idontevenknowsillymonkey
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3841
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Ehhh
I was young - probably 12 or 13.
I remember watching a movie and seeing guys talking about sexual experiences and one of them comparing a bad encounter to fucking a cup of water.
Wheels turned in my head and I thought, "Hey, maybe....". So, I went into the kitchen, got a low but wide cup and filled it with water. I stripped completely naked, turned off most of the lights, put the cup of water on the ground and started doing awkward push ups kind of dipping my junk in and out of the water.
After a little while of this, I stopped and sort of realized how ridiculous I was (and honestly I don't know what I had been expecting). I haven't told anyone about this, just because of how friggin' stupid it was, but every time something reminds me inexperience sexually or bungled sexual encounters I think of this experience.
TL;DR OP fucked a cup of water and was not a satisfied customer
foxfloof
As a kid my schlong was so flexible I fucked myself.. couldn't understand why I liked it so much... OH WELL.
DespiseEveryone
Those who believe in homeopathy, your drinking water was fucked by op.
mynameisquestionable
anyone else try fucking a stuffed animal ?
GlowingKira
Glad to know I am not the only one who made poor sexual choices.
Schadenfreude8
It's actually amazing how many weird stories like this we suppress yet almost anyone and everyone can relate in some way.
zoedaddy305
I used to stick my dick in between my mattress. No shame here brother.
2pink2stink
I had a hole in mine I used.
ssdoomcraft
JOSH??? I'm the water... you just up and left me one day and... what's a cup of water supposed to think?
MiScusiMiScusi
CMcAwesomeville
Nice one!
33YearOldManBaby
"American beer is like having sex in a canoe, it's fucking close to water, but still is pleasure"
MrRandom314159
It's like making love in a canoe.
Rogahar
It is a simple fact of life that boys going through puberty will try to fuck -anything- in the hopes it feels good.
Stevegurian
That's the best TL;DR ever.
veryreasonablecat
I coughed, laughed and dribbled at that tldr
idontevenknowsillymonkey
Thank you, sir.
sahdad
Harropotamus
Did you get your dick wet?
MethGasolinePissLemonade
I was about 6 or 7 and put my dick in one of those large bottles of bubble bath. Needless to say it did not end well.
natabus
Dude... you Thirsty.
AbsoluteFuckingWaffle
Hey, at least you weren't 30 and doing that. Not saying I did that at 30, just you know... uh actually nevermind.
sahdad
It was waffles.
AbsoluteFuckingWaffle
Goddammit dad, you're embarrassing me.
XxOnlinedudexX
But did you stomp the waffles afterwards
AbsoluteFuckingWaffle
Nah, I just kinda poked 'em with my dick as if I thought they'd come alive at any moment. Okay, maybe a lil stomping.
XxOnlinedudexX
i like where this is going
Behomie
I always make jokes about being hydrosexual, but damn OP took it a step further.
digitalutopia
I don't think that's what they mean by "water sports".
SeanRea121
Bet you didn't make much of a splash did ya
Galaxianimations
I read that in an Aussie accent for some reason and it just made it so much better
timetCandyCat
georgecostanzalatexsalesman
"If you have a 12 year old boy he's probably at home right now fucking your house"- Louis ck
beanieandcecil
The original tea bagger
PopularParrots
yes
CaptainLongJohnSlither
Moist.
kingflurpynurps
At that age, anything is game ball!
HeyOP
1) I want to say "admit it, even the cup of water went dry at the prospect of sex with you" but I *really* think you saw American Pie and
HeyOP
2) figured something similar would make a decently popular confession.
idontevenknowsillymonkey
I wish this wasn't part of my past, it'd make for a more satisfying smile while talking about it.
HeyOP
If this is the most embarrassing thing you did to try to get your nut, you're a lucky squirrel.
idontevenknowsillymonkey
I suppose...I've done some pretty embarrassing stuff, but not to get my rocks off.
FreshyM
A women I worked with received an urgent call from her son panicking, asking her to get home quick. Took her in my car and said would wait.
FreshyM
Very quickly appeared with him, jeans on with a towel shoved down front, blood everywhere. Dropped them off at a&e and left to clean car.
FreshyM
Found out that he was experimenting in shower with a glass full of conditioner and almost cut his cock off. The glass smashed. Apparently.
FreshyM
after microsurgery, he made a full recovery.
ClaymoreDog
Heh, 'micro' surgery
BurgerExplosion
dad walks in
43rdpresident
NSFW http://imgur.com/9tf3iLR
NoOne428
CringeMetal
"hey dad, nothing suspicious going on here"
TheRicM
http://www.lifegag.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/tumblr_n3e1xokT9L1rxi745o1_500.gif
orangemarmaladesky
ILIKETurtlesAndTrains
Bonerhitler
I once convinced my best friend to jerk off with icy hot. He was real mad the next day when he showed up at lunch to report back.
5NoteHalf
I'm surprised you're alive.
Bonerhitler
We were in middle school, if we got caught fighting I would have told the teachers why. Because that's hilarious.
JoeButtcrack
And now you know it feels to bang my ex. Ask anyone.
As4mi
At least you made her really moist
AppleFoster
Can confirm. Fisting his ex felt like punching into the air!
squidbastard
hey we have all tried putting it in things that didnt make sense
digitalutopia
To be honest, I didn't realize she was crazy at the time.
ThisIsNotTheGreatestAccountInTheWorldNoThisIsJustATribute
Or putting in things that don't make sense. We ladies do weird shit too.
squidbastard
oh i know, iv seen those documentaries
DamnumAbsqueInjuria
I once sucked my own dick when I was about that age.
polymetricr
Username checks out.
Linnywtf
Was it like sucking a dick or having your dick sucked?
Icecold11111
Yes. (Honestly it's not worth the effort)
joleeen
"Once"
RooplePooples
LOTS of people did
MrCannibal
Canisiel
I was under the impression all men tried this at one point in their lives.
2pink2stink
There’s 2 types of men,those who tried it and liars.
itsppearsyoucanindeed
God knows I tried, but I was not the flexible sort. Or the junk aint big enough
perfectbosom
If I had a dick I would do yoga and shit just to be flexible to suck my own dick.
MGM93
I'm 23 and can. You gain nothing so don't worry
th3re4p3r
I was
FlintstonesChewableMorphine
Ohhh. That prolly wouldn't be acceptable as an adult huh? Asking for a friend
WhenISaySpaceYouSayPants
Not so much a matter of acceptable as much as much more limited flexibility. And a gut...
BekkarAman
It aint anyone else's business
greenking13
Who cares if it's "acceptable as an adult"? You do you.
aaakeith
Heheheh
blazingpeacock
Literally
DarkSideOfImgur
Ive attempted this..ended up stuffing my dick into a vacuum hose.
ihaveapunningclan
Remember that story about a guy who did this and the vacuum was caused by a fan in the nozzle? Totally not true, but still, what an image.
BC2k2
How'd that work out for you?
DarkSideOfImgur
Pretty great actually until it started to suck the balls up and I felt like the life was draining out of me
heliorsomethingisuppose
This is the sort of thing that belongs on 4chan as a greentext story.
MapleCurry
>be me
iamjacksboredmind
> Around 12, beta virginfag
Jusmar
>see alphas talking about how bad sex is like fucking water
superfinn
Nah he ain't no creep! He's cool. Easy D!
Mafffuman1
It's not as sexy as a whale.
idontevenknowsillymonkey
If I were to put it onto a greentext, I just might get reposted as an urban legend every once and awhile...I can't be immortal.
NoOneYouNeedToKnow
.
Wavestormed
It's too late. We never forget.
Hugggaathon
A bee me qt... do it do it now
4chansdboard
It's too late!
derptardaction