A lil story about getting better

So, this is most of the before. Long story short when I moved into this townhouse I was still actively drinking pretty much 24/7. Between that, my depression, anxiety, and adhd, in my bedroom slowly became more and more cluttered. At one point a few months ago I got the spoons and cooperation from my brain to start cleaning my spare bedroom, which was, to put it lightly, a cluster fuck.

You can see some random garbage on the floor here, I honestly don't even know how it spiraled that far.

My bedroom here has never felt like "mine", it never made me relax, it was always associated with anxiety. I haven't slept in my bed since probably January?

So last month, I finally decided to do something about it. I saved up some money, enough for 2 hours with this cleaning person. I knew it wasn't long enough but it was all I could afford. But the night before she came, I had an anxiety attack of epic proportion, basically spiraled into a "ideations" area of poor mental health. I had already paid, but I texted the owner and said I was having a medical emergency and that I understood if I canceled too late.

Thankfully she was so very kind, told me we could reschedule when I was able and ready, and even texted me about a week later just to see if I was feeling better.

Cut to today. 4 hours and MUCH encouragement from my cleaner (she definitely helped, too, but I primarily hired them for a body doubling situation) those two great green bags? Both filled to the top with clothes that are getting donated (tomorrow). I'm honestly not sure how I'm going to get them down the stairs and into my car, they're really heavy!

But look! Look at it! It's not *quite* done yet (I have pictures and whatnot to add to the decor, and I'm now saving up to buy myself a headboard/under bed storage thing. Only been planning on that for literally 8 years. I will never feel like a real "adult" until I've a headboard. Idk why, stupid lil thing I have. It's only $400 but somehow there's always been something more important. Ughhhhh my ADHD ass has no patience.

The cuck chair. Where nobody can watch me sleep alone. *sad trumpet noises*

Also, Elli Bay looking at the floor like "oh shit, you can SEE it now!"

Exhausted puppy tax. Red was snoring when I took this. Yes, he sleeps with one paw up like that all the time. Yes I take at least 5 pictures every time, coz LOOK HOW FUCKING CUTE!

Y'all my mood has been great the last few days just *looking forward* to this. I cannot tell you how WEIRD it feels to go upstairs and not have my anxiety rise. And then, opening my bedroom door (which I've done less than ten times since I moved to the couch) and SMILING?! unreal.