If he has as much sensory overload as I do, or more, the whole feelings thing can be nuts to deal with. It's almost as bad, and more confusing. Just a little sign language basically can make all the difference. He feels like he loves you, he just can't figure out how to translate maybe.
PectorialMuscles
And actually, he may have job prospects in the future. More recently autists have been hired as "translators" for other, less communicative, neurodivergent people. Simply because we're that different and take things objectively, not subjectively.
hahway
We are definitely trying to teach different ways to communicate. The problem is, right now, he wouldn't understand the lesson. He's progressing every day though so we'll keep trying!
PectorialMuscles
That's what matters. I'm glad he has understanding parents and a supportive community
Ladet
Well, she might also never hear her kid say 'I love you'...
hahway
Hahaha true
Talori
Sounds like you're a great parent in a tough spot! ABA always rings alarm bells for me as a psych working with spicy brains (and as a spicy brain myself)... But I'm less across what it's like for those with that level of challenges to face. I hope the school supports him the way that's best for him!
hahway
At this point I'm kinda seeing that ABA itself is awesome but it gets reeeeallly abused or twisted by professionals who are either stupid or make it into some version that suits their incompetence or ego. My son THRIVES on ABA, but he's had very smart, very careful teachers and therapists. I love the sensibility of it, but I think there's way too much room for it to be mangled.
LordBrandonTheBold
It would be sad to be her.
sortofkindamadbutnotreally
Little sadder now, considering @OP absolutely rekt her shit with that response. Surprised there isnt a warrant out after that level of arson.
EngorgedPhallus
Or her kid.
JeremyPeevin
Oh god her kid. As the son of that type of parent by god, feel bad for that kid.
hahway
I know. And I try hard to understand that my life is so good and full and I need to be kind as I can all the time. I just get snippy mow and then. Working on it.
RTK4740
You’re working on it? Because that would mean you’re human, like the rest of us. Good. Because you were beginning to be up on a pedestal to me. You’ve got a lot of life obligations, and some challenges. Be kind to yourself for getting rowdy with someone who doesn’t get it. I can cut you some slack on this. Can you?
SpinkyKrindleman
All you need to do is be present for your kid, it’s harder some days than others and you’re not always gonna nail it. And you don’t owe her more than basic courtesy, which you seem to be delivering. Just remember to look after yourself, too - none of this is easy.
CarpetheCarp
My son is your son but in 5th grade. They had to move our car line because of the Karen’s. FUCK THEM BITCHES. GET SNIPPY. And also, I’m glad your son is able to get support. It makes a huge difference.
NeonWindbreaker
Do no harm but take no shit. You stood up for your son.
Imalittlefrenchie
Everyone gets snippy sometimes. Sounds like you are a wonderful person and that woman is not :-) must be tiring for her to be like that!
DefinitelyaHumanNotanAlien
You seem like a good person.....and that sounds tiring! Time to slash some tires!
hahway
I'm better at cutting brake lines, m'self.
DefinitelyaHumanNotanAlien
Hmm, the potential for murder is too high. You can't be dad of the year on the inside. (Well, you could, just not the kind we want.) Maybe just wolf down some fast food, and drop an SBD as you walk past her one day. She's put a lot of effort in to being a terrible human being, and surely has earned the secret of knowing what your bowels smell like.
meemolade
Sounds like you try to take perspective….you’re clearly a better human than she is showing up as in society
sortofkindamadbutnotreally
Youre allowed to be snippy and imperfect. It really sounds like youre killing it as a parent. Anyone who would fault you for being a human under pressure is a bit of a C U Next Tuesday
pinknightmare
I believe your response was perfect. Clarified the situation and she felt the need for further action, so you helped by proposing a heat next step. Not your fault it will expose her to a larger number of people.
Felinicus
It's okay to be crabby when your inner Frustration Crustacean ™ needs to be exercised. Snip snip!
CliticalThinking
Nah fuck her. You sound awesome.
sfrinlan
I don't see any problem with you telling a bitch she's being a bitch in this instance.
hogeyegrex
She deserves some negative feedback. How else can she know what a shit she is? If more people reacted to her like that, she might act like that less.
spookyactionatadistance
You sound like an angel and bless you for the love you give your son. I'm neurotypical but I want to ask you if I can use Away With The Fairies mentally for when I have no more spoons at the end of a long day
hahway
Absolutely. Use it in good health.
SomeChad
Boom! Roasted!
hahway
Grapeape2000
That's a pretty calm and balanced response from you actually.
knittingmachine
Good for you @OP! I have a very similar situation with my daughter and that shit used to intimidate me. My standard response now is " So sorry my kid's crippling disability inconvenienced you today".
hahway
Hahaha I'll remember that one.
Shaodyn
Some people just can't tolerate any level of personal inconvenience, no matter how tiny. If everyone had to wait in line, she wouldn't care as much. But since she does and you don't, that's unacceptable and she has never been more outraged since the last time McDonald's ran out of barbecue sauce.
hahway
Hey. Hey. I think we ALL go homicidal when the BBQ is out.
Shaodyn
You get what I mean, though. Even a tiny inconvenience like not being able to have your preferred dipping sauce is seen as a totally unacceptable problem that should never be allowed to happen.
M1ssPlace
I have a nonverbal (mostly) kiddo as well. I was once with a group of close friends and one woman I didn't really know. The new woman was bitching and whining about how much her young daughter talks and says that she loves her. I didn't say anything, but the people who knew me kept looking back and forth between us like they were just waiting for the explosion.
HaikuSorrow
Sorry, the lady was complaining that her daughter said "I love you" to her too much? Or am I misunderstanding. And I am sorry you had to go through that, some people.
M1ssPlace
Yes! She was complaining about how much her young child said, "I love you"! And how many questions she asked and just talked in general. What a problem to have.
hahway
We all have our own privileges and drawbacks, and I know that everyone is permitted their own struggles, but yeah, jeezum crow do I wish my kid would 'Mom, mom, hey mom, mom' me. I'd do anything for it.
40Knots
Your response to her was pitch perfect, take some solace in that.
hahway
It could've only been better if I'd said I'd called the Jerk Store and they were running out of her.
40Knots
What’s the difference, you’re their all time best seller!
scoutMoonDiver
DodyShiratori
Hey @op, I have a son who might be in a similar situation as yours (almost 3 yo, not evaluated yet, but we're pretty sure he's autistic, and he doesn't communicate verbally and we're considering learning sign language for him) Id love any and all advice you could give us, if you see this. The school sounds lovely, your son is so lucky to have a passionate and dedicated parent. Thank you.
MrsPunkTum
I recommend sign language. Also, if the kid is autistic, you should learn how autistic people feel about ABA before considering it.
hahway
DMing you!
humorouslyoptimystic
I get it! I have twins on the spectrum and have occurrences with others who are so self-involved they cannot even try to be compassionate. If they only knew the daily struggles we have to go through, maybe it would click. Good for you for saying something. And F those who make it harder. Keep up the good work mama!!
oblimo
Some neurotypical people nevertheless don't realize other people are other *people*.
Mammothmadness
Autistic twins here as well. I think you pretty succinctly. People just love to make lives harder just to do it, too. It's rough out here.
hahway
TWINS?? Oh man oh man, I salute you.
wleywonka101
I was about to say the same. My special little guy went from non verbal four years ago to as of last week speech therapy wise at or above average in seven of nine testing areas (he’s now eight) There is hope, but the one thing I am sure you know by now is while they might not be able to say they love you, their actions demonstrate it deeply.
QuisquiliarumHistoria
I think I've been blessed with the ability to not give a shit about what other people yell say or do in these situations where clearly nothing wrong or unforward was being done. I just don't give a shit.
RooGryphon
I'm the same way but I do enjoy watching them melt down and make full asses of themselves after I give em yhe one finger wave
hahway
I made the very weird decision a few years ago to start being vulnerable to the world again. I'm still wrestling with that choice but I think it's the right one for me. It has drawbacks.
dirrrtypiratehookerrr
That's not weird. I was in intensive yoga teacher training and vulnerability was the topic for a whole month. I had been dealing with a POS boss and decided to use what I learned about vulnerability being a strength in my work and personal life oc. It changed everything and made me a better and more empathic person. It IS a strength, only seen as weakness by those w less emotional development. It's scary but makes you better. You impressed me with your response.
hahway
Thank Brene Brown! She was my inspiration.
QuisquiliarumHistoria
It's OK to be vulnerable but do it on your terms so that when these things happen you have confidence in yourself. Absence being vulnerable on your terms, these situations can linger in the brains of the proper and decent. Don't let that turd live rent free in your head. Sorry you had a upsetting experience.
hahway
Solid advice, thank you