Ladies and Gentlemen, Venezuela's navy!

Apr 10, 2020 6:01 PM

VodkaReindeer

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IT WAS, ON the face of it, a mismatched contest. The ANBV Naiguatá, a Venezuelan patrol vessel, was armed with a 76mm naval gun, a German-built anti-aircraft system that sprays a cloud of tungsten bullets and a pair of deck-mounted machine guns, among other weaponry. The RCGS Resolute, a Portuguese-flagged cruise ship with an 80-seat theatre, had the top speed of an oil tanker. But in the early hours of March 30th it was Venezuela’s Bolivarian navy whose ship ended up on the seabed—in the first decisive naval skirmish in the Caribbean for 75 years.

The Resolute, en route to Curaçao, a Dutch island in the Caribbean, had been drifting for a day in international waters near La Tortuga, a Venezuelan island, as it tinkered with its starboard engine. At midnight it was approached by the Naiguatá and ordered to come into port. As the Resolute contacted its head office for instructions, the Naiguatá opened fire—a video released by the Venezuelan navy shows a sailor firing an AK-47 in the howling wind and darkness with Rambo-like enthusiasm—and rammed the cruise ship, according to its parent company.

Unfortunately for the Naiguatá, the Resolute’s placid appearance belies the fact that its strengthened hull, built for polar cruising, can smash through metre-thick ice—and, it turns out, puny patrol boats. The Resolute brushed off the collision with “minor damages”, whereas the Naiguatá rapidly took on water and sank, leaving 44 sheepish sailors to be rescued.

Venezuela disputes this account. Its armed forces accused the Resolute of “cowardly and criminal behaviour” by initiating the collision in Venezuela’s national waters. The Bolivarian navy insisted that its gallant sailors put in an “impeccable performance” against the unarmed cruise ship, presumably by sinking with particular panache. The navy darkly added that the Resolute, which boasts a jacuzzi and sauna, might have been carrying mercenary commandos to attack Venezuelan bases. As evidence, it pointed to nefarious inflatable boats on its deck.

Venezuela’s thuggish regime may be especially touchy now. In January the uss Detroit, an American warship, conducted “freedom-of-navigation” operations close to Venezuela’s coastline. On March 26th the United States indicted Nicolás Maduro, the dictator, and his inner circle for drug-running and “narco-terrorism”.

On April 1st Donald Trump announced that the United States was launching an “enhanced counter-narcotics operation” in the eastern Pacific and Caribbean, involving an impressive array of warships and spy planes. The operation would “choke off the funds that go to that corrupt regime”, said Robert O’Brien, Mr Trump’s national security adviser. The Bolivarian navy will be ready to repel any invaders—just as soon as its sailors dry off.■

https://www.economist.com/the-americas/2020/04/08/venezuelas-navy-battles-a-cruise-ship-and-loses

venezuela

Has guns....ramming speed!

6 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

The Norwegian navy:

6 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 1

Unarmed Pleasure Boat is my fetish

6 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

When you try to play bumper boats against a ship reinforced against ice for arctic sailing...

6 years ago | Likes 165 Dislikes 1

With the 3rd rate navy of a tin pot dictator.

6 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

The Love Boat loves to **** you up.

6 years ago | Likes 86 Dislikes 0

The Love Boat: When you absolutely, positively, have to sink every mother fuckin' ship in the Venezuelan navy; accept no substitutes.

6 years ago | Likes 11 Dislikes 0

Super Smash Boats

6 years ago | Likes 61 Dislikes 0

id play it.

6 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Should have let the Venezuelan sailors sink. As for Maduro, he belongs in prison with Noriega as his cell mate.

6 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Always got to be prepping for the next war.

6 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

I hereby re-Christen this ship RCGS Resolute As Fuck

6 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

Straight to jail

6 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Who knew Norway and Venezuela's navy navies had so much in common.

6 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

Praise Neptune

6 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

seen this thing but didn't had that unique description, really cracked me up reading it twice, on Venezuelan dumbness and your description.

6 years ago | Likes 7 Dislikes 0

The mental image of the guy mag dumping his AK in the vague direction of a boat has me gigglin.

6 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Hang the venezuelan sailors as pirates

6 years ago | Likes 22 Dislikes 4

6 years ago | Likes 13 Dislikes 0

Weisel: Im gonna ram'em

6 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

I read this story 3 times since it happened and im gonna read it every other time its posted. Its too fuckimg funny.

6 years ago | Likes 6 Dislikes 0

If the ice breaker was working on engines, it seems to me the patrol boat has to take most of the blame for any collision.

6 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Imagine having to swim to the ship you just attacked and wave your hands to be rescued

6 years ago | Likes 10 Dislikes 0

6 years ago | Likes 28 Dislikes 1

6 years ago | Likes 9 Dislikes 0

Heh.

6 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

An unarmed and adrift ship is so dangerous you know.

6 years ago | Likes 10 Dislikes 0

"As evidence, it pointed to nefarious inflatable boats on its deck." Oh, no! Lifeboats! Whatever will we do?

6 years ago | Likes 24 Dislikes 1

6 years ago | Likes 9 Dislikes 0

My understanding is the cruise ship has a "bulbous hull" which juts out underwater, in front of the bow... it seems the PT boat hit that

6 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

I don't see how that would work on an ice breaker - they ride up on the ice and the ship's weight breaks it.

6 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 1

Yeah, I've seen it myself, since then. The whole tale looks like shenannigans all round, to me.

6 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

" presumably by syncing with Incredible panache" had me rolling on the floor. Bravo to the author! Droll trolling at its best.

6 years ago | Likes 416 Dislikes 3

I think the boat was German but under portuguese flag.

6 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

"by sinking with particular panache". Sorry. Had to be done. But I do echo your Bravo.

6 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

Voice to Text has betrayed me again.

6 years ago | Likes 74 Dislikes 2

" presumably by sinkng with Incredible panache" had me rolling on the floor. Bravo to the author! Droll trolling at its best.

6 years ago | Likes 32 Dislikes 2

One of these days you will get that word right.

6 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Particular* sorry to be that guy

6 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Drill Troll is a moniker I one day hope to earn.

6 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

*Droll Troll

6 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

That's the Economist. Global news with a touch of snark is just what they do. I still remember the article on Iran's new flying boats they →

6 years ago | Likes 15 Dislikes 0

Their photo captions are the best.

6 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

That's good stuff!

6 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Doot

6 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

How bad was the helmsman than he managed to get T-boned by a ship probably 1/3rd his max speed in a maneuver he initiated?

6 years ago | Likes 23 Dislikes 1

Relative speed is what matters

6 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

This bad, apparently.

6 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Ask John F. Kennedy

6 years ago | Likes 7 Dislikes 0

Oof... too soon

6 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

I read it as the naval vessel T-boned the cruise ship, but the cruise ship was designed with a stronger hull.

6 years ago | Likes 13 Dislikes 0

It's an ice breaker, not a normal cruise ship. Designed to crush 1m thick ice. The bulb went straight through the hull.

6 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Nah the damage to the cruise ship was on the bow, and naval ships can survive sideswiping other ships.

6 years ago | Likes 6 Dislikes 1

You can find video of a Soviet sideswiping a US ship the "safe" way and neither has any apparent damage, irrespective of weaker hulls.

6 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 1

That's not true! There was damage! They had to touch up the paint a little bit.

6 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Takeaway messages:
1) Don't bring a tin can to a tank battle;
2) Before entering a Sumo wrestling match, stay within your weight class;

6 years ago | Likes 19 Dislikes 0

More like don't try to hit a tank with the bayonet on your anti materiel rifle... for some fucking reason :D

6 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

3) Don't aim at the most heavily reinforced structure;
4) When your target responds with "Stop hitting yourself!" it's time to quit;

6 years ago | Likes 12 Dislikes 0

5) As you sink don't do the Black Knight scene as your opponent sails away: "Had enough, eh? you yellow bastards!! I'll bite your legs off!"

6 years ago | Likes 7 Dislikes 0

Takeaway messages: 6) Don't fuck with the Royal Canadian Geographical Society

6 years ago | Likes 10 Dislikes 0

Screw the Venezuelans. Their Marxist policies have failed their people and now they suffer unduly.

6 years ago | Likes 13 Dislikes 5

Hi, this is not true. The Venezuelan government under Chavez was far less corrupt than Maduro. US gov wants you to think he was bad 1/2

6 years ago | Likes 12 Dislikes 3

because he did not cooperate with them and instead used his country's wealth to benefit it's own population. 2/2

6 years ago | Likes 8 Dislikes 3

It is in crisis due to corruption, not socialism. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Economic_policy_of_the_Hugo_Ch%C3%A1vez_administration

6 years ago | Likes 8 Dislikes 1

Not true, corruption skyrocketed with Chavez.

6 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Right now it's about the same

6 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Read about Jesus Urdaneta. Was very close to Chavez until he saw the level of the corruption Chavez promoted and cooperation with 1/2

6 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Narco guerrillas back in early 2000s (beginning of Chavez's government) 2/2

6 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Well, the benefiting off food subsidies during a famine is worse than anything that happened during Chavez, i would argue.

6 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

It's a continuation, the difference is that now there's no money and you can easily spot it. >$300billion that you can't tell were they went

6 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Don't get me wrong, there was corruption before Chavez but with him in charge it reached unprecedented levels, they people running the show

6 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0