One of the most painful lessons you'll ever learn as an adult is that those in positions of authority can be angry at you, yell at you, insult you, and do everything they want to ruin your day, but the instant you talk back you're suddenly evil incarnate and they're the ones who are being attacked and insulted. I wish those people a pleasant eternity in hell getting barbed pitchforks rammed up their asses for eternity.
I’ve learned to control my emotions a lot throughout my life, but I had to learn on my own & it was painful. My life would have been so much better if this had been something my parents were capable of teaching me.
As a teacher: Yes! And this is why teachers need time for more than lesson plans and tests and maths and english. It's imperative that we teach kids social skills, emotional regulation, empathy, and cooperation. But we need TIME to do so.
We used to be able to count on parents to do these things (social skills, emotional regulation, empathy, cooperation) because that's what good parents do. But when parents have to work to make ends meet or survive, this gets left out. As a teacher, it really **isn't** my job to teach these things, but I certainly do feel like I have to anyway. Mostly, however, I'd like to teach students *grit* so they wouldn't constantly feel entitled.
Autistic emotion researcher here. There's lots of resources, but the standard of evidence is abysmal. There's no consensus what emotion is, how many emotions there are, how they work, what they're for, to what degree they're innate vs constructed, whether "emotion" is really a sensible category for all the things in it at all (I think not), and how to control them. 1/
One thing that's definitely true: it's all about practice. Practice enduring emotion, changing narrative, your interpretation of them, paying attention to the physical symptoms, choosing expressions. Reflect on your feelings, reflect on how you want to express them, reflect on possible interpretations of the same feeling. 2/2
First step is observation. Republicans put in Linda McMahon to DESTROY the department of education. They are actively cutting grants for colleges they say engage in DEI. So I really don't GAF about Republicans feelings about what is really happening in real world events.
I'm all for it as long as emotional regulation doesn't translate to 'we're going to teach you how to better take it up the ass every time it's convenient for capitalists', because that's usually all I see. There's groups of people who are getting angry but shouldn't be yes, but there's also plenty of people who really should be getting angry but aren't.
This is probably why a lot of young men fell to MAGA last election. They don't know how to manage their own self value, and they see the world as always working against them. I'd even go so far as to say there are a lot of people in general, male, female, non-bi, etc that feel this way, even if they don't all gravitate to the same outlet.
first Emotional Education lesson that will go miles to prevent suicides. Ditch this fucking bullshit that men cannot show emotions or they are not manly from our culture.
Learning control should be the first thing we learn as kids, but it really isn't. I've known men who think that if they cannot get angry and act tough, they aren't of value to society, as if acting angry and tough had any intrinsic value to begin with.
That is both good and bad. Emotional regulation is about teaching you how to deal with your own emotions when they’re pushing you into actions that you don’t want. It isn’t cutting off your emotions or having your emotions stop influencing your actions. Nether of those things is desirable or even possible.
After a year and a half of DBT as a stubborn 44 year old I now firmly believe it should be taught in elementary schools because this shit is harder to learn as an adult.
A lot of people cannot handle being confronted with a different view. A huge part of the problem is people are so rigidly attached to their parties like politics is a big sports game. more than often those political leaders wouldn't piss on you if you were on fire. But people will continue to adhere to the doctrine because "it's how they were raised."
With my post, I was referring to managers and supervisors. One, in particular, used a lot of passive-aggressive tactics, including thinly veiled verbal abuse. After a year of putting up with it, I finally talked back and she immediately got angry, went on the defensive and said I had no right to talk to her like that. She could dish it out, but couldn't take it.
If you have to reassure people of any type of personal qualities then my opinion is they’re trying to convince themselves more than anyone else. That and it’s something they are wildly insecure about
That's a good point. I remember during an argument she said "now who's the emotional one?" After I was talking about how I felt. 7 months later she is separating from me because she doesn't feel emotionally supported. ...
This was a massive part of Fred Rogers mission. He said that if we could just make it known that feelings are mentionable and manageable, then we would do a great service towards mental health in the world.
Yeah, this is some of the worst advice I've ever come across. In spirit it's fine, but everyone has different emotional responses. Everyone has different triggers. What someone reacts to with sadness, another person might react to with anger. There is no one size fits all solution for emotional and mental health, and even if you find something that works on one person, it may not work (or have the opposite effect) with another.
Straw man argument. Nothing said means Emotional Regulation is a one size fits all. It is an individual task, with unique methods for each to work out, in a supportive environment and social structure. Which is remarkably difficult to find.
I wish American public schools would introduce meditation to help children regulate their emotions. I learned how to meditate as an adult while I was active combat in Afghanistan. Mindfulness and critical thinking are woefully underrated in this current climate.
My High School tried to do this way back in 2002. It was shut down by a local preacher because meditation is "demonic." He whipped the locals up into a frenzy on something they didn't understand and preyed on their ignorance.
Just want to say that while this is overall good advice, it won’t easily happen until we stop abusing and traumatizing our children. When we’re asked, or it’s demanded of us as kids to bury or dissociate from our emotions because the adults in our lives ignore, neglect, or abuse us, we never have the opportunity to learn how to deal with them, and as adults, they come out sideways. Our emotions are not the problem, childhood trauma is.
Childhood trauma doesn't always = an adult who can't regulate. That said, just yelling in front of a baby can "traumatize" them and cause behaviors down the line. I doubt there are any perfect parents.
Everyone I know who has emotional problems have them due to childhood trauma, the more severe trauma the more severe emotional problems like narcissism and sociopathy. And then there's limited access to any kind of mental health treatment to help heal and cope with the trauma. Basically your mental health is dependent entirely on your funds, and if you have no funds you live with debilitating conditions whatever years remains of your life before untimely death.
May as well throw my hat in this ring. There is no better world. No matter what people are people and changing the collective minds of billions of people is impossible at best.
Idk if you’re being sarcastic but it doesn’t bother me either. Not much does bother me and the best part is it’s genuine. I’m not forcing the “I don’t care” attitude. I legitimately just don’t care lol
No-no, you're supposed to slap them in the back of the head, call them a little pussy and remind them if they don't stop crying, you'll give them something to cry about. That's the way Dad did it. His favorite was telling me "you came out of MY balls, boy; I made you and I can end you".
To be fair, I should have known better than to sit still and read a book or play videogames when I could have been outside chasing cars, playing football, or beating up a minority. Y'know, manly things.
The difference in the OP is that it isn't telling people to calm down, it is teaching how to be calm. It isn't teaching to be compliant, it is teaching how to respond rather than react.
It means that once you learn the skills you've chosen to punch that nazi rather than simply reacted to them being there. It helps to be able to evaluate if the white cop 20 feet away is looking in your direction or if you can wait for another 2 seconds so they don't see it.
My problem is that it is using emotion regulation as a cure for everything. Crime, addiction, suicide? All way more complex than "teach people to control their emotions".
Are you looking for a single solution to all of the problems, or do you have an issue with one thing which could have a significant impact on many different causes?
I disagree. If there's one thing we've learned in recent years it's that people simply can't be trusted with their own long term well being. If we have to tell people they'll go to hell if they don't help reduce climate change so be it. We just need to turn the old tools to new purposes.
I personally have no problem with anything a person want to pivtly beleive it i just when they force it on others, I have an issue. so forced religious education (indoctrination) should be banned very firsts thing. if you child turns 18 an want to go to your church and take a class to learn about the beliefs and Decide if it is for them? thiss seems very reasonable to me. Howev forcing a Child to attend those same classes and Demanding they attend services an Must worship your god? child abuse
Abolition tends to make behaviors go "underground" and "black market" instead of actually getting rid of them. Historicaly speaking, abolition has an abyssmal track record. What would be better is if we didn't allow religion into political or social discourse by shunning or shutting down those who use it to steer those parts of society. If you want to use a religious text to justify your personal behavior, do so; it should not be legitimate to force it on others.
i agree with all this but any time i see "disagree without dehumanizing eachother" im immediately suspicious of the intent of the author. At the VERY least, they are kowtowing to the fascist propaganda that there are two sides and they are both dehumanizing eachother (the truth being that there is one side, the imperial machine, murdering its way through the population)
also, with that, can we stop with the "your value is tied 1000% with how productive and efficient you are" line? you're not a robot. you're a human. remember that everyone that says you should work harder almost almost is making more money off your time than you are. plug in some time for yourself every fucking day. steal it if you have to.
Don't think short term. Start teaching this to the new generation as it's already too late for a lot of us to start learning. 3 generations of being taught right and we lose a lot of the crap we have today
This is really the mentality in Oklahoma. Working hard is more important than working smart. Work is work. That's all. Go to where you work, do the work, then go home. It's not your worth as a person, regardless of what job you're doing. Here they use work to fight against what they see as the educated liberal agenda, because god forbid you have your own opinions, or even knowledge on a subject that can be measured. Knowledge shouldn't be a fight. Everyone can learn.
I used to live in Enid. Very different mentality than here in Connecticut. More than anything I would say ignorance is the chief driving Factor, a lot of people are cruel a lot of people are suffering a lot of people are a lot of things but it all seems to be driven primarily by ignorance more than malice, greed or anything else.
I've volunteered for Baptists, Muslims, and Catholics. The Baptist elderly home had to compete for funds with the Baptist children's home. It was ridiculous. Children don't have any retried lawyers amongst themselves. That situation was a real shit show. The other two bits of volunteering went very well. I even got to see a sexy priest throw up after a carnival ride at the fair. Was pretty funny.
old relegious folks are always the best or the absolute worst scum, feels like no inbetween. so much for the trope of the eldery caring about the future of those they leave behind smh
The world would be such a better place but I don't know how we actually get everyone across the finish line. This isn't the kind of thing you can force on people. Never mind that building an authoritarian apparatus to forcibly reeducate people in er and ei feels counter to the result you would hope to gain.
yeah, that's great. so you're writing off any adult over 25? Do you know who the ICE officers are? The republicans that write the legislation that is going to crash the country into the ground? The regular the cops that aren't really better. All the people actually causing problems, those people you're just good to let go and hope they don't destroy civilization while we wait for the children that are actually emotionally regulated to take over in 30 or 40 years?
There's always going to be a slippery slope, no matter what. It's our job, as a society, to decide at what points do we put up the guardrails. And then to make sure those guardrails still work. (Yes, I'm secretly talking about the US Constitution and how we need to update some of its provisions for 2025.)
There is the idea of Social-Emotional Learning in schools. https://casel.org/fundamentals-of-sel/ But as you might expect, Republicans consider it to be intruding on parental rights because it discourages judging people, which means being nice to gay people, which is satanic, apparently.
I like how she said that teaching these kids how to handle their feelings instead of letting a parent pay a therapist to do it. fucking cold ass woman doesn't want to be bothered with her kid's feelings but doesn't like the idea of not controlling who does handle their feelings
I can also see exactly that, it will be yet another tool to screw with children by shitty schools. Guess who's getting sent to the "emotional reeducation room" for raising their voice while everyone else is learning about punctuation. It's the eight year old black kid of course.
Everyone must work in the service industry for one year before you can graduate high school or college. The restaurant business or retail. I think this would go a lot way to better how people treat each other.
I mostly agree with that, but there are still dickheads doing those jobs. There's one lady in my hometown, she's been working in this grocery store for years, dunno what she did previously, and she's just rude. I try avoiding her checkout lane as much as I can. Another woman there has this "nobody can tell me what to do" attitude, at least according to my mom.
Also, I've worked in restaurants and grocery stores and I got treated like shit by customers, coworkers, and bosses.
Yea. Just forcing people to experience hardship doesn't guarantee they will learn the right lesson coming out the other side. More often than not, without proper foundation or guidance, they will trap themselves in logical fallacies which can further entrench them into regressive beliefs.
Given that the bad guys are already doing just this, pushing their religious horseshit crap in schools and trying as hard as they can to outlaw all thought and practice that goes against their personal way of life, I say it's entirely fair to be just as merciless if ever the opportunity to stamp out their sick ideology presents itself.
Took me nearly dying from alcoholism to be open enough to learn all that. Then another 5ish years to learn new ways of thinking and self management. I'm still learning and practicing moderating old thinking and practice. Not sure I'll ever not need that. I don't know how you give all that to another person. It's not enough just to teach, there are layers of unconscious ego and self delusion that I think most people can't even see without a personal crisis forcing them to see it.
It should be baked into every educational curriculum from daycare to doctorate. Parenting courses should be widespread and free. Rehab and harm reduction need to be freely and easily accessible for all who need it. Prisons should teach it to inmates. I know these are all lofty goals, but really, it's nothing that couldn't be started today if there was the will to do it.
You can make them free, but you can't force people to attend, and you shouldn't be surprised if you get massive pushback along the lines of "interfering government busibodies trying to brainwash my kids with woke liberal brainwashing", as if that narrative isn't widespread enough as it is.
This is exactly where critical thinking skills need to start being taught. Learning them in middle school or later is not a complete waste, but it's very difficult to change your thinking patterns and habits once you're a tween or older. I never understood why in the US we only start talking about critical thinking at the university level
In the 90s and 00s in Britain we had PSE (personal and social education) then PSHE (personal, social and health education) and then after I left school the E became for economics. It's still PSHE and the curriculum specifically includes relationships, sex education, and health.
Of course making it mandatory only goes so far, you need a culture of informed adults to be able to teach it well in schools and model it in their daily dealings with children. The training often isn't sufficient.
Well I think a good start would be to stop punishing people further from the finish line with additional speed penalties. Basically a Mario Kart principle: the further ahead you are, the fewer extra bonuses you get; the further behind you are, the more things you get to help you catch up.
Do they, though? If it were inverted, where the people in the front regularly got Stars and Bullet Bills and the people in the back were largely limited to Banana Peels and Coins, imagine how much demand there would be for the change to be reverted.
Thats a false dichotomy. It could be an even spread from the start with no speed boost or reductions and the likelihood of banana peels and blueshells is equal across all positions. To belabor this metaphor.
Because from here, it sounds like a call for a system in which everyone is forced to achieve precisely the same amount of success (however you define that), regardless of how able they are and how much effort they put in.
No, so far as I am concerned it would be a system that *maximizes* opportunity by not constraining people based on their circumstances. How can people focus on growth if they're already spending all of their effort on basic survival and maintenance? People of course should have the choice to *not* do so, but presently most people don't even have the choice available to them at all.
Well yeah, it be great if all kids could be taught in classes with a size of no bigger than ten, for example. But the cost would be astronomical.
I agree with your overall stance, though, and there are surely at least some reforms that could be made that would improve things, especially for the less academically bright kids, without actually costing any more, and some of which may even save money, IDK.
Isn't that the movie where the protagonists run around committing atrocities and being really stupid, and ultimately failing to actually accomplish anything of note? Where a Jewish woman kills a whole bunch of Nazis, while the ultraviolent "Basterds" mostly just succeed in making it possible for a particularly nasty Nazi to make a deal with the Allies that lets him get away with everything?
It's the one where the protagonists end up Hitler and several highly ranked Nazis, and it ends with the Nazi that thought he'd gotten away with it screaming because the Nazi next to him had been executed, before a swastika gets carved into his head for everyone to see for the rest of his life, yes.
So the guy gets away with everything, save for receiving a single mark that's easily covered up with a bit of foundation? While the protagonists kill some bad guys who would have died in the fire anyway?
Next generation will make new Nazis though, until we stop the process that creates Nazis. You have to fix the problem, not the symptom, to cure a disease.
UseYourVoice
One of the most painful lessons you'll ever learn as an adult is that those in positions of authority can be angry at you, yell at you, insult you, and do everything they want to ruin your day, but the instant you talk back you're suddenly evil incarnate and they're the ones who are being attacked and insulted. I wish those people a pleasant eternity in hell getting barbed pitchforks rammed up their asses for eternity.
WolfPacker
I’ve learned to control my emotions a lot throughout my life, but I had to learn on my own & it was painful. My life would have been so much better if this had been something my parents were capable of teaching me.
BrokenAnimal
As a teacher: Yes!
And this is why teachers need time for more than lesson plans and tests and maths and english.
It's imperative that we teach kids social skills, emotional regulation, empathy, and cooperation.
But we need TIME to do so.
bripi
We used to be able to count on parents to do these things (social skills, emotional regulation, empathy, cooperation) because that's what good parents do. But when parents have to work to make ends meet or survive, this gets left out. As a teacher, it really **isn't** my job to teach these things, but I certainly do feel like I have to anyway. Mostly, however, I'd like to teach students *grit* so they wouldn't constantly feel entitled.
cactusjuiceitsthequenchiest
As a 42 year old with ADHD & autism is there somewhere I can take a class on this? :( kinda kidding kinda not
dasklaus
Autistic emotion researcher here. There's lots of resources, but the standard of evidence is abysmal. There's no consensus what emotion is, how many emotions there are, how they work, what they're for, to what degree they're innate vs constructed, whether "emotion" is really a sensible category for all the things in it at all (I think not), and how to control them. 1/
dasklaus
One thing that's definitely true: it's all about practice. Practice enduring emotion, changing narrative, your interpretation of them, paying attention to the physical symptoms, choosing expressions. Reflect on your feelings, reflect on how you want to express them, reflect on possible interpretations of the same feeling. 2/2
ThailandExpress
CitrusyGarlic
Nobody notices because nobody actually cares. Every single time in my life I've reached out to someone, I've ended up regretting it
RobErtE87
https://media4.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPWE1NzM3M2U1ZXpvMWEwd3ByamtjZW53aDZ6d3RnbzhzaGRlYWVkY2w0eDRhdWcxNiZlcD12MV9naWZzX3NlYXJjaCZjdD1n/xT5LMvdt9E1PGy6lMs/200w.webp
ProcrastinatingWork
Mental health should be a class in schools like PE or Art
djangojazz
Republicans don't want to be educated. That's the first step is make them have curiousity over judgement.
Glustick19896
First step is leave politics out of your “opinion”
djangojazz
First step is observation. Republicans put in Linda McMahon to DESTROY the department of education. They are actively cutting grants for colleges they say engage in DEI. So I really don't GAF about Republicans feelings about what is really happening in real world events.
Imustntrunaway
I'm all for it as long as emotional regulation doesn't translate to 'we're going to teach you how to better take it up the ass every time it's convenient for capitalists', because that's usually all I see. There's groups of people who are getting angry but shouldn't be yes, but there's also plenty of people who really should be getting angry but aren't.
t55mn7pdp74
Here is what it boils down to.
Maslows hierarchy of needs.
To self actualize you need a foundation of physiological, safety, belonging/love and esteem.
DystopianCommandant
This is probably why a lot of young men fell to MAGA last election. They don't know how to manage their own self value, and they see the world as always working against them. I'd even go so far as to say there are a lot of people in general, male, female, non-bi, etc that feel this way, even if they don't all gravitate to the same outlet.
VitaminJay
You can work on yourself when you're not jumping over lava every second of your day.
Filanwizard
first Emotional Education lesson that will go miles to prevent suicides. Ditch this fucking bullshit that men cannot show emotions or they are not manly from our culture.
DystopianCommandant
I wish I could upvote you more. This is a huge issue that has lasting consequences and needs to be addressed at the local level at least if possible.
CloseupCaptionReaction
But emotions is what gets the people to do stuff beyond any logic
ByThePowerOfSCIENCE
they're like a river - good to make things move, bad when out of control
ukalliq
Emotional regulation is not getting rid of emotions.
DystopianCommandant
Learning control should be the first thing we learn as kids, but it really isn't. I've known men who think that if they cannot get angry and act tough, they aren't of value to society, as if acting angry and tough had any intrinsic value to begin with.
fireclanninja1337
Regulation doesn't mean you don't have them. It means you know how to make the best of them.
popejubal
That is both good and bad. Emotional regulation is about teaching you how to deal with your own emotions when they’re pushing you into actions that you don’t want. It isn’t cutting off your emotions or having your emotions stop influencing your actions. Nether of those things is desirable or even possible.
Thefsm
After a year and a half of DBT as a stubborn 44 year old I now firmly believe it should be taught in elementary schools because this shit is harder to learn as an adult.
TheCunningLinguists
We are all held captive in a world controlled by people who have zero emotional maturity, responsibility, or control.
UseYourVoice
And the moment you talk back to them, you're the bad guy and they're the ones being offended.
DystopianCommandant
A lot of people cannot handle being confronted with a different view. A huge part of the problem is people are so rigidly attached to their parties like politics is a big sports game. more than often those political leaders wouldn't piss on you if you were on fire. But people will continue to adhere to the doctrine because "it's how they were raised."
UseYourVoice
With my post, I was referring to managers and supervisors. One, in particular, used a lot of passive-aggressive tactics, including thinly veiled verbal abuse. After a year of putting up with it, I finally talked back and she immediately got angry, went on the defensive and said I had no right to talk to her like that. She could dish it out, but couldn't take it.
maincarrot
My ex totes how great she is at emotional regulation and how emotionally mature she is.
We are headed for litigation because she feels entitled to more than 50/50. 👍🏼
Glustick19896
If you have to reassure people of any type of personal qualities then my opinion is they’re trying to convince themselves more than anyone else. That and it’s something they are wildly insecure about
maincarrot
That's a good point. I remember during an argument she said "now who's the emotional one?" After I was talking about how I felt. 7 months later she is separating from me because she doesn't feel emotionally supported. ...
Do I get to say it now? Lol 😂
harlequin2262
Depends on how honest you think you're coming across as. You could almost certainly work on that, because you sound like you're lying your ass off.
maincarrot
🤔 what do you think I'm lying about?
DystopianCommandant
This was a massive part of Fred Rogers mission. He said that if we could just make it known that feelings are mentionable and manageable, then we would do a great service towards mental health in the world.
BennyT1000
Just do what I do. Bottle it all up and then let it all out on those closest to me.
Eiladar
Yeah, this is some of the worst advice I've ever come across. In spirit it's fine, but everyone has different emotional responses. Everyone has different triggers. What someone reacts to with sadness, another person might react to with anger. There is no one size fits all solution for emotional and mental health, and even if you find something that works on one person, it may not work (or have the opposite effect) with another.
executivedisfunction
Straw man argument. Nothing said means Emotional Regulation is a one size fits all. It is an individual task, with unique methods for each to work out, in a supportive environment and social structure. Which is remarkably difficult to find.
Illithidbane
But the angry screaming man on Fox News told me that Social-Emotional Learning is woke and bad!
Glustick19896
…..shut up
Zootsoot
Yup. That and healthy relationship 101 as part of the k-12 curriculum along with Home Ec and basic personal finance would solve a LOT of problems.
Foxplay
You want a better world? make Nazi's dead again and fuck off
absinthemindedprofessor
I wish American public schools would introduce meditation to help children regulate their emotions. I learned how to meditate as an adult while I was active combat in Afghanistan. Mindfulness and critical thinking are woefully underrated in this current climate.
DystopianCommandant
My High School tried to do this way back in 2002. It was shut down by a local preacher because meditation is "demonic." He whipped the locals up into a frenzy on something they didn't understand and preyed on their ignorance.
drduffer
Just want to say that while this is overall good advice, it won’t easily happen until we stop abusing and traumatizing our children.
When we’re asked, or it’s demanded of us as kids to bury or dissociate from our emotions because the adults in our lives ignore, neglect, or abuse us, we never have the opportunity to learn how to deal with them, and as adults, they come out sideways.
Our emotions are not the problem, childhood trauma is.
richfieldmall101
Yes, sure, but whether the challenges we face are our fault or not, our lives and future are still our responsibility.
aji7sai
Childhood trauma doesn't always = an adult who can't regulate. That said, just yelling in front of a baby can "traumatize" them and cause behaviors down the line. I doubt there are any perfect parents.
MaleProstateMilker88
Everyone I know who has emotional problems have them due to childhood trauma, the more severe trauma the more severe emotional problems like narcissism and sociopathy. And then there's limited access to any kind of mental health treatment to help heal and cope with the trauma. Basically your mental health is dependent entirely on your funds, and if you have no funds you live with debilitating conditions whatever years remains of your life before untimely death.
Glustick19896
May as well throw my hat in this ring. There is no better world. No matter what people are people and changing the collective minds of billions of people is impossible at best.
freemab
Just because one solution doesn’t solve every problem, we shouldn’t even try? No one person Makes the entire world better. We all do a little bit.
thisisnotfineffs
Guess that whole war over slavery was a waste of time. Ditto on women's rights or civil rights. Dumb defeatist mindset
3rdoption
I'll just tell everyone I meet to calm down. I'm sure that should work.
keillrandor
It's just a commercial!
keillrandor
(I'm guessing that being British is required to get that one...)
KittyKlimt6
Yeah thats not what emotional regulation is.... you just proved the point.
theinternetkeepsmealive
Definitely, I've never met a person who didn't respond well to that. I personally love it. Doesn't fill me with murderous rage at all.
Glustick19896
Idk if you’re being sarcastic but it doesn’t bother me either. Not much does bother me and the best part is it’s genuine. I’m not forcing the “I don’t care” attitude. I legitimately just don’t care lol
3rdoption
If you truly didn't care, you wouldn't have taken the time to post your comment. Methinks thou dothn't protest not enough too much.
AmyBethMegJo
Or my mom's go-to: It builds your character.
Glustick19896
Or it puts hair on your chest? Or my personal favorite is “that will put some dick in your pants”
Verbalstunts
Shut the fuck up is an option too
TChallaVanDam
thedudeman519
Tell them they're acting like their mother or father, too.
Sure fire way to have a reasonable discussion.
JimFromMarketing
https://media3.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPWE1NzM3M2U1dzJ3ODVvbnR4amkyazUwY2hwZ29zY3Zrd2w4c2FpYXByMjk2azd5aCZlcD12MV9naWZzX3NlYXJjaCZjdD1n/fUnB1tGhrc47e/200w.webp
scatter
If they're crying, ask if it's because of their haircut.
jammer909
No-no, you're supposed to slap them in the back of the head, call them a little pussy and remind them if they don't stop crying, you'll give them something to cry about. That's the way Dad did it. His favorite was telling me "you came out of MY balls, boy; I made you and I can end you".
To be fair, I should have known better than to sit still and read a book or play videogames when I could have been outside chasing cars, playing football, or beating up a minority. Y'know, manly things.
scatter
If you'd started early with beating minorities, you might even have a cabinet position right now.
JadeNB1729
If it doesn't work and people get upset, make sure to remind them to calm down.
Glustick19896
Reminding them is KEY
Sarcastus
Handing them a furry to pet until they calm down works too. Emotional support is emotional support.
tinctures
Ask them if they're on their period.
Astramancer
thedudeman519
Majestic.
WhatisBug
Fine!
cptunderpants
The difference in the OP is that it isn't telling people to calm down, it is teaching how to be calm. It isn't teaching to be compliant, it is teaching how to respond rather than react.
It means that once you learn the skills you've chosen to punch that nazi rather than simply reacted to them being there. It helps to be able to evaluate if the white cop 20 feet away is looking in your direction or if you can wait for another 2 seconds so they don't see it.
butnotthatkindofdoctor
My problem is that it is using emotion regulation as a cure for everything. Crime, addiction, suicide? All way more complex than "teach people to control their emotions".
cptunderpants
Are you looking for a single solution to all of the problems, or do you have an issue with one thing which could have a significant impact on many different causes?
butnotthatkindofdoctor
Neither. I have an issue with someone oversimplify the problems by identifying a common solution that is a minor factor in each, at best.
thedudeman519
Right? I get the message, and it's decent enough.
But to say "emotional intelligence is crime prevention/suicide prevention" etc is pretty reductive.
And in regards to crime, ignores the numerous external factors.
normalizebeingalone
It's teaching coping skills honestly. Like yes you can be impassioned, or sad, or angry, without putting it onto others and being unreasonable
chickenoodlesoup
It works every time my husband says that to me. I swear.
gumshoe99
Calm down and eat your chicken noodle soup
jammer909
I'm more partial to "Shut up and eat your cheese sandwich".
LadyNetrex
That's the impression I have gotten about wives being told that.
WhatisBug
"I WAS calm until you said that!" -me
magictouch
Well, you’re just like your mother so it figures.
Glitchoff
https://media2.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPWE1NzM3M2U1NGM2NWUzb2V4b3dra3IyZDI2MDFoNDN2MWpxcmk1ejFuNHFrNGlmMiZlcD12MV9naWZzX3NlYXJjaCZjdD1n/dB12mOQb99BwDlM83I/200w.webp
ProcrastinatingWork
Too bad she's not more like her sister. At least one turned out okay.
Larktonguesinadicecup
Prettier, too.
wildbeBaron
Me AF
Larktonguesinadicecup
I like hearing that if I need to. it's usually good advice and frequently said with good intent.
notmyrealface
That's not teaching, that's directing.
NeoNeanderthal
He are gathered here today...
FuzzyX
They are acting like their parent.
mohavewolfpup
Abolish religion to begin with. Dated archaic control tactic used to shame and harm people mentally and physically
VitaminJay
*Abrahamics, maybe. There's a lot of faiths out there just vibing.
Christianity, and especially American Fundamentalism with its Hobbesian idea of 'more work is more God' can get in the fucking sea.
Glustick19896
Agreed and the irony is any church you go to the people who are regulars there happen to be the most judgmental and the gossips of the town.
VitaminJay
Wasting your time in a church to excuse shitty behavior doesn't get you rewarded.
thisisnotfineffs
Telling children hell exists is 100% emotional/mental abuse
Kappa043
I disagree. If there's one thing we've learned in recent years it's that people simply can't be trusted with their own long term well being. If we have to tell people they'll go to hell if they don't help reduce climate change so be it. We just need to turn the old tools to new purposes.
Glustick19896
Nice plug for climate change 🙄
thisisnotfineffs
wat
SirberusKhaos
I personally have no problem with anything a person want to pivtly beleive it i just when they force it on others, I have an issue. so forced religious education (indoctrination) should be banned very firsts thing. if you child turns 18 an want to go to your church and take a class to learn about the beliefs and Decide if it is for them? thiss seems very reasonable to me. Howev forcing a Child to attend those same classes and Demanding they attend services an Must worship your god? child abuse
bripi
Abolition tends to make behaviors go "underground" and "black market" instead of actually getting rid of them. Historicaly speaking, abolition has an abyssmal track record. What would be better is if we didn't allow religion into political or social discourse by shunning or shutting down those who use it to steer those parts of society. If you want to use a religious text to justify your personal behavior, do so; it should not be legitimate to force it on others.
bekkayya
i agree with all this but any time i see "disagree without dehumanizing eachother" im immediately suspicious of the intent of the author. At the VERY least, they are kowtowing to the fascist propaganda that there are two sides and they are both dehumanizing eachother (the truth being that there is one side, the imperial machine, murdering its way through the population)
McUUID
You can fight people who do evil perfectly well and still not dehumanize them. Dehumanizing is exactly what defines evil.
Mostlydeadpool
also, with that, can we stop with the "your value is tied 1000% with how productive and efficient you are" line? you're not a robot. you're a human. remember that everyone that says you should work harder almost almost is making more money off your time than you are. plug in some time for yourself every fucking day. steal it if you have to.
DontKnowTheSource
Don't think short term. Start teaching this to the new generation as it's already too late for a lot of us to start learning. 3 generations of being taught right and we lose a lot of the crap we have today
JadeNB1729
Here on Imgur, we know that your value is actually tied to how many points you have.
comeonjointhejoyride
https://media1.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPWE1NzM3M2U1dTA4ZGFmang3a29sM2g4YnFqcGt1aThkcHpkZXUycHg2MnA4YnBzayZlcD12MV9naWZzX3NlYXJjaCZjdD1n/hszb4CedFq867Tpb2L/200w.webp
DrKonrad
It's not stealing if it's yours
VaultGirl69
This is really the mentality in Oklahoma. Working hard is more important than working smart. Work is work. That's all. Go to where you work, do the work, then go home. It's not your worth as a person, regardless of what job you're doing. Here they use work to fight against what they see as the educated liberal agenda, because god forbid you have your own opinions, or even knowledge on a subject that can be measured. Knowledge shouldn't be a fight. Everyone can learn.
Larktonguesinadicecup
I used to live in Enid. Very different mentality than here in Connecticut. More than anything I would say ignorance is the chief driving Factor, a lot of people are cruel a lot of people are suffering a lot of people are a lot of things but it all seems to be driven primarily by ignorance more than malice, greed or anything else.
TheDoctorCrankenstein
Protestant work ethic in action. Truly a blight on American culture.
VaultGirl69
I've volunteered for Baptists, Muslims, and Catholics. The Baptist elderly home had to compete for funds with the Baptist children's home. It was ridiculous. Children don't have any retried lawyers amongst themselves. That situation was a real shit show. The other two bits of volunteering went very well. I even got to see a sexy priest throw up after a carnival ride at the fair. Was pretty funny.
LumpPump
old relegious folks are always the best or the absolute worst scum, feels like no inbetween. so much for the trope of the eldery caring about the future of those they leave behind smh
VaultGirl69
There are jerks in every group/demographic. Just have good intentions in life and act on those.
KR1570F
The world would be such a better place but I don't know how we actually get everyone across the finish line. This isn't the kind of thing you can force on people. Never mind that building an authoritarian apparatus to forcibly reeducate people in er and ei feels counter to the result you would hope to gain.
[deleted]
[deleted]
KR1570F
you know many registered or elected republicans currently enrolled in any kind of class?
[deleted]
[deleted]
KR1570F
yeah, that's great. so you're writing off any adult over 25? Do you know who the ICE officers are? The republicans that write the legislation that is going to crash the country into the ground? The regular the cops that aren't really better. All the people actually causing problems, those people you're just good to let go and hope they don't destroy civilization while we wait for the children that are actually emotionally regulated to take over in 30 or 40 years?
zufallszahlen
you'll never get everyone. some people you have to learn to work around, not with.
netutoring
There's always going to be a slippery slope, no matter what. It's our job, as a society, to decide at what points do we put up the guardrails. And then to make sure those guardrails still work. (Yes, I'm secretly talking about the US Constitution and how we need to update some of its provisions for 2025.)
KR1570F
Well said. It's unfortunate that it can be so hard to teach empathy to people that refuse to open themselves up to caring about it.
netutoring
I try to remain an optimist, but it is hard.
KR1570F
Xenarion
It starts with how we raise kids, and what role models we give them (both irl and in medias)
Illithidbane
There is the idea of Social-Emotional Learning in schools.
https://casel.org/fundamentals-of-sel/
But as you might expect, Republicans consider it to be intruding on parental rights because it discourages judging people, which means being nice to gay people, which is satanic, apparently.
icouldntthinkofabetterusername2
brainkandle1
Nope. She knows she's lying
KR1570F
I like how she said that teaching these kids how to handle their feelings instead of letting a parent pay a therapist to do it. fucking cold ass woman doesn't want to be bothered with her kid's feelings but doesn't like the idea of not controlling who does handle their feelings
astrangehop
I can also see exactly that, it will be yet another tool to screw with children by shitty schools. Guess who's getting sent to the "emotional reeducation room" for raising their voice while everyone else is learning about punctuation. It's the eight year old black kid of course.
Dispencer
Everyone must work in the service industry for one year before you can graduate high school or college. The restaurant business or retail. I think this would go a lot way to better how people treat each other.
LitheXD
Maybe, maybe not. My mom used to work retail (retired), she's awful to everyone.
Lontri
I mostly agree with that, but there are still dickheads doing those jobs. There's one lady in my hometown, she's been working in this grocery store for years, dunno what she did previously, and she's just rude. I try avoiding her checkout lane as much as I can. Another woman there has this "nobody can tell me what to do" attitude, at least according to my mom.
Also, I've worked in restaurants and grocery stores and I got treated like shit by customers, coworkers, and bosses.
TheDoctorCrankenstein
Yea. Just forcing people to experience hardship doesn't guarantee they will learn the right lesson coming out the other side. More often than not, without proper foundation or guidance, they will trap themselves in logical fallacies which can further entrench them into regressive beliefs.
Imustntrunaway
Given that the bad guys are already doing just this, pushing their religious horseshit crap in schools and trying as hard as they can to outlaw all thought and practice that goes against their personal way of life, I say it's entirely fair to be just as merciless if ever the opportunity to stamp out their sick ideology presents itself.
zoeytg
Took me nearly dying from alcoholism to be open enough to learn all that. Then another 5ish years to learn new ways of thinking and self management. I'm still learning and practicing moderating old thinking and practice. Not sure I'll ever not need that. I don't know how you give all that to another person. It's not enough just to teach, there are layers of unconscious ego and self delusion that I think most people can't even see without a personal crisis forcing them to see it.
Neednoggle
It should be baked into every educational curriculum from daycare to doctorate. Parenting courses should be widespread and free. Rehab and harm reduction need to be freely and easily accessible for all who need it. Prisons should teach it to inmates.
I know these are all lofty goals, but really, it's nothing that couldn't be started today if there was the will to do it.
RoutemasterFlash
You can make them free, but you can't force people to attend, and you shouldn't be surprised if you get massive pushback along the lines of "interfering government busibodies trying to brainwash my kids with woke liberal brainwashing", as if that narrative isn't widespread enough as it is.
icouldntthinkofabetterusername2
And also basic critical thinking is something that even young school kids can learn if taught in an age appropriate manner.
Neednoggle
Yes!!
Mairoa
This. My mom starts with 5yos and asking them about a short nature doc vs cartoons and how to tell real from not real in a way they can handle
OmNachoMama
This is exactly where critical thinking skills need to start being taught. Learning them in middle school or later is not a complete waste, but it's very difficult to change your thinking patterns and habits once you're a tween or older. I never understood why in the US we only start talking about critical thinking at the university level
heathenhumanist
Yup. I've been talking with my preteen about looking for evidence since he was little. Can't pull the wool over his eyes
freemab
We had some emotional lessons in health class but that was the Nineties.
RunawaySpoons
In the 90s and 00s in Britain we had PSE (personal and social education) then PSHE (personal, social and health education) and then after I left school the E became for economics. It's still PSHE and the curriculum specifically includes relationships, sex education, and health.
Of course making it mandatory only goes so far, you need a culture of informed adults to be able to teach it well in schools and model it in their daily dealings with children. The training often isn't sufficient.
3Davideo
Well I think a good start would be to stop punishing people further from the finish line with additional speed penalties. Basically a Mario Kart principle: the further ahead you are, the fewer extra bonuses you get; the further behind you are, the more things you get to help you catch up.
OmNachoMama
Now you're talking about equity and inclusion, stop that. /S
Gayforbae
Everyone hates rubber banding in Mario cart tho
3Davideo
Do they, though? If it were inverted, where the people in the front regularly got Stars and Bullet Bills and the people in the back were largely limited to Banana Peels and Coins, imagine how much demand there would be for the change to be reverted.
Gayforbae
Thats a false dichotomy. It could be an even spread from the start with no speed boost or reductions and the likelihood of banana peels and blueshells is equal across all positions. To belabor this metaphor.
RoutemasterFlash
How would that work in practice, though? What do you mean by "the further ahead you are"? In economic terms? Intellectual ones?
RoutemasterFlash
Because from here, it sounds like a call for a system in which everyone is forced to achieve precisely the same amount of success (however you define that), regardless of how able they are and how much effort they put in.
3Davideo
No, so far as I am concerned it would be a system that *maximizes* opportunity by not constraining people based on their circumstances. How can people focus on growth if they're already spending all of their effort on basic survival and maintenance? People of course should have the choice to *not* do so, but presently most people don't even have the choice available to them at all.
RoutemasterFlash
Well yeah, it be great if all kids could be taught in classes with a size of no bigger than ten, for example. But the cost would be astronomical.
I agree with your overall stance, though, and there are surely at least some reforms that could be made that would improve things, especially for the less academically bright kids, without actually costing any more, and some of which may even save money, IDK.
smoldix42069
We can also start by ya know
ArkoneAxon
Isn't that the movie where the protagonists run around committing atrocities and being really stupid, and ultimately failing to actually accomplish anything of note? Where a Jewish woman kills a whole bunch of Nazis, while the ultraviolent "Basterds" mostly just succeed in making it possible for a particularly nasty Nazi to make a deal with the Allies that lets him get away with everything?
harlequin2262
It's the one where the protagonists end up Hitler and several highly ranked Nazis, and it ends with the Nazi that thought he'd gotten away with it screaming because the Nazi next to him had been executed, before a swastika gets carved into his head for everyone to see for the rest of his life, yes.
ArkoneAxon
So the guy gets away with everything, save for receiving a single mark that's easily covered up with a bit of foundation? While the protagonists kill some bad guys who would have died in the fire anyway?
pip1
Ya, but would be nice if they'd actually tried to do what this post says so we wouldnt have any fucking Nazi fucks to scalp anymore
smoldix42069
Gramps from ww2 missed a spot, unfortunately.
CaptSchmidtGaming
healthy outlet
MoreSmores69
Two things can be true at the same time 💖
Strategicgnomer
Next generation will make new Nazis though, until we stop the process that creates Nazis. You have to fix the problem, not the symptom, to cure a disease.
JT1984
NaughtButOne
Find the 2024 voter rolls, pick a particular column and start scratching off names.
FelonyFerret
I don't have any Inglorious Bastard gifs but...
BlackBeltBoar
Why, Johnny Ringo, you look like someone just walked over your grave.
TheDisembodiedFloatingHeadOfEdwardGRobinson
bripi
How are ya now?
TheDisembodiedFloatingHeadOfEdwardGRobinson
Good, 'n you?
bripi
Not s'bad