Lycanthian
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Honestly I am doing better with accepting myself, but finally coming to terms with being agender and finally gaining control of my weight and health feels a little soured when you find that there are aspects about yourself that you simply can't change.
Anyway here are some memes I stole...
Im not angry at my body...just disappointed. I can be a cute androgynous chaos gremlin in my head anytime I want.
Cheer up emo kid, have you tried just being happy?
I'll never be her
Once overheard in high school, one student to another: "I may be fat but I can lose weight, you're stuck being ugly."
Me to my self: "Ah damn...Im both.."
I've been getting back into drawing lately and yeah kinda shocking this exact scenario comes up when browsing tutorials.
Every Trans Girl Tuesday
I mean Im amab and on testosterone...but only because its managing other symptoms really well, maybe when things are under control I can come off it or maybe even consider estrogen.
Touch starved but I wouldn't touch me either!
cute is subjective, I just wanna be the cute that I desire.
Androgyny is hot okay....
Sure I know pushing both buttons is possible but that's difficult and stuff and requires emotional maturity.
artist is Skaroy
Hereagain
I would like to see the femboy
madguy50
*puts hand on your shoulder empathetically*Its okay bro, I'll rail you while you wear the sundress.
BurnieCinders
#1 A MtF trans friend was a male powerlifter, similar big-dude build to me (a big dude). She transitioned, got a gf, and has a great life.
AwwWrecker
#5 As a CIS guy with a lifetime of self-loathing towards the way I look, I've actually spent the last two years throwing finger guns at myself in the mirror and telling myself I look great today. It's small, but it is practice, and over time it has compacted self-esteem in ways I didn't feel possible. I remember the cartoon that said "you _are_ attractive, you're just not your type". Someone may almost faint with giddiness at the sight of you, and you'll never know. Cos we all too scared to say.
DontKnowTheSource
I was taught I'm not meant to be the super cute guy in front of Aeropostale. I'm meant to be the big ol teddy bear that has open arms the super cute guy is gonna run to. Be the big teddy bear! It's a lot of fun
cre8majic
The way you dress will have a huge impact on the appearance of your body proportions, don't be afraid to experiment!
DWRPIconDumper
#13 I was about to comment on this before seeing the ones below. I know cis afabs who get visible neck beard hairs 5 o'clock shadowing on them, and women who're triangles instead of hourglasses, and pears who *wish* they were triangles. Doesn't help *you* with your dysmorphia but it doesn't make you less mentally in line with the cis female experience. Hope you find some peace.
evolution4407
I'm sorry you feel unhappy with your body, but that said, it's hard to lose weight, and even harder to keep it off. So congratulations on losing weight and becoming healthier. Stay with it! You are awesome!
Lycanthian
You’re totally right, I’m bumming myself out and entirely ignoring other accomplishments, I really should do better about that.
Sechran
#8 - ... apologies to those with actual, serious body dysmorphia, but
slinkiisu
From my transfem friend: my biggest disappointment is that I can't be a smol girl.
AceBandito
I didn't know what a twink was before I put on weight, and goddamnit I'm trying to get back there.
sisuandserenity
I'm biologically female, but was built more like Olga from beet farm than a ballerina. I'm ok with that. I'm a woman who can actually lift heavy objects up and put them down again and help you hang drywall. Being a waif would be fun until you actually need to do useful things in life.
Kuiper
I'm barrel chested too, check out my selfie from around xmas. You'll do fine fucker, trust it. It's about clothes, how you wear them, and extra features that complement other parts of your body. (spoiler: thick thighs go a long way to distract from barrel chests)
Lycanthian
That’s kind of my plan, my legs are in great shape so I think if I can work on a shapely butt then I’ll cope just fine.
SerpentHawk
Sending you love, OP.
ADDGirl
#13 What's wrong with the drawing on the left? I know people who look like that too.
a2s2020
I wondered about that, but the next two pictures explain that you are right and the “art tip” is wrong because of exactly what you are saying
ADDGirl
Thank you! I saw that after I commented. They weren't connected so I was confused.
I see tons of humans as a nurse and we are all different shapes and sizes. I know it's cliche, but it's true.
knotydes
Wish I was a Twink. Instead I'm a 6'8" wookie. God I hate shaving and dealing with body hair. Why does laser gotta be so expensive?
TheDreadPirateBoberts
apparently if you have the balls to withstand the pain, repeated waxing will eventually retard hair growth, and it won't grow back, or won't grow back as thick
knotydes
Yeah waxing is a good way to deal with body hair. Unfortunately I'm prone to ingrown hairs. So I get a week of smoothness and the next month is dealing with BS. And no, no matter how much moisturizing or exfoliating I do helps. My body is just cursed to be hairy.
Idontneedrealfacts
I am 6'5" and the skinnier I have ever been I weighed 210, I can do drag queen, but not femboy. Also, I know it's not polite to point out people's punctuation but I like your interrobang
Lycanthian
I know they’ll never be common use, but I feel the interrobang deserves the chance
lnxtra
Im sorry, fistbump of solidarity. I am also struggling with the feelings of grief over the fact that i will never look like i might wish. i dont have any simple solutions or even advice except to try not to let it consume you. We will have to eventually find some kind of solution. i am more of a binary trans woman but after nearly a decade on HRT i cant help but get "sirred" in every public interaction. I know i cant let that define me, but it sure doesnt help, lol. I wish you healing and hope.
Lycanthian
My deepest sympathies go out to you for that. Being agendered and fairly hard to offend, I’m privileged in that any gendered label put on me sort of just works for me, but you absolutely deserve to be recognized and referred to as the gender you prefer and present.
lnxtra
Thanks, you're very sweet, i hope you have a better day
Thorketil
Ever since I was 10 years old.
AZRAELSBLADE
I wanna be a cute big-tittied goth girl
DrMarioSThompson
I want that for you, and for anyone else who wants it, because in the big tittied goth girl form nature has found its highest expression of perfection
AZRAELSBLADE
Exactly
calamityjanine
hello my fellow rectangle-shaped fat beacon of femininity! who the fuck cares that i'm cis and you ain't, the extra testosterone my cyst-filled ovaries have given me mean we're in very similar boats! IT TURNS OUT YOU CAN STILL BE HELLA FEMME. LET'S GET THIS FUCKING BREAD. aka, i'm about to write so many fucking replies in a row but let's do this goddamn thing. there's actual useful advice out there for how you can use fashion to help emphasize the body shape you want. >
calamityjanine
first up? look at how you're breaking up that shape of your body. sometimes this means some trial and error. i am very rectangle with a long torso, so you know what looks extra shit on me? if i wear a maxi dress that's just straight up and down. i become a frickin monolith. so, i've got to look for how to split up my body into different zones in order to make them look separate instead of just RECTANGLE. first up that means not floor-length skirts. having legs is useful for this! >
calamityjanine
so try a knee-length skirt instead. second up? waistlines. bad news: we are rectangle. good news: the human eye can be gently guided. if you look through fashion through the ages, you can see how this changes. the victorians shifted the waistline all over the place, and you can see how that changes from hoop skirts to bustles and what shapes on top flow into the next. then you get to something like the 20s flappers, where they were trying to be rectangle on purpose, and how it shifts. >
calamityjanine
we can do the opposite of the flappers! so: avoid straight up-and-down cuts. why? because we're going to be going for a retro look that's meant to exaggerate and emphasize that hourglass shape. that's right: thank you, Dior's new look, it's time to go 1950s full skirts and maybe even consider an a-line petticoat! keywords to look out for: "a-line skirt", "fit and flare cut". why is this good for us? well, waistlines that are fitted up in the middle, just under the bust, means that they flare >
calamityjanine
out on either end. they flare out for your shoulders, and they flare out BIG for your full skirt. that's right: we're going to make like bustles and hoop skirts because if you ain't got pixar mom hips naturally, STORE BOUGHT IS FINE LOL. if you have a big poof floofing out, you stop being a rectangle! you are putting a biiiig triangle flaring out. you are guiding the eye to that hourglass shape by more than balancing out our strong, big ol' loadbearing shoulders upon which we haul our cares. >
calamityjanine
you can further lean on this 1950s fit-and-flare look by using something like a cropped cardigan to make your shoulders a different zone, and emphasize the waistline that we're carving out by using a nice stretchy elastic belt. some cuts are not kind for us: slip dresses, trapeze dresses, pencil skirts and bodycon dresses. but, honestly, you can see the same fit and flare effect with something like a mermaid cut dress - you're just moving the triangle down your body a bit. >
TheOneWhoSucks
#29 That take has always been absolute bullshit. Just because I can see my faults and don't forgive myself for them, does not mean that I can't see and love the good in others. If anything, it makes me appreciate others more. Fuck that nonsensical take forever.
EmeraldLight
Thisthisthisthisthiiiiiiiiiiiiiis
Lycanthian
Yeah I agree, been hearing it all my life
a2s2020
#13 I don’t understand this one. Is it good advice? Bad? Is it a joke about bodies in art? Any explanation appreciated
a2s2020
Oh ok now I realise; the frames that follow are the explanation
spiritussancto
I am a nonbinary agender person with fucking J cup titties. I can't even effectively bind even if I ignored all safety measures. I have zero ability to pass until I have surgery. I'm treated as nothing but a life support system for tits that I hate. Much love and support OP
CrimsonShortOne
I took am barrel chested... And I'm a woman. My mom was always fairly thin ( sometimes too thin) and she is so beautiful... I am but unattractive, but do realize I am built like my dad. I am basically, built like a dwarve from any fantasy game
Lycanthian
And the thing is that look is totally some peoples thing. Stocky fit girls are hot, could even lean into the muscle mommy thing. But that aside I completely empathize with you because all those things I like don’t matter at all since it’s you living in your skin, and you deserve to like it. Who doesn’t want to turn themselves on? I hope your journey lets you find what works for you
CrimsonShortOne
I appreciate that you think I'm fit. I am not, Im a bit on the chunky side these days. I am alright in my own skin though, I could get in shape, but to be honest, I like food and eating. Like all people, I have good days and bad.
ShaunDreclin
Not trans but body dysmorphia sure is a bitch. Too short to be big strong manly man, but balding and overweight so can't pull off the small cute boy look either. Hate myself every time I look in the mirror. Womp womp
Lycanthian
Wolverine in the comics is a short boi but peak masculinity. Height doesn’t have to mean much, aim for a physique that you desire and I’m certain you’ll be happy with yourself
trencapins
Same here, cis woman, but build like a man (nonexistent hips, belly fat accumulation and broad shoulders) and having a beard because hormones, which also cause some balding...
ClutterMonkey
Corset training?
Akistos
fairly-broad-shouldered female here....corsets can sometimes make the shoulder width appear even more disproportionate. :(
Lycanthian
hadn't really considered it, but as I understand, corsets mostly cinch the waist and wouldn't do much regarding the rib cage bone structure.
TheDreadPirateBoberts
honestly it's not a healthy suggestion but i've heard wearing a corset every day can warp your ribcage. it used to be a big problem for women during the days where that was required.
tofof
Think of the killer hourglass you could get, though. Shoulderpads on women's garments were for a reason. Yeah, maybe it's not the shape you pictured as a fantasy - but very few of us actually get our dream-shaped body, even without dysmorphia or trans identity.
Lycanthian
very true. I did so little about my health for years while deep in depression as I just accepted that I had no control over my life. One day something snapped and I decided I would take control no matter what, but now Im trying to stay realistic about what are attainable goals and what are pipe dream fantasies, I probably latched onto the narrow shouldered, wide hipped, big thighed look of some guy from a jrpg as a kid.
Greymalum
What helped me was this: I asked myself, who am I, and what do I want? Then I made it happen. It's okay to be a work in progress, but you'll need to learn to accept and love you. A special love only you can give yourself fills you with confidence and satisfaction. I'm there for me, I got my own back. I have made friends, joined communities by me, and contributed when I could. You are here for a reason. Take your time and find it.
louster
When I ask those questions, I immediately spiral out of control into sadness.
Greymalum
JDJersey
Have you considered that muscle mommy is a type of fem and this could give you entry into a rare type of femboy-ness?
SgtBakky
hell yea diversify fem options beyond tiny thighhighs uwumaid
TinaTheWonderBra
I second this, muscle mommies are hot + you make shitty men angry because you have muscles and GIRLS CAN’T HAVE MUSCLES their dumb sad brains lie to them.
BastardSeagull
Or hear me out: "Androg-azon"
Stronk and of indeterminate gender.
Einstein9073
STRONG THEM! FARM?
BionicRagdoll
Totally agree. Muscle mommies are sexy AF. Not all enbies and trans women need to be delicate or petite.
brightlightbarking
I adore the idea of a muscle mommy femboy. "Himbo or Bimbo?" "Both, please."
ConnectToReality
Louisa was more popular than Isabela
PrincessLeliana
barrel chested is fine. learn makeup and make yourself pretty and youll be swarming in guys / girls anyway
Ragganmore
Can someone explain what Barrel chested means?
Lycanthian
So when I say barrel chested I refer to a flared or rounded torso shape due specifically to the shape of the rib cage, but it can be mimicked by building up pectoral and latissimus muscles. For examples I would say look up George Reeves as Superman, Elon musk (as a worst case example), or like Sylvester Stallone now. It can be caused by lung illness but some people just have a naturally large anteroposterior diameter of the chest cavity which is based on the shape of the ribs.
Ragganmore
Thank you for taking the time to explain.
styxthetrashbandit
Rib shape is a huge thing terfs focus on that most people barely notice. Small changes go a long way overtime if you'd like. I corrected some of my shape dysphoria with yoga and posture physical therapy. If you do squats and stick that ass up and put it will put less weight on your lower torso and the muscle thickness will change to more in your thighs and hips. If you focus on rolling your shoulders up, back, and then down as far as you can you'll start having relaxed shoulders and move more of
styxthetrashbandit
The weight bearing muscle lower still.
If you keep your hips rotated forward and your shoulders forward and your back is rounded you'll have a rounded squared back like every body who does that.
Lycanthian
Im sure Ill cope in time, but doesn't help that at my last haircut I mentioned I was getting cleaned up for a meeting at work so the hairdresser made some assumptions and jumped into a very traditionally masculine haircut before I realized most was cut off. Now all my pretty hair is short! Luckily tend to worry less these days, if theres something wrong I can either do something about it, or I can't, either way, why worry?
TheDreadPirateBoberts
i get that shit all the time, i have a printout that i bring to salons now. at the top it reads 'think: gay wizard' and it's full of dudes with longish hair
Strategicgnomer
I hear ya about the body type stuff. I've always wanted to be that whip thin type, but I've got gynecomastia and it's the ugliest thing to me. I'd get the surgery but a.) Its expensive and 2.) I've got a phobia around things in my body, and having drainage tubes terrifies me.
Mairoa
If it ever gets possible, the tubes aren't as bad as they seem like they'll be. A few days and it's over. Top surgery does super suck to recover from but it's really worth it once that 6 weeks is over
zappthebrannigan
I had a very similar experience, hair grows back my friend. It takes a little while but it does grow back. I take my phone with a picyof what I'd like and show that to them before they start. It's helped each time!;
Lycanthian
not a bad idea that. I usually just say I like a layered cut, something like a wolf cut, barely down to my shoulders. But a picture would just make that easier, just feels odd going in and saying, "make me look like this hot person" because I dread the response of "Honey theres only so much I can work with.'' not to mention I think the testosterone therapy is starting to thin my hair line -.- luckily doctor says its not likely to become severe if at all permanent.
PoRiverValley
Stylists like tips. Saying shit like that means no tips.
0RumRunner
If you ever get a response like that, get up and walk out. No one who says something like that deserves your patronage.
Lycanthian
Oh I’m sure that would never happen by brain says it will happen
corig123
i've gone in with pictures of non-human anime characters. they're gonna make it work for you! (fingers crossed your dr is correct!)
willia
Also, if available in or near your area, I've found that queer inclusive salons communicate a little better about what you want because some of them experience what you're going through. You'll get there!
lnxtra
looking into finasteride might help with the hair line issues, most mpb is from a strong compound that comes from T called DHT, and finasteride can bind to that compound so that it doesnt impact the hair folicles. the normal name brand dosing is called propecia and its 1mg and expensive but the generic form for prostate issues is 5 mg and its really cheap, when i started transitioning it helped with my hairline a bit and ive seen some amazing success stories online as well.
Lycanthian
I looked into the hims spray that’s a mix of both finasteride and minoxidil. It’s roughly $30 a month but I’m not in need of regrowing which is what minoxidil focuses on. So maybe finding just finasteride for cheaper will work. Current plan is to give the hims shampoo a try too which claims to help reduce DHT.