NoOffenseBut
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Jun 15, 2013 5:14 AM
NoOffenseBut
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0wlsome
Ah, pop psychology, we meet again. I forgot how stupid you are.
ThatTallWhiteGuy
I want more of this
fourthdimension
Same!
50shadesofDorianGray
I am the 421st person to upvote this. No blaze foryu!
Leaga
I one had a boss who tried the polite silence when I told him I needed a sick day and I followed up with "It gets graphic from there"
DawnsRose
I literally laughed out loud... and pictured things I didn't want to picture.
ballisticburrito
"Why don't you grab two more?" My answer: "Why don't you just ring up what I brought up here."
IveGotALovelyBunchOfPawPaws
Have you heard of the Kansas City Shuffle?
Heartshineharley
That last one. Genius.
rxcthulhu
Instructions unclear... Got dick stuck in watch.
notjjsboat
when is part 2 of 1 coming out?
Glenfiddich12YO
When someone quantum hacks.
ChiefClancyWiggum
PSYCHOLOGY, BITCHES!!
theory816
while it works more than usual, its not absolute. like 4+4 will always equal 8.
AsYouKnow
Sometimes, Winston. Sometimes they are five. Sometimes they are three. Sometimes they are all of them at once. You must try harder.
theory816
wut?
jazzmaverick1
i wont remember a single one of these things after the next post, its one of the reasons im unsuccessful at life
kcloud
That last one is gold.
Someguyfromcrowd
It reminds me of the Penn & Teller Diet Hypnosis Trick.
presce
I have a friend who gets extremely annoyed when I do this when we go out to eat. Gonna try it out. Hehehehe
japalekhin
No my fellow imgurian, the last one is food
3laws
GOLDEN FOOD! WEEEEEEEEEEEE!
chicoson
Some of these seem a bit manipulative.
StringVariable
50% of this is bluff.
VidaVita
67.3% of statistics aren't true.
StringVariable
66.3% actually in 2013.
VidaVita
That is also a bluff.
Leaga
I only write my name if it is someone I can't joke with.... b/c my brain goes "write 'poop' or 'suck it' or 'the south will rise again'"
scarabrae
When in an elevator or other crowded space, casually look up.
DeathDeathDeathLunchDeathDeathAfternoonTeaDeathQuickShower
especially when those eyes are boobs
kamyd1
Behavior Manipulation Level : con-artist
javajim
Nice! I can't wait for "Mindhacks. Part 2 of 1."
Hannya
If it were me, I would have screwed up the smuggling by running with the bicycle in my arms instead of riding it.
Washdaytomorrow
Or, scumbag version: during class presentation, shake head at end of every sentence, and facepalm at each slide.
CooFlamingo
Sundrop
Hahahaha oh my god....I would completely fall apart!
AssamLaksa
ithereckless
That is freaking terrifying. I would die.
df118
You evil person you!
beffeer
Hahahhah the evilest of all evil
StopReadingThisUsername
ieatdollhair
I chuckled out loud
fourthdimension
Satan in the making
ThomYorkesLazyEye
Made me chuckle when I was feeling down. Thanks you :)
flamingflamingo
As I don't have a fear of public speaking (got used to it at my job), I would probably end up laughing and calling him out.
apotatochip
Or you can make faces at them whenever they make eye contact with you. That ones good for some laughs.
Unicornponyadventures
Number 2 won't work for me since my place is so messy that I will not notice if something is put in an unusual place.
DyneGrey
I do a similar technique. I put a piece of paper in my pocket. It's a note that I just don't write since I'll remember once I touch it.
DyneGrey
*Puts hands in pockets* 'whats this? ..oh yeah, I need to...'
Deathwingx12
Ever try putting legos on the floor where you walk?
beardyfaceguy
I was thinking "the movie on the floor" would just make me yell at my kids for leaving their stuff laying around.
DoctaJones
As I read about the bike smuggler, all I could think of was Michael Caine explaining the 3 parts of a magic trick from The Prestige
FuckinBrutal
Or that new movie Now You See Me.
cleanasawhistle
I spit up my tea laughing when i read this
jrau18
Now I'm gonna go watch that movie.
sheshazelnuts
Are you paying attention? ;)
SprittyTinkles
Have you seen Funeral in Berlin? That's what I was thinking of. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Funeral_in_Berlin_(film)
DoctaJones
I have not, but i will be adding it to my list. thanks!
laserkatt
If someone gave me a pen and paper and asked me to write anything I'd probably just draw a penis.
thesearentthedroidsyourelookingfor
I would do the exact same thing internet brother/sister
myrrlyn
I always write my screen name, because my script makes it look awesome. The y's, especially
zt2211
If someone gave me a pen and paper and asked me to write anything I'd probably write the word "anything." I'm a sarcastic bastard.
snuzzled
My fallback word when I don't know what to write is "butts".
DyneGrey
Mine is always either 'Sharkburn' or 'I dont fuck with no ostriches'.
amberlemons
Out of curiosity I asked my fiance to write anything, he wrote "Amber is gorgeous". Little shit is smooth.
laserkatt
Well played fiance. Well played.
DasDovian
Walking like I owned the place helped me ditch school several times. I walked right out the front office.
SarahStumbleBee
I do this when I have a drink I don't want to throw out before a movie. Just walk in and make no effort to conceal it. They rarely comment.
KimmieMeow
I do this everywhere I go. So well that I've been asked questions by customers thinking I work there.
youknowthatonepersonwiththeface
I explored most of the marked off areas of The Biltmore this way
wizardboy24
I was a highschooler at a college band rehearsal, and I needed to get to the other side of the stage. I asked the assistant director (1)
wizardboy24
and he just said walk across like you own it. No one's going to know differently. Best advice of my life.
MrsStransky
I ditched class easily by lying. I was a straight A student, teacher's pet, and a cheerleader lol My teachers loved me.
chiquitabananaa
Haha jokes on you, I didn't eat lunch three days ago
garlictastesgood
Me either but it took breaking eye contact to remember:(
Antarus
Same. I stared at the eyes in the picture and simply said to myself: "I don't eat lunch"
Efreeti
Same. I only eat lunch the days I'm at work.
youareawonderfulperson
Your brain just decided it was easier to convince you of that instead of recalling what you ate.
JSymphony
Incidentally, a first world/third world problem :D
crazycatholic11
the two options bit does NOT work with toddlers. "Do you want pasta or a sandwhich for lunch?" "ICE CREAM!" "That was not an option." "NO!"
Obamanatrix
Sadly, my child is 11 and not much has changed.
behrditz
Toddlers arent people. They are small dogs that slowly learn to talk.
sgfh
Now I know what I want for lunch, thank you very much. That is usually a very difficult time of my day.
ilikebreakfast
That's because kids haven't been forced to think inside the box yet- encourage that!
ilikebreakfast
Except maybe not the ice cream part hah
AlexSolva
I sat here for a solid 5 minutes staring at one spot and trying to remember what I ate three days ago I didn't even make it to todays lunch
Deathwingx12
That's because some jackass ate all your food and took off.
Fangride
Sheesh, I did my lunches all week: Monday: Turkey Sandwich, Tuesday: Ravioli, Wednesday: Mannicotti, Thursday: Pizza, Friday: Pizza
CarlosSpicyweiner
I don't even know what day it was 3 days ago. Mainly because I don't know what today is.
RFirewriter
I managed to remember what I had. But I had to go, "3 days ago was wednesday. Was that the day I had a job interview? yes! I went out!"
Zephronias
I don't remember either. Fuck it, it's summer. I don't even have a regular eating schedule. It was probably a tub of icecream.
Featureddaman
Is today Saturday? Then it was hot dog today, mini corn dogs yesterday.... and CHICKEN NUGGETS!
FartedWhileMakingUpName
Did your eyes keep twitching, trying to look away? Mine did. I spent half my mental effort trying to keep them still :P
captainsciencebutt
I can remember what I had for lunch every other day this week, but not that one. Not sure what to make of that.
FunnyGirlAlex
i dont usually eat lunch. my meals are usually combined with other meals so it was probably a brunch or linner.
Icantbebothered
I had 3 slices of bread. One with mackerel, one with pastrami and one with salami. I also had dread about going to the hospital.
FangsFirst
Something something Google served me really good food I don't remember. The fancy pants food from various cultures starts to blur...
Glenfiddich12YO
Which office?
FangsFirst
Council Bluffs DC
Glenfiddich12YO
Ah the data centre; interesting because I know nothing of what goes on there. I've mucked about in the London Victoria office.
FangsFirst
And, of course, I cannot enlighten you, alas.
Stormfort
Grilled Cheese with Jalapenos
ipromisediwouldntbutohwell
I did this and just tried to remember what I had for lunch. I spend way too long on it, gave up, and remembered I skipped lunch today...
RedError
Lunch... Three days ago... I'll have to use probability.
marblesinmahmouth
It took me a minute, but I did it.
ToranagaTheShogun
As a student, it's either Pizza or Pasta.
mremaknu
I only remembered because I eat the same damn thing way too often.
babycoolredhead
It is impossible to remember what I had for lunch three days ago. Doesn't matter where my eyes are.
mt77932
For me in was pop tarts out of the vending machine at work.
GayburnWright
I sat there for 2 minutes before saying out loud "What the fuck was three days ago?"
Luvvie
I can't even remember what day it was three days ago...
RobinOfFoxley
I had meatloaf, cabbage, scalloped potatoes, a Dr Pepper, and a piece of pineapple upside down cake.
kcloud
I can't even remember the last image I saw.
CountVorkosigan
Plot twist: I didn't each lunch 3 days ago.
shotinthehead
Even after moving my eyes around and trying to remember I got nothing... 3 days is a long time to remember ago in my dotage.
hangourd
its okay, I'm high too
voldemortslostnose
This is so perfect.
fourthdimension
That made me LOL, I tip my hat!
DjinnTea
I wonder what percentage of people on imgur at any given time are high. I would bet the number is...not low.
CHURCHv1
High or drunk
BottleofDjinn
WEEEEEEE!!!
IHopeYouFindItSoon
d
AsYouKnow
Space?
heirot
Please, spam it: http://imgur.com/FJkHkeE
hakunaXmatata
Tourists help the economy. Right?
pr0nty
Why don't you actually, oh, I don't know, submit it to the gallery yourself?
megafoo
this is gold!!
YimS
Same, as soon as I averted eye contact however, I still couldn't even recall
PlutoIsNotAPlanetLetItGo
'Door in the face technique' in action: http://bestofcalvinandhobbes.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/setfire.png
RedStarBeograd
Shit...
HeeelllloooooooMurse
I used the door in the face technique to get a date to prom. "Jane, marry me." "What?!?" "Fine, at least go to prom with me." "Okay"
yesmynameiscatlikeacat
Side note, I'm pretty sure it's actually called the foot-in-the-door technique, isn't it?
tarataqa
*foot-in-the-face technique
proveittotheUniverse
No, the foot in the door is another one. Is when you ask a small favor and after a little bit more. It works too :)
yesmynameiscatlikeacat
Ohhh. Gotcha. Thanks :)
WeMustHaveSciencyThings
I did the last one to my sister, took a while for her to catch on
RandomErraticPerson
Nice =]
qilphil
That first picture is from Sweden - about 1000km from Berlin - and the story is about 2-300 years old and used to be about donkeys. Really?
Hurensohn
I read the Story in my JokesBook
beasel
it is not Sweden, it is Norway/Oslo ;) but close!
ratammer
I heard that story about bikes in reference to the USA/Mexico border.
andreyhimself
Dude. That's Oslo.
Lenn0n
How did he get back?? Did he walk or did he have two bicycles at the beginning? I get the theory but that part is really annoying me lol
behrditz
Im gonna guess good bike in, crappy bike out.
alekssto
good guess, but it's not in Sweden
kurav
Also, one simply does not ride from East Berlin to West Berlin (the other way around might have been possible though.)
WithNothingBetterToDo
big whoop wannafighhtaboutit?
qilphil
if you got nothing better to do ...
fraxinusoleaceae
I was gonna say, wasn't it usually a Bedouin?
TomtheGrizzly
Berlin, Bedouin... Close enough.
Glenfiddich12YO
Legit snortled because my chin was resting on my left hand. Right hand held a cup of tea. None came out through my nose, thankfully.
TomtheGrizzly
"Right hand held a cup of tea"... You live up to your username, don't you? :)
Glenfiddich12YO
Heh :) If you must know, no, I didn't stick my pinky out.
bullebu
That picture is totally not from Sweden.
qilphil
but i was closer than berlin
Rezol
That's actually from Oslo, Norway.
qilphil
Sorry, I knew it was scandinavian - and I misread one of the signs as saying "sverige" - Norwegians have good eyes with that small font.
Rezol
Best part is I'm Swedish myself!