Welcome to the future, Imgur.

You're sent back to the year 1983, fuck. No internet, no internet PORN. The fuck are you going to do? Luckily, your good friend J. Paul Getty has given you a few hundred million dollars to play with. Don't worry, here's a list of things that MIGHT make you feel more at home.
1. the General Electric Widescreen 1000 projection TV "75 screen.( Get your Flatscreen?)

Looks pretty sweet huh? Well, it's essentially a much tinier CRTV screen reversed and projected onto a reflective screen. So, yeah it was bigger, but the quality was pretty shit.

2. the SONY KV-4000 (1980)
(Get your HD on)
This motherfucker was the highest resolution you could get before
HD tv came out. The Highest Dot Pitch (kinda like PPI) you could get.

Since there is no native resolution for CRT TV, we can only speculate, but I think it's getting up into the 600's.

3. LaserDisc, 1978
https://youtu.be/PRFQm0eUvzs?t=6m48s(DVD Laserdisc example) (Early DVD-ish)

The grand-dad of our video tech, except fuck disks.
But, back then this was the best shit you could get.

Multiple audiophiles, ability to pause without destroying, Lasts longer and a fuck-ton higher quality overall. Over twice the resolution of VHS, director's features, menus. It was tight.

You'll absolutely need one of these babies, a LaserDisc ripper. You can use it to rip anything on the screen, even VHS tapes, which you'll probably do a lot. (or just get your servants to do it).

Of course, you'll be needing some space. The cool thing is, it doesn't take up as much space as VHS.
The bad thing is, you better have good organization skills. Make sure your porn section is hidden, or don't I'm not your mom.

4. Cray XMP - 1982 "super-computer" (earliest working prototype)
(Play minecraft?)
This baby had 4 cores at 250MHz, X-MP CPU (105 MHz), 2 GB of RAM, disc drive. Fiber-Optic links and only cost around 15 million dollars.

So, It could probably barely be able to play a modded Minecraft at lowest settings. But if you managed such a feat (somehow getting a copy of Minecraft compatible with the cray XMP) You would be king of the nerds, play it on your SONY KV-4000 for maximum effect!

5. HP-01, (Advanced Calculator Watch) 1977
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gGQrsSEaZkI(Some functionality of a modern cellphone)

This piece of sweet tech would only run you about $600.
It had an alarm, a clock, a calculator, a date. Stop-watch. and well, a dick load of things.http://www.hpmuseum.org/features/01f.htm

These are now worth thousands of dollars.

6. Polaroid Polavision - 1978
(instant playback, color film)
(Youtube without the instant sharing)

You're back in time and you don't want to deal with all the bullshit film developing and sensitive camera manual tech. Fear not, this bitch will make it incredibly easy to film. You don't have to wait long, but you can't get it uploaded to the internet... which blows.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dymsGytgpd0

7. (1973??- 1983) Motorola DynaTAC/ DynaTac prototypes.
First cellphones- "The Brick"
If you could get your money-grubbing hands on a prototype, you could theoretically go back fuckin' years and make those sweet,sweet calls way back in the day. However, it's not likely to be the best.

"CarPhones" were using this tech for ages before this came out, but it didn't have the cell battery. The inventor made the first call in 1973 (to the wrong number no less). There isn't a ton of production history, but i'd wager around 1975 when it was patented you might be able to buy off a Motorola employee or two.

In 1983 you could use prototypes if you were testing them, so it's feasible. in 1984 it was commercially available for around $9,000 (with inflation).

8. Panasomic AG-1980P VCR/EDITOR HiFi - 1980
(Some functionality of Youtube)
Record your shows on this bitch in the highest of Fi's with pretty good timing accuracy. Bonus Points for ripping it onto laserdisc. This was like, the best you could get.

9. Buy a fucking radio station,(MP3 player)

You want the ability to play whatever music you want without having to carry around like a billion records? Just buy a fucking radio station and have them play the music YOU want by calling in and telling them exactly what the fuck you want to listen to.

You may have to purchase thousands upon thousands of albums and employ a staff full-time. But hey...

9.3 And some Koss Pro 4AAA headphones. - Titanium. (1976)
Probably the best headphones you'll get with a headphone jack.

Good Bass, Good clarity. No complaints.

9.6 1970s Panasonic RF-2200 Portable Multi-Band Radio (1975)

Good Range and quality. Good battery length, decent support.

9.9 Atlas 215X solid state transceiver - 1977
(Podcast?)

This HAM radio could do it all. you'll want this motherfucker.

11. ALOHAnet Ethernet Lan - 1970
(Email, essentially)

This baby could talk to literally dozens of other users throughout Hawaii. It also had control with 1G cellphones for some kind of archaic text messaging too. You see this chick? You got a chance with her, probably not. But there's a girl on the Alohanet. Just lettin' you know.

For maximum fun, get rich friends and spam shit all over it.

12. Kodak Carousel Projector - 1983.
Instagram.

Wanna see like, a thousand photos of someone's dumb vacation?
Well, now's your chance. With photo trays, projection and a fairly compact form.

ALSO a side screen! sweet huh?

13. Project Gutenberg 1971
Internet-ish. (still available today!)

https://www.gutenberg.org/

You want access to a buttfuck of information? If you get access to Michael Hart's Xerox Sigma 5 computer and upload all those early e-books onto your own mainframe, you got yourself a fuckin' library in a tiny box. You COULD use your CRAY xmp, but there's another way.

14. Bernoulli box 1983
A whopping 230 mb of memory!

About 4 of them could hold roughly 3,000 books. Easy access, plug it into your computer and get those fuckin' ebooks. Now, by 1983 Project Gutenberg might have not had the impressive 50,000 books it has today, but by the year 2000 it had 10,000.. so. probably, i dunno 3,000 sounds like a good guess.

Is that close to the internet? Fuck no. Is it a start? Barely.
You could always go to the library I suppose.

15. Get a Fukin' NES. - 1983
Not the best tech, but pretty fucking sweet games.

16. Get a fukkin' IBM Personal Computer XT. - 1983
(you know, or Apple 2, or Comadore.)

First Dial-up gaming, BBS boards, early internet like stuff. More powerful than its predecessors.
Golden early pc games.

Yeah, you've got a super computer, but this is way fucking easier for these games. I dunno, you could probably just use the software on your badass super computer but. fuck it. Here's a computer. take it.

17. Cocaine

You'll probably like it. Why not.