Bad Anime for Bad People

I have been watching anime longer than some of you guys and gals have been alive, and I was gonna assemble a list of the best old anime you might never have seen. But I lost that list, and decided "Who gives a crap about good anime?" so instead, I decided to list 5 of the worst animes I could remember. I'm not talking boring or dumb; I'm talking "so bad they were good until the became so uncomfortable to watch.' This is a list of anime that you should only watch if you want to punish yourself for a really, really awful sin you have committed. I have excluded 'hardcore' hentai, because when you are looking for the worst use of color and lines in the history of mankind, hentai really is a hole with not bottom. So, without further ado, here they are.

Master of the Martial Hearts (Zettai Shougeki: Platonic Heart)

I saw this one at a con, and let me tell you, I was not ready for it. Supposedly based on a fighting game, this starts off as a truly awful softcore porn/fighting anime with some amazingly silly shit (the chemistry teacher fight...good lord...) and then the 5th and final episode of this anime rolls around and you are just left sitting their slack jawed at what you are watching. It's the most nihilistic, misanthropic, life de-affirming thing I've seen in anime, and you are simply not prepared for it by the comedic awfulness you have spent an hour and a half watching leading up to it.

Voltage Fighter Gowcaizer

Masami Obari directed this one. He has done some pretty amazing stuff, but he is going to hell for this show, and possibly Platinumhugen Ordian. Gowcaizer is an ova about a fighting game from the Neo Geo. It's laughably bad until you get to what my friends always refer to as the incest twins. It was a pair of incestous twins who could fuse their bodies together into one creature. Even without that, it's the worst fighting game anime ever, and that is a hell of a title to claim.

School Days

If you knew the game this was based on, you knew what was going to happen. If you didn't, you were standing on the tracks when the train was coming through. Based on a game that was a mediocre visual novel elevated by it's truly over the top bad endings, you thought you were watching a standard bad harem anime, but there is always this tone that something is off. Then shit gets truly banannas and the plot eventually involves emotional abuse, sexual violence, regular violence, murder and beheadings. If you make it to the end of this somehow 12 episode fever nightmare of an anime, you may want to seek professional help, as there is clearly something wrong with you.

Kodomo no Jikan

I watched all of this show, because I figured I was already on the FBI watchlist for grabbing it, so why not see why. What I saw was not worth it on so many levels. The story of this anime follows a group of third graders, one of whom has a sexual attraction to her 20 something teacher and tries to seduce him. We are also treated to her two female friends, one of whom is a goth attracted to female lead, and another who is also attracted to the teacher. It should clearly be noted that this story takes place in a town that has had some sort of industrial or radiological accident, because best I can tell, all the people are mutants. I say this because all of the characters appear to have lost their noses and the third girl previously mentioned has boobs of a size that most women who have been through puberty have not developed. There's also some domestic abuse and some cousin on cousin incest sprinkled into this series, but that's kinda overshadowed by the rest of the awfulness.

Boku no Pico

I haven't watched this one. But I have talked to someone who has, and he is not quite right in the head. I can't blame this show for it, but I can't write off the possibility either. He also swears there is a recut version that is still as bad but lets it skate under the 'no hardcore hentai' rule I set. The plot summary can be summed up as 'Don't watch Boku no Pico'

Well, you know what its time for