DaableJ
165445
3861
187
JESUS SAVES
FP edit: making fun of Joel Osteen is almost guaranteed front page material on Imgur. Please send me pictures of your doggos.
Feb 24, 2019 11:44 AM
DaableJ
165445
3861
187
FP edit: making fun of Joel Osteen is almost guaranteed front page material on Imgur. Please send me pictures of your doggos.
bagel69
I'm Christian but dang I don't like him
CorgiWithAJetPack
As someone from Houston and who grew up down the street from Lakewood, fuck this guy. His wife was a shitty customer when I worked for sbux.
thefuzziestofbutts
He looks like a relative of Littlefinger.
RyanMcAllister
Yeaaaah. Jesus actually said to pay your taxes...so he definitely didn’t “switch to Jesus”
lenomdeplume
WelllllIllBeDamned
Make it reveal its name, demons are weak when you know their name .
MrHowe
What a sleazy looking creep lol. At least he lives up to his image
boopboop11
rat-faced motherfucking con man. People who use religion to steal and defraud and then live high on their ill-gotten gains are the worst
boopboop11
But their prey just line up for it. DONT RAISE YOUR KIDS IN ORGANIZED RELIGION. It’s bad for their ability to reason
spattr
The non-meek here seem to be inheriting the earth.
RoninTactican
Meek of spirit
freezingpilot
WWJD? Oh right, lay the smackdown on a room full of bankers.
Ravenwing14
The meek shall inherit the earth. The strong shall retain the mining profits and leave the meek the pollution.
ButLogicallyTho
Meek is a bad translation, its more like those with swords and know how to use them but keep them sheathed shall inherit the earth
Frank057
They can inherit this one, Bible prophesies that Government will turn on false religion soon.
ZeroCoolisCrashOverride
He looks like a demented Tim the Toolman Taylor.
PatRedHawk94
These sad excuses for humans do not represent any actual Christians. Do not look at these people as Christians. Do not hate us based on them
dhorner8010
That smile says it all .”I’m a douche”
SoPhoKingWong
My kinda guy. Robbin poor white folks to fill his own pockets. MAGA
SoPhoKingWong
That was a joke by the way.
DeadForTaxReasons
You gotta put /s because people here are kind of slow
countbassy
and it was funny
ijust12bcd8d
Shame people lump all religions/churches into one category due to people like this.. i mean many "real" decent people run churches 1/3
Nordenfeldt
Remove the profiteering super-churches, then remove the cult-like fringe churches, then remove the pedophile rapist churches: not much left.
ijust12bcd8d
I agree.. but many bad apples in some cases doesn't make the entire orchard bad... that's all I'm saying..
ijust12bcd8d
that help a lot of people, provide a lot of community help, etc etc. and you can NOT do that without money, you can't run your home 2/3
ijust12bcd8d
w/o money.. you can't run your business w/o money, many good churches/religions don't pay taxes for many reasons..not all are fake & liars
lawideas
If government could tax religion, they could oppress whichever religion they wanted.
MisterLemons
MrBeauregard
Pastors still pay taxes. Churches dont. If hes funneling money thru the church to avoid taxes then that's illegal. Osteen's a cunt tho
MarkWatneysVicodinPotato
That dickhead makes me so angry.
Tyrael918
My pastor works at a shop kwik. The churches money is for the church, and isn't taxed, but he is taxed like any other person. As it should b
jamaicamecranky
Screw these two, having said that churches/orgs are tax exempt but individuals are not.. any mega preacher has to pay taxes on his own pay
GreenPleez
Couldn’t the church just pay for his house, cars, private jet?
shorey66
Exactly. I bet he doesn't take a large wage. He doesn't need to.
jamaicamecranky
Source: personal experience. Churches rarely withhold etc since they are tax exempt so you usually pay more out of pkt than regular folks
QuitLookinAtMineAim
How's that? The tax bill is what it is no matter when you pay it. You just have to "withhold" it yourself instead of spending it
DarkZalgo
That's kinda what he just said.
QuitLookinAtMineAim
It's the same "out of pocket" cost
delusionaldaydreams
I’m not sure who has a more punchable face, him or Ajit Pai.
rezexelon
Ajit for sure. Joel fucks his sheep but Pai fucks all of us.
GdebMueller
Bainin
instead of both why do we not do some extensive testing regarding this matter.
thesleeve3d
It's the pearly whites. Large expanses of expensive dental work makes us whores of temptation. Jus' gimme some elbow room...
drainbamage1011
Yes.
Skullcleaver
chavez95jjj
CMDRKrikos
irlborat
Ajit, I can simply sit back and laugh at Osteen, but Ajit's actions can actually badly affect me
Tjitso
Well, you've got two fists, don't you?
delusionaldaydreams
There are never enough fists...
TheDogEnd
Ajit Pai. People volunteer to give Osteen money, even if he is so crooked he has to unscrew his pants at night
NotACop1515IsMyAgeNotACop
Ajit Pai's lips are so big, he uses them a floatation device so he doesn't drown in the literal ocean of Verizon semen he loves so much.
notkvothethebloodless
Just imagine if the two of them were caught having an affair in a hardcore S&M dungeon
Crabsforeveryone
"Dead hookers and live boys"
PaintedSlate
One is in private industry taking advantage of public rules. The other is in private industry controlling public rules to benefit them.
whathavewehere
Surely Martin Shkreli should be among the nominees.
delusionaldaydreams
There is a long list of punchable people. Unfortunately it doesn’t fit in the character limit.
Ifekinlovesauerkraut
That's a no brainer. Just like safety, he should be #1 priority.
ShadysFreakshow
Ajit screwed over a significantly higher population number than Martin Shkreli, but that doesnt change that fact both are absolute cunts.
OPsFatMom
i think my fist would have an orgasm if it contacted his face
oKBirds
I hate them so much my fists get a boner
moon2A
They both look so fucking fake it's disgusting.
Ifekinlovesauerkraut
Please give me back faith in humanity and tell me that you are a citizen of the US.
moon2A
Yea...but wtf does that have to do with anything?
MrBEC
As a True Christian I want to Apologize for people like this
WuProgress
So is their smile.
YouWillNeverFindMe
It's because the smile is for the photo, only thing smiling is their mouth. Same for many business photos when people are asked to smile.
YouWillNeverFindMe
These people even more so because they are selling stuff that should be free, increasing the effect. I don't exactly care if my plumber...
YouWillNeverFindMe
...wasn't extatic IRL for a company photo.
FallingScar
So not sure other than a tv evangelist who he is, but is his wife as much a souless harpy as she looks?, because her smile is epically fake
drainbamage1011
I was just thinking she looks completely dead-eyed.
mawleydogs
Well she has to fuck him... so I guess they would be.
drainbamage1011
I mean...I get it, but I doubt she's there against her will.
SnowpersonHitInTheFaceWithALackOfCreativity
I know that during the floods in Houston they refused to open the doors of the biggest church in America and showed no support
FallingScar
Well thats just not cricket
PhantomOfTheDopera
Isn't this the same instant-noodle hair prick who denied people to take shelter in his building during the hurricane?
QuitLookinAtMineAim
Yes
MattDerKomponist
Indeed.
MisterLemons
discardedusername
Oh yeah, choose to keep his carpets clean while people who sufferd tragedies begged for shelter. Choosing money over wellbeing of others
morgan0073
He gave people shelter, blankets and food during the hurricane. What the fuck did any of you do to help...
N0ticeablyFAT
To be fair, it was only built to shelter taxes, not people.
N0ticeablyFAT
Not my joke, but I have no idea who I stole it from.
MissSpelledTattoo
andthedicestoppedrolling
This whole story is as false as the Kentucky catholic boy deal. My uncle lives nearby the Osteen church and it was flooded
justooswift
You are an idiot
newsguycraigevans
Tell your uncle I said he's a fucking lair. That church was high and dry. Olsteen was shamed to letting people in.
Nordenfeldt
No, it wasn’t. He claimed it was so people started sending same-day pictures of it high and dry.
WhatwouldJesusdeadlift
I lived less than a mile from it. It was not flooded. You're uncle is stupid.
YourFatMother
The only part of it that was flooded was the underground parking lot. The building used to be The Summit. Where the Rockets played.
Boopadasnoot
he reminds me of Tim Allen, anyone else?
DevilishPoop
I think not! Even Wilson would tell this prick to "hidey go, neighbour"
MitchBeaucannon
*nods in agreement*
TheExpensiveBikeRide
HighImpactSexualViolence
I used to like Tim pretty well. Not so much anymore, he kinda seems to have become a bit of a cunt.
razielangelus
Don't u ou besmirch the name of Tim Allen or we'll force you to do a Christmas movie with Tim Allen.
bakulaspectacula
He almost got life in prison for smuggling cocaine. Not a great guy either.
Kidstechno
What’s the difference between Atheists and Evangelicals? At least Atheists are honest about not believing in God.
TheSwampAngel
Didn't want to give you an upvote, but I think you may actually be correct.
GreenPleez
Atheists just missed a good business opportunity.
grklein
Atheists are generally more ethical than Evangelicals, that's why.
DaableJ
Comet260
Nah. Evangelicals believe in a god. That god is money.
Kidstechno
Qabalinho
Trump is their god now.
FireAtDusk
Fuck Joel Osteen.
morgan0073
Why the hate for him. I'm sure there is plenty of other people to talk shit about other than this guy.
ChezaGrace
Not sure if he did anything recently, but during hurricane Harvey he turned a bunch of people away that were seeking shelter at his church.
profanelogic
"Don't be a coward. Fuck him yourself." - some meme.
MrBEC
Is anyone thinking of the time Justin Roiland Prank-called Joel Osteen? Look It up, it's Hilarious!
DodderingCommandant97
CAntthenuclearapocalypsecomesoicanjustdiealready
I lost my virginity in the parking lot of his church in Houston. Gigantic parking lot with nobody watching it for most of the week
ultraronbun
The underground parking or the far away parking garage
CAntthenuclearapocalypsecomesoicanjustdiealready
It might have been kerry shooks Church I just remember a huge ass mega church parking lot
KringelbertFishtybuns
He was pretty good in The Sixth Sense, I’ll give him credit for that
SnrubBurns
Haley Joel Osteen
SnrubBurns
Thank you, Ted, that was the joke.
wadatahmydamie
Yeah, but in like an Iron Sheik kind of way
kristorial
Fuck Joel Osteen
moon2A
Amen
ObviousObservationMan
I see 25 idiots who believe in his complete SHITE garbage downvoted you.
TotallyIncontinent
Pass
Selerox
We *literally* had a Reformation over the kind of shit he pulls. We need someone with a hammer, a nail and a door...
3Davideo
I'd rather not, but I have some other ideas...
iwinyoulosebutkeepchecking
You can fuck him first
QUIBICUS
As long as he will marry me. I'll fuck him. Then take half. $20 million is $20 million.
TheRealAethrys
I bet he'd claim everything as church assets and avoid giving up much.
DaableJ
GodEmperorLetoAtreidesII
Whatever happened to the classic "get into his will and poison him"?
mginster
14 downvotes who believe a goodly man who should help he needy, yet drives a Ferrari. Yeah ok.
Smozzerz
"Agreed." -90% of Christians.
TheNuclearRabbit
His wealth comes from book sales, not the offering plate. He's very different from most megachurch preachers that way.
MrBEC
Still a Cunt thou
drainbamage1011
But he still preaches the "prosperity gospel" which pretty much runs counter to Christianity 101.
ButterfaceTaintClown
You only need the bible. Oh, and all my books talking about the bible.
asscactus2001
I think Jesus was about to sign a tablet deal worth millions before his death just to get his message out there to the people.
StarscreamAndHutch
He is still a douche for not letting people into the church during hurricane Harvey.
TheNuclearRabbit
Yes. Very much so.
ButterfaceTaintClown
He let them in eventually die to the bad publicity. Then bought a medal from the city congratulating him for being so Christian.
oKBirds
Wtf really? That's fucking evil
DasBeaker
Yep. It took people outraged on media to get him to do it. And then during a service still had people go around with collection plates.
JamesBluntThatSmartassCunt
What a fuckwad.
Appachehelicopter
Nooo thank you!
lookatmeimmrmeeseeks
I’ve always wondered what would happen if we gave these “super religious” people LSD. Watch them realize what they’ve done wrong.
mickison
Well religion is their con so I wouldn’t consider Joel Osteen super religious necessarily.
lookatmeimmrmeeseeks
Exactly, it will give them a slap in the face of reality to show them how fucked in the head they are
FurtiveGlancer
Lol, so much hate to go around - PETA, Osteen, Vegans, etc
BondulanceDispatch
You forgot smollet.
wadatahmydamie
#NotAllVegans
FireAtDusk
Found the vegan.
[deleted]
[deleted]
[deleted]
[deleted]
wadatahmydamie
What a horrible slur. After all I’ve given this community.
Icantseeanything
#MostVegans
wadatahmydamie
Vegans are like crossfitters or atheists. The assholes are in the minority, but they’re QUITE vocal.
Icantseeanything
Good point sir or ma'am
prisonmyke
Not like anyone here’s going to believe it, but this guy is not an accurate representation of Christianity in America
moose9377
He is, though.
TheSwampAngel
He's actually not a good representation of Christianity anywhere.
Comet260
No true scotsman.....
chrishallett83
No, that's the GOP. Oh sure, US Christians all claim to be kind and friendly, but those pricks are the ones voting for people like Trump...
Codyblues
Hey now. I did not vote for Trump.
chrishallett83
Cool! One who didn't out of over 40+ million white Christians! You might have done the right thing, but you're statistically insignificant.
ferretsandtgirlsshowmewhatyougot
So you lump all Christians in the same boat? Isn't that what you hate about people doing to Muslims?
chrishallett83
Trump's voters are OVERWHELMINGLY white "Christians". Get back to me later with your findings.
ElmurFud
Generalizing all Christians as 'pricks' was what he disagreed with not that a small portion of them where the majority of Trumps voters.
chrishallett83
Modern "progressive" Christians are in the minority in the US.
PatRedHawk94
If you want to believe that, go ahead, but as a Christian who stands by Christian values and rarely breaks them....go fuck yourself good sir
DarkZalgo
That's why I dislike Christianity so much. You can do whatever you want and all is forgiven so long as you ask.
DarkZalgo
There's simply no reason to adhere to your "Christian values" all the time. Which is probably why people just don't.
Nordenfeldt
(He says, ending with a swearing insult violating the values he claimed to live by one sentence earlier.)
PatRedHawk94
He replies not having read the full context of the earlier comment
ferretsandtgirlsshowmewhatyougot
"rarely breaks them" conveying he does, and he's probably forgiven by his faith. Learn to read downvoters.
Nordenfeldt
Must be nice having a faith where you can commit any crime no matter how heinous or vile, and just repent on your deathbed to get heaven.
mjayojay
you misspelled something. let me help you: this is an accurate representation of greed in america, MAGA!
prisonmyke
Any chance it make it about him, huh?
mjayojay
someone is triggered? ;)
mjayojay
*he* would be proud