missjmjmjm
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I have a therapist (we all should!). But she has never personally experienced it. Recommended I talk to someone that has. We were over 3years together. I fell for the love bombing. And now I feel stupid. But I know I shouldn’t. I am in “no contact” and he has his new “supply” (he got engaged 4 months after we broke up). He broke my 8yos heart. I should have protected her, but i was in his cycle. I keep thinking of what I will say to him if I ever see him (he lives 3 blocks from my work, I have seen him drive by once and his car parked as I got on the freeway… and I just ignore… but it is inevitable that we will see each other in person). I just need someone who has gone through it and is safe on the other side to talk to…….. THANK YOU! ( ? tax…. I know- I dont have a cat)
Pinky135
I advise everyone going through a breakup to write themselves a letter. Describe your past relationship, how you felt about it when it was at it's top, how your feelings changed over time, and how you feel now that it's over. Take as long as you want. If you ever feel doubt about whether youve made the right choice, or regret, or want to contact them again, read the letter back. Remind yourself what happened and why you shouldn't.
varyael
My go tos are "hello" and "goodbye" or "thanks" depending. Treat them like any other member of the public. Smile and nod, just excuse and get away with a quick goodbye, I'm busy and boom. Never an issue in my life
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missjmjmjm
I tried twice to separate… its hard. (But this one stuck because I did “no contact” and reached out to all my best friends that if I ever spoke to/of him again, they would smack me upside my goddamn motherfucking face! (In a loving and blunt “WTF are you doing”way…) BUT. I am still recovering from the manipulation… its fucking hard!!!!! I wish your friend thr best!!!
Zootsoot
There is a therapy called Network Spinal Analysis. Works better for trauma than anything else I know. Even Better if you find a therapist that does EMDR and do both therapies concurrently.
The Youtube channel for Dr. Ramani is the best education I know. Ask your therapist to watch it and many do her yearly credential education about post-Narc abuse issues.
missjmjmjm
I will look i to it!
teacher745
My sister left hers after 25 years. She and her now adult children are so fucked up because of him. Glad you got out much earlier than she did. You have a much better chance of healing and living a better life without him. She can now ignore him but still talks about it. It’s been 10 years since the divorce. Like the grief box with the button and the ball, it seems to come up less often and bother her less, too. Good luck!!!
missjmjmjm
I know its going to fkng suck. It still does. Im just struggling in the now.
UmamiMama
Therapy was the only way for me to get that scum out of living in my head rent free. Good luck on your journey, be patient with yourself and be kind to yourself. You will get through this.
JonnyHeat
I left one a few years ago. She refused to recognize how flawless and important I am.
TalleyZorah
I found that I could not deal with the constant pressure, even after "moving on" personally, because they would try to randomly force their way into my life (including through other people). I moved away to a new city that just happened to be on the other end of the country, so now I live a life that is peaceful and fulfilled. I know it might not be possible since you have a child, but even just changing your location a little can be so relieving. Proud of you so far!
missjmjmjm
Thank you….
Lurkinntwerkin
My friend benefitted from reading a book called "Why does he do that?", by Lundy Bancroft. You got this.
missjmjmjm
I will check that out. Thank you.
adrianontherocks
Not a romantic relationship, but I believe my mother qualifies as a narcissist. Haven’t spoken to her in 15 years.
missjmjmjm
Wow!! 15 years? Im only 6 months in of just a 3 year. Any tips?
adrianontherocks
Do your best not to dwell on them. Therapy can help, but sometimes not talking/thinking about them is better. It will make you distrust other people’s motives. It may make other people get fed up with you for not trusting them. That’s okay. Take things at your own pace and if you aren’t capable of going into a healthy relationship, just don’t. It’s okay.
muchLongerUsername
The worst part is probably all the people who insist you need to 'stick with family'. Hell, I've been romantically rejected because many women seem to see your relationship with your mother as a proxy for how you'll treat them... no, really, she's just fuckin' nuts.
adrianontherocks
Yeah fuck the crowd who says you have to love family just because they’re family. On the plus side that’s probably helped you avoid a lot of crazy women
ChronicEd
I'm still with mine, 23 years, but I know if I could get away, it'd need to be at the very least one state away.
missjmjmjm
Im sorry… I cant give you any pointers, cause I am asking for them. But if you know you need to get away… do it!!!!!!!! Im only at yhe “no contact” part.
ChronicEd
Unfortunately, I just wouldn't be able to function just to be able to find a job...And with my chronic pains, and now old man pains? pppp!
littlecoatfatguy
When you see him again, he'll want to know his departure had a big impact. The best way to win that game is not to play. "Sorry man, I've got other places to be. Goodbye!"
missjmjmjm
I was thinking of saying “im sorry, I dont speak to narcissistic abusive toxic people anymore”??? That what I want to say.
kartessa8888
Just a simple “ain’t got time” will do. You know what he is, that’s what important, just keep moving on :)
littlecoatfatguy
Just gives him a launching point for a monologue about how you’re wrong and this is all your fault. Think of this man like a five-year-old who thinks it’s hilarious to make a farting noise every time you speak: you can’t reason with him, but at the end of the day you’re still the adult in the room, and you get to set the terms. The only words you ever need speak to him again are “we have nothing left to talk about, goodbye”
ThrobbingElection
When I left mine, I would constantly think of all the shit I put up with and wanted nothing more than to tell them off. I got my opportunity and all it did was make them feel like I was obsessing over them and just made me more angry. Just do your best to remember the signs you missed so you don't end up in something similar again, and never acknowledge them if you see them. The worst thing you can do to a narcissist is forget them.
CongratsYouAreHereNow
@op google “gray rocking”
missjmjmjm
I just did…!
missjmjmjm
Thank you. Every time I miss him and remember the good… I try to remember the bad. And the abuse.
peterhjames
This! Don’t give him anything of your emotions, that’s what he thrives on. You will leave him completely hanging if you just congratulate him on his engagement and walk on. No better way of signaling that you absolutely do not care for him anymore and he has zero of your emotions
missjmjmjm
Mic drop? Got it!!!
peterhjames
You go!!!! You got this!!! We are all rooting for you!!