*patriotic falling noises*

Ok, but hear me out. My cousin's friend took swineVermectin® and now he can fly.
Did some of my own research on this. After reading a few peer reviewed memes on the internet, I learned that pork levitation is achieved by reducing the reproductive organs back down to their normal size. If a human were to take this prophylactically before their jump, they should be able to control what goes in their body and be able to fly better than any parachute would.
Let's face it. Parachutes are packed by paid industry hacks and only slow your fall speed. swineVermectin® will quickly (maybe too quickly) take you to new places in style.