Inspired by discarded DVDs of prison movies found at the dump, goblin culture soon developed a rich tradition of impromptu weapons made of melted candies.

Sep 10, 2026 1:24 AM

Rock candy was favored for its sheer hardness. The elite units who wielded these devastating weapons were known as rock gobsters. This would later inspire The B-52s after a night of drinking goblin liquor in the woods. (Artist: Jamilsart)

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1 week ago (deleted Sep 10, 2026 5:27 AM) | Likes 0 Dislikes 0

Do you think the counter units are called gobstoppers? And the counter-counter units are jawbreakers?

1 week ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

#dumptruck

1 week ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 1

the great Goblin v Dwarf food war of 1242 was one of the worst disasters of the modern era. what started as a simple pie being thrown in a food hall by a an unknown goblin yellin "Eat pie suckaaa!!" turned into an all out battlefield of weaponized foodstuff. the dwarves made bread harder than steel while the Goblins crystalized jagged rock candy clubs that rivaled diamonds. at the high point of the final day of battle it began to rain. thousands became trapped in pools of mushed bread and sugar.

1 week ago | Likes 8 Dislikes 1

What other random objects can become unwieldy bludgeons in the hand of a smol goblin? Potato mashers? Glass beverage containers?

1 week ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 1

Huge throbbing co-...

1 week ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Where can I find one of these rock goblins in the wild?

1 week ago | Likes 19 Dislikes 1

At the beach, under a dock. <.<

1 week ago | Likes 10 Dislikes 0

But its candy will melt near the water 😭

1 week ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

1 week ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 1

I would if I had any

1 week ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

1 week ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

1 week ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

I really want to lick it...

1 week ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

..."It"? <.<

1 week ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

1 week ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

And what about the candy?

1 week ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

I'll just eat that~

1 week ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

These particular Gobbos are known by their battle cry of: "TIIIIIIIIIIN ROOF! RUSTED!"

1 week ago | Likes 15 Dislikes 1

Haha! You have made a funny reference! I understand completely!

1 week ago | Likes 13 Dislikes 0

You started it with the B-52s reference. No go see: /watch?v=9SOryJvTAGs

1 week ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

Rock Lobster's the only B-52 thing I know! I never wanted to hear more 'cause Rock Lobster is dumb. <.< Also I went to do food stuff after going to that page and came back to REM's 'Shiny Happy People' thanks to autoplay.

1 week ago | Likes 6 Dislikes 0

I wish to go to the Gobbo Love Shack and feast with them. And then make the sexy times with the stretchy shortstacks. Then a nap, followed by a light gnosh and more sexy times. We can have Alt bands playing in the background during if desired.

1 week ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

Speaking from experience you'll want to bring a bag stocked w/ bag balm because there's going to be major chaffing

1 week ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0