RIP Joey Boots... I'll miss you buddy

Some of you may know of Joey, some of you may not. He was a regular on the Howard Stern show, an occasional actor, a veteran, and... He was my friend and neighbor for a year.

Joey was a unique dude. He was nowhere near as influential, well known, or perhaps important, as some of the greats 2016 has taken from us, but I loved this man. He always brought a smile to my face, even when he was at his lowest.

In honor of his memory, I would like to share one of the crazier stories from my time with Joey. I can't really think of a better way of memorializing him than Imgur. I'm sure he would get a kick out of the idea that maybe his mayhem could reach a thousand people or so one more time.

If you know of Joey, this is probably how you know him. He was famous (or infamous, perhaps) for finding live on air broadcasters in NYC, running up behind them, and screaming "BabaBooey BabaBooey Howard Stern's Penis" as many times as he could before they cut away. Now before I tell this story, a little disclaimer - Joey's sense of humor isn't for everybody, and some people view him as an asshole. I won't argue that he was rough around the edges, but underneath the character he played for the Stern shown, the man had a heart of gold. So bear that in mind.

So without further adieu...

The Time Joey Boots Got the Shit Beat Out of Him By Some Hookers

We lived in the West Village, and our building looked out over a shitty little street full of graffiti that's a common place to buy drugs and meet prostitutes. It's more sheltered than the rest of the village, and the vibe is not in keeping with that part of town (which is very upscale).

One morning, around 6am, Joey is looking out his window and sees a prostitute giving head to a client on the hood of a car. So naturally, being Joey Boots, he starts videotaping it on his cellphone.

(I won't link the video, due to Imgur being persnickety about mature content, but if you google "WorldStar Caught Giving Head At 6 In The Morning In NYC" it will come up. The picture above is a screenshot from the video.)

So he starts talking to them, letting them know he's been recording it, telling them it will be up on World Star later etc. And sure enough, he posts it - and it gets over a million views in 24 hours.

I run into Joey that night, and he's telling me the story, shows me the video, etc. We're laughing about it, sharing some beers on the roof, enjoying the absurdity of living in NYC.

Of course, every action has a reaction - especially when you're a minor celebrity (or at least known) living in NYC and you post a video like that under your actual name.

The next night, Joey is out in front of the bar at the bottom of our building smoking a cig and drinking a beer. A couple women approach him, obviously low rent prostitutes. As the picture above shows, it didn't go down well for Joey. Here's a rough version of what happened:

Women: "Are you Joey Boots? The guy who posted that video yesterday?"

Joey: "Yeah, so what?"

Women: "YO THIS THE MOTHA FUCKA RIGHT HERE WHO PUT HER ON!"

Joey: "She was giving a fucking blowjob on the hood of a car in the street in daylight! What the fuck did she think nobody would notice?"

Women: "MOTHER. FUCKER. WE WILL FUCK YOU UP!!!"

(Note - Joey was out of shape, but he was a big dude. He weighed ~350 at this point, and was probably about 6 feet tall. But these women didn't give a fuck. They were pissed)

Joey: "Oh yeah? Come on then."

They proceeded to get up in his face, and started pushing him a little bit. Joey told somebody to call the cops, but these women were on FIRE and weren't about to let Joey off the hook.

Eventually they start whaling on him. At this point, Joey pulls out his phone, and starts recording while running as fast as he could (which honestly wasn't very fast... The guy was kind of like a low-geared tractor). He's in the middle of the street, yelling into the phone, and what we hear on the video is roughly:

"I've been (strained breathing) attacked by... (huffing noise) prostitutes... (strained breathing) in the street, they've started... (wheeze) hitting me, police are coming! Police are coming...

WOAHAHHHHHH!!!"

After that completely absurd "woah!" noise, the camera hits the ground and cuts out.

Turns out one of them had a brick in her purse. After he was down, they went hard on him. They broke his nose, lacerated his face, and generally fucked him up as promised.

I wasn't there that night, but I caught up with him again on the roof the next night. He was fucking destroyed. He was on blood thinners, and had had a couple beers the night of the attack - the guy was bruised from head to toe, with distinct finger marks on his arms. The pic above is from before the bruising kicked in.

Some people would have been pretty upset, but not Joey. He wore those bruises like badges of honor. For Joey, this kind of shit was just a part of the absurd life he lived. He rolled with it - attacked by hookers and beaten to hell? Worth it for the lulz mate. Worth it for the lulz.

If you made it this far, thank you for reading. We don't know how Joey died, but it doesn't matter. What does matter is that we lost somebody who would give you a hug when you needed it, and make you laugh when you didn't think you could. I wish I cold have shared one more beer with him and said goodbye.

We only have a few days left in this shithole train wreck of a year, but it only takes a second to let somebody know they mean something to you. If you have someone you haven't talked to in a while, shoot them a text and let them know how you feel.

I wish all of you a Merry Christmas, happy Hanukkah, and a better 2017 than 2016.