Work is stressing me out so bad that I can't sleep. I kind of want to die, haha.

I'm not suicidal, just really REALLY depressed and anxious about talking to my boss tomorrow.

I know no one cares and that's fine. Here goes: I've only had one dream or goal in my entire life and that had has been to financially support my parents so that they wouldn't have to worry about losing the house or going bankrupt. Last year my Dad lost his job and I took a break from school and other work to get a full time job with him in Dallas to help the family. We worked as customer service guys for about half a year at this company and he eventually got a better job in the same company in Utah that paid more. Dad pulled some strings and found me a better job in Utah for me as well. Two months later he lost that job too and moved back to Texas to be with mom again. so my parents stayed barely afloat using my mom's part time money and money from my job. So for about the last eight months I've been struggling to keep this fancy office job without much education on it. My boss has helped me out a lot but I've made big mistakes over the last 8 months, policy breaches and so forth that have gotten me in trouble. The biggest blow came when my work computer was stolen at McDonalds which, of course, I never got back. I've worked my ass off to improve so I can keep this job and help my parents out and finally my dad got a new job last month that is much better than his old one! Hooray! Only, it's a temp job that only goes six months. Now the pressure is on me to keep this job until he can make sure the job is permanent just in case they need my help. However, despite my best effort I had a small policy breach last week that put me on a 90-day probationary period. Then, because I got sick and overslept last Friday I came in to work super late. Despite the fact that I followed as close to policy as I could (I called ahead, got here as soon as I could), they still counted it as a "no-call, no-show". And now I'm on my last legs. If I mess up at all in the next 90-days my ass is fired and I'm sort of stranded in Utah.

In a roundabout way, I've lived my dream. I helped my parents out of a rut. On the other hand, I realized I don't have many worthy aspirations in this world. Everything I've lived for or had interests in have all been linked to money. Even practicing art and writing were all ideas I came up with to make money for mom and dad. I don't like myself, I sabotage my own relationships with girls because I don't think I can provide for them. I'm all around just kind of a shitty, self-absorbed and materialistic person. I'm told often by that I'm pretty smart but I don't think there's anything smart about hating yourself or being depressed. I feel like a loser. And since I can't sleep I'll probably lose my job tomorrow. I have no idea what I'll do then. . . Probably watch all of Rick and Morty on a binge while eating ice cream before my account goes dry.

Tl;dr On probation at work, if I screw up at all in the next 90 days I'm out of a job and kind of stranded. Feeling like my life's ambitions are pointless and shallow. Want to die but will probably just binge Rick and morty since no ones gonna kill me.