swamptitz
251946
8095
663
Sep 8, 2015 8:41 PM
swamptitz
251946
8095
663
ialreadyhaveadrinkdoyouthinkhedbuymemozzarellasticksll
I like a man with good manners who will hold my hair back. Pro tip: take off any necklaces.
WhyDidIUpvote
Can we just agree on one spelling/variation of blowjob?
thedilldozer
Blow jobs aren't with your mouth. They're with your heart! Now get down on your knees and put that heart to work!!
PartyOverImOut
Seems like OP is trying to communicate with us about something... I just can't quite tell what it is...
Ripley2179
My ex demanded them and now I hate to do it. He ruined it for me and now my husband. Blow jobs aren't sexy if you feel forced to do it.
goldensky
What is the *deal* with swallowing? It's nasty. I tried it once and I flat refuse ever again. Is this some power play shit?
HolyHolopov
Okay, but. Why is is so important the we swallow. Haven't you guys finished already?
nonamejanie
This will probably be downvoted to hell. This is one thing I can't do to completion.
SpartanHunter93
Doesn't work: the opposite of blowing is sucking
LaissezBear
http://imgur.com/fYZuTre
zebrasintheskywithdiamonds
Ok seriously, why are we viewed as some sort of lesser being if we don't fucking swallow?
picklesandcheeseandwizardsohmy
If blow jobs are like flowers, I deserve a hell of a lot more flowers.
allyboooo
i should give my bf more blowjobs
dietderpsy
hibernatinginsomniac
I have never heard so many ways to be offered a blow job. Not that I hear many.
NotSoSmartAlek
*any
ThatGuyWhoDownvotesFrontPageEditsAndDickbuttAndRepostStatistics
True love is, not placing completely unnecessary commas.
Flink
Whenever I see one, I always read it in my head, unnecessary comma, as this. I stole it from a Strong Bad email many years ago.
Svartsinn
I learned more from him about readworthy engrish than I did in all of school and colleges.
CountDantes
So is it "blowjob", "blow-job", or "blow job"? This post can't seem to make up its mind.
PanFluteMan
yes
GlitterInTheDarkNearTheTannhauserGate
just like a good blowJob, you need variation
TotallyNotJaimeLannister
Also like a good blow job it doesn't matter how it happens, just that it happened
Phornix
I think op should give me a blowjob.
IPostedWhat
pax84111
LOL AMIRITE
Ohhhlookaunicorneatingasamurai
"Hey Shar, you wanna go see a play?"
fartbender
This was so inspiring that I leaned over and surprised my hubby...
BrokynSaint
Wow.. never thought of it that way.. from now on.. since blow jobs are like flowers for men.. I don't get flowers.. why should he get a bj.
WhenTheMusicsOver
True chivalry is always eating both pussy and ass in the sloppiest way possible. And sticking your ENTIRE tongue in. Only tongue the clit.
curlyheadedfuck
Does he eat you out? If so thats pretty even. In my relationship i give and he gives but i still want flowers...
TakeMeWithYou
I'd love to be surprised with flowers every now and again!
KrakedUp
What kind of savage isn't getting you flowers!?!
Glumerlink
ahh in that case how would you like some flowers and you DON'T give me one ?
BrokynSaint
No, thank you.
60sgetsmart
Where shall I send them?
gourmetai
Easy problem for a guy to fix tho
TakeMeWithYou
I'd love to be surprised with flowers every now and again!
gourmetai
Easy problem for a guy to fix tho
totallyworking
Preach it sista
OddlyCantEven
Kindness for the sake of being kind is better for both parties. Keeping score & taking the other person for granted are equally destructive.
JohnnyJax
"If abortion is murder, then blowjobs are cannibalism" Regardless political views, you realize you can't fertilize an egg in an esophagus?
chipfingers
not with that attitude
chipfingers
not with that attitude
BurlyBeardedBastard
Ahhh blowjobs, The act of surrendering yourself to someone and letting them have all the power, plus dey feels good too!.
Mirawatts
I think you're reading too deeply into blowjobs.
illegalacorn
I think it's empowering to give one. Unless that's what you were referring to.
WhenTheMusicsOver
Your dick is in between her jaws.... Who do you think is in control?
YoureBeautifulLolaLotion
Wait-serious question-do guys actually care that much whether or not you swallow?
0fucksgiven
Well dont make me have to get a paper towel!
RoomTemperatureCoffee
Spitting something out is generally kind of unsexy. Spitting also feels a little like a rejection, like saying 'Ew you're gross' afterward.
plantshop
I think spitting is the passive aggressive way of telling him to eat more fruit.
Fatboy333
yes we do...it just feels better.
hartmonica
You don't have to spit, just let it drip out like it normally would. Personally I don't swallow because I like to watch it come out...
Sublimesymmetry
Don't ask how I got here, but how you doin' ;]
AshCheeks
OMGawd! I thought I was the only one!
SouthernFriedGeorgian
Is it really that interesting?
calway
I wanted to say "oh hey" but 1) I don't know your gender 2) I just realized this comment is 2 months old. 3) It's 1:38am, why am I awake.
WhereTheWildGooseGoes
I like the feeling when a girl swallows, but I'm also a fan of making a mess on a girl.
hartmonica
You don't have to spit, just let it drip out like it normally would. Personally I don't swallow because I like to watch it come out...
klendathu
You can also spit it out afterwards
parduz
Physical: staying in the "warm" on orgasm feels great. Mental: i can't explain it even to myself, but yes, when she swallow makes it better.
Svartsinn
No. Except all those other guys, I guess they do. What is their interest even? I would think it weird if a girl didn't want to spit it out.
mobiusplane
If it isn't something YOU want to do, your partner should respect that. It isn't a big deal. With that said though. Feels good. Less mess.
TKBarbus
The question was not a SHOULD question
SanSamis
It feels pretty good, actually.
YoureBeautifulLolaLotion
Huh, I have been lied to so much... Is it like, more suction? Or just a mental thing more than a physical?
nickg131
If she swallows while you're still in her mouth, feels good. If no swallow while you're still in, no point imo. Mental 'power' maybe?
gtfoaj
Just make him eat pineapple it makes it a million times better
gtfoaj
Just make him eat pineapple it makes it a million times better
parduz
Physical: staying in the "warm" on orgasm feels great. Mental: i can't explain even to myself, but yes, when she swallow makes it better.
YoureBeautifulLolaLotion
I feel so oddly educated now... But I still don't think I can do it. Man, it's just awful. Most guys haven't swallowed their own cum.
trashcondor
*Most guys havent _admitted_ to you that they tried their own cum
parduz
Also,"training"a bit COULD change your attitude,or just be happy for him being happy. But if you find it awful, don't feel or let be forced.
parduz
I'll reject whatever related to a penis, i'll accept (almost) whatever related to a pussy. Again, is Mental. Sorry for late reply.
SubtleOrc
She can unfollow me, but she can never unswallow me
BARRIIICADEtv
Will you be my spirit animal please?
Thedevilwearsbananahammocks
Actually she can because all the cells in our body get replaced in a short amount of time
Thedevilwearsbananahammocks
Actually she can because all the cells in our body get replaced in a short amount of time
SubtleOrc
Once you come down the back of someone's throat, it leaves a bond that is more than just goo
RoomTemperatureCoffee
Most of the swallowed matter will eventually leave the body, but even if/when it all does, that won't actually undo or reverse the effects.
BARRIIICADEtv
Will you be my spirit animal please?
SubtleOrc
I can be your spirit Orc
BARRIIICADEtv
Malacath is a bit overwhelming tbh.. bu ok. You're hied!.
SubtleOrc
Grunt
DoNotGiveAFuck
What a quote
swamptitz
Definitely my new favorite line.
mcflylikeaneagle
I will definitely be using that line from now on
mcflylikeaneagle
I will definitely be using that line from now on
mcflylikeaneagle
I will definitely be using that line from now on
Moocat
I would give around 10-12 blowjobs for every time my ex ate me out. It wasn't fair.
IFUCKEVERYTHING
I am not a fan of those maths. I think a 1:1 is important
wambu
so . . too much tit for tat?
caboops
I would eat my girl out every day, but she says it tickles too much, and as a result she never gives a beej either. Fuck me, right?
caboops
I would eat my girl out every day, but she says it tickles too much, and as a result she never gives a beej either. Fuck me, right?
BenShambrook
But how many times did you cum during sex vs him?
Moocat
I'd cum maybe once for every 4-5 times we had sexual contact. He'd cum every time and then get me to suck on him for good measure.
BenShambrook
ok yeah that sucks then (hehe... sucks... get it... ) I'm sorry...
[deleted]
[deleted]
Moocat
I loved pleasing him. But he never seemed too concerned about pleasing me.
mobiusplane
Boooo, that's pretty idiotic of him. I enjoy eating out so keeping a 1 to 1 shouldn't even be an issue for most guys I feel like.
Moocat
He bullshitted me before we were "active" that he "loved" eating girls out". I asked if there was something wrong with me that he wouldn't.
Moocat
He said no. I mean, I kept/keep clean and he never seemed to dislike my smell (in fact he liked it). So I don't know if it was my taste.
Moocat
Or if he was just a liar and cared about his pleasure more.
mobiusplane
No idea, but I'd guess he was just talking the talk from your description and that he's an ex for this and additional reasons.
mobiusplane
and he made her feel really self conscious about it taking so long. I always looked at it as a challenge haha 2/2
mobiusplane
I'm not the most experienced but a gal I was with had an ex that was just lazy. She took "longer" than normal (20 min or more on average) 1/
planetinline
Now the word 'blow job' sounds weird. Thanks OP.
spiritussancto
it fell out of the word box and just became sound sound sound sound sound sound sound sound sound sound sound sound sound sound sound sound
yccc
"Bob"
TedTheMan
Ruined us all.
ArdentSlacker
It's like the name of a short assassin in a Bond film...
ItsYoure
More like a term. Blow job is two words.
NoodleTubes
Blow job blow job blow job blow job blow job blow job blow job blow job blow job blow job blow job blow job blow job blow job blow job
iamthisguy247
Tartlets? Tartlets? The word has lost all meaning.
dbtoast
Well slap my ass and call me Judy.
Klingon00
It sounds like it has a certain work ethic to it.
SassySemen
Kinda like bowl. Boooooooooowwwwll
abasurvivor
Blow job blow job blow job blow job blow job blow job blow job blow job bjow lob
abasurvivor
Blow job blow job blow job blow job blow job blow job blow job blow job bjow lob
bythetimeyoufinishreadingthisyouwillhaverealizeditsaysnothing
Semantic satiation! ...and I know what you mean. o.O
planetinline
Semantic satiation. I like it.
umpHyer
It's called jamais vu. The opposite of deja vu. When something familiar feels like new.
Thinklogically
"blow" and "job" - they don't blow, and I don't pay - crazy right?!
Red7332
Right!? Fuck O.P.! I hope their next blow job is a toothy nightmare!
ItsYoure
More like a term. Blow job is two words.
IHateApostrophes
*It's *you're
IHateApostrophes
*It's *you're
wegotabadassoverhere
Blow job are* two words, Mr. President.
ReverandNick
You're wrong.
hyperdistortion
Strictly speaking, it's a phrase. Word < Phrase < Sentence.
squarrel
Story time: when I was young and innocent in middle school, my girlfriends told me that a blow job was holding a tissue over the guys
squarrel
penis and blowing on it. I thought "why on earth would anyone do that? That's weird."
jazzyfizzle1410
question, is it really that big of a deal if I don't swallow? I mean shouldn't you be happy you're getting a blow job in the first place?
DrVenkmansMoxy
That is correct... But, swallowing and alternating cum placement is key to awesomeness
PickledPeaches
Ok, but (from another chick), isn't holding it in your mouth long enough to spit it somewhere grosser tasting than just swallowing it?
jazzyfizzle1410
there was a guy who preferred to cum on various parts of me than have me swallow
jazzyfizzle1410
I also don't mind the taste that much, but that just might be me
PickledPeaches
Yeah, me either, just thought that was the general reasoning behind not swallowing. Spitting just always seemed grosser to me.
weaselbee
If I could get it down my throat without gagging, then yeah but I don't see that ever happening. It's too thick. Yuck.
jinky74
I can't even swallow oysters. Slimey = gag reflex for me. My hubby is good with it though.
mechanimated
How about a blowjob for men is like cunnilingus for women? What is it with this flowers and chores for sex shit. Like I can do my own +
SomeDetroitGuy
Blowjobs are harder to come by, frankly.
criscooo
Not true
KidneyBeene
There are a whole lot of liars on this site.
EddieDeanofNewYork
I've never had a problem
MyrrhManhandler
Not in my experience
hookerpenis
I offer 2 for 1 with flowers on the side. I'll go to 4 for 1 with flowers and dinner for swallowers .
IFUCKEVERYTHING
Good luck finding someone to put it in their mouth with *that* username. Haha
splendowarrior
Nah. Receiving oral is nice and all, but as a woman, a back rub is my equivalent to a blow-j
SethasaurusRex
Haha as a massage therapist, this made my night
mstalltree
Amen!
BenShambrook
What kind of fucked up realtionship are people in where for a guy to do chores he has to be offered BJ's?
confanity
True - but also, what kind of fucked-up relationship is it where a guy has to do chores in order to be offered BJs?
BenShambrook
just do the dishes cause your sink will be gross if you don't. Fucking christ.
astromoondoggie
I thought it just meant that blow jobs usually happen in the garden.
PickledPeaches
If a man ever said "I did the dishes so you'd blow me", I'd kick his ass. Flowers/chores = BJ pretty much makes her a prostitute.
shadowfallen
Having the house clean = me much more available and relaxed to have sexy times.. flowers would just be a nice gesture..
littlemirrorsatourfeet
Yep, not ok. I respect my partner and he should respect me. . .Unless we had pre-arranged a fun-sexy game, I'd tell him to gtfo..
shadowfallen
Having the house clean = me much more available and relaxed to have sexy times.. flowers would just be a nice gesture..
levyathyn
I don't understand that attitude anyway. You do nice things just fucking because. And you give good head JUST, FUCKING, BECAUSE. Both ways.
Airmanismyfirstname
I wish more people thought this way. Thank you for giving me hope.
levyathyn
I don't understand that attitude anyway. You do nice things just fucking because. And you give good head JUST, FUCKING, BECAUSE. Both ways.
WhenTheMusicsOver
True chivalry is always eating both pussy and ass in the wettest, sloppiest, messiest way possible. And sticking your ENTIRE tongue in.
[deleted]
[deleted]
thelaststandingbeautician
What? Different people have different sexual tastes and desires? Preposterous!
thelaststandingbeautician
What? Different people have different sexual tastes and desires? Preposterous!
PickledPeaches
Ugh, no thank you. That's not everyone's brand of chivalry.
mechanimated
+ dishes, I can buy myself all the flowers and chocolate I want, but I can't eat my own pussy.
acunninglinguist
I mean... I could do it for you.
brizzleyournizzle
So how many inboxes did you get?
DAFUQisaLOMMY
This seemed kinda aggressive at first, then it got awesome
Threns
Completely unrelated, but I applaud that + method. Good call.
CaptainUnspeakable
Right? It's like we're stuck in the 50s when it comes to "what women want" advice.
acunninglinguist
I mean... I could do it for you.
CptnRayHolt
preach
triggrhaapi
I often eat pussy. I find it's the best way to get things going.
HealsForFeels
That's what the government wants you to think.
MillenialJesus
Mia Malkova probably can
AJzzl05
you. i like you.
YOUPROBABLYSAWTHISNAMEINTHECOMMENTSANDLOOKEDBECUASEITSALLCAPS
Are you regretting your comment yet? Tell me, how many PM's have you got? XD
severice
I also want to know.
severice
I also want to know.
JacksNaggingProcrastination
I'm always looking for a clean pussy to eat.
readyplayer0ne
I'm alwayslooking to eat a pussy clean.
Azated
As a guy who happens to be very flexible, I can't say I have the male equivalent of that problem.
thisdoesntseemphysicallypossible
Well not with that attitude.
thisdoesntseemphysicallypossible
Well not with that attitude.
bickdutt96
perfect username +1
bickdutt96
perfect username +1
Archaon6044
It's rather like beating someone to death with their own skull I should imagine
folkvarthr
That's exactly what Jimmy kept screaming!
folkvarthr
That's exactly what Jimmy kept screaming!
CptnRayHolt
preach
WhenTheMusicsOver
True chivalry is always eating both pussy and ass in the wettest, sloppiest, messiest way possible. And sticking your ENTIRE tongue in.
crasemanna
Uh.. Wetter and sloppier is not always better.. It's all personal preference but I find sloppy wet a turn off.. Suck it up damn it!
Aidzo
HealsForFeels
That's what the government wants you to think.
AJzzl05
you. i like you.
claudiajhall
Tears rolling down my cheeks @natedogg8393
floptacular
"I would if I could" is also my standard answer to being told to go fuck myself
Azated
As a guy who happens to be very flexible, I can't say I have the male equivalent of that problem.
TedTheMan
Two years later, still gold.
mechanimated
Still true, too.
TedTheMan
Which is why i am going to start watching your comments for more fun stuff...
mechanimated
I fully intend to try really really hard to impress you from now on.
Mirawatts
Hello mam. I'm not going to play coy here; I would like to put my mouth on your genitals.
IMissYourMusk
Yez
IMissYourMusk
Like, at GT we had this guy who would walk naked into dorms and ask fro sex. When rejected, he'd leave.
IMissYourMusk
I just keep imagining you approaching someone in like a grocery store. "Umm, no thanks, I'm married. " "Alright then. Have a good day."
Mirawatts
Nah, it'd be more like "No thanks, I'm married" "Hello married! I'm lonely..." and slink away.
IMissYourMusk
Damn. That's why you're the expert. Take this!
Gingefro
Are you looking for volunteers?
TheQUARRYTheBOULDERSLesserKnownFather
ayy lmao
Grimrir
I VOLUNTEER! I volunteer as tribute!
spaghettifacebang
I am
Vesane
"Are you also looking for a spaghetti face bang?" – Round Rock imgurians, probably.
IMissYourMusk
Yes hello I am accepting applicants
Gingefro
Yes hello I am a liberal arts grad and will take any job
IMissYourMusk
Aww, this made me sad laugh