FindingHappiness
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I have been dating my boyfriend for a few months now. I love him a lot. He's a very good guy and the healthiest relationship I've ever had. But there's one problem.
I want kids one day.
He doesn't.
He says that if he had the right partner and that they were financially stable then he would consider it which is something I've held on to.
But
It scares me. I'm worried that we will date for a year or two and then when we start talking about moving in together I'm gonna have to be the ass who almost has to give him an ultimatum. Either we move forward with the relationship with you agreeing to one day have a child with me or we just end it.
I really love him and the idea of losing him is rough. But I don't want to wake up at 40 and resent him because I gave up being a mother for him.
rcgom
motherhood or this relationship: which is more important to you?
GaloisGroupie
I used to not want kids, but I've definitely changed my mind. So it's not like there's no hope.
ComputerDrummer
You said he would consider it. There’s your answer. Keep the convo open and easy but that’s mostly a guy saying, yes but I’m not there yet.
AnubisPriest
Ask him why he doesn't want kids. Is the reasoning something he can get past? Was he abused & wants to stop the chain, etc? Talking is key.
FindingHappiness
His family is pretty toxic so he doesn't have a lot of empathy towards family members. I understand his hesitation but I don't know what(1/2
AnubisPriest
If the relationship is that healthy try to understand, converse, without pressuring. The world is a mess right now too, that doesn't help.
FindingHappiness
that means for us. I'm not demanding a kid now but I'd like to know before I'm 35 and then could have problems getting pregnant.
AnubisPriest
You can always give love a few months more. Maybe he will work through it... maybe not. Either way you could wait a bit to find out.
SLCtechie
1st, realize that you’ve been dating for less than a year. 2nd never rush anything. Especially a relationship. 3rd ultimatums are bad and
SLCtechie
never work (don’t force someone into something they don’t want to do. Eventually their true desires come out). 4th there’s plenty of fish
SLCtechie
in the sea (yes it’s a cliché but it’s true and often needs repeating). You’re human and you have a natural tendency to mate as all animals
SLCtechie
do. You’ll have the same feelings towards others. Lastly, understand that having kids is a huge decision and something you do not give up
SLCtechie
for anything else. (If you had kids now, would you give them up to be with this guy? Probably not) As such, breaking up with someone over
SLCtechie
having kids is not a bad thing. If you are confident you want kids and he’s confident he doesn’t want kids, then there is no compromise and