Groovechild
1573
9
5
I'd like to share my method for snow-blowing the driveway. Hopefully some of you will benefit from my experience.
First, you need to plan ahead. About a day before the storm, take a trip down to your local packy and pick up a bottle of Jager.
Second, chill that fucker down in your freezer; overnight will do. It is recommended that you do a few shots after it's been chilling to verify temperature and consistency. Don't worry about the taste. It tastes like shit...at first. But it gets better with repetition.
Third, when you've determined that an adequate amount of snow has necessitated you to clear all or some of it from your driveway, remove the Jager from your freezer, grab a shot glass and head out into the great, beautiful winter wonderland that the fates have seen fit to bestow upon you.
Fourth, place the Jager and the shot glass in a convenient snowbank (pre-chilling the shot glass will help keep the snow from forming an icy layer on it if that sort of thing bothers you, but I kinda like it). See above for reference.
Note: It is VERY important that this snowbank is both easy to get to and out of the direct line of snow removal. This cannot be stressed enough. Heartache, frustration and in some cases, rage will ensue otherwise.
Fifth, from your starting point (Where the Jager is), take a shot. Place the bottle and shot glass back and make your pass (I have an 85' driveway that goes uphill a bit, so for me I head up to the street, turn around and head back toward my house. Your situation will vary so plan accordingly).
Sixth, when you return to your starting point, Take another shot.
Seventh, repeat steps 5 and 6 as many times as necessary.
You may begin to feel a warm glow in your belly and an astringent, buttery aftertaste on the back of your tongue. Remain calm, this is both normal and the desired effect. After several passes your outlook on the wintry mayhem will ease and disposition will improve. Your passes may become somewhat erratic, but you will likely not give a fuck. Have another shot, it'll be fine. You may start to look forward to the next storm; again, remain calm, this is normal. Just remember to plan ahead and be sure you keep adequate supplies on hand. Continue until the driveway is cleared, the Jager is gone or something shiny distracts you and you move on to something else. Currently, I clear about a half dozen of my neighbors' driveways per storm. Someone will typically get a burn barrel going and it turns into a social event. your results may vary.
Well, time to head out. Wish me luck.
Hope this helps. Have fun out there!
sayitsoooooooooo
And the next morning you will awake to a cleared driveway of snow and not know how that happened. Perfect
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Groovechild
Package store, aka, any store where booze is sold. We call them Packies around here.
izzmonster
Thats the most racist thing I've ever heard. Get off the internet for a while dude.
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izzmonster
I've heard things that are as racist. There's nothing more racist than finding racist things where they don't exist. He fucking spelled it
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izzmonster
You dont seem to understand. If i say pack, and you immediately think "he's talking about a pakistani" that nakes YOU the racist
izzmonster
Pack how do you get pakistani? You're so blind to your own racism. I've never heard of a package store or heard someone call it a packie but
izzmonster
knew exactly he meant.