What is Gaslighting?

Purpose: define Gaslighting, share my experience and share a song I made on the experience... maybe help someone else recognise the signs of abuse.

'Gaslighting is a form of manipulation that often occurs in abusive relationships. It is a covert type of emotional abuse where the bully or abuser misleads the target, creating a false narrative and making them question their judgments and reality.'- verywellmind.com

A few years ago I was in quite a toxic and, yeah abusive relationship. That is difficult to say as a man. We are supposed to be strong and resilient. So to admit that at one point there was someone who was so in my head that I didn't know what was real anymore is difficult to admit.

Narcissism- 'Narcissism is a self-centered personality style characterized as having an excessive interest in one's physical appearance and an excessive pre-occupation with one's own needs, often at the expense of others.'- oxfordlearnersdictionaries.com

I was told that I was a narcissist. I was given lots of examples and had the idea reinforced to me. Anytime I expressed any selfish behavior, I was told it was because I am a narcissist. Whenever I tried to defend myself, I was told that it was okay to treat me in such a way because I was a narcissist and that was the exact kind of behavior that I myself was demonstrating. At first I did not believe it, I argued and fought against it. But after a time, I accepted that I was a bad person and a narcissist and that I deserved to be treated badly because that was how I was treating the people around me.

It wasn't until the relationship ended and I saw a therapist that I learnt otherwise. I said to my therapist, 'I think I may be a narcissist, I don't like it'. She said, 'Narcissists don't worry that they are narcissists'. 'oh', I said.

I remember being kicked in the head and instantly and for years after, I was told that it did not happen. I am pretty sure I would remember being kicked in the head. Though I was convinced that it happened, after a time, with constant reassurance, I was not so sure anymore. I just kind of let it go, I knew but I was convinced I was in love...

Got told sometime later, 'reverse the genders and then ask again if that kind of behavior is okay'

It was a rocky relationship and toxic at best. But I suppose I just wanted to get this part off of my chest and maybe help anyone who is going through the same thing to recognise it and get out of such a relationship. That kind of abuse will go for as long as you let it.

I thought you might like a nice meme in these trying times!

Anyway, I promised you a song! And besides outdated memes that may/may not of been created in the boomerverse (we try not to judge), all I really have to offer you is my music!

Dear Michael
https://soundcloud.com/mark-ld-acraman/dear-michael?utm_source=clipboard&utm_medium=text&utm_campaign=social_sharing

I really like this song and am very proud of it. I wrote a book a few years ago, the protagonists name was Elizabeth. It was about an intelligent young woman trying grow up in the parts of Essex that I am from. She tries to be an adult. She tries to learn, expand her mind, she tries to look after her little brother. She tries to find love.

But all she finds is men older than her that sexually assault her. Her little brother is stabbed while under her protection for one such man to get at her flesh. It documents the degradation and stupor of the young woman that could have been anything. I suppose I was reading Anne Frank at the time, and I suppose that kind of theme surrounds Anne Frank (could have been anything but was destroyed by the fascist men in the world she lives in). It looks at the other young women her age and how they have dealt with the world around them: most are alcoholics. Some have accepted the culture of sexual assault. Some are quiet. Very quiet. There are no positive messages in the book I wrote, eventually the character finds solace in death. She is happy with the most meager of afterlives.

Anyway, one day the Character of Elizabeth came to me in dream! She wanted to say goodbye to a man who said he was in love with her, when in reality he was just using her to rebound.

This song is called 'Dear Michael'.

I hope you enjoyed my post, I hope you got something out of it, I know I did! :)

And as so often before, I shall be seeing you, Space Cowboy.