Fried Pork Cutlets over Rice

Alright you no taste, no talent, 21 and still can't cook, barely functioning adults. It's time to learn you something.

We're gonna make a southern classic.

Lets start with Boneless pork chops, all purpose flour, milk, eggs, some cooking oil and whatever seasonings you got in that bare cabinet of yours.

First Trim the excess fat off those pork chops, cause I know you couldn't afford the pre-trimmed shit. Cut them in half length-wise and then again width-wise until they make little nugget-strips. Now crack those eggs into a bowl and beat the fuck out of them, add some milk to that pool of dead chicken babies.

Next get a seasoned cast iron skillet. Not that you have any idea what seasoned means cause you didn't help yo momma cook, you worthless ingrate. Fill it with enough cooking oil that it would be halfway covering those pork cutlets once you put them in there.

Hey put that down, I didn't say to put the cutlets in yet, ya idjit. Anyways heat that oil up nice and hot while you dip the pork cutlets in the egg wash (that's what it's called you uncultured swine) and then roll them into the flour, which if you knew anything about cooking should have been seasoned to add flavor.

If you paid more attention to the above post than you did in school, you should be ready to start frying them up. So add the now well battered cutlets slowly into the melt-your-flesh-off-hot oil, slowly, slowly.... Haha you still burnt yourself! Hurt like hell didn't it?

Anyways, keep an eye on these cooking and using a Fork, roll them over occasionally so they get cooked all over. When they're a nice golden brown like this picture they are good to go, so lay them on a plate with paper towels on it (to suck up the grease).

Next we make a Roux. That's pronounced Roo, like in Kangaroo. It's French. It's the base by what all homemade gravies are built and it's the single most common thing that people fuck up, even though it's by far the easiest thing to do. So you will probably burn the fuck out it.

So remember all that oil used to fry those pork cutlets? Yeah, well it's super well seasoned now. Grease drippings, mmmm mmmm good.

Take that flour you used for battering and slowly add it to the oil. And stir it constantly. Now, hold up. Maybe you didn t hear me right. I said stir it constantly. That don't mean stop when your arm gets tired, or go make a potty break. You have to babysit this concoction or it will be RUINED. Anyways, keep adding the flour to the oil and stiring the fuck out of it. You want it the consistency and thickness of pancake batter. Now keep storing it and turn the heat on the skillet to medium. Let it slowly cook down as you keep stiring it.

You see this right here? These are flavoring vegetables. Finely diced for ultra flavor spreading. We got white onions, green onions, bell pepper, and a few others that I'm not naming cause secret family recipe and all. Hopefully you had these pre chopped before hand and you got them from the small garden you're growing outside cause organic veggies taste better. But we all know you're lazy as shit, so store bought is fine. For Christs sake you're an adult now, get your life together!

Anyways, dump those veggies into the roux mixture you got going on. Did I tell you to stop fucking stiring? Absolutely not! Let it all cook down nice and good like. Smell that aroma. Now, the darker the roux gets as you cook it down, the more flavor it gets, but too dark and it gets burnt and will taste like shit. When it comes to pork, I prefer a light-brown gravy. When you get it cooked down to where you want it, slowly add water to it, stiring as you add it. The more water you add, the thinner it gets. Thicker gravy is better for things like mashed potatoes and thin gravy is better for rice, but honestly it doesn't fucking matter. I like thick gravy when I fry meat.

Now at this time, I will allow your stirring arm to take a break. Let this simmer for a bit, while you plan on what sides you want. This time I chose some green beans, cause I hate most vegetables, and green beans and corn are about all I'll eat. You need a better balanced diet so by all means pick whatever you want. As long as it's not avocados. You're making fried food for fucks sake and you are going to ruin it with that healthy shit!

Now while it's cooking down be sure to taste test the gravy and add extra seasoning should it need it. When it's taste is too your liking, not that you know what good flavor is anyways, it's time to start cooking the rice.

Which I'm not going to show you, cause.lets face it if you can't operate a simple fucking rice cooking machine that does the hard work for you, then you have no business being in a kitchen, you would probably burn water if I gave you the chance.

Here it is, a finished product. Rice, gravy, fried pork cutlets and green beans. Fuxk that playing bullshit you see at fancy restaurants, no one really cares about that shit. Now i know you cant afford real kitchenware, so Pile it all on a paper plate (Styrofoam actually, paper isn't strong enough to hold all this good food) and unhinged your jaw like a snake so you can shovel it into your mouth like the primative Neanderthal you are.