My sister flew from Baltimore to Portland back in 1981 to get away from a crazy boyfriend... That same guy was later convicted of murder and is still in jail 44 years later (Run while you can) My sister lives in complete safety with a 33 your old son and a lovely husband today (Run while you can)
In Germany alone we corrected the number of femicides (a word we do not use officially) 2024 two times. From "every third day a man is successful in his attempt to kill his female (ex-) partner" to every day. I don't know how much more try to. And this are only femicides. Add domestic violence, rape and pedophilia in real life & digital porn. I really wonder when I walk through a shopping mall how many of the men surrounding me do shit like this. It's terribly disturbing.
My sister was murdered by a man she was trying to leave for months. We would have given her everything she needed if she just fucking left. We Think he did it because she had finally decided enough was enough and he want having it
Imho if you're even thinking of packing a bag to have on hand, you should just pack it and leave. Unannounced. If you think you need a getaway plan, you don't owe your partner a warning.
I figured so. Im pretty sure thats famous singer Joss Stone. Which is super crazy to think she had money, connections & easily another place to go but still felt trapped in her abusive relationship. Im so glad she got out.
Holy shit, I really got into her breakout album with soul covers back in the day when she was like 16, haven't really heard of her since, apart from her clips with musicians from around the world. She always seemed like an adorable person, f*ck that dude.
If you've been living there for gods know long and he refuses to give you the code to the gate... you really should've been gone the first time he refused to give it.
If anyone is confused about why she chose the bear... the bear lived ina gated community and had money. She chose to put up with abuse bc she was a traveling musician and didnt have money. Why tf would she keep going back after supposedly breaking up??? He's paying her bills.
It took me calling my sister's ex-husband and letting him know that I was coming down to move my sister and that if he tried anything, my best friend and I would take him camping in the desert and he'd unwillingly chose to stay there. He challenged me over the phone saying I wouldn't do anything & I think the part that really got through to him wasn't the threat. It was the part where I laughed at his bitch ass and said "See you tonight." Cause he wasn't there.
One time when I decided to break up with an ex face to face, he decided to r*pe me while choking me. Had to fight him off. The fucker dared to email me many years later and when I figured out who was trying to get into contact me, I just told him to fuck off and never contact me again.
telling yourself little lies to get your brain capable of accepting the concept of leaving is a crucial step in the overall escape process. the issue is so many people try and force the abused partner into a black and white mindset when they've had their entire perception controlled by their abuser. let them take the little steps or they'll never get out.
If you have your phone on you, and you are able to get away DISABLE FIND MY DEVICE ASAP. put the phone into airplane mode when you can, so it leaves gaps of unavailability. Keep it on (muted if need be) when you're in an at risk area so you can contact autorities. But disable any and all trackers on the phone. Turn off location for all apps.
AND CALL A LAWYER BEFORE ANYTHING. They'll be there for final pack, they'll bring Sheriff (or equivalent), they'll be there for your departure and to certify you didn't damage anything, they'll fidn you a shelter (if needed). Your lawyer is your best friend in abusive situations.
Women's rights professional here. 2nded. Why: breaking up is the most dangerous part of domestic violence. For women. It's when we get killed. So do NOT advise your friend to "just leave him". Plan thoroughly, vanish 100%. There are professionals who help. Reach out.
And get a burner phone. A lot of these fucks will put tracking, key logger apps, surveillance apps...anything to keep tabs. If you have to leave everything behind, then..... absolutely do that
This has happened to me. And exactly what you think happened, happened. Please, don't give out anyone's number without asking them first. Please remember that.
If you are under threat, just leave. Once safe you can have a lawyer figure it out.
Ideally, you say at some point you are leaving. They won’t believe you. You don’t need to argue, convince or justify. Just start putting things in order. Get a lawyer, document financials, separate accounts, etc. again, a lawyer can help with all this. Most have IT or other staff that can untangle joint accounts, etc. figure out how to store / pod your things. Figure where to go. Server papers then leave..
You do not need to make a declaration that you are leaving if your safety is at all in question. You just leave, and te the authorities what happened. Get to a lawyer ASAP and tell them what happened.
Exactly. Currently helping a friend in this situation. She isn’t directly under threat, but it’s ugly, but she has most of her ducks in a row and exiting as best as possible.
Man, if I started dating a woman who kept a go bag for escape, I wouldn't even grudge her that. I have a go bag for emergency/apocalypse reasons. Fearing for your life is legit and I wouldn't wish that on anyone I loved. I'd maybe want to go to couples therapy or something to unpack the WHY of the bag, and eventually show her she's loved and safe enough to unpack the bag itself. Or pack a newer one so we can survive an apocalypse together!
Record everything in whatever way you can. I was in a similar situation with a woman I had been dating. I kept a journal of everything she did. I was able to refer to the journal for dates and actions when I finally filled out a police report.
Fucks sake, man! Fucking victim blaming much?! You absolute tool. Do you think women enter into a relationship thinking "yeah, he's a scumbag with loads of red flags, but it's worth the risk"? Of course they fucking don't. The scumbags hide their shitty behaviours until they have got power over the woman. Then the real person is revealed.
Boof buddy, dont know how to tell you this politelybut what you just said is an ENORMOUS red flag. If you think youre one of the "good ones" and youre upset women choose scumbags, congrats, youre probably a scumbag too. And if youre a woman and you wrote this, youre not helping the cause. Gave a good hard look at what you wrote.
One day I ran for it because he was pacing the apartment with a screw driver and a part of me knew this was it. I ran in pajamas, no shoes, no phone, no anything. Asked to borrow a strangers phone... who to call??? Called my home phone number as it was what I had memorized... only my brother who sexually abused me my whole childhood was there. So he came and picked me up from my abusive husband... Wish I had known about shelters and stuff back then.
I was struck by annoying too, but I've lived it. It's two things, one is that the antics do become exhausting and annoying. Two, it is not safe to show them you find them scary or cruel or abusive or angry. I constantly had to edit myself to converse with him during moments of high stress, to keep it from getting worse. It's the illusion of control, I can keep him calm. But you can't.
My philosophy on my marriage is to make it as easy possible for her to leave me. I want her to have good contact with her friends and family, a support network. I want her to have financial independence (that's not currently the case but I'm paying for her to get back to college to better set her up for that). I don't ever want to feel like the reason she's with me is because she can't leave. I much prefer knowing she's with me because she wants to be.
It can happen to anyone, men too. I've gone through very similar events a few years back. Don't isolate yourself, make sure that you have family, friends, neighbors, people you can trust and that will help you if you need to run.
As a dude, this. Similar but different, she made me feel responsible for her emotions, and when I tried to leave, she attempted to end her life in front of me...Leaving became next to impossible after that. She always justified it because her last ex "was worse".
Isolating a partner is part of the domestic abuse cycle. If your partner is slowly but surely separating you from friends, family, and any kind of social safety net, RUN
Yep, been there. She tried to isolate me from all my emotional, social, physical, mental, professional support structures... I wasn't even allowed to build my own confidence up, she'd destroy it, then when I was down she'd build it back, act like I was crazy. She had to be the sole source. She threatened to assault me out of nowhere one night and I left the next morning and we broke up over the phone a few days later. 1/2
It's really terrible that when this happens to men, most of the time they get no support because they're viewed as pussies or pussy whipped. I've had several co-workers or people that reported into me who have been sexually harassed or abused by their partners. One was a military dude who's little tiny wife beat the shit out of him leaving bruises. Of course he didn't dare fight back or even defend himself because he'd be the one going to jail
I'm nearly 6'4, was 250-260lbs then and Id been powerlifting for years before then. With women in general and partners I don't scream, call names, slam anything, block doors, I don't make threats and I've never raised a hand, etc, etc. I don't want my partners to ever fear me, I want respect and trust... I make it well known at the start of all my relationships that if those things start to happen we are done from either of us we are done. My dad and grandad were like that as well. Super respect
Funniest thing was she sold her bestie and husband as the most amazing people ever. When I met the bestie's husband we hit it off. They lived a block away. Two powerlifting, nerdy, extreme metalheads into all of the same things. She saw this and after the second hangout, we went back to the apt and she just started tearing him apart saying a bunch of really awful shit about him. So hangouts after that I was distant... But I hit it off with her bestie, so she did the same thing again...
Got back to apt and she just started tearing her bestie apart and then hours later cried begging me not to tell them anything she said. So I became distant with both of them. They were both metalheads into all the same extreme metal bands, LotR, DC/marvel, games, horror movies, etc... like many of my lifelong friends, but the gf wasn't into any of that stuff. After we broke up i blocked all her ppl. I really wish she wasn't connected to them at all. They were 2 sweet and seemingly awesome ppl.
I understand why you cut them off, but I wonder if they're now estranged from her, and you could rekindle that relationship since they seem to be your kind of people
Yeah maybe you haven't noticed, that's not how it works. They get a slap on the wrist and do it again, or maybe they go make sure the woman who got them a slap on the wrist never complains again.
I'm not saying it's the right thing to do, but it's a very understandable thing to do when the alternative is to look over your shoulder for the rest of your life. Always thinking he's going to track you down one day and show up at your new place of work with a gun or kick down your door. No one should have to live like that, and the legal system does fuck all to protect women from this nightmare. Can't blame abuse victims for needing their abuser to simply stop existing for their piece of mind.
Yes, lets absolutely try to help the future generations be better, but you think that women being abused the the shitty ones currently out there should just endure until the guy kills them?
Did I say that? But the woman has to want to leave. Many leave and go back several times before they permanently leave. And sometimes they take up with another abuser because they are blind to the red flags because they grew up with them.
I think part of the issue is that men who behave like this don't do so from the very get go of a relationship, so it can be somewhat difficult to do the avoidance thing. Probably one of the best things you can do is foster a strong group of friends/family, as abuse almost always relies upon isolating the victim from other people. Otherwise it's hard to carry out.
No, there are red flags. If a girl grows up with red flags she won’t see them, she thinks they’re normal. If he is nasty to a waiter or clerk, he will be nasty to you when he feels he has you. If he berates family members and is rude to them, it will happen to you if you stay.
I don't think anyone agrees with the abuser here. Everything is situational. But pulsahr has a point. No one should have the express right to take another life. Yes it happens all the time, and yes some people are more than deserving. But wishing vicarious harm via the internet is non conducive to this woman's plight. No one should have the express right to inflict mortal harm. No matter the justification. I think we're all grateful she made it. Leave it at that
Do you see what is happening here? You are downvoted because you support the idea that people are not entitled with the right of life / death over others. Honestly, that and the constant spam of US politics posts (without proper tag so I can't filter) push me away from this website more and more. And when I say "please add politic tag" I'm violently answsered "shut up and pay attention to what's happening".
I've been getting it alot. Half the time I just assume it's rage bait to establish a "meaningful connection". These cant be real people right ? All these downvotes for stating life is precious. Do you disagree imugr ? Is life not precious ? Well if it's not put some feces on a pin and start tapping the shoulders of ICE agents. $100k don't mean squat in the face of anonymous chemical warfare. Who cares if they get sepsis ? We hate life don't we ?
The problem is that you're suggesting that individuals decide what behavior constitutes abuse meriting death. That same attitude contributes to domestic partner homicide already - when HE decides she did something unforgivable that deserves her death rather than just leaving her. Vigilantism is rife with problems. I understand that the criminal justice system is often not just, but it's better than privately administered justice according to as many standards as there are people.
Your comment is sophisticated and ethically right. But. Women do have intuition when it comes to danger. They survive, but they sense death. Which happens much more often than it being a weird horror story like mass murders or something. It also lacks some neurological aspects on reactive violence. If I am tortured for years or decades I am not obliged to be a holy entity. I need to wake up and defend myself, and defense against a much more powerful opponent needs brutality for it to end.
The problem is the guy that murders his girlfriend because she didn't obey him gets a short sentence. The woman who kills her abuser gets a life sentence. TANJ - There ain't no justice
I get that, I really do. The problem is that normalizing vigilantism can't effectively limit it to only abused women doing it. What we need to do is normalize taking domestic abuse seriously and making sure its victims actually get the protection they need rather than scorn or indifference. I have no idea how to get from here to there, though, and the current trend in a number of Western nations is pushing back against any such reform.
Well, technically, the bear would probably have mauled and eaten her already by that point, but I know what you're saying, and agree. Most women just don't live to tell their bear stories, is all I'm saying.
Speaking from the perspective of a man, no, I am no confused at all. There are too many stories like these. It's incredibly important to listen to these stories. Especially if you are a safe man. Because you need to understand that women can not take gambles with their safety. I have never been unsafe, but I am embarrassed how long it took me to understand how I can be perceived. The risk assessment is totally different. It's by talking to women in honest conversation that I began to understand.
Same. I have four sisters, and my wife has always described me as a safe guy. I spend a lot of time thinking about where the line is that would make me unsafe. It’s weird, you know?
I cross the street to avoid walking behind women at night. Its no imposition on me (unless the address I'm going to is in that side of the road) and I always fear its a conspicuous act and therefore suspicious, and therefore making the problem worse.
The guys throwing their girlfriends outside in just a shirt in the rain, expecting them to sit outside like a dog and beg for forgiveness? Those individuals are VERY confused. I would wager almost everyone else never were.
The term 'Stockholm Syndrome' has been debunked as it pertains to that particular incident. But the mindset persists, "My Abuser is saving me from worse horrors." Is still prevalent. "You are Worthless! Nobody else would put up with your shit! You're lucky to have me." Nowadays we call it Gaslighting, It is still very real. The Abuser will try to convince the Abusee that the situation they are in is of their own making and that leaving would only make it worse.
Okay, but like which bear? We talking yogi bear, poo bear, or cocaine bear? I get that cocaine bear might be a party, but you know our boy yogi gonna be brining them sandwiches. Personally not a fan of honey.
What is the bear in this situation? A man that is supposedly a bad boy friend? That seems obvious from the outside but may be different once you actually take a deeper look?
Do you think he was an abusive piece of shit from day one? Or do you think he pretended to be something he wasn't until he had some measure of perceived control over her? If this doesnt explain it for you, don't bother replying because I'm not going to put that much effort into a social media comment referencing a meme.
The bear had money?? Tf you mean. You didnt hear the part about the house with the PRIVATE GATE and she CLOCKED THE CODE and it must of been a nice place cuz the dude was worried about how it would look with a women running down the street away from his house. Hello!??!
Yeah lets make this about mistakes of women and how women should fix everything instead of asking why so many men are violent. You're only confused because your reflection level on gender stereotypes is zero.
The people who think its smarter to choose a bear are the problem.
Dont act like im the problem because I know that bears are FAR more dangerous than your average man. The bear arguement is stupid. You can do the same thing and say choose the bear over women because there are dangerous women out there too.
Its just not a very good arguement logically. Sorry if you disagree but I have still yet to hear a good arguement for the bear.
I 100% agree but I like to try anyways. Although its rare and in between, there are some people who can look past their emotions and see the error in their thought process and correct themselves. Hell sometimes people make a point that I myself didnt consider and I correct myself. Which is why I at the very least try to make the attempt to have the conversation.....even though it pisses a lot of people off that I dont just agree with them.
I agree. The bear can rip you to shreds and eat you. That's MY whole point. Remember when I said no one can make a logical arguement.... Do you think you just made a logical arguement?
Do you think death is worse than years of abuse? Its better for you to be held against your will, raped and savagely beaten than dying? The whole point is that they know what the beat will do. So they naturally avoid bears. One cannot know if every man you meet on the street will be kind, or not. Theres so many worse things than death.
I 100% agree. I do know that a bear is dangerous.....more dangerous than a random man...... I DO know what it CAN and most likely will do......which is worse than what a random man can and most likely will do. I dont know what point you think you're making but it strongly proves my point that the bear is a far worse choice than a man
This is why men should also not be too upset about being ghosted. I know its not really the same thing, but some guys wouldn't believe the shit women get when texting a guy they arent interested.
I tell my female friends off if they DON'T ghost dudes. Most of the time the guy will be fine, sometimes he'll get shitty, and sometimes scary and very dangerous. If you ghost, the dude will either understand, and you might match again later, he doesn't understand which makes him dangerously indifferent (and not safe to date), or you avoided serious harm.
"I" am only only person that I've dealt with (male, being declined/declining). "She" has interacted with hundreds of "not me". And God only knows how crazy they've been.
My general rule of thumb is that people should communicate clearly about why they're cutting ties with someone UNLESS they have a credible reason to fear retaliation or other harm for doing so, in which case ghosting is appropriate. And yeah, unfortunately, that certainly applies in that situation.
Yeah true. Though personally I think dating apps should have a "Not feeling it" button that would automatically block the person and send them a stock message like:
Hey, this person isn't feeling a connection with you. Rather than ghosting you and leaving you wondering if they would respond they wanted to make sure you weren't left in the dark. You can no longer send this person messages, good luck out there and hopefully you find the right person.
If its Auto-generated it removes the personality. If you have to do it yourself, some people cannot accept that and will ask why and keep pushing for responses. When someone is making you feel unsafe or creeping you out, its no longer about courtesy, its better to stop contact than to keep engaging. If you cannot comprehend why that is a better option, then you're missing the point entirely.
If you do that while on app they won't get the message, just see that you are gone. I have seen dudes who seemed totally normal and gentle snap in a second at a msg like that. I have 5 friends who have had dudes they rejected after a first date show up at their jobs demanding explanations, or telling her she looked trans anyway (no kidding, came in to her work to shout that at her). The harm an actually good guy feels being ghosted is nothing compared to the potential harm of a girl not ghosting
And dudes that don't get that aren't good men. They aren't bad men either, they are dangerously indifferent men. They are the men that allow the bad men to hide, and protect them (even if only to protect their ego), but that still means he values his ego over any woman's safety
I know you're going to hate this reply, but yes. I'm not that guy. Why are you assuming I'm like that guy. If it's because I COULD be that guy and you can't be sure (which is fair) we could just as easily say we should assume all women are the worst women.
I teach people not to trust ANYONE you don't know. Not to assume everyone is a monster until proven otherwise. There is a difference in my opinion.
The whole bear thing always seemed ridiculous to me with no logical argument behind it
"Why are you assuming I'm like that guy." I'm not. I am also not that guy. But do women know that about us? There are too many people who are that guy, but the problem is they look like everyone else. The bear, on the other hand, looks like a bear, there is no deception or fear of deception, as no one is sharing stories about how a bear attacked them after pretending to not be a bear.
The worst part is you guys know you are wrong and I can prove it easily. If you were in a security room watching the cameras and you see your child in a hallway with a random dude on one end and a bear on the other end.....which way are you telling your child to run. Odds are random man will help you even though there is a more than 0% chance he could harm your child. Ill admit that Which is still better than the 90% chance of being killed by the bear. The comparison isn't even slightly close...
I actually agree. A bear looks like a bear and acts like a bear and will most likely kill you. They're consistent. A bad PERSON (not just a male....females too) looks like any other person and its hard to tell which is which.....which is a good arguement for being cautious around people who haven't earned trust......but is still a horrible arguement to choose a bear which is objectively more likely to kill you
Here is where your logic fails (in my opinion) "I am also not that guy. But do women know that about us?" No they don't. In the exact same way that we dont know that about them. Women are capable of doing awful things too. All people are. With your logic you can say bears are safer than women. It literally works both ways and is just as illogical for both This whole "only men can be bad" mentality just seems like thinly veiled man hating.
If you were walking in a forest and 1 out of every 50 squirrels you came across could at any moment, without notice or any clues, turn into a bear, would you not be wary of all squirrels? We don't know you, man on the sidewalk, that is true. But it would be stupid not to be cautious.
It would be stupid not to be cautious. I think people SHOULD be cautious. Nothing you said explains why I should think bears are safer than your average male...... Do you have a logical arguement?
When the bear attacks, we won't be asked what we were wearing, did we lead the bear on, what were we doing in the area. There are fates worse than death. At first you're a victim of rape, if you survive, eventually you become a survivor. That's takes years, decades, sometimes never. Who you were before is gone, you're never the same. Every relationship is tainted.
So, you're not good with analogies. Ok, straight facts. 1 out of every 6 women has been the victim of an attempted or completed rape in her lifetime. These are usually committed by men they know, got close to, trusted, and were manipulated and betrayed by. It is estimated that 59.6 million Americans hike per year, with <12 bear attacks per year. Bears usually attack when provoked, startled, or to protect their young. Bears can be largely avoided and avoid humans when they can.
Im fine with analogies. Your analogy was just garbage. Okay straight facts. That statistic you have is unverifiable and extremely flawed. There is no way to show its true. You are merely claiming its true. Even if it was true. You are making the false comparison that because its 1 of 6 women that 1 of 6 men are responsible. You haven't made any effort to figure out the actual likelihood. 59.6 million Americans hiking per year ISNT 59.6 million Americans having bear encounters.... bad argument.
Men cannot be avoided by the average woman. We have to exist in spaces where we are likely to come into close proximity or contact with unknown and familiar men evey day. There is no way to know which man is good or bad, more likely to defend me or hurt me. They are like shards of glass mixed into flour. Oh, sorry... another abstract thought experiment. I digress.
Yes, super confused still. All bears are dangerous creatures. Assuming Western society, then the absurdly vast majority of men are not the woman hating, raping psychopaths that would justify such a ridiculous choice.
Obviously if you're in India or similar, sure, pick the bear and hope it's not too hungry.
Jesus, when did you racist incels become so dominant on here. Which Nazi told you that only the brown men hurt women? Did you believe them because you enjoyed hating the browns, or women. Or was it the freedom to know you could do anything because you aren't brown like those rapist Indians "or similar"?
They dont want to listen to your logic. They want to be angry and down voted anyone who disagrees with them. Personally this whole subject always seemed beyond absurd. If your daughter was in the middle of a hallway between a bear and some random dude and you even have to think which way to tell her to run, you are a fool.
This isn't even difficult. Its just the next stage of man hating / all men are trash flavor of the week
Just seems weird to say "I'd choose the bear because...what if the guy is a very bad guy"
That's like saying "I choose to jump into a volcano rather than take the safe looking path around it because... what if the safe looking path has a pack of wolves around the corner that I cant see"
Statistically ur odds are still way better than with the safe looking path/safe looking guy (even if its actually not safe) than the volcano/bear.
Just make sure to protect urself from the wolves best u can
There are many species of brown snakes in Australia. To the untrained eye, the vipers and the pythons look the same. So, if the only way to tell them apart is to get close, you are likely to get hurt. In that way, it's safest to treat them all as potential vipers. More than that, pythons can appear aggressive as a defence mechanism.
Now replace "vipers" with "abusers" and "pythons" with "normal men"
You'll find in Australia all kids are just taught to leave all animals alone... Not just for consequences, but just because leave them alone, they didn't ask to be touched. Actually, your example is even more perfect.
Hmmm...Was that a bad joke, or are you a butt hurt red pill still upset women would rather risk being mauled than being within 100 feet of you? Recent stats have total bear related injuries and deaths at 0 in Australia, and 3/4 men have self reported SAing someone. So Australian rules say don't annoy the bear, it's just being a bear, but stay the fuck away from men they kill more than every other animal on the continent combined.
No, it doesn't make any more sense even if I try to understand your point - because if replacing vipers AND pythons with bears you end up in a soo much worse situation than what you describe.
Yep. I call bs. Do you really think that if she saw a bear on the road, she would have run towards it? Yes there's bad people. No I don't believe you that you'd prefer a bear. Just makes me think you've never seen a bear.
If I were to try to extend to you the benefit of doubt, does that mean that I should assume that you genuinely believe the drivel you spout? Then I'd be assuming you're an idiot. Hardly charitable of me.
Should I instead assume that you are pretending to misunderstand for the purpose of derailing the conversation? Then I'd be assuming you're malicious. Which seems little better.
It's as if you didn't even watch the video you're commenting on, and listen to her story. Start listening to women talk about terrifying, psychotic men like the guy in this story. It will help
idiotsonfire
Never let the other person control your vital documents. Always be ready to leave if you absolutely have to.
EscalatorCongestion
My sister flew from Baltimore to Portland back in 1981 to get away from a crazy boyfriend... That same guy was later convicted of murder and is still in jail 44 years later (Run while you can) My sister lives in complete safety with a 33 your old son and a lovely husband today (Run while you can)
KittyKlimt6
In Germany alone we corrected the number of femicides (a word we do not use officially) 2024 two times. From "every third day a man is successful in his attempt to kill his female (ex-) partner" to every day. I don't know how much more try to. And this are only femicides. Add domestic violence, rape and pedophilia in real life & digital porn. I really wonder when I walk through a shopping mall how many of the men surrounding me do shit like this. It's terribly disturbing.
SignificantDeficiency
My sister was murdered by a man she was trying to leave for months. We would have given her everything she needed if she just fucking left. We
Think he did it because she had finally decided enough was enough and he want having it
TheHolyFatman
Many IPV shelters will often tell people to form a safety plan that you can put into motion as soon as you need to.
Cbouch4rd
Imho if you're even thinking of packing a bag to have on hand, you should just pack it and leave. Unannounced. If you think you need a getaway plan, you don't owe your partner a warning.
nuppydog
Thank god you’re ok and escaped. Thank you for sharing your ordeal.
RedAppleSoda
This is just an account that posts other people’s stuff for upvotes.
xmsbeanx
I figured so. Im pretty sure thats famous singer Joss Stone. Which is super crazy to think she had money, connections & easily another place to go but still felt trapped in her abusive relationship. Im so glad she got out.
osaftkonzentrat
Is that Joss Stone?
Unitedite
Oh wow
TheInitiated
Holy shit, I really got into her breakout album with soul covers back in the day when she was like 16, haven't really heard of her since, apart from her clips with musicians from around the world. She always seemed like an adorable person, f*ck that dude.
RajaBerms
Yep. She looks a bit different but recognise the hand tat.
Had no idea this happened to her.
osaftkonzentrat
Thanks, I was not quite sure!
circlebreaker
My friend is not at all familiar with her work, is she a headliner, solo artist?
Silversmile777
She's an astonishing jazz and blues artist. Soulful voice to the max
circlebreaker
Neat, good to know TY +1
bobthefunny
jfc.
bobthefunny
Like, you hear the stories... but then... you HEAR the STORIES... and it's like... holy fucking hell,,,/
vegivamp
If you've been living there for gods know long and he refuses to give you the code to the gate... you really should've been gone the first time he refused to give it.
G0MeatCube
If anyone is confused about why she chose the bear... the bear lived ina gated community and had money. She chose to put up with abuse bc she was a traveling musician and didnt have money. Why tf would she keep going back after supposedly breaking up??? He's paying her bills.
jonathantoast
What the fuck is wrong with people. With men. Can't they just be normal? Why do they have to be this way?
PepperoniAndFingernailPizza
It took me calling my sister's ex-husband and letting him know that I was coming down to move my sister and that if he tried anything, my best friend and I would take him camping in the desert and he'd unwillingly chose to stay there. He challenged me over the phone saying I wouldn't do anything & I think the part that really got through to him wasn't the threat. It was the part where I laughed at his bitch ass and said "See you tonight." Cause he wasn't there.
Lontri
One time when I decided to break up with an ex face to face, he decided to r*pe me while choking me. Had to fight him off. The fucker dared to email me many years later and when I figured out who was trying to get into contact me, I just told him to fuck off and never contact me again.
The next 2 exes I broke up with online.
Agatsu74
What if the asshole found the bag tho?
SirSpiffyDijelos
Kindness and respect are things you give to someone who gives those back.
john306326
If you are contemplating the need for a go bag it’s time to get the fuck out. You have already crossed the Rubicon you just haven’t realized it yet.
billiebitkiller
telling yourself little lies to get your brain capable of accepting the concept of leaving is a crucial step in the overall escape process. the issue is so many people try and force the abused partner into a black and white mindset when they've had their entire perception controlled by their abuser.
let them take the little steps or they'll never get out.
AwetasticAdventures
If you have your phone on you, and you are able to get away DISABLE FIND MY DEVICE ASAP. put the phone into airplane mode when you can, so it leaves gaps of unavailability. Keep it on (muted if need be) when you're in an at risk area so you can contact autorities. But disable any and all trackers on the phone. Turn off location for all apps.
ThankYouForYourTime
Do NOT tell him you’re leaving him. Do NOT leave when he’s home. Do NOT engage with him after leaving. Record everything. Stay safe.
SnakuPlisskin
Damn. If I ever made a woman feel like she needed to do any of this, I'd kill myself so there'd be one less piece of shit in the world.
ThankYouForYourTime
Other ways to create one less PoS are to create safety for others and raise up boys to be the best men they can be :)
BananaForScaIe
AND CALL A LAWYER BEFORE ANYTHING. They'll be there for final pack, they'll bring Sheriff (or equivalent), they'll be there for your departure and to certify you didn't damage anything, they'll fidn you a shelter (if needed). Your lawyer is your best friend in abusive situations.
KittyKlimt6
Women's rights professional here. 2nded. Why: breaking up is the most dangerous part of domestic violence. For women. It's when we get killed. So do NOT advise your friend to "just leave him". Plan thoroughly, vanish 100%. There are professionals who help. Reach out.
TheHolyFatman
And get a burner phone. A lot of these fucks will put tracking, key logger apps, surveillance apps...anything to keep tabs. If you have to leave everything behind, then..... absolutely do that
IHaveGreatKittenRecipes
Better to have to buy all new shit than your family buys a pine box.
TheHolyFatman
Yep. I've done this. It's just stuff. I got my kid, my cats and Got TFO
ThankYouForYourTime
Thank you and agreed if you can find help through vetted organizations. Never give an abusive partner a heads up about your plans.
BananaForScaIe
A solid victim's rights lawyer is what I'd recommend at a minimum, cause they can certify against his lies re: departure.
TheWombatStrikesAgain
Also cut ties with any mutual friends and acquaintances, his family, etc., unless you're 200% sure they're on your side.
Because SOME dumb asshole will believe him when he says "Really, I just want to talk to them!" and give him your new phone number, address, etc.
ThankYouForYourTime
YES! He will absolutely try to make these people believe you’re the bad one. He’ll manipulate them like he manipulated you.
mothermushroom
This has happened to me. And exactly what you think happened, happened. Please, don't give out anyone's number without asking them first. Please remember that.
vericon151
If you are under threat, just leave. Once safe you can have a lawyer figure it out.
Ideally, you say at some point you are leaving. They won’t believe you. You don’t need to argue, convince or justify. Just start putting things in order. Get a lawyer, document financials, separate accounts, etc. again, a lawyer can help with all this. Most have IT or other staff that can untangle joint accounts, etc. figure out how to store / pod your things. Figure where to go. Server papers then leave..
migratingotter
Don’t need papers if not married.
ThankYouForYourTime
Don’t ever tell them you’re leaving if there’s even the slightest threat of violence. Surprise is an advantage that could save your life.
AwetasticAdventures
You do not need to make a declaration that you are leaving if your safety is at all in question. You just leave, and te the authorities what happened. Get to a lawyer ASAP and tell them what happened.
vericon151
Exactly. Currently helping a friend in this situation. She isn’t directly under threat, but it’s ugly, but she has most of her ducks in a row and exiting as best as possible.
AwetasticAdventures
I hope your friend is able to get out safely!
Dimestream
Man, if I started dating a woman who kept a go bag for escape, I wouldn't even grudge her that. I have a go bag for emergency/apocalypse reasons. Fearing for your life is legit and I wouldn't wish that on anyone I loved. I'd maybe want to go to couples therapy or something to unpack the WHY of the bag, and eventually show her she's loved and safe enough to unpack the bag itself. Or pack a newer one so we can survive an apocalypse together!
bullyboy1963
Record everything in whatever way you can. I was in a similar situation with a woman I had been dating. I kept a journal of everything she did. I was able to refer to the journal for dates and actions when I finally filled out a police report.
csullivan
There are billions of men on this planet. Stop picking scumbags.
GWJYonder
For example, I highly recommend you don't date csullivan.
Rogerwilco1974
Fucks sake, man! Fucking victim blaming much?! You absolute tool. Do you think women enter into a relationship thinking "yeah, he's a scumbag with loads of red flags, but it's worth the risk"? Of course they fucking don't. The scumbags hide their shitty behaviours until they have got power over the woman. Then the real person is revealed.
SlamCampbell
Boof buddy, dont know how to tell you this politelybut what you just said is an ENORMOUS red flag. If you think youre one of the "good ones" and youre upset women choose scumbags, congrats, youre probably a scumbag too.
And if youre a woman and you wrote this, youre not helping the cause.
Gave a good hard look at what you wrote.
rulerofthedingdongs
Do scumbags come with visible markings where you are? That would be really helpful. Because frankly, most scumbags where I am just look like people.
tollerscream
One day I ran for it because he was pacing the apartment with a screw driver and a part of me knew this was it. I ran in pajamas, no shoes, no phone, no anything. Asked to borrow a strangers phone... who to call??? Called my home phone number as it was what I had memorized... only my brother who sexually abused me my whole childhood was there. So he came and picked me up from my abusive husband... Wish I had known about shelters and stuff back then.
morbidparsnip
By annoying, it sounds like terrifying
tollerscream
I was struck by annoying too, but I've lived it. It's two things, one is that the antics do become exhausting and annoying. Two, it is not safe to show them you find them scary or cruel or abusive or angry. I constantly had to edit myself to converse with him during moments of high stress, to keep it from getting worse. It's the illusion of control, I can keep him calm. But you can't.
Slewth87
My philosophy on my marriage is to make it as easy possible for her to leave me. I want her to have good contact with her friends and family, a support network. I want her to have financial independence (that's not currently the case but I'm paying for her to get back to college to better set her up for that). I don't ever want to feel like the reason she's with me is because she can't leave. I much prefer knowing she's with me because she wants to be.
jetact12
It's OK to ghost a shitbag predator
PythonIndentAwwwYiss
It can happen to anyone, men too. I've gone through very similar events a few years back. Don't isolate yourself, make sure that you have family, friends, neighbors, people you can trust and that will help you if you need to run.
TheoApollo
As a dude, this. Similar but different, she made me feel responsible for her emotions, and when I tried to leave, she attempted to end her life in front of me...Leaving became next to impossible after that. She always justified it because her last ex "was worse".
OmNachoMama
Isolating a partner is part of the domestic abuse cycle. If your partner is slowly but surely separating you from friends, family, and any kind of social safety net, RUN
W0lfsbl00d
Yep, been there. She tried to isolate me from all my emotional, social, physical, mental, professional support structures... I wasn't even allowed to build my own confidence up, she'd destroy it, then when I was down she'd build it back, act like I was crazy. She had to be the sole source. She threatened to assault me out of nowhere one night and I left the next morning and we broke up over the phone a few days later. 1/2
OmNachoMama
It's really terrible that when this happens to men, most of the time they get no support because they're viewed as pussies or pussy whipped. I've had several co-workers or people that reported into me who have been sexually harassed or abused by their partners. One was a military dude who's little tiny wife beat the shit out of him leaving bruises. Of course he didn't dare fight back or even defend himself because he'd be the one going to jail
W0lfsbl00d
I'm nearly 6'4, was 250-260lbs then and Id been powerlifting for years before then. With women in general and partners I don't scream, call names, slam anything, block doors, I don't make threats and I've never raised a hand, etc, etc. I don't want my partners to ever fear me, I want respect and trust... I make it well known at the start of all my relationships that if those things start to happen we are done from either of us we are done. My dad and grandad were like that as well. Super respect
W0lfsbl00d
Funniest thing was she sold her bestie and husband as the most amazing people ever. When I met the bestie's husband we hit it off. They lived a block away. Two powerlifting, nerdy, extreme metalheads into all of the same things. She saw this and after the second hangout, we went back to the apt and she just started tearing him apart saying a bunch of really awful shit about him. So hangouts after that I was distant... But I hit it off with her bestie, so she did the same thing again...
W0lfsbl00d
Got back to apt and she just started tearing her bestie apart and then hours later cried begging me not to tell them anything she said. So I became distant with both of them. They were both metalheads into all the same extreme metal bands, LotR, DC/marvel, games, horror movies, etc... like many of my lifelong friends, but the gf wasn't into any of that stuff. After we broke up i blocked all her ppl. I really wish she wasn't connected to them at all. They were 2 sweet and seemingly awesome ppl.
OmNachoMama
I understand why you cut them off, but I wonder if they're now estranged from her, and you could rekindle that relationship since they seem to be your kind of people
morrighan42
Killing him in his sleep is an even better idea, so that the woman after you doesn't have to go through the same thing.
Beardedobject
Death is not punishment. Abusers need to be prosecuted. They need to be dragged into the light so everyone they know can see what they really are.
morrighan42
Yeah maybe you haven't noticed, that's not how it works. They get a slap on the wrist and do it again, or maybe they go make sure the woman who got them a slap on the wrist never complains again.
FiftyShadesOfMascarpone
I'm not saying it's the right thing to do, but it's a very understandable thing to do when the alternative is to look over your shoulder for the rest of your life. Always thinking he's going to track you down one day and show up at your new place of work with a gun or kick down your door. No one should have to live like that, and the legal system does fuck all to protect women from this nightmare. Can't blame abuse victims for needing their abuser to simply stop existing for their piece of mind.
migratingotter
No, we need to teach women and raise them to avoid these men like the plague. And we need to raise boys to not be like this.
morrighan42
Yes, lets absolutely try to help the future generations be better, but you think that women being abused the the shitty ones currently out there should just endure until the guy kills them?
migratingotter
Did I say that? But the woman has to want to leave. Many leave and go back several times before they permanently leave. And sometimes they take up with another abuser because they are blind to the red flags because they grew up with them.
ElbowDeepInAPoliceState
I think part of the issue is that men who behave like this don't do so from the very get go of a relationship, so it can be somewhat difficult to do the avoidance thing. Probably one of the best things you can do is foster a strong group of friends/family, as abuse almost always relies upon isolating the victim from other people. Otherwise it's hard to carry out.
migratingotter
No, there are red flags. If a girl grows up with red flags she won’t see them, she thinks they’re normal. If he is nasty to a waiter or clerk, he will be nasty to you when he feels he has you. If he berates family members and is rude to them, it will happen to you if you stay.
Pulsahr
Who are you to decide who has the right to live or die?
ByteeBandit
I don't think anyone agrees with the abuser here. Everything is situational. But pulsahr has a point. No one should have the express right to take another life. Yes it happens all the time, and yes some people are more than deserving. But wishing vicarious harm via the internet is non conducive to this woman's plight. No one should have the express right to inflict mortal harm. No matter the justification. I think we're all grateful she made it. Leave it at that
Pulsahr
Do you see what is happening here? You are downvoted because you support the idea that people are not entitled with the right of life / death over others. Honestly, that and the constant spam of US politics posts (without proper tag so I can't filter) push me away from this website more and more.
And when I say "please add politic tag" I'm violently answsered "shut up and pay attention to what's happening".
ByteeBandit
I've been getting it alot. Half the time I just assume it's rage bait to establish a "meaningful connection". These cant be real people right ? All these downvotes for stating life is precious. Do you disagree imugr ? Is life not precious ? Well if it's not put some feces on a pin and start tapping the shoulders of ICE agents. $100k don't mean squat in the face of anonymous chemical warfare. Who cares if they get sepsis ? We hate life don't we ?
KittyKlimt6
The victim of abuse who survived most likely
morrighan42
LOL who are you to decide that women being terrorized and abused don't have the right to end the abuse permanently?
sleepinggreenidea
The problem is that you're suggesting that individuals decide what behavior constitutes abuse meriting death. That same attitude contributes to domestic partner homicide already - when HE decides she did something unforgivable that deserves her death rather than just leaving her. Vigilantism is rife with problems. I understand that the criminal justice system is often not just, but it's better than privately administered justice according to as many standards as there are people.
KittyKlimt6
Your comment is sophisticated and ethically right. But. Women do have intuition when it comes to danger. They survive, but they sense death. Which happens much more often than it being a weird horror story like mass murders or something. It also lacks some neurological aspects on reactive violence. If I am tortured for years or decades I am not obliged to be a holy entity. I need to wake up and defend myself, and defense against a much more powerful opponent needs brutality for it to end.
Tootsie1
The problem is the guy that murders his girlfriend because she didn't obey him gets a short sentence. The woman who kills her abuser gets a life sentence. TANJ - There ain't no justice
sleepinggreenidea
I get that, I really do. The problem is that normalizing vigilantism can't effectively limit it to only abused women doing it. What we need to do is normalize taking domestic abuse seriously and making sure its victims actually get the protection they need rather than scorn or indifference. I have no idea how to get from here to there, though, and the current trend in a number of Western nations is pushing back against any such reform.
invaderjak
Anyone still confused as to why women choose the bear?
WorkerLurker
As a guy, I’d choose the bear too.
firlefranz
ElroydIsGone
This was exactly my thought when I scrolled down from the vid to your comment... and there it was!
invaderjak
Some people must have been confused yet as I was initially voted into the negative
Wapusk
Nope. Never have been.
Agatsu74
Well, technically, the bear would probably have mauled and eaten her already by that point, but I know what you're saying, and agree. Most women just don't live to tell their bear stories, is all I'm saying.
SirDalud
Yeah, because we all are not assholes.
Justanotherimgurbrowser
I was the bear for 10 years.
Until a lad, 11 years younger than her, showed up. Took advantage of a lady feeling sad we had hit the "room mate" phase.
In 3 weeks she drove me into mental collapse and kicked me out and divorced me.
All because I said I was feeling insecure about her spending every waking moment talking with him while ignoring me and the kids.
Obviously, a lot more to the story, I had some bad reactions, I could have done better.
But this is the gist of it.
ElbowDeepInAHeadlessHorseman
Sorry about your breakup, but what does this have to do with the bear question?
IronCore
Speaking from the perspective of a man, no, I am no confused at all. There are too many stories like these. It's incredibly important to listen to these stories. Especially if you are a safe man. Because you need to understand that women can not take gambles with their safety. I have never been unsafe, but I am embarrassed how long it took me to understand how I can be perceived. The risk assessment is totally different. It's by talking to women in honest conversation that I began to understand.
joshuasplinth
Same. I have four sisters, and my wife has always described me as a safe guy. I spend a lot of time thinking about where the line is that would make me unsafe. It’s weird, you know?
Wapusk
I cross the street to avoid walking behind women at night. Its no imposition on me (unless the address I'm going to is in that side of the road) and I always fear its a conspicuous act and therefore suspicious, and therefore making the problem worse.
Makerofroads
The guys throwing their girlfriends outside in just a shirt in the rain, expecting them to sit outside like a dog and beg for forgiveness? Those individuals are VERY confused. I would wager almost everyone else never were.
Madwollf
Stockholm Syndrome is more common than you might think
spittytrinkles
The term 'Stockholm Syndrome' has been debunked as it pertains to that particular incident. But the mindset persists, "My Abuser is saving me from worse horrors." Is still prevalent. "You are Worthless! Nobody else would put up with your shit! You're lucky to have me."
Nowadays we call it Gaslighting, It is still very real. The Abuser will try to convince the Abusee that the situation they are in is of their own making and that leaving would only make it worse.
It is NOT your fault. LEAVE!
Vampess
Sweet summer child.
Makerofroads
?
Dlaw25
Yes. The bear wouldn't have let her live after she ran.
10outof10wouldmarry
Okay, but like which bear? We talking yogi bear, poo bear, or cocaine bear? I get that cocaine bear might be a party, but you know our boy yogi gonna be brining them sandwiches. Personally not a fan of honey.
Shuey
What is the bear in this situation? A man that is supposedly a bad boy friend? That seems obvious from the outside but may be different once you actually take a deeper look?
invaderjak
Do you think he was an abusive piece of shit from day one? Or do you think he pretended to be something he wasn't until he had some measure of perceived control over her? If this doesnt explain it for you, don't bother replying because I'm not going to put that much effort into a social media comment referencing a meme.
G0MeatCube
The bear had money?? Tf you mean. You didnt hear the part about the house with the PRIVATE GATE and she CLOCKED THE CODE and it must of been a nice place cuz the dude was worried about how it would look with a women running down the street away from his house. Hello!??!
KittyKlimt6
Yeah lets make this about mistakes of women and how women should fix everything instead of asking why so many men are violent. You're only confused because your reflection level on gender stereotypes is zero.
invaderjak
Not what I said, but ok.
eggmuffin
Try that again. Fire a neuron or two, this time.
StrokeFlavoured
The only men who have a problem with women choosing the bear are the problem.
Unclescam
I know them. They are definitely a problem.
MrStealUrChange
You dont know me. I disagree. From my viewpoint, you are the problem.
The bear arguement is logically ridiculous unless the person who explained it explained it poorly.
Why do you think its a good arguement so much so that me saying I disagree makes me the bad guy?
MrStealUrChange
The people who think its smarter to choose a bear are the problem.
Dont act like im the problem because I know that bears are FAR more dangerous than your average man.
The bear arguement is stupid.
You can do the same thing and say choose the bear over women because there are dangerous women out there too.
Its just not a very good arguement logically.
Sorry if you disagree but I have still yet to hear a good arguement for the bear.
monkeyfunker
There are many damaged people who cannot think straight. Not much point talking logic with them
MrStealUrChange
I 100% agree but I like to try anyways.
Although its rare and in between, there are some people who can look past their emotions and see the error in their thought process and correct themselves.
Hell sometimes people make a point that I myself didnt consider and I correct myself.
Which is why I at the very least try to make the attempt to have the conversation.....even though it pisses a lot of people off that I dont just agree with them.
ImGonnaMissThisPlace
Worst a bear can do to you is rip you to shreds and eat you. That's the whole point.
MrStealUrChange
I agree. The bear can rip you to shreds and eat you. That's MY whole point.
Remember when I said no one can make a logical arguement....
Do you think you just made a logical arguement?
ImGonnaMissThisPlace
Do you think death is worse than years of abuse? Its better for you to be held against your will, raped and savagely beaten than dying? The whole point is that they know what the beat will do. So they naturally avoid bears. One cannot know if every man you meet on the street will be kind, or not. Theres so many worse things than death.
ImGonnaMissThisPlace
You know the bear is dangerous, and you know what it can do to you.
MrStealUrChange
I 100% agree. I do know that a bear is dangerous.....more dangerous than a random man......
I DO know what it CAN and most likely will do......which is worse than what a random man can and most likely will do.
I dont know what point you think you're making but it strongly proves my point that the bear is a far worse choice than a man
DeadeicPrints
This is why men should also not be too upset about being ghosted. I know its not really the same thing, but some guys wouldn't believe the shit women get when texting a guy they arent interested.
Forensickle
I tell my female friends off if they DON'T ghost dudes. Most of the time the guy will be fine, sometimes he'll get shitty, and sometimes scary and very dangerous. If you ghost, the dude will either understand, and you might match again later, he doesn't understand which makes him dangerously indifferent (and not safe to date), or you avoided serious harm.
MADchemEE
TIL.
"I" am only only person that I've dealt with (male, being declined/declining). "She" has interacted with hundreds of "not me". And God only knows how crazy they've been.
Blud4BludGod
My general rule of thumb is that people should communicate clearly about why they're cutting ties with someone UNLESS they have a credible reason to fear retaliation or other harm for doing so, in which case ghosting is appropriate. And yeah, unfortunately, that certainly applies in that situation.
Badprenup
Yeah true. Though personally I think dating apps should have a "Not feeling it" button that would automatically block the person and send them a stock message like:
Hey, this person isn't feeling a connection with you. Rather than ghosting you and leaving you wondering if they would respond they wanted to make sure you weren't left in the dark. You can no longer send this person messages, good luck out there and hopefully you find the right person.
Wouldn't work with texting though, sadly.
Foramsorpms
Weird take. If you want them to know, just say "I'm no longer interested" and block them. If you don't, don't. Can even copy paste it
JemIsTrulyOutrageous
If its Auto-generated it removes the personality. If you have to do it yourself, some people cannot accept that and will ask why and keep pushing for responses. When someone is making you feel unsafe or creeping you out, its no longer about courtesy, its better to stop contact than to keep engaging. If you cannot comprehend why that is a better option, then you're missing the point entirely.
Forensickle
If you do that while on app they won't get the message, just see that you are gone. I have seen dudes who seemed totally normal and gentle snap in a second at a msg like that. I have 5 friends who have had dudes they rejected after a first date show up at their jobs demanding explanations, or telling her she looked trans anyway (no kidding, came in to her work to shout that at her). The harm an actually good guy feels being ghosted is nothing compared to the potential harm of a girl not ghosting
Forensickle
And dudes that don't get that aren't good men. They aren't bad men either, they are dangerously indifferent men. They are the men that allow the bad men to hide, and protect them (even if only to protect their ego), but that still means he values his ego over any woman's safety
MrStealUrChange
I know you're going to hate this reply, but yes.
I'm not that guy. Why are you assuming I'm like that guy.
If it's because I COULD be that guy and you can't be sure (which is fair) we could just as easily say we should assume all women are the worst women.
I teach people not to trust ANYONE you don't know. Not to assume everyone is a monster until proven otherwise.
There is a difference in my opinion.
The whole bear thing always seemed ridiculous to me with no logical argument behind it
invaderjak
"Why are you assuming I'm like that guy." I'm not. I am also not that guy. But do women know that about us? There are too many people who are that guy, but the problem is they look like everyone else. The bear, on the other hand, looks like a bear, there is no deception or fear of deception, as no one is sharing stories about how a bear attacked them after pretending to not be a bear.
MrStealUrChange
The worst part is you guys know you are wrong and I can prove it easily.
If you were in a security room watching the cameras and you see your child in a hallway with a random dude on one end and a bear on the other end.....which way are you telling your child to run.
Odds are random man will help you even though there is a more than 0% chance he could harm your child. Ill admit that
Which is still better than the 90% chance of being killed by the bear.
The comparison isn't even slightly close...
MrStealUrChange
I actually agree.
A bear looks like a bear and acts like a bear and will most likely kill you. They're consistent.
A bad PERSON (not just a male....females too) looks like any other person and its hard to tell which is which.....which is a good arguement for being cautious around people who haven't earned trust......but is still a horrible arguement to choose a bear which is objectively more likely to kill you
MrStealUrChange
Here is where your logic fails (in my opinion)
"I am also not that guy. But do women know that about us?"
No they don't. In the exact same way that we dont know that about them. Women are capable of doing awful things too. All people are. With your logic you can say bears are safer than women. It literally works both ways and is just as illogical for both
This whole "only men can be bad" mentality just seems like thinly veiled man hating.
pleaseuseotherdoor
If you were walking in a forest and 1 out of every 50 squirrels you came across could at any moment, without notice or any clues, turn into a bear, would you not be wary of all squirrels? We don't know you, man on the sidewalk, that is true. But it would be stupid not to be cautious.
MrStealUrChange
It would be stupid not to be cautious. I think people SHOULD be cautious.
Nothing you said explains why I should think bears are safer than your average male......
Do you have a logical arguement?
Tootsie1
When the bear attacks, we won't be asked what we were wearing, did we lead the bear on, what were we doing in the area. There are fates worse than death. At first you're a victim of rape, if you survive, eventually you become a survivor. That's takes years, decades, sometimes never. Who you were before is gone, you're never the same. Every relationship is tainted.
MrStealUrChange
When the bear attacks, u won't be asked a single thing.
u'll be dead. The bear will kill you.
If ur daughter was in a hallway with a bear on one side and a random dude on the other, which way are u telling ur daughter to run?
Are u going to tell her to run to the bear because "at least we protected her from the slim chance that the guy would rape her"
We used to teach all people not to trust strangers. Which is good. You people turned it into its better to be killed by a bear than to give any
pleaseuseotherdoor
So, you're not good with analogies. Ok, straight facts. 1 out of every 6 women has been the victim of an attempted or completed rape in her lifetime. These are usually committed by men they know, got close to, trusted, and were manipulated and betrayed by. It is estimated that 59.6 million Americans hike per year, with <12 bear attacks per year. Bears usually attack when provoked, startled, or to protect their young. Bears can be largely avoided and avoid humans when they can.
MrStealUrChange
Im fine with analogies. Your analogy was just garbage.
Okay straight facts. That statistic you have is unverifiable and extremely flawed. There is no way to show its true. You are merely claiming its true.
Even if it was true. You are making the false comparison that because its 1 of 6 women that 1 of 6 men are responsible. You haven't made any effort to figure out the actual likelihood.
59.6 million Americans hiking per year ISNT 59.6 million Americans having bear encounters.... bad argument.
pleaseuseotherdoor
Men cannot be avoided by the average woman. We have to exist in spaces where we are likely to come into close proximity or contact with unknown and familiar men evey day. There is no way to know which man is good or bad, more likely to defend me or hurt me. They are like shards of glass mixed into flour. Oh, sorry... another abstract thought experiment. I digress.
lordfancypantz
Yes, super confused still. All bears are dangerous creatures. Assuming Western society, then the absurdly vast majority of men are not the woman hating, raping psychopaths that would justify such a ridiculous choice.
Obviously if you're in India or similar, sure, pick the bear and hope it's not too hungry.
Forensickle
Jesus, when did you racist incels become so dominant on here. Which Nazi told you that only the brown men hurt women? Did you believe them because you enjoyed hating the browns, or women. Or was it the freedom to know you could do anything because you aren't brown like those rapist Indians "or similar"?
MrStealUrChange
They dont want to listen to your logic. They want to be angry and down voted anyone who disagrees with them.
Personally this whole subject always seemed beyond absurd.
If your daughter was in the middle of a hallway between a bear and some random dude and you even have to think which way to tell her to run, you are a fool.
This isn't even difficult. Its just the next stage of man hating / all men are trash flavor of the week
lordfancypantz
I like how you simply the question. Obviously anyone telling their daughter to run towards the bear instead of the random man is unfit to be a parent.
MrStealUrChange
Just seems weird to say "I'd choose the bear because...what if the guy is a very bad guy"
That's like saying "I choose to jump into a volcano rather than take the safe looking path around it because... what if the safe looking path has a pack of wolves around the corner that I cant see"
Statistically ur odds are still way better than with the safe looking path/safe looking guy (even if its actually not safe) than the volcano/bear.
Just make sure to protect urself from the wolves best u can
Pyrolime
Think of it like this:
There are many species of brown snakes in Australia. To the untrained eye, the vipers and the pythons look the same. So, if the only way to tell them apart is to get close, you are likely to get hurt.
In that way, it's safest to treat them all as potential vipers.
More than that, pythons can appear aggressive as a defence mechanism.
Now replace "vipers" with "abusers" and "pythons" with "normal men"
Forensickle
You'll find in Australia all kids are just taught to leave all animals alone... Not just for consequences, but just because leave them alone, they didn't ask to be touched.
Actually, your example is even more perfect.
lordfancypantz
Good, so you agree to leave bears alone and obviously don't pick that?
Forensickle
Hmmm...Was that a bad joke, or are you a butt hurt red pill still upset women would rather risk being mauled than being within 100 feet of you?
Recent stats have total bear related injuries and deaths at 0 in Australia, and 3/4 men have self reported SAing someone. So Australian rules say don't annoy the bear, it's just being a bear, but stay the fuck away from men they kill more than every other animal on the continent combined.
lordfancypantz
No, it doesn't make any more sense even if I try to understand your point - because if replacing vipers AND pythons with bears you end up in a soo much worse situation than what you describe.
harambedaycare
Yep. I call bs. Do you really think that if she saw a bear on the road, she would have run towards it? Yes there's bad people. No I don't believe you that you'd prefer a bear. Just makes me think you've never seen a bear.
Bakefurner12
Weird for an Anarcho-communist to not understand analogy.
invaderjak
you're pretty thick, aren't you
harambedaycare
Nice retort Ad Hominem Man.
Bakefurner12
That's just an insult buddy. A well deserved one. Try using the definitions of words instead of just what you think they mean.
invaderjak
wow, didnt realize we had to follow rules. Don't take things so literally friend
harambedaycare
Fuck off. I'm not friends with people who have no intellectual integrity.
TheGoudaKaramazov
Its ok. U are dealing with trash. No need to follow rules of logic anymore, with trash. Thank u for seeming less like trash.
eggmuffin
If I were to try to extend to you the benefit of doubt, does that mean that I should assume that you genuinely believe the drivel you spout?
Then I'd be assuming you're an idiot. Hardly charitable of me.
Should I instead assume that you are pretending to misunderstand for the purpose of derailing the conversation? Then I'd be assuming you're malicious. Which seems little better.
harambedaycare
In what way did you refute anything I said? Man at least we used to be able to argue effectively. I think the brain rot is too strong here.
eggmuffin
Doubling down means it's option 2. As a good-faith review of what you responded to would have seen you make the necessary adjustments.
So that's bye-bye to you.
JamesFaction
It's as if you didn't even watch the video you're commenting on, and listen to her story. Start listening to women talk about terrifying, psychotic men like the guy in this story. It will help
harambedaycare
For the record, "it was so annoying" is not the catchcry of someone scared.
harambedaycare
I was replying to the stupid point that women would prefer to see a bear.