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I miss kissing my wife so much it hurts. I know it takes time to get over some things and that a week is nothing in the grand scheme of things, but I guess I expected it to get better bit by bit as time passed instead of worse every day. I thought she'd forgive me or that I'd miss her less.
What happened wasn't my fault, I know, but it's hard not to feel like I could've done something to prevent it, should have had some premonition or just been more cautious in general. I should never have let this creep get so close to me, this sicko that I took in and cared for because I thought he needed someone. I think I can forgive myself, but I know that I'll never get her forgiveness.
The darker part of me thinks that if I had just kept it a secret, if she had just never found out, that it would've been okay. But my conscience would probably have got the better of me eventually, and keeping a secret for so long would have made it even worse when it came out.
So telling her was the right thing to do, though I don't know if I told her because I was trying to be a good person or because I didn't understand the consequences of what I was saying. I'm just holding out for the day when enough time has passed that we might be able to go back to the way things were.
TL;DR: My wife won't kiss me or let me kiss her since the cat sneezed barf into my open mouth last week.
Cat tax: The creep.