Both of my closest friends died I the past 2 yrs. My best and longest of 26 yrs from stroke at 40 due to kidney failure in 2022 and one just jumped off a bridge a month ago at 46…. I have no close personal friends left outside of family. Hard is not the word…. being 43, with a family, full time job and trying to make friends that last is damn near impossible.
You should expect that your friendships won't last for life and actively work to meet new people and add people to your life to maintain your desired level of friends. It's possible that it's harder to do that than it was in the past, but I don't think the basic assumptions have changed. If you're unhappy with your social life, volunteer with an organization, find a social hobby, join a club, etc. People aren't going to come to you. You have to go to them.
I think it's ok to expect certain friendships to last for life, but that happens when you both have the same expectations for frequency of communication and intention about maintaining the connection.
I have a few friends from college that I hit up maybe once a year, we get together every couple.
100% this. And yes it's real work, but worth it. Remember how many hours you spent with someone before they became a close friend & keep your efforts in perspective. The rules evolve, but grabbing beers now and then isn't going to yield a close & trusted friend
Exactly. I still put effort into meeting people and attending or hosting social events. Friendships fade, people move away or move on, very few friends are for life, you gotta keep working at it
True. I don't get a lot of new friends because i'm not interested in having more than a few but those i currently have i've known for 40+ , 25, 18 and 7 years. Basically it has been a slow drip and change over the years. I guess it's very few that just have the same friendgroup through their entire lives
The people I know that still have the same friend group also have not changed or grown in their lives. They are coincidentally the same people who started listing to Joe Rogan and right-wing propaganda. Nothing wrong with having a lifelong friend, but if everyone you know are the same people you knew in HS, and you're over 40, you need to branch out.
Yeah, but what if your only socialization for the past 12 years has been with your spouse or work related? I physically can not make small talk anymore, and my gauge for what is socially acceptable is my husband, and we're both weird.
You're probably more capable of it than you think, but the weirder you are, the harder it gets to be sure. Granted I mean *actually* weird, so like niche special interests as seen in some autistic people, not dying your hair a bright color or being part of a popular counterculture, as those people are still ultimately really normal. I think it's still ultimately a numbers game and the basic formula remains unchanged: meet more people more times and see what sticks. I'm not an expert though.
thisplaceisjustanothernewssitenow
You should stop texting Jessica
Uandi82muchBeer
amtronic
Truth
Will0099
Both of my closest friends died I the past 2 yrs. My best and longest of 26 yrs from stroke at 40 due to kidney failure in 2022 and one just jumped off a bridge a month ago at 46….
I have no close personal friends left outside of family. Hard is not the word….
being 43, with a family, full time job and trying to make friends that last is damn near impossible.
ThatRaccoonGuy
I still have slumber parties. I probably have more friends now than I ever did as a child
trueunpopularopinions
To me all parties are now slumber parties.
mksu
You should expect that your friendships won't last for life and actively work to meet new people and add people to your life to maintain your desired level of friends. It's possible that it's harder to do that than it was in the past, but I don't think the basic assumptions have changed. If you're unhappy with your social life, volunteer with an organization, find a social hobby, join a club, etc. People aren't going to come to you. You have to go to them.
cozynester
I think it's ok to expect certain friendships to last for life, but that happens when you both have the same expectations for frequency of communication and intention about maintaining the connection.
I have a few friends from college that I hit up maybe once a year, we get together every couple.
chefsoda
100% this. And yes it's real work, but worth it. Remember how many hours you spent with someone before they became a close friend & keep your efforts in perspective. The rules evolve, but grabbing beers now and then isn't going to yield a close & trusted friend
ThatRaccoonGuy
Exactly. I still put effort into meeting people and attending or hosting social events. Friendships fade, people move away or move on, very few friends are for life, you gotta keep working at it
yamamasyamaha
No…. No, if I sit here and feel sorry enough for myself for long enough, friends will appear. Like mold on a damp laundry room floor.
Mohareb
True. I don't get a lot of new friends because i'm not interested in having more than a few but those i currently have i've known for 40+ , 25, 18 and 7 years. Basically it has been a slow drip and change over the years. I guess it's very few that just have the same friendgroup through their entire lives
Eucrow
The people I know that still have the same friend group also have not changed or grown in their lives. They are coincidentally the same people who started listing to Joe Rogan and right-wing propaganda. Nothing wrong with having a lifelong friend, but if everyone you know are the same people you knew in HS, and you're over 40, you need to branch out.
alwaysacleric
Yeah, but what if your only socialization for the past 12 years has been with your spouse or work related? I physically can not make small talk anymore, and my gauge for what is socially acceptable is my husband, and we're both weird.
mksu
You're probably more capable of it than you think, but the weirder you are, the harder it gets to be sure. Granted I mean *actually* weird, so like niche special interests as seen in some autistic people, not dying your hair a bright color or being part of a popular counterculture, as those people are still ultimately really normal. I think it's still ultimately a numbers game and the basic formula remains unchanged: meet more people more times and see what sticks. I'm not an expert though.
alwaysacleric
For sure