SantaFeSuperChief
128146
1755
73
Sep 6, 2022 11:20 PM
SantaFeSuperChief
128146
1755
73
Tassyr
I recognize almost everything my parents did was intended to be a good thing. I also recognize they were SO FUCKING WRONG ABOUT SO MUCH.
shmerdaburrdaburr
I felt that in my soul. It’s okay to recognize that they did their best and still not forgive them for the scars. That last bit was for me.
AlwaysTiredLiliVonSchtupp
My family has a long history of undiagnosed mental illness and family trauma. My mom told me years ago that she never loved me that getting/
AlwaysTiredLiliVonSchtupp
Knocked up at 17 ruined her life and growing up she made sure I was worthless. Didn't know until 38 years later why. Vowed from that day/
AlwaysTiredLiliVonSchtupp
To break the cycle. To unlearn all the unhealthy toxic coping mechanisms and to cut family ties and work on myself everyday for my kids sake
Valkor
wish the front page would see this
rvisual01
This is the way.
Bluegrasslass
DO NOT BREED.
TinyOctopus
"Be the person you needed when you were their age." Tiny octopus tries to live this adage when it comes to the tiniers.
CallsYouATosser
A man with a sledgehammer to shatter the kneecaps of an adult who punches 5 year olds isn't hard to be. Knowing who to hobble is.
MisterBluth
Absolutely love that you call them 'tiniers' lol +1
KuroFluff
Is Octodad accurate?
EchoWhiskyBravo
Problem is they are different people and need different things than I did at their age.
lightfantasticem172
I think Tiny Octopus looks like they're a fantastic parent and shouldn't doubt themselves x
Zekekisalaille
I think we should all doubt ouselves from time to time, that's a good way to stay honest.
shmerdaburrdaburr
Just don’t let that self doubt get out of hand. There’s a time for humility and there’s a time for self love
ProfessorZalu
Long time lurker here. I love you Tiny Octopus!
MylundTheMad
… a loyal assassin who knows where the bullies sleep at night! …No? Too far? Never mind.
YesButMaybe
So true. The difficult part is being that person to ourselves and not yet knowing how. We learn when we try. Next time I'll be better at it.
SnailsAgainstTungstenSpheres
Copy that. I'm gonna be spiderman then
BatLadyRielle
"man hands on misery to man/ it deepens like a costal shelf/ Get out as early as you can/ and don't have any kids yourself." -Phillip Larkin
Sproutmonster
Thank you for putting my life in a comic. Just what I needed…
dudethisbetternotbetaken
I'm definitely not anywhere near being a perfect person, but I'll do everything I can to be a positive model for my students.
FoxAffair
Don't just break the cycle, end the cycle. Say "no" to having children.
sgnight13
My wife and I are both good *people,* I think, but neither of us are in a position to be good *parents*. So we just don't have kids ezpz ?
SantaFeSuperChief
torcord
This is the way to awakening/enlightenment!
BoboTheIceMan
We're trying so hard with our kids
Marsupialmessiah
Yeah there are some of us. They will be fine people, the rest of the world.... eehhhh not a very optimistic outlook
AtaSeaParks
It's the fact that you're trying hard. That's how they know you care, and it will be worth it. It's hard now, but will be worth it.
ThisUsernameWasntTakenIGuess
My parents were better parents then me... I fear that I'm going to be the shitty dad my son writes about on imgur in 30 years...
tentacularfleshscape
If you see that, then change it
textilelover
I feel pretty lucky that my 18 & 20yo seem to enjoy our company. I guess we did something right. Still trying to keep it up.
psugab
We have too. Some of it didn't take, but they at least talk to us sometimes, which is better than what I did (wait till almost 30).
Onda6g
There's a nature/nuture component that's super relevant here. I'm not a family expert by any stretch, but if you did your best. That's it.
Onda6g
Give my folks Oprah money in scuba suits on the deep end I would have made it maybe 3,4 minutes. (Morbid example, but you get my point)
SnazzyDad
Me too...
METROlD
YES. Its super messed up to just blame your parents. Believe it or not most of us are killing ourselves just to take better care of the kids
ItWasntSupposedToBeThisWay
My parents did too. Lots of mistakes were made. I'm making different ones. Parenting is fucking hard.
CardeasIV
I sure do....i do try my best to learn from my parents mistakes, "so i can make my own." But even then, sometimes i catch myself being them
derpipotato
This is why I'm terrified of having kids. I realized when I raised a puppy for the first time on my own - I am my mother's child.
CardeasIV
In the end, it still just boils down to loving the kid and be mindful of it and yourself - everyone makes mistakes,its the self-reflecting/1
CardeasIV
/2 thats importrant. I love how lots oparents now are trying to be more open - with their flaws and fails, not trying to look indestructible
gingersnapdragon
They fuck you up,your mum and dad.They may not mean to,but they do.They fill you with the faults they had. And add some extra, just for you.
badatediting
"this curse ends with me. "
LastChans
i hide the ugly truth with other truth: "Kids?! In THIS economy?!"
drakionx
My corrupt line ends with me
StarSumiaki
I'm doing what I can the best I can to help others grow and heal and break these cycles with any kids they may have.
CouldYouPleaseRatherNot
My parents wonder why I don't talk to them. ("You're a terrible child!") I have my reasons and my own mental health to worry about.
xbiu
anyone else escape a cult and now basically doesn't have family?
hoozyerdatty
blood family can be as bad or worse than an official cult
hoozyerdatty
escape either one as needed
CatBeagler
I outgrew Mormonism at 30 years old. It's been a few years since and this is a really weird stage to be starting a fresh new social life.
Comet260
I went out and found my family. Fuck blood.
FiftyShadesOfTiramisu
That's what I did too, but I've outlived most members of my chosen family over the decades. They were all cats.
tctallon
Haven't talked to my dad in over ten years and refused to reconnect with my mom when she was dying of stage 4 cancer. Told them both they ->
tctallon
would die alone.
Sherpafish
Start you own cult of one. Dedicated to having your own life more abundantly!
celebor
We make our own family now
FiftyShadesOfTiramisu
Cats work pretty well in my experience.
mauricereeves
You can always have a family, just maybe not the one you grew up with. And that’s okay.
rghtwo
I used to be a Republican because my parents were. Used to be. I don't talk about politics with them unless they start.
HieroGliffin
While doing my best, I’m preparing to validate my child’s trauma when they come to me about it. They deserve to see and be seen.
amipretty
Most parents only want children so for the first time in their lives they think they will have a friend.
TygrF
Yeah, but the way it ACTUALLY works is, you try to compensate for the harms done to you when raising your own kids, but just end up
Haemaelaeinen
The best you can do is to lead by example. Be kind, be curious. Too much lecturing or teaching hurts them. Or parent's fckd up mental health
GTimgur
This is far, far less likely to happen if you try to be honest with yourself like the post suggests, instead of just being reactionary.
ElyaEquestus
The keyword is reactionary. It takes so much skill to sit with pain and accept that your worldview is a lie. I have a lot of struggles 1/
ElyaEquestus
2/ with believing in something because it feels like my world view keeps turning upside down. I formed my core believes based on the
ElyaEquestus
3/ principles of surviving, not of living a fruitful life.
iamherakles
All skills can be learned with practice <3 I’m working on this myself and it’s not easy but the changes I’m seeing in myself feel good
TygrF
instilling a whole NEW paradigm of mental issues in them.
babysuperfreak
Yep. No such thing as a perfect parent; It’s important to recognize the hurt done to you, but it’s also important to forgive (within reason)
textilelover
I got my kids therapists in the middle school years. That shit is brutal and they need someone "safe" to talk to. The 18 yo still sees him.
ChemicalPorpoise
None of us are going to make it out of this alive. The least we can do is try and be better than those that came before.
grandopening
That may be. But, at least you tried. Kudos for making that effort.
WaterUnderTheRocketAppliances
A strange game. The only winning move is not to play.
Volpe42
Or you just give the kid what they need instead of trying to right what you think was done wrong with you
ThaEnder
I'm doing my part!
JustAnotherVictimOfAmbientMorality
No kids, no cycle.
NotTinyPancakes
Yup ended mine with me i'm too damaged to be a good parent no matter how hard i'd try they'd deserve better plus trash genes and finances
usernamesarealreadytaken
All parents fuck up all kids. Nobody is unscathed
SantaFeSuperChief
Sadly, this is also what I've observed. Pretty much everyone has trauma from their childhood inflicted on them by their parents.
SantaFeSuperChief
And nobody I've seen has ever decided to process or even acknowledge the trauma they went through before deciding to have kids, so they pass
SantaFeSuperChief
it right along and continue the cycle.
jammer909
Every time I'm honest with myself I never have anything nice to say. If I did become a father though, I would try hard to break the cycle.
SantaFeSuperChief
If you don't have anything nice to say, then you're not being honest <3
deathmagiks
If you're being honest with yourself, that means you acknowledge your shortcomings AND your successes with equal enthusiasm and respect.
SaFalken
I wonder how many parents have said the cycle stops with them
SantaFeSuperChief
Intention is sadly never enough, I've found. You need to do the emotional work and know the full extent of the trauma in order to heal from
SantaFeSuperChief
it, and if you don't, you WILL act it out on people over whom you hold power. And no one holds more power than a parent over a child.
FeChefImgur
I sometimes wonder if all the people who have the self awareness to realise they wouldn't make good parents then choose to not have any >>
FeChefImgur
<< children, do we then end up in a world that is filled with people who are the opposite of this and perpetuate the 'unqualified' parents ?
celebor
Been on my mind for many years.
Stolf
Yes. Yes we do. Idiocracy is upon us.
badatediting
That's a great movie
Izdleve
https://www.lifecourse.com/about/method/generational-archetypes.html I've always found this theory interesting
Smigions
I broke the cycle, I won't be having kids. I got two spoiled dogs. And my wife finally agreed no kids after a long conversation that ended ½
Smigions
2/2 with her realizing she doesn't want kids she just thought it's something you have to do. This world is fucked we are not bring a kid In.
SantaFeSuperChief
The amount of people I've seen that treat rearing children as a compulsory action is very sad to me. The best way to avoid replicating what
SantaFeSuperChief
you went through is to take away the option altogether, sadly.
Smigions
Yup, my parents are good people but they had no buisness raising anyone.