adjunctum
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Small steps...
Last time I went out two weeks ago alone, I ordered an appetizer from the server and then spent 10 min in the bathroom trying to calm down. Didnt work, felt like i was going to die, and went to the back to the table and told the server I got an emergency call and needed to leave. This time I made it through the appetizer (still went to calm down in the bathroom, though) and was waiting on the entree when it hit hard again. When the entree was delivered, I did the "Emergency call" bit again and rush paid and left. Well, I made it at least 20min there instead of 10. I didnt calm down until i got home and in my room with the door closed. It's crazy I know... I get small attacks on the way to work but keep super busy to distract myself. I hate life at work when it's slow because it creeps up. So I start doing everyone's sidework to stay busy and distracted from my pounding heart and wondering why I am breathing in manual mode. Everyone thinks I am so nice but really I am just trying not to feel like I am about to have a heart attack and die. I am just happy I made progress.
TL;DR - OP has social anxiety and panic attacks. Made it halfway through dinner out alone before leaving. Is happy for progress.
Update: I am literally a 39yr old man crying right now because the FUCKING internet is concerned about me and actually helping. Fuck all of you. I just wanted to be happy about my step. (DEEP BREATH ) ok... Thank you.
So many DM's… I am not alone! Some quick/short answers…
1. No, I don’t know why it started or what triggered it as I only know when it’s happening. Each time is different but there are some obvious triggers which I am trying to address.
2. I try multiple things to control it but here are the main three:
a. Genuine laughing. No matter how far down the rabbit hole I am, laughing always helps.
b. Rapping. I am no [enter your favorite rapper here] or am an aspiring rapper, but I recite my own rap lyrics have written and try and hone my skills.
c. Walking and counting. If I can, I go for a walk and count steps or seconds and try to see how high I can get. I focus very hard on being consistent. Try counting in the thousands and not make a mistake.
d. Many other suggestions go here, but I probably tried them, and the above three help me. If it’s new to me (DM's or comments), I will probably try it.
3. No, I don’t take medicine or seek professional help for this. I am not against it but if I cant conquer this, I will.
4. I wish I lived near you so we could conquer this together. No one was close.
5. I don’t mind talking to you, trying to get to you all.
6. Thank you. (That’s for all the support DM's)
You all are so awesome.
Sorry if the above sounds harsh, just getting to the point.
Andbrie86
That's awesome! I Also suggest reading Jenny Lawsons "Furiously Happy". And remember everyone is just pretending to be good at it.
cattingtons
Ive been there, my friend. Take some distraction- a book, a movie on iPad, some knitting. I enjoy eating alone now.
blitz717
Take it slow but keep at it. Celebrate the little things.
stabaracadabara
My suggestion: bring a book. I take myself on dates all the time. I bring a good book to read.
joshybones
@OP
LiterallyYourMom
One of the big things that got me over anxiety was the realization that nobody in public really cares about you, they care about themselves.
beaglefeatures
I often go out to drinks, dinner and the movies by myself. I know this won't help the anxiety, but as someone not suffering from 1/2
beaglefeatures
this condition, I can tell you, nobody else cares. Keep it up, and soon it will be the easiest thing in the world. 2/2
Akiru
I get overwhelmed in similar situations, but I'm learning that it's a process. You're doing great! One step at a time :)
understandable
Damn, you have more balls than I do! I'll start doing it too!!
Shitheid
Good luck dude! You’ll get there
peacefulwarlord
Well done sir, your efforts are impressive and your improvements well earned
PeriwinkleBlueTick
Keep it up and don’t give up @OP. Been in those shoes before and I know it’s a mind fuck but you’ll be 100% fine :)
adjunctum
It's so weird that I know it's happening. Makes me worse knowing that. Makes me feel out of control and makes me worry if it's real. Hate it
boopbeepbuup
I recommend this audible: “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck” trust
Proxymanity
How are you at places like McDonalds without waiters but there's still people?
Hemelsblauw
DelusionsOfMediocrity
Do you find it easier if you go out with other people?
adjunctum
Always. It doesn't get serious when I do.
adjunctum
I should clarify... People I know only. (i.e. BE, Family.)
etcnotect
You're kind of like me
dunzilla
I know the struggle well. Panic attacks are no joke. I got really close to ending it all multiple times because of them. It gets better
C141Clay
I've spent 10+years fighting the fight, what you're doing works, finding the right docs is tough. Just had a breakthrough last summer >
C141Clay
> and am finally convincing my docs it's something organic, not mEnTAl. Keep after yourself to push for any tests you can think of. I
C141Clay
EatsBees
We're here for you!! And very proud of you!!
SayonaraSally
Probably been covered but go talk to someone about this. I went through it a while ago, probably worse than you are now, and I made it thru
electrohed
I take medication for this exact same thing. It's called Venlafaxine. Please look into it, but at least speak with a doctor or psychiatrist.
Pc101
Im always alone
Primotimewaster
ELbootyWarrior
Hey man you did a little better this time . You are doing good.
drone7
I take magnesium, ashwagandha daily and l-theanine twice a week as needed along with regular exercise. finally got my anxiety under control.
SteveMND
If it's not rude to ask, what exactly is it that worries you? The idea of eating alone in a public setting, or just being around so many?
adjunctum
Not to be so sad, but both. Both for some reason bother me. I used to be the guy who didn't give a shit. Now... I can't function socially.
kassaKing
Damn I feel ya I used to be so carefree and then I had one panic attack and bam! Couldn't be normal but now my pills have saved me.
chupacabra505
Doctors should prescribe panic attack buddies. Someone wanna help me ride the trains in chitown and take me to crowded places.
AFriendToAllDogs
I actually really need a Chicago panic buddy. The trains scare me & the buses are even worse.
blairmichod
My doctor prescribed a panic attack buddy called Xanax.
dtardif
Any progress is great, good job tonight! Keep on plugging away, you'll get to where you want to be. Rooting for you!
adjunctum
Thank you.
HermioneGrangersLeftTesticlesFungalGrowth
Does reading a book help? Or being on imgur?
SociallyAwkwardCanadianMoose
You can make it passed desert if you keep at it.
BoredLibrarian13
Good luck mi amigo, you’re not alone
keeljoy189
I'm sorry that people feel uncomfortable doing things like this. So many activities like eating, going to a movie, watching sporting events
keeljoy189
etc, are things where your focusing on the event and not on people around it. So its perfectly fine to go by yourself.
CdnDecoy
Ever?
DamageAxis
Never ever.
StunnedGoofy
Nevevevever!
CrazyLikeEd
Do you take distractions besides your phone? Nobody would judge you with a super thick book
nettiebean
I need to do this. I like to eat alone and usually am on my phone while eating. On a few occasions people would ask if a guy was on his 1/
nettiebean
way and I've had managers say, "Don't worry, he'll get here" even after saying I was not expecting anyone. I asked for a table for 1... 2/2
drago1337
I've definitely ate out alone with a book many times. Maybe for @OP a favorite read could help with calming down?
adjunctum
I hate to mention this, but, even reading imgur unless it makes me laugh doesn't work. Laughing helps me. It's my antidote as I have found.
adjunctum
I know it sounds weird, but it is true. Even a chuckle starts to calm me.
ViciousOtter
Ask the waiter to tickle you
adjunctum
But you can only see something so many times before it's just a "heh". That's what I think is a part of my problem. I never laugh anymore.
EatsBees
Also, I recommend a video compilation of cats talking for some good giggles every now and then :)
EatsBees
Create a YouTube playlist of a bunch of videos to make you laugh. When stressed, just pick one and put it on shuffle!
LRWerewolf
What you're doing is actually a common treatment protocol -- acclimatization. Keep at it, it gets better. Also, if you're not taking meds
cmachamood
Have a friend at work who has learned to acclimatize to the point I hadn't ever noticed when they told me one day. Keep at it OP
Imfromvenusapparently
I forced myself to speak to strangers. Even just a quick sentence complimenting their hair or clothes. I built it up from there.
HydroSean
im a normal person and i would never go to a restaurant alone unless i needed to kill time
OreosAreTerrible
Yeah, your own avoidant behaviour is the real killer with anxiety. Do whatever it takes (within reason, no getting hammered!) to keep trying
ChrisMcDude
I like to think of socializing as a skill, and all it really takes is practice.
RoodKontjeAapje
Indeed. I've done an internship in childrens' psychiatry and this is the approach they always take for anxiety issues.
Flyndaran
You don't know OP. Sometimes no amount of trying will fix things. That's the sad truth of reality. Some times just living is the success.
JaneXSpock4evah
Thank you for this.
MyPalmsSpaghettiKneesWeakArmsSpaghettiTheresVomitOnMySpaghetti
@OP take note, this person knows what they're talking about. Also, if it's not a super fancy restaurant, you could take your laptop along 1/
MyPalmsSpaghettiKneesWeakArmsSpaghettiTheresVomitOnMySpaghetti
And "work" (type/browse Imgur) so that you don't feel like an unusual sight, and it takes your mind off of the situation. (2/2)
LRWerewolf
yet, having suffered both, trust me -- they can massively help you. Even if you only take 'em for a while to get over the hump, they help
Inappropriator
Don't start with medication. Keep doing what you do, it will get better. Meds are the devil. Talking from experience. Meds and depr/anx.
vogelburg
Thank you. It scares me how many people here treat this lightly. Its a drug after all and prescripted way to frequently. Do exercises
RoodKontjeAapje
I talked to a guy on imgur with social anxiety issues and he told me he was never given meds despite consulting many psychiatrists. Strange?
ImHereToGetDownvotes
Medication isn't the be all end all solution, especially for some people. Sure, doctors could have tried for him at some point, but 1/?
ImHereToGetDownvotes
only they know the reason they didn't. For me, I have anxiety, but refuse to be on medication because I am scared of addiction. 2/2
Retrikaethan
i can confirm efficacy of medication for extreme anxiety as well as the long term effectiveness of acclimatization.
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thelightinchains
Vodka.
CrimsonShortOne
I will be another one to suggest this! I still take a low dose of mine, it helps keep me even enough that I can deal with the anxiety
THRILLHOUSE69
This. It's a massive quality of life boost
klucky
@op