Kingwyrm20
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May 25, 2020 2:29 AM
Kingwyrm20
151283
4986
91
krapmyself
And remeber this: if she's abusive to you, just imagine how she would treat your children. Dump her immediately and never look back.
SonderingStrike
Almost no resources? Nah, I'm sure like, 5 mens shelters in the whole US covers all the male abuse victims. Oh, but no kids!
akelamishari
I'm in this picture and I don't like it. +1
dogmatix
As a guy who has been through similar shit, I agree with all but one point: one insult/event is not enough to make me leave unless it's BAD.
RandomName24601
It is situational, of course, but sometimes our previous abuse is exactly what makes us tolerate things we should not have tolerated.
JollyGreenFE
And as a side note, Shayne Smith is a hilarious comedian.
TakeMeToFrontPageAndBackFiveTimesADay
Generally, trauma does that. Or bad experiences in life to draw from
Trumpelstiltskin
“Can you wipe yourself?”
Gnobiwan
Hey, it's mountain dew guy!
Agwan
I still follow an ex of his on Instagram. Now I wonder if this is her.
MeezerStandardTime
You could see if he follows her too. Not following wouldn't tell you anything, but following would strongly hint it isn't.
Mermaidgirl916
As a female CSA survivor, I am so so sorry to all the guys out there who deal with this alone. If anyone wants to talk my inbox is open.
EreyaTheForgotten
I gotta be honest. In my 11 years with my husband I had never ever hit him. Until the other day. He was spiralling out into a dark place 1/?
EreyaTheForgotten
And I tried to communicate with him. Nothing helped. He had been in this overstressed impossible deadline situation which Corona had made 2/
EreyaTheForgotten
Even worse. I honestly didn't know how to get him out of this. He had given up on everything, himself and hope. So out of frustration 3/
EreyaTheForgotten
And the knowledge that physical hurt helps people get out of chok i hit him on his shoulder. It worked. He shut up and looked surprised. 4/
EreyaTheForgotten
I immediately kissed him and hugged him so tight apologizing that I had to hit him. He thanked me and we talked his situation over. 5/
EreyaTheForgotten
Fyi if you have read this far. He is fine now. We solved it together. But it still haunts me and hurts thinking about I hit him. 6/
SuperJusticeWarrior69
I was with a girl for 4 years, her tantrums got ever worse, ended with her breaking a bottle and trying to stab me for real, cops didnt care
woozee
Seeing this made me realize my ex was abusive. I idolized our relationship, but she...wasn't good.
nyyfan0627
That is somewhat similar to my last ex too. She wasn't abusive, at least physically, but all of her actions led me to believe she didn't
nyyfan0627
Care for me at all. Yet, I didn't realize that until I started to self improve after she cheated. I idolized it too, but once it clicked
nyyfan0627
I was much better off, and now I am with a genuinely good person that I love dearly and who shows me that she loves me too at every chance
dumblastname
That’s why you tell Atleast one person (preferably the same person who helps you move your shit out while she’s at work).
MeezerStandardTime
You have to have a place to go though. I have a friend who is trapped right now and it breaks my heart.
Jess105804
My little bro dates a girl who hit him, I told him I’d always be there for him & to leave her. He did over time & now has a lovely wife. 1/2
Jess105804
It can get better, everyone deserves someone who loves them, men too... except the bitch who hit my brother. 2/2
ArealJim
Man, you might want to consider how much these specific words could impact someone. Wait, "he did over time" means he left her or didnt?
Jess105804
Sorry, only so many characters in the space fucks with my wording. He did leave her (the bitch), and now he has a lovely wife.
AnxiaTeaDD
Coming from a female: women who do this are just as big of pussies and cowards as men who do this to women.Should be ashamed of themselves
5TUP1D
Hey it's mountain dew guy!
SnoozeBotz
I’ve never dated anyone who wasn’t physically abusive at some point. I’m a 6’5 man so I feel like people think they can just hit me
SnoozeBotz
Currently in therapy to deal with all this and find out why this keeps happening, why I keep dating people who treat me like crap.
intaglioguy
Good for you. Trust your gut if you think your therapist isn't helping. Move to another. You and the therapist have to get along.
ArealJim
It's because you think being a 6'5" Male is worth mentioning whenever possibble.lol
Whowasphone404
Re-installed Imgur and signed in just to down vote you. Screw you mate.
SnoozeBotz
Here I am awake at 4 am having a panic attack, and was just reaching out to the void for some form of understanding. Thanks for reminding me
SnoozeBotz
How much the world completely and utterly sucks. This is why people are afraid to be vulnerable. All I want to do right now is delete my
SnoozeBotz
Post but I’ll leave this up so maybe somebody can see it and learn from it to make the world a little better instead of going out of there
curioususername
That guy sucks. You probably just want to make the world better cause you realize a lot of it sucks. You are worth loving you.
whyWontKeiraKnightleyReturnMyPhoneCalls
This is why I can't stand even jokey hitting from girls. I have a cousin who does this. Like, girl you have hands like a ham hock wyd
uponstrangeshores
Genuinely laughed. But yeah, 100% right. People who think smaller people can't hurt bigger ones, need to be introduced to flyweight boxing.
ArealJim
I dont really think play hitting relates to this post lol
RandomName24601
But - it's only play hitting if both are in on it. And no, a weak "haha" to try to not make a scene is not "being in on it"
RandomName24601
"Play" hitting is often just hitting in disguise
MerkNowitzki41
Had a bitch who would punch me all the time. Scratch my face. Pretend I was beating her in public. Psycho does porn now
ImperatorFurious
Got a link of this porn the crazy lady does?
genericanamoly
That’s disgusting, where is this?
mattHero
Just a simple rule - if you don’t like the contact you can leave. Male or female. No matter. It may take time to learn.
meskarune
Sometimes you can't leave. Often there is a wealth gap and abusers will target someone disabled or vulnerable.
captaintc
And at this point in his/her life, the abuser IS NOT going to change.
Dustfinger4268
They can. Best mot to wait to see it happen though
Thatiseffingdisgusting
A hard truth to accept. I'd like to believe some people abuse to release the pain.. not to actually hurt. The problem is, it doesnt matter.
Flyms
I think that people who abuse others either get abused themselve or are abused by their own egos. It is like those old water kettles with
Flyms
those whistles at the end. It won't stop making a sound unless you turn the heat off. (or run away)
Thatiseffingdisgusting
Well said, my friend. Love is strong. some of us can crack through and break their mold. Some just spend years being abused. It's all so sad
Flyms
Yea it's always sad if there is an "ideal" scenario (or a hope for a better one atleast) , which is imaginable but very hard to reach.
dogmatix
maybe they can, maybe they can't. Either way let them do it without you around to be the punching bag while they figure shit out.
Wankathon
What? At 19? Of course they can change, 19 is a baby. If they're 45 it's less likely but 19 isn't even a fully formed adult
ArealJim
I don't know if I accept that. It's a good rule that they're not going to change when presented with the ultimatum of you leaving.I am an1/
ArealJim
Addict & it caused my partner to leave me. It might have been a form of abuse. If she said "me or the drugs." I'd have lied & then sneaked2/
ArealJim
Them in from there on or until I BSed my way to another thing but her leaving me caused profound change, that includes long term sobriety 3/
ArealJim
I didn't do it to get her back, or because I expected anything.I just loved her enough that I wanted to become someone good enough for her4/
ArealJim
To love back(which would obviously be a never ending goal.) Totally not hoping she reads this. But seriously, change is possible, if some5/
whateverthevoicestellme
No, the trap is that they do change, not fast enough, but they do change little by little. And then they lord it over you
AngelWicked803
I don’t believe they want to change.They enjoy the hurt and control they have over u.
Drath101
Then they haven't changed. They can, through extensive therapy, sometimes change. But you should not stay long enough to see it, always leav
ArealJim
Always leave? In regards to what? Being socked in the eye, sure, that's always going to be the right idea but ideas on what abuse is are 1/
Drath101
If the relationship makes you feel unhappy, uncomfortable or unsafe, leave. Even if it isn't due to abuse, life's too short to be miserable
ArealJim
Subject to constant change. Yelling can be abusive. Yet it's ok to get angry. it's even ok to yell at times. Giving absolute advice on a 2/
ArealJim
Topic like this isnt good.Since its"always leave",what if they disagree with leaving b/c it wasnt a clear cut forms of abuse)what then?
Bignizzle656
Some of these comments are fucked.
MeezerStandardTime
I knew what I would see as I read the post.
ThePerfectGif
I’ve been here. Literally woke up to her beating on me because she had a dream that I cheated. ?
ArealJim
Lol I always hear guys complaining about their "psycho gf" getting mad about dream cheating but being beaten for it? That's a new one.
ThePerfectGif
Yup. I was lucky to get away from that one. A lot of people talk about crazy, but I’ve lived through real crazy.
redfeather1
As a 6'2" former bouncer and tough guy, I was in an abusive relationship, she would punch and hit. GET OUT FOLKS! It is NEVER your fault.
ArealJim
Want to know how someone used to work as a bouncer? Dont worry they'll tell you.
redfeather1
It pertained to OP's issue that I shared. A tough guy who got beat up by a much smaller woman. Be glad I'm not a vegan who does crossfit.
KingKolunikus
Doesn't matter how fit you are. As a guy you can't even physically defend yourself or she'll claim you're the abusive one, and be believed.
crackedwalnuts
For either sex isn't cool. Talk it out. And if they won't you should leave. You are worth more.
NewDemosthenes
My ex wife was abusive. Even the marriage counselor took her side. Men who are abused have few resources for help.
DrEhrfurchtgebietend
Same
ArealJim
Mind sharing how she was abusive? Counselor "taking her side" made me curious
NewDemosthenes
She was manipulative. I’ve never seen anyone lie so convincingly.
BecauseCanadian
If the abuser is the manipulative type who charms others, it’s sadly easy for them to get therapists on their side. Even for good shrinks
TheWombatStrikesAgain
No, some people will definitely think less of you. Thereby confirming their status as dumb assholes whose opinion you can safely ignore.
DonkeyGoat
I dated a girl who was abusive. My mom still occasionally tells me she was her favorite of my exes.
Lulabel73
They can be charming when they want to be. That’s how they attract their prey and hide their abuse.
AReptileDisfunction
I'm way luckier, my family told me that they hated her and how she was mean to me... I see I'm not alone in this boat...
HaberdasherInGold
How this conversation should go: “What happened to _____? She was so nice!” Your reply: “Pity she was a cunt.” Be blunt, explain if needed.
AwesomeTeddybear
Altho that's really sad, what do you tell your mother? It's not showing strength that you got bashed and kept the image of the ex perfect
LighterSolid
It's ok to be wrong and admit it. That's strength and growth all in one.
AwesomeTeddybear
Yes exactly!
KillerTofu615
Yep, my parents favorite of my ex's was the one that put a knife to my throat while having a psychotic break which put her in the hospital.
thePyromanic
I'm sorry to say I'm in the same boat on that one
ButtholeMarsBarDispenser
I'm literally in the same boat. I have cigarette burns from my ex and my mum keeps telling me she "loved that she could keeps in line"
Mandarinduckmama
Sounds like mom needs to have less access to you.
ButtholeMarsBarDispenser
I'm 30 now and with a much better partner... But yes you're right.
Mandarinduckmama
Ahh, the decade of the 30's--when you clean all the people out of your life that make you want to slit your wrists. My mother and sister
Mandarinduckmama
And mother in law did not survive that decade. :)
CarlottaVonSprockett
That’s often the case with abusers. They’re so used to manipulating you, they’re good at manipulating others too. They convince everyone /1
CarlottaVonSprockett
including their victims, that they are really good people. It makes it hard to leave. 2/2
Viceroy420
I hope you're doing better man. Im 2 1/2 years out of an abusive relationship and it's had seriously lasting impressions. Good luck bro.
thePyromanic
10 years down the road my friend. It does get easier.
smelseatheawkwardturtle
My mom loved my ex fiancé. But I never told her the abusive side of him. She was mad when I didn’t want to work it out at the end. 1/2
smelseatheawkwardturtle
Once I finally told her the truth she was heart broken that I didn’t tell her. Not that I didn’t mend it with them. They are just unaware.
SmallTiddyGothGremlin
My mom knew what my ex did to me and she would always take his side in disputes. She knew I needed help and she left me to suffer.
Bloodiath
I am very sorry that ever happened to you. No mother should ever do that... I hope you're doing better now at least <33
Kiore
Abusive people are often charismatic towards others, it's an effective isolation/gaslighting technique. :(
Goblinoftheyear
Seconded. When i was in a victim mindset, i felt like if i tried to get help, they'd just take my abuser's side because he was charming.
MouldySanga
Thats so typical unfortunately ? My stepfather hit my mother for 15 years and my grandma still thought he was a "nice guy"
analnipple666
How/why tf did your mom deal with that trash for that long???
MouldySanga
She was raised like that, her father was even more of a monster. It's up to us to break the cycle now.
WarlockSniper
My guess is the kids. It often is the reason for not filing for divorce.
Mechwarrior719
Covidnineteen
Started dating my wife in the middle of a divorce with an abusive man. Every interaction with the inlaws is how the abusive ex was a better
BecauseCanadian
It took me many reads to realize your wife was divorcing the abusive man and not you
Covidnineteen
Son in law. But then again he was a good Christian man and I'm a godless heathen who ruined my wife's relationship with God.
Mandarinduckmama
Stop interacting with them. Life is too short to spend time with people who make you miserable.
chinaPieCreator
No you’re not! Sounds like you’re a better human being than they are
pandro
I hope your wife sticks up for you with them. To the point of diminishing contact. Bible says to leave parents and cleave to spouse, lol.
WarlockSniper
Looks like they prefer faith in the sky man above their daughters happiness. Scumbags, really.
surelyoneoftheseusernamesisavailable
Tell your mum what your ex did and that you never want to hear her say that again.
thePyromanic
My dad doesn't say a word about my abusive ex, my mum still keeps in contact.
Mandarinduckmama
Wow...I can tell by this statement that you're not in a safe environment with these people. Let them go and heal.
thePyromanic
I am many, many miles away and that situation is many many years ago the scars are there, the wounds are gone.
Mandarinduckmama
But the patterns often continue. Just be careful. Everytime I would be slapped with how they really felt about me, I fantasized self-harm.
Aksuuuh
If it was always that simple. My mother sugarcoats literally all the unpleasant things and abuse sounds to have been normal in her time.
Bloodiath
Ain't that the truth. My grandmother once explained how her mother would through KNIVES when she was angry.
Bloodiath
*throw. Am big brain totally....
DonkeyGoat
Oh, she knows.
noneweregiven
Great! It sounds like you have two people that don't deserve to be a part of your life!
Goblinoftheyear
After i told my father that my ex husband raped me, he told me that my ex was a good guy, just a bad husband.
ThankYouForYourTime
I wasn’t raped but my Dad still called my ex “a good man” after I told him about the abuse. I’m so sorry, that hurts so bad. :(
oidaleckmich
Autsch. Fu Daddy.
Goblinoftheyear
Right? Current husband hates him despite never meeting him, as Dad died 3 months after the first divorce was finalized. Bad luck there.
Bloodiath
Oh I'm so sorry... he should be ashamed of that mind set. I hope you are doing better now a days <33
landseer
If I was the father I would react a bit differently.. probably with a baseball bat
Wmcmwa
You shouldn't beat your daughter to death for that wtf?
Goblinoftheyear
Thanks for this, genuinely. That's what he always told me growing up. "I'll hurt anyone who hurts you." Expectation vs. Reality, though...
Xanadulou
I had a similar thing happen. Completely destroyed my trust in him. I'm sorry you had it happen too :/
Velexis
At least you're out of it now though?
ridureyu
My mom taught me that men can’t be abused, and if she hits me it’s probably because I deserved it.
xComputer
Sounds like she was just the first person to abuse you. I am sorry, it’s a terrible thing to have parents that aren’t on your side
cforcalvin
it... sounds like your mom may have been abusive?
CapeCodCaity
I hope you know now that she’s wrong. I have 3 boys and they have as much rights to a loving safe relationship as my daughter does.
tronicles
My mom went berserk 1 time hit me and pulled my hair out over something I didn’t even say. Then told me after the fact I needed to forgive
KristopherGlass
My sister told me if I was cheated on, it's because I wasn't giving the woman all she needed in the relationship and my fault completely.
nyyfan0627
Your sister sounds like someone that cheats, and doesn't want to feel bad about it. She probably knows she is wrong though.
parasP6rsas
Doesn't necessarily make her evil incarnate, just ignorant.
surelyoneoftheseusernamesisavailable
We are never to old or to young to question our fallible parents. I'm afraid she was wrong on that one, my man.
surelyoneoftheseusernamesisavailable
Fuck me. *too
coolcatgray
I hope you have found so many more people in your life that have taught you otherwise, my friend.
ridureyu
I’ve spent my whole life dealing with it and other stuff.
coolcatgray
I'm sorry you've been going through it. You are worth so much, don't let this world cheapen you.
mayodash
She is very very wrong. My mum recently said some women just ask for it when they're being annoying. Glad I'm old enough to know better
bazookasoup
When my wife is being annoying, I tell her she is being annoying. That is the only thing she is asking for. Unless she is asking for food...
Nerubin
Sucks to have an abusive or abuse-enabling mother.
FoxMitchell
My mom tried telling me that... As she was hitting me when I was 16, after I just moved out of my father's because he beat me so bad I'd hav
FoxMitchell
Hand marks and bruises and welts on me all the time. I now will hit anyone back who hits me, no questions ask. I get the respect they want
FoxMitchell
To be treated with, or they don't get me at all
akspartankiiier
Did you punch her and say she deserved it?
Aksuuuh
The way she would see it that she doesn't deserve it as she's a woman
FoxMitchell
My mom. Thought she could do the same after my dad, my fists stopped that
grandfalloon
If that were my mom, I would tell he she's a cunt and then cut off contact.
NotoriousDuchess
Ah, classic well adjusted imgur advice.
J0NY5
If she was your mother you'd be a different person, you'd be closer to the comment poster; you don't know what you would or wouldn't do.
JOSEPHOPOPOP
You wouldn't. Family is special, mothers & fathers are special. We are much more forgiving to them & will listen to what they say.
Aristotelm
I'm sure for you that's true but my parents treated me in ways I will never forgive them for.
cyndrin
Just because I came out of her vagina doesn't make my mother infallible, nor someone who I owe anything to. I've honestly taken less and...
GodTurkey
I mean if you took current me with my attitudes and what not. I could tell you it would be something similar.
ArealJim
"No one will think less of you." Yeah no, unfortunately him believing that sentiment won't change shit about others. You'll be judged for it
ThankYouForYourTime
A male abuse victim was the one that finally got me to leave my ex husband. Fuck the judgement, you might help someone some day. :)
ArealJim
If only it were that easy. You know how some people might consider a woman victim of DV, or a sex crime to be "damaged goods?" Well the 1/
ArealJim
Same issue exists with men but people might actually be worried about what a damaged man is capable of. Men & mental health is taboo in USA
ThankYouForYourTime
I understand the stigma from the ladies side, I don’t doubt men get it too. I’m sorry you went through that.
smorsdoeuvres
blaghart
Bingo. I've had an abusive stepfather, an abusive ex, and an abusive sister in law. Abusers can be any age or gender or "Wokeness"
fennecbutt
But it's also the fact that men grow up learning that they can't say anything about how they feel and when they look outward they see other
fennecbutt
Men in society hiding their feelings, allowing themselves to be used up and discarded. This is why successful male suicide rate is so high..
EvilDeadTed
Unpopular Opinion: Toxic feminine culture encourages that masking.
Mmmmmoist
And the same experiences/social norms that lead you to be the victim, can lead you to be the abuser.
MightAsWellBeCanadian
Oh damn, that sounds eerily familiar to my recent ex. That hurts.
eddbrowne
"One insult is enough." ....... hmmmmmmm
TheRelevancyOfMyNameIsRelativelyIrrelevant
asshole
JadeNB1729
Hey, don't insult your significant other. Seriously. Just because it's common as dirt doesn't mean it's OK.
homoerection
My partner and I never insult each other. We may get frustrated, but we never take it to personal attacks.
JadeNB1729
Good for you! That is as it should be. Arguments and disagreements are OK; insults aren't welcome.
VexionRoe
Lol sure... that's like saying "never be upset in a relationship, it's common as dirt but it's not okay" Yeah... i'll just do that?
JadeNB1729
It is not like saying that. I have been upset and angry many times. I have never insulted my partner in 13 years together, and vice versa.
VexionRoe
Then you are very british. Or i have a very different understanding of an insult than you do. speak to or treat someone with disrespect.
VexionRoe
Personal attacks I get, but any insult no matter what emotional state someone is in at any point in time ever forever?
VexionRoe
After 3-5 years of being with someone you get through the arguments stage but you would never get passed it if you just left anytime someone
JadeNB1729
To be clear, what is the difference to you between a personal attack and an insult?
eddbrowne
One insult could be from anger at a perceived offense. I would not want to bail out after years without supporting evidence.
JadeNB1729
#4 It's "one insult is *enough*": you don't have to leave, but you also don't have to wait for another if you are scared and want to leave.
Kaleopolitus
Leave it to an imgurian to read a piece of text and, rather than dig into its deeper implications, just pick it apart word by word.
Bishybeep
Couples definitely say things to each other. Goes both ways. Not a reason to bail. This person needs this stance after his experiences
JadeNB1729
*Can* be a reason to bail. Both people OK? Don't bail. Feels abusive? Bail. You don't need to stay, you don't need approval to leave.
astrogameguy
100% this! was married to a toxic abuser, and just put up with it. years of feeling guilty for things i liked or were into. so much happier!
barryleaper
first partner was abusive, took me decades to admit t to even myself, ruined my second partner ship, was almost 40 until i worked that out
astrogameguy
when i finally realized, it hit me in the face; almost like an actual, physical slap. once i realized, i was able to process through it lol.
barryleaper
it is hard to process it at the time, it takes a lot of distance and perspective to see it for what it is
astrogameguy
exactly! took me a long time to realize and come around to look it with a bird's eyeview, objectively. then took me a while to understand it
rordin
same shit here, yesterday i had my first normal birthday in years.
squirrelgirl244
Well happy belated birthday!
rordin
thank you, thank you, much obliged.
astrogameguy
same! took me a long time to, for lack of a better word, re-discover who i was and what i had lost for the relationship. welcome home!
astrogameguy
also, happy birthday lol!
rordin
thanks, it was great.
rordin
the kids made it complicated in my case, i had to wait until they grew up enough. and right now someone is paying her dues...
astrogameguy
ah yeah, mine was an easy thing; just property and a few retirement accounts. im sure i got off easy; well, not easy, but easier than most.
delusionaldaydreams
There were probably no legal consequences for her either.
Mirawatts
Well since he's just now talking about years later I'd guess not, huh.
vowofloudness
How could there possibly be if he never told anyone?
craque
maybe she sounds like she could be unstable/motivated enough to hurt him where she couldn't convincingly deny the claims, iunno
ArealJim
Not saying it applies to this situation but there are state laws that oblige LEOs to make arrests regardless "telling" someone. Just sayin
MeezerStandardTime
No indication here that any LEO knew anything.
ForgeoftheWordsmith
I've known way more women who have been abused, but I very briefly dated an abusive partner. Once she told me I was homophobic for not
ghiiiyref
Funny I've known way more men in abusive relationships. And I worked in the care industry. But women are physically hurt worse for sure
ForgeoftheWordsmith
taking it in the ass, I realized that I was not in a good situation. She also told me I was sexist for not wanting to wear a dress. As a
ForgeoftheWordsmith
passionate and active feminist with an active and delightful LGBT friend network, both of these accusations were bonkers to me.
ForgeoftheWordsmith
(To clarify: I am a heterosexual cis man)
Intrspace
Sounds like she's looking for a bisexual man. I'd personally love to do those things. Not sure if with a woman though :p
BecauseCanadian
Thanks for the clarification. I was trying to figure it out
MeezerStandardTime
So many people sexually abuse their partners by pressuring them into sex acts they don't want, and anal is high on that list. Forcing
MeezerStandardTime
someone to participate in their kink is another. I am glad that you got out.
ForgeoftheWordsmith
As am I! The full details are a weird mixed mess of things, but I am also glad I got out.
MeezerStandardTime
Those things are never simple! If they were it would be a lot easier to leave the relationships, or never get into them in the first place.