Motherfucking Seagulls

Great Black-Backed Gull (Larus Marinus)

Warning: I'm not a nature photographer or even a photographer; most of these are, ahem, "borrowed" from pics I saved directly off a Google image search, complete with credits and watermarks. I'm going to hell, I know. Further disclaimer: one or two may be misidentified. I like the birds but I'm not an ornithologist nor am I the seagull picture identification police. They're just here to bring a little AWWAAWRAWW into your day.

You can see the size of the GBBG by looking at this photo of ginormous GBBGs near other gulls and birds.

I first became fascinated with these gulls when working with a wildlife rescue + rehab faciity in New York. New Yorkers are probably quite used to seeing clusters of grey seagulls, with one or two bigger, darker gulls scattered in. Along with pigeons they're often not-at-all-affectionately termed "rats with wings." Which is fine, 'cause I love rats too. So this post is why I fucking love these guys, and fair warning, it's based on my own, relatively limited (but pretty memorable) experience. And Wikipedia.

I JUST WANT TO LOVE YOU

The light grey gulls you see in those NY seagull clusters are usually Herring Gulls (unlike the one in this pic). Where an injured and captured Herring Gull would panic and flap about and shit all over everything you love, a Black-Back would inspect you quietly, sharply alert but calm, seemingly very intelligent. Their behavior put me in mind much more of a bird of prey than a seagull, whereas the far smaller Herring Gulls seemed high-strung, flighty, and what you'd probably think of when you think "seagull." Mind you, both of them were liable to stab your eyeballs out if they decided they'd had enough of your shit.

Witty Caption

Now, for MOTHERFUCKING BIRD FACTS. First things first: this is the largest gull in the world with, from Wiki, a 1.5–1.7 m (4 ft 11 in–5 ft 7 in) wingspan and a body weight of 0.75–2.3 kg (1.7–5.1 lb). That means its wingspan is wider than I am tall, and it can weigh as much as a cat--a big deal for a hollow-boned creature built light enough to take to the air! For a bird, they're heavily-built, bulky, and powerful, with a heavy head and broad, strong, sharp beak.

Juvenile coloring, murderous tendencies.

Second: they live a LONG time. A Great Black-Backed Gull isn't mature until it's two to three years old, and even then sometimes doesn't breed until four or five. Until maturity, it's a brown-and-white speckled seagull, like many juvenile gulls. The maximum recorded age (thanks, Wiki) of a WILD GBBG is 27 years, but it's postulated that they could live over 45 in captivity. Nobody keeps these wonderful violent bastards as pets, though.

"I love you honey" "That's nice Dave now stop standing on me" - Seagulls, probably

Third: they live all the fuck over the Northern Atlantic. The entire coast of the US, and Greenland, Iceland, and western Europe all see these guys. They're very adaptable and pretty widespread. They also mate for life, and if a bird returns to the nest one year to find its mate hasn't come to meet it (feels), it will probably sit around and do nothing that year, presumably in a deep seagull depression, and find a new mate next year instead. I've no idea, incidentally, what type of seagull is in this pic--it could be Greater or Lesser Black-Back Gull, or something else. There's no banana there :(

Seagles, amirite?

Fourth, and now we get to the "fun" part. I didn't know this bit when I fell in love with them; I just really liked their hawk-like personalities. Well, as it turns out, they've almost got more in common with a bird of prey anyway. GBBGs are seriously tough birds. They do not... fuck... around. They'll scavenge, like any other gull, and they will catch fish and crustaceans on their own. However, they'll also steal food from birds as big as shitting eagles. And by "steal" I mean beat the hell out of, harass, and generally attack-and-drive-off.

Majestic as fuck

Now, that might not be what we think of as noble behavior, but remember this: these birds don't have talons. They don't have bird of prey feet with angry grasping claws that keep their heads and eyes out of harm's way in an angry birds peck-off. They don't have a hooked beak, as Wiki will tell you, no. They have power and endurance and aggression, and they will attack herons, hawks, falcons, eagles, really whatever the fuck they want, and try to take their food.

The grace, the beauty...

They're so good at this that raptor photographers in one region are irritated with the gulls, because they can't get good photos of their hawks and eagles with prey. Instead, they get pictures of seagulls. Eating. Everything. Which is pretty impressive, considering that once upon a time, American GBBG numbers were seriously threatened by hunting. Now they're stealing ALL THE FOOD. /broomwave

I got nothin'. This gull is actively hunting and killing.

But it doesn't end there. They don't just take the food from other birds. They hunt the birds themselves. And remember the part where I said they don't have talons? These birds don't swoop down and grab something in their feet, no. They fucking BODYTACKLE IT and STAB IT TO DEATH. Or they drown it in the ocean, holding its head under and pecking it. Or they just beat another bird up and outlast the shit out of it until the other bird is dead.

I feel pretty bad for this puffin :(

Seriously, these birds are crazy. They will actively hunt, attack, and kill nestlings of a variety of types, as well as adult ducks, puffins, pigeons, terns, motherfucking HEN HARRIERS (that's a RAPTOR), rats, rabbits, fucking SICK LAMBS, hedgehogs, glossy ibises, and songbirds that they catch on the wing. ON. THE. WING. And anything else they can outlast without dying to, basically. They are also considered the greatest natural predator of puffins.

GBBGs also enjoy duck take out.

As a sidenote, only three birds--the Bald, White-Tailed and Golden Eagles--are known to frequently hunt and kill adult GBBGs. Even so, a Black-Back will often attack eagles for their food, or mob them out of the area. In some places, their main competition is White-Tailed Eagles, and fighting can get pretty fierce. Even Skuas (tough bastards in their own right) can't kill an adult, whereas members of smaller Skua species are killed BY them. According to some bird handbook or other, in some places GBBGs are actually the apex predator.

"No, you get the fucking shit back here you cunt"

They aren't completely fearless; like any bird, they can be mobbed by angry smaller birds who want them away from a nest or the like. They will flee if intimidated, like any seagull, or any bird of prey. And of course they're mortal. This particular GBBG had its leg tangled in a shopping bag. Already tired, it was attacked by an EAGLE. In this image it's dying from its wounds, yet as the eagle tries to fuck off for awhile, the dying seagull is all "Fuck you think you're goin' mate?"

Baby seagull tax...?

In summary, I love these fuckers. It's not because they're "omg best fite bird," but because in any situation, they're probably tough enough to try and scrap it out. If you have one sitting wounded in a pen in front of you, and you're two hundred fucking pounds, these birds might--if they decide you're coming for them--try to fuck up your day anyway. Or, they might cock their head, eye you, and wait politely (with an intelligent, calm gaze) for their fish. And that's why I fucking love them.

Wiki Page: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Great_black-backed_gull
GBBG Hunting & Feeding on Puffin: http://www.arkive.org/great-black-backed-gull/larus-marinus/video-08a.html
To give you an idea of their stamina, here's a Great Skua trying to kill a juvenile GBBG: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kn6Z1udk6Hk
Trying to be a Predator: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pLE7V4h8a7o
We're gonna have to fight in the shade. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EqTmW0vAw2k