Chocolate Truffle Cake how to

You want this in and around your face hole

Want to know how to make this big ol' bastard of a cake? No? Too bad you're gonna be learnt and like it.

Mo' fucking ingredients son

To make this orgasm inducing bitch of a cake, your ass is gonna need: (measurements in 'MURICAN)

2-1/2 cups 2% milk (not that healthy ass skim milk shit)
1 cup butter
8 ounces semisweet chocolate (or whatever type of chocolate that floats your boat)
3 eggs
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
2-2/3 cups all-purpose flour
2 cups sugar
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt

FILLING:
6 tablespoons butter
4 ounces bittersweet chocolate
2-1/2 cups confectioners' sugar (proper grammar brah)
1/2 cup heavy whipping cream

GANACHE:
10 ounces semisweet chocolate
2/3 cup heavy whipping cream

The armament you'll need to slay the demon chocolate armies

Three 9 in (yeah buddy) baking rounds
cups to measure shit in
a h-wisk
rubber spatulas
mixing bowl

Not in this picture case they think they're too cool are a large and small sauce pan

Get a little foreplay in by heating that oven to 325F

165C for the rest of you godless heathens

Measure your cow juice out

LOW HEAT!

Get a large sauce pan from your armory and turn burner to a low heat. Anything above this level and your ass is gonna be stuck with burnt chocolate.

1 cup of solidified cow juice

I guess take the wrappers off if you want to

8 ounces (1 cup. Did the math for you lazy) of that choc-co-late

If you've made it this far I applaud you

Stir that shit

Make sure not to let it sit too long or it gon' be burnt.

After mixture is fully incorporated and smooth, let it chill for like 10 mins

Cat cause you people like them

Crack them chicken embryos

In the mixing bowl preferably. I won't stop you though from cracking them elsewhere.

Use real vanilla you cheap bastard

Whisk.

What else did you expect?

Whisk until there's bubbles n'shit

Take your pulverized wheat powder, baking soda, salt, and sugar and sift that goodness into your egg mixture

Incorporate (2nd instance of that word) it all together with yo rubber.

Take the chocolate concoction out of timeout and gradually add that gooey goodness

I swear it's not gravy.

WHISK! GET ALL THE LUMPS OUT!

Ahh that's better

Batter will be kind of watery. Don't you dare add more flour. I find your lack of faith disturbing.

Sprite Zero® break. Only the baddest of bad-asses drink Sprite Zero®.

(Sprite Zero is a registered trademark of the Coca-Cola Company and in no way affiliated with this poster. The views of this poster do not reflect the views of The Coca-Cola Company.)

Time to begin working on the icing filling

6 ounces of butter into your nuke machine for however long it take for your device to melt the log.

Take a handful of chocolate pieces and just chuck that shit towards the pot

By handful I mean half a cup, and by chuck I mean pour slowly into sauce pot. Now would be a good time to turn your eye back to a low, low heat.

Ahhhh yeahhhhh pour that in

Hnnnnngh.

Powdered sugar (for you fancy folk, thats confectioners' sugar)

Incorporate (3rd) mixture together stirring along the way of course.

About 5 mins later should look like this. If it doesn't, WTF did you do wrong???

Set the filling aside and turn your attention to making that velvety goodness known as ganache.

BOIL MILK RUTHLESSLY!

Ok, use a pot; don't use the measuring cup.

Add the boiling milk to a container with the 1 1/4 cups of chocolate

Gradually incorporate (4th) together so you don't get air in that junk. Set aside like your hopes and dreams.

Attack the 9 inchers with some aerosol

Get 'em all nice and greasy. Just how you like it.

Wax paper that bottom baby

Pour

I mean if you needed a larger description of that, God help you.

Even out

Put cat into oven

Pro tip: Don't actually follow this step

But do put the cakes into the oven.

Let bake for about 25-30 mins depending of your hot box

Check at 20 doing that one weird toothpick trick (Doctors hate me) for doneness.

RESIST THE URGE TO CONSTANTLY OPEN OVEN DOOR TO CHECK ON YOUR PRECIOUS.

Seriously. Don't.

You'll lose temperature and delay the cooking process and just mess up the moisture level too.

You should do something productive instead and clean you nasty

My oven concluding cooking the cakes alive around 25 mins

Beautiful, delicious, bastards

Let these dudes cool for a good 30 mins or else you'll be covered with melted chocolate come icing time. That doesn't sound half bad though...

Get the first layer out of the pan

Don't be a dummy like me and forget the remove that SOB wax paper from the bottom.

Plop a good amount in the middle and spread outward

Even out the layer by scalping that shit

MOAR

Top it

Pour ganache like so

Using your fingers to spread this is advised of course.

You done made yourself a cake you genius

*droooooooooooooooool*

Speachless. Dense. Moist. Perfect texture. Chocolate induced coma.

Last step your cat gains laser vision

Thanks for looking! Hopefully a few of you decide to give this ago. It seriously was the absolute best cake I've ever made and eaten.

Source: http://www.tasteofhome.com/recipes/chocolate-truffle-cake