saeheria
1295
35
3
This community has helped me in the past and I wanted to yell into the void/maybe get some advice. Been on 2 dates with this girl, both really fun. We have a lot in common and I’ve brought up that I’ve struggled with depression/anxiety but not that I’ve been on disability for it for a few years. I am actively trying to get off of it and can support myself but I’m worried this might ruin things. Thank you for any advice, kind words, or memes
sometimesarobot
If you're working to get off it, just "i'm inbetween jobs" it
ElecTech
Just tell her. It will be worse for you if you try to hide it and If she finds out later, and isn't okay, it will be a worse break-up. Revealing it will also tell you if there is or is not something capable of going forward.
As others have pointed out if she isn't okay with it then that gives off gold-digger vibes and you're better off without her.
Beesareonthewhatnow
It's your story. If it's enough to scare her away, it's better she knows now.
thinkybrainpains
Better for OP too before getting too attached if it is a deal breaker for her.
Sebastopol140
Now is the right moment.
Jayboots
Be honest with her. It should not be stigmatized, and communication is key to a healthy relationship.
Dafodarian
Third date feels about right for more serious info to me, but ymmv; most of my relationships have been friends for a while before becoming romantic connections, so they know what's up with me beforehand.
charondaboatman
Are your depression and anxiety under control? Are you in therapy? It’s a tough topic to bring up in a casual conversation and any serious conversation about it tends to add more gravity to the issue than it deserves. Small, gentle stories about points in your past and how you dealt with them can lead to a discussion about your current situation and that you have things under control and are engaged in treatment for it. But it’s a tough call. Good luck. Peace.
saeheria
They are and yes, thanks fam.
MattScifiBandit
You've been on a few dates now and she hasent asked "what you do for a living"?
TheMoonBnuuy
Does that really matter? I mean the question can come across a bit gold diggery.
MattScifiBandit
Its an extremely common ice-breaker question.
TheMoonBnuuy
Is it a red flag for someone to be atypical or not ask common questions? If so, what is the officially approved script that you have to go through to not throw red flags? Can a copy of it be obtained?
There are other also extremely common ice breaker questions, and you don't need more than one.
Also, not everybody is the same, dude. If the WORST thing you can find about someone is they didn't ask about where the person works within 2 dates, I'd say that's make a mountain out of a mole hill.
MattScifiBandit
I said no such thing. I didnt even imply or suggest such thing. You attacking me after putting words in my mouth is weird.
TheMoonBnuuy
I'm not attacking you. I'm asking questions to clarify, because it seems like the initial comment in this thread is attacking her for not asking that question.
mksu
Which means she's definitely avoiding the question so she isn't asked it in return only to have to explain that she's on disability from depression and anxiety to the OP.
fformulaa
saeheria
It's not like I don't do anything, I do have a profession - as I said I am working on transitioning out of disability but it feels like it's important to mention
MattScifiBandit
Its not a judgement call. I was just curious how it got to "several dates" vrs like, the first or second question asked when you met. Asking someone what they do is an easy way to get someone confidently talking about something they know about. A great ice-breaker question
saeheria
I have talked about what I do for work, (not going to say because she could be on here)
anarchoFeline
let me let you on on a little secret... your worth as a person had nothing to do with your job. if this person is worth your time then it won't matter what you do or whether or not you are disabled, temporarily or not. be honest with her and if she cares that much about it then she probably isn't worth your time
SacrificialClam
She probably has depression and/or anxiety too, or some other mental health condition that you can bond over, since we all pretty much do these days.
anarchoFeline
sure but if she can't manage to not project all over prospective partners that's a her issue and she needs to work on it. @op shouldn't treat that as something wrong with him, it's an issue she has and needs to work through and it's not his job to try and fix himself/her according to those projections.