How To Impress A Goth Baddie

Jul 26, 2026 10:53 PM

SquirtVonnegut

Views

843258

Likes

684

Dislikes

33

btgg

funny

goth

recycle

sword

Using a onewheel to pick up garbage in the park is definitely peak human. I love it.

1 month ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

That ending line... chefs kiss

1 month ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

Didn't even need any cheese, bravo sir.

1 month ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

He is like a modern mythical creature

1 month ago | Likes 12 Dislikes 0

riding a 1 wheel with a sword not sheathed is a great way to lose a testicle or most of your blood

1 month ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 1

It’s been a long time since I could be properly called a goth or a baddie, but this would totally work on me.

1 month ago | Likes 8 Dislikes 0

I'm given to understand it's more a state of mind than anything else. One can always be a "goth baddie" on the inside.

1 month ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Both of these people are some sort of fae

1 month ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

'piqued'

1 month ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

Looks like it came from Zombietools. I still want to get one of those.

1 month ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

They're pretty great. I have a few of them.

1 month ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Imagine going outside without camera recording every step of your way!

1 month ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 1

Piqued not peaked.

Can’t impress a goth baddie with poor grammar.

1 month ago | Likes 8 Dislikes 0

Let's normalize women carrying swords. And also playing recorder on that wheel thingy picking up trash. Better than all the other crap going around town

1 month ago | Likes 27 Dislikes 0

It was all golden until the RC car came out. Stick to the one-wheel recorder tongs trash collecting. With little saber accompaniment.

1 month ago | Likes 7 Dislikes 1

The RC was doing the recording I think?

1 month ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Still a better story than twilight

1 month ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

How I met your mother.

1 month ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

1 month ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

I too would like to find my own marisa tomei from my cousin vinnie. I would happily buy her swords for all kinds of occasions

1 month ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

1 month ago | Likes 112 Dislikes 1

Barding level 100

1 month ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

would you like to touch my sword?

1 month ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Unsheathing a sword is not a good idea. Could be considered brandishing.

1 month ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 1

Judge may consider litigant's expertise, intent, and he has video. Not a 100% guarantee, but more than fair enough to challenge a citation.

1 month ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

"I've PEAKED her interest" 🤦🏻

1 month ago | Likes 10 Dislikes 3

It's all downhill from there!

1 month ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

Kindred spirits

1 month ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

There HAS to be a better way to do selfie shit that DOESN'T require that godamned fisheye bullshit.

1 month ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Ah yes. The D'Capitan sabre from Zombie Tools https://zombietools.net/collections/pirate-swords/products/the-dcapitan-sabre

1 month ago | Likes 8 Dislikes 1

Holy shit, was this video an ad?

1 month ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 5

The vast majority of posts these days are.

1 month ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

That seems like a lot of effort and pain when you could just leave out some fine cheese and maybe a well used cardigan…

1 month ago | Likes 8 Dislikes 1

It's a wonderful woman indeed if she makes me want to share my cheese

1 month ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Do Goth girls like Cardigans?

1 month ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

Every one I’ve ever know has requisitioned one of mine…

1 month ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

I think you're thinking of women, not witches.

1 month ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

"Hutch" Like a rabbit hutch? Either it's a witch's hutch and she's going to keep him like a rabbit (living the dream) or it's like a little goth commune (living the bigger dream)

1 month ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

Witch's hutch vs. witches hutch, you see

1 month ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 1

I mean, im no goth girl but id have your man babies https://media2.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPWE1NzM3M2U1dWExM2FlbmM5MGR4N3o3OHNjYjl6NmhtdXQ4Z2FhcDY1ZWVjd20wcSZlcD12MV9naWZzX3NlYXJjaCZjdD1n/QgfDrL9Rd3lV6/200w.webp

1 month ago | Likes 49 Dislikes 0

I also like the way he toots that flute.

1 month ago | Likes 26 Dislikes 0

He toots where he pleases!

1 month ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

I don't think it's a sword as much as half of a big scissors

1 month ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 1

He had a sword in addition to the tongs, no?

1 month ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Scissors are just a couple swords carefully nailed together.

1 month ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

Piqued not peaked

1 month ago | Likes 207 Dislikes 2

First one, then the other!

1 month ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

The peaked part probably came later.... XD

1 month ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

I dunno, maybe her Interest never exceeded the level it was at at that moment.

1 month ago | Likes 20 Dislikes 1

She's going to kill him and he's not going to put up a fight.

1 month ago | Likes 68 Dislikes 0

Yes, but mantis style, so that's still a W, it still counts

1 month ago | Likes 6 Dislikes 0

Glorious purpose.

1 month ago | Likes 18 Dislikes 0

🎶 doesn't matter, had sex 🎶
🎵 still counts! 🎵

1 month ago | Likes 10 Dislikes 0

The most Portland video that ever was.

1 month ago | Likes 368 Dislikes 2

Nah, it's not the Unipiper

1 month ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 1

Santa Cruz, California

1 month ago | Likes 11 Dislikes 1

Happy to see this is still thought of as a Santa Cruz thing, even after the culture feels so changed there.

1 month ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

I don't recognize it as being out here. Looks like a cool park though.

1 month ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

Portland doesn't have nearly that level of MUP infrastructure. He would be duking it out in the bike lane with buses and bro dozers. That's probably Chicago.

1 month ago | Likes 41 Dislikes 1

wrong kind of trees for Chi-town. the gripper strips and car feeder lane bumps are different too. i get the reasons you say that though.

1 month ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 1

1 month ago | Likes 13 Dislikes 0

Ok, *spiritually* Portland.

1 month ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

Apparently he's in Texas. That's how he's able to legally carry weapons.

https://www.tiktok.com/@kozakskogo/video/7641838619195477261

1 month ago | Likes 35 Dislikes 0

It looks like he lived around the Bay Area in California, moved to Houston, then moved to Florida

1 month ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

That is, by far, the strongest Portland vibe ever documented in Texas

1 month ago | Likes 13 Dislikes 0

Yeah, Austin

1 month ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0