Nothowwillitendbutwhen
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Diplomacy - When Rolling Initiative Just Isn't An Option
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Truly how DM's think.
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Some parties
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MrPredator
w4nder3r
I'd LOVE to learn how to play D&D but my work schedule makes it so hard.
kungfucatattack
Roehcai
We once played a high-level game, PCs were essentially different types of angels and almost demi-gods by this point. Our druid was the 1/2
Roehcai
king of cats, and when he died, he's just reincarnate as a cat somewhere. He also had a wide range of shapeshifts. So he decided to bird 2/3
Roehcai
up in the air, turn into a giant whale, splat on the demon's castle, resurrect, and repeat. It was pretty amusing. 3/3
3MidgetsInATrenchCoat
#6... Wasn't me I swear
Ryanator50
this needs way more points
CausticLemonEnema
Missed an excellent opportunity to name this "Dumpins and Dragons"
Ryanator50
nirach
I miss-read #2 and thought the dragon was calling the bard 'duck', and the Bard was agreeing.
EnjoysTheRain
Thank you for the morning laugh. Got to Death by Nothing and was getting strange looks from those around me.
DukeDarkwood
#14, yes? Believe me, if another D&D dump I've read is anything to go by, you'd best not underestimate those rats. (That was an epic saga.)
kaszimera
I'm working, adult group home. My blind client who only talks about and thinks about himself made me explain why I laughed during his music.
EnjoysTheRain
Thankfully I only got looks, and not comments.
kaszimera
Yeah, he made me read it. The only game he knows is yahtzee, the idea there are other games made him mad....
EnjoysTheRain
Well, then getting more fun out of it is your joy!
MesserAuditore
That first one is brilliant. Maybe just one of each though, for the sake of remembering everything.
UrbzGaming
Hoping to get into my first game within the next month. Preferably as a player, but im preparing to DM if need be
painstream
#4 Happened just last night. Two dinosaurs fighting. We try to sneak away. Nat 1. Decided my dargonborn would cheer them on.
JustAnotherLinkInTheChain
#10 for real that’s how our party got a dire wolf at level 1: a nat 20 nature check by our ranger.
RisingPhoenix92
And Cuddles has just been the greatest influence on my orc slaying hobby
ConveyEmotionsViaGifs
I come to imgur every day hoping for a dnd dump. Not disappointed.
eugenialukin
There was that time our part grappler roped a dragon and then the pair of Swashbucklers ran up the rope to stab it... It was a good session.
BigTittyGothKitty
I laughed so hard my back cracked. 1+
ElbowDeepinaTinyOctopus
I like most of these except the ones which allow truly impossible things (seducing the behemoth) just because its a natural 20. That only
ElbowDeepinaTinyOctopus
(2) applies to attacks, and skill checks just add 20, they aren't auto-success (because no one can jump to the moon 5% of their tries).
CatsAreAssholes
When my Half-Orc Barb needed to get to the front lines(>300m). what better way than catapult?
fluffleupagus
I used to play a bugbear barbarian and had a halfling friend. Need to get up high or across something? Throw the halfling.
anticrash
Aim for the bushes.
ninjaguineapig
A trebuchet, you Philistine.
CatsAreAssholes
I wish. this was a podunk down which couldn't afford that level of fancy. plus it was at most 100 feet. I screwed up with my > symbol D:
aPokal
"My small village doesn't have the money Ms. Paladin." They were pretty serious cost on production, maintenance and logistic.
Marikhen
A sleigh drawn by a dozen gully dwarves you overly technical savage.
Ryanator50
she could take a shortcut through the Plane of Shadows
butlerfetish
This legit came up at our game on Sunday, although my half-orc barb was suggesting it for getting the halfling across the river.
fluffleupagus
I used to play a bugbear barbarian. There was a halfling in the group. He got thrown a lot.
butlerfetish
We have 2 half-orcs, 2 halflings, and an elf. My barb is a low-key troll who talks about eating everyone they kill, 1/2
butlerfetish
even though he actually got kicked out of his clan for not being evil enough and thinking you should only eat combatants, not babies 2/2
fluffleupagus
My bugbear was the largest yet stealthiest of the group and also horded alcohol. He was my first ever D&D character. -->
AnonOmis1000
I mean he is half orc
dokpsy
If your half orc barb thinks before acting, you're playing him wrong. I miss mine. He could get halfway through hop on pop. Smart guy
AnonOmis1000
I'm new to D&D so maybe I'm still thinking of orcs in terms of WH40K orks
dokpsy
Orcs are big, dumb, and best pointed at the enemy and given a large killing object. Half Orcs are slightly smarter.
dokpsy
They can be entrusted with sharp objects. A few can even read small words
EnchieSupreme
My klepto dwarf picked up the ashes of a deceased party member, and later used said ashes to temp blind a beast while we ran away
EnchieSupreme
They were more useful in death than in life
SpareMacaroni
The last time i played DnD, two of our party members rolled to rape a girl in a bar but they stopped at the last second
tttttthey
one form my party did rape a girl ... he was cg at the time
bootninja
Those would be 2 party members I wouldn't be inviting back to the table
ilovebees
As a DM, they would be leaving my table immediately without even getting a chance to roll, if they somehow got into my game at all.
Arenlor
I'm playing in an evil campaign and they'd get a sword to the back from my character.
Balldanger
I had a party member use a barmaid to survive the harsh winter weather after they got kicked out for fighting. Cut her open and slept inside
DarkGrimness
https://imgur.com/4c0mLbQ
DelightfullyOdd
DnD No Context: "There was a flash, some wind, and now I'm a cookie."
MaverickTitan
"Last time, on Dragon Ball DnD!" "BUU MAKE YOU CHOCOLATE!!!"
KharnApproves
DM to me: You have successfully amputated your own leg. The fish people feel bad for you and leave the party alone. You die.
DaringSteel
You sure that's not Exalted?
GuardsmanMiku
"Congratulations, you gain a level in pulling out"
CelticCommando
there is an amazing flash of light, the orb of destruction is now a whole fried chicken. the chicken levitates towards you
samsonguy920
....with RAISINS
diddleysquin
There's multiple Discords for it, go some Googles and find one right for you :)
ImClearlyInsane
"I know it's a suit of armor, but does it have testicles?!" - my party.
DanSapSan
“Technically, this guy is weaker than salad“
BarretXIII
"You're still stuck to the wagon!"
TheBlackVan
Wosh: u now hav smol pener!
naytorin
Trell, I am going to kill you.
FloppyPancakeWarrior
NotABench
AmericanButProbablyAmerishouldnt
<3<3<3
ignimbrite
SKIDDADDLE SKIDDOODLE YOUR DICK IS NOW A NOODLE
Darkdragonjc
J4ckR4nd0m
As a DM for many years I both loved and feared the ingenuity of some of my players.
SpikeTheGoat
Definitely loved it when I used to DM. Made me think on my toes, push certain quests but bending them to fit, dealing with craziness, etc.
DelightfullyOdd
My GM won't allow me to use guns if we have an artificer after I sniped an entire garrison from over a mile away.
Rogahar
#4 We were trying to do similar, sneaking through a crashed vessel. I was the only one to cock up the stealth check, and the DM reacted >
Rogahar
> with "In a freak happenstance, Tiko finds the only empty tin can in all of Golarion and hoofs it down the corridor and into an exposed >
Rogahar
> ventilation shaft."
TheSwedishMoose
FOOL OF A TOOK
Rogahar
Fool of a Tiko*
Dreigiau
Bloody Brilliant
stonebrood
am i alone in thinking the whole crit miss/hit on every roll was kind of less fun than just having it as a combat thing?
Ryanator50
that's why it's a twenty sided die instead of a coin you flip
Rapiecage
even in combat, critical misses are an awful annoyance
Sasuuni
People take it to ridiculous lengths,intimidating a guard captain for example. They take it to mean that he becomes your bitch on a 1/2
Sasuuni
nat 20 when something like "he was going for the alarm bell but stops in his tracks, briefly distracted by your taunts" would be reasonable.
Mistruths
It *is* only a combat thing. The crit-with-everything is a popular houserule. That said, it has its place, especially in →
Mistruths
→silly or other less serious campaigns or settings.
stonebrood
I can only imagine getting more draconian with it and making everyone constantly subject to balance and perception checks while walking
stonebrood
go into town and people would constantly be tripping and going blind
Mistruths
You could take tens and do things carefully.
Gaehhn
Weed and Methanol?
moodytravesty
We had a DM who joked with a player that he had to roll a DC1 strength check. Played rolled, got a 1, but had a -1 modifier.
thepatioheater
Our most effective strategy was having our dwarf palaldin throw me, a halfling barbarian on sword-stilts, like a spear. Killed a dragon...
thepatioheater
from the inside!
thepatioheater
Nearly flew off with me inside. It took the bard to insult it so much that it landed out of anger so they didn't lose me.
dokpsy
I, being the half orc barb, decided to toss both the halfling and human up the side of the dungeon to grapple a baby dragon. It went ok
dokpsy
I did warn them using "I toss, you hold, we got when it go boom"
dokpsy
Hit *
Dokramuh
It is very important to tell you all that natural 1 being always a trainwreck is a HOMEBREW, and not an official rule.
BlGWlG
It doesn’t even make sense. “You get in the net?” What?
SpikeTheGoat
That's about knowing your group, I assume. I think the silly goblin names would be awful but to each their own, it's about having fun.
Chanteloup
Most GMs use homebrewed rules, it adds finir balance to sometimes too narrow rules (especially DnD)
Dokramuh
5% critical failure on everything is not balanced.
Chanteloup
Depends on how you manage the critical failures and critical successes, it can give impressive outcomes without giving impossible outcomes
Chanteloup
ANd no crit at all on skill checks is just boring
PuhTater
Uuuuuhm #10 , the species is called a Gorgon. Not a Medusa
ArdentSlacker
Myth vs D&D. Bit like some of the crazy-ass shit that makes up random monsters in final fantasy games. Where you want to know where the 1+
ArdentSlacker
2/2 hell you managed to piss off demigods of three different pantheons...
Mistruths
Strictly speaking, it's both. Medusa was one of the Gorgon sisters, and they both are used to refer to snake-haired monsters with →
Mistruths
→petrifying gazes; frequent depictions of such creatures are naga/lamia with snake hair.
Mistruths
D&D separates these, though. https://roll20.net/compendium/dnd5e/Medusa
SteveMND
The terms are used for different things in different game systems.
Ryanator50
yeah. Like in my Games I always call Halflings Hobbits and Teiflings Inferni.
konelhft
Gorgon: http://www.wizards.com/dnd/images/MM35_gallery/MM35_PG137.jpg
CanadianFurr
Gorgon: https://www.google.ca/search?q=gorgon&rlz=1C1CHBF_enCA776CA777&oq=gorgon&aqs=chrome..69i57j0l5.1432j0j9&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8
IronGravyBoat
Wizards is the authority sans a dm decision, posting a Google search quoting Wikipedia explaining ancient Greek mythos doesn't change DnD
CanadianFurr
My apologies, I was not aware a Gorgon in D&D was a metal bull.
Ryanator50
"I'm a sexy dracula" "You mean a Vampire?" "Dude I don't need to be a specific Dracula. I'm my own man"
konelhft
No, a Gorgon is a metal bull.
CanadianFurr
https://www.google.ca/search?q=gorgon&rlz=1C1CHBF_enCA776CA777&oq=gorgon&aqs=chrome..69i57j0l5.1432j0j9&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8
ThisNosoi
Try again, @CasualCanadian https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gorgon_(Dungeons_%26_Dragons)
konelhft
But this is D&D, not Greek mythology. In D&D, a Gorgon *is* metal bull, and a Medusa has snakes for hair.
CanadianFurr
My apologies, I was not aware a Gorgon in D&D was a metal bull.
Astramancer
http://www.wizards.com/dnd/images/MM35_gallery/MM35_PG137.jpg
DeadeicPrints
#1 Is a lot of work. I wouldn't even remember my 5, let alone all the other players.
Ryanator50
yeah but you also wouldn't remember the stats of your weapons or items in your inventory would you?
Sharkostomy
Note taking helps. Gotta be specific though. I wrote down that the blacksmith is good guy. A month later I don't remember a blacksmith.
GeneTheAwkward
I had my players answer 20 questions short answer / essay depending on how much effort they wanted to put in recently. Awarded (1/
GeneTheAwkward
one piece of loot / extra trait / feats / spells per answer. 4/5 players so far returned extremely well-filled out essay answers.
GeneTheAwkward
5 fortune cookie slips is child's play bro. #RPHeavyLyfe /3
serfqueen
damn, would you be willing to share this list of 20 questions?
GeneTheAwkward
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1kQwmrhO7hZtSeEPRCbfgunHQyOkjrDqMuP8JPKaRU9o/edit?usp=sharing
MrRandom314159
Even better. "Did you set fire to every chicken just to warm up your threesome with the farmer and his wife?" Maybe? Was it Thursday?
Adthay
Player: "I have to make up 5 whole things???" DM from over his pile of notes, books and battle maps: "Yes."
DeadeicPrints
And?
Nothowwillitendbutwhen
For real, when I think about how much storytelling the DM does I don't mind having to make up a few things for my character.
SteveMND
For my Cthulhu campaigns, I have the players come up with a couple paragraphs of backstory each before the campaign; plus at least two /1
chrisdafish
Cosmic horror campaigns sound pretty fun
SteveMND
They are indeed ( https://www.chaosium.com/call-of-cthulhu-rpg/ ). We're currently about 3/4 through Horror on the Orient Express.
SteveMND
2/ family/friend NPCs, and connections to at least one other player character at the table. And everyone needs to have at least one /2
SteveMND
3/ backup character concept waiting in the wings ready to go, because, well, Cthulhu.
HorseMcFucker
I'd love to make up 5 things - Prevents the GM from fucking around too heavily in my character's backstory for railroady reasons.
Crossmalaki
EXACTLY! I love coming up with backstories for my characters, but I always end up with a GM who either doesn't care about them or 1/2
Crossmalaki
doesn't want to work with me on making it so I end up making something that doesn't fit the campaign. Often both at the same time. 2/2
Arracor
Meanwhile I love working with my players to write a backstory that serves both their roleplay and the plot, with a healthy dose of memes.
PrinceRupert
As a GM, one of the things I've always appreciated with my players is them providing me with detailed backstories, IF I receive them 1/2
Snooj
If #2 is real, well fucking done.
AlexisActually
I have played at least a couple of characters that would have tried. And ran for one that would insult the dragon's weight to his last.
AThreeFootTallChocolateMooseWithFudgeEyes
The Bard:
Nothowwillitendbutwhen
Used to play with a guy who would try this shit all the time. It wasn't uncommon for our DM to take a breather and reassess his life choices
AisforApple
My DM used to try and set up little things like this on purpose. Then our group would talk ourselves out of doing the 'illogical' thing, lol
AisforApple
It was only after the session he'd say, 'why didn't you guys do the thing?! I totally hinted it for you.' ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
ImHereToGetDownvotes
I just hoped there was a good lead up reason for his death because if not that's bad DM'ing;,leading a PC to it's death without a chance.
porrages
Yeah that was my first thought when I read the final line. Need more context to justify singling out one player to just bite the dust.
Ryanator50
the official reason is he failed a stealth roll and got caught. Unofficially, he's an annoying prick.
Rapiecage
Eeeeh, 17 is a very low number for a dragon to decide to abandon his treasure and cult for...nothing.
ImgurCouncilOfLlamas
He got 6 sacrifices instead of 1.
override367
Green dragons are fickle and appreciate cunning more than brute strength, I'd buy it
pancreas
17 was probably his die roll, not his total. Could also be that the GM thought it was just brilliant and went with it anyways.
SomeCrazyNerd
He flew off with the treasure. Just not with you.
SomeCrazyNerd
He didn't abandon the treasure!!
ArdentSlacker
Green dragon, lawful evil, so I agree. But we don't know the larger context. This could be the first contact between the cultists and GD 1+
ArdentSlacker
2/2 and in that case, it's not that he has to beat the dragon's persuasion if he can beat the cultists. Like running from a bear, really.
AleksandrBlazkowicz
Yeah for me this would either be a 20 or would have to have a huge modifier like a +7 or higher to budge me
CyborgScribe
A blue dragon would probably go along with it. Like being flattered. More cooperative than a red. Smarter than a white.
AlwaysandEventuallyHannah
It says poison breath, making it a green dragon right? Aren't they all about deceit and tricks? So it might appreciate the effort
TheFoxCouncil
I'd assume it's a green dragon, given it has poison breath.
samsonguy920
Reds, being all about fire, just want to watch the world burn. Blues apply a bit more logic to their decisions. In this case-6 better than 1
Dreigiau
6-person team of devout followers and a 1-man snack vs 1 person of dubious loyalty and a single 6-person meal?
samsonguy920
A choice between an easy 6pc McFollower Happy Meal and how difficult it might be to find more schmucks. Edward sold big guy on the former.