JustARandomStrangerOnTheInternet
119406
4991
157
Apr 30, 2017 8:30 AM
JustARandomStrangerOnTheInternet
119406
4991
157
JSWhateva
ThatChecksOut
I want to read # how the people fuck # I want to laugh # at their awkward memories
Paperclipfarm
"Cleaned a woman's kitchen while wearing a dress while she fingered my ass and drank wine" has to be the best.
Jinxatron
Yes this one wins at least 3 internet points
OobedoobScoobyDoobyBenubi
The sloth maneuver sounds like fun
ThatChecksOut
Yeah I thought the same think. Less awkward more awesome.
Surisuule
Just as I came with my wife I yelled out a male coworker's name as a joke. Her lady-boner was thoroughly killed.
DeviousSaint
"As a joke" right
Surisuule
... yes.
mailman7777777
Is a cruise boat cheaper to take than a cruise ship?
fe1od1or
Maybe, but I'd pay extra for the cruise missile.
UhhhhhNick
I was having sex with my wife the other day and after we were done she went to sit up and pushed the loudest queef out of her vagina that
UhhhhhNick
ive ever heard. It sounded like the horn at Helms Deep.
SlutAtNight
I've had to take queef breaks before. Was with my ex husband and his tiny side kick
TedTheMan
Hehe.
WholesomeCrackwhoresForSale
I once fucked at an intersection at 3 AM and some dude walked right past us, like 1 foot away, he didnt bat an eye and she kept riding me
FrothyFishCabinet
One time tried to talk dirty to my gf. Fucked up the possessive pronouns. Said "I can't wait to put your cock in my mouth."
vidafree
We were playing around with cuffs. He flipped me over,cuffed me & I face planted into the pillow. I almost suffocated during doggy style.
TheLastPunslinger
"ADAMROOOOOOOOOOOOCKSEIGHTYFOUUUUUUUUURRR ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh" @Adamrocks84 during sex, apparently
professionalConfirmologist
Shivakamini Somakandarkram!!!!!
IOnceOwnedMoonMoonButOnceHeTriedToLickMyBallsAndRanAwayIMissHim
What's that?
cbjfan
It's a reference to the series "The League".
ItzDatSilver
TheBasementNerd
While there ARE a lot of pricks out there, do girls think we have some directional control over a piece of floppy meat? Its not a finger
TopCommenter
So are tongues. Sex ed rarely covers anything about the opposite sex and their anatomy.
TheBasementNerd
What about tongues?
TopCommenter
They are floppy pieces of meat, yet have directional control. Just saying where a girl might get the idea.
TheBasementNerd
Oh ok
EClaire1073
You have hands, right?
TheBasementNerd
That doesn't help when I pull out to far and my erratic hips make it flail about as I try to go back in, assuming I know where the target is
ScottishPower
I was fucking this guy and he took a client call when I was in his guts. Was hot to have him speak all businessy when I was rodding his hole
CaptainMiffles
your username has me picturing you as the stereotypical gimli type.. giant orange beard etc.. it's hillarious.
ScottishPower
Spot on.
LegacyMuse
I am surprisingly aroused...
ScottishPower
LegacyMuse
Like that, yeah.
ScottishPower
Same
LegacyMuse
#2 this isn't normal?
Sejanus1964
Was plowing away and started immitating Gilbert Gottfried. Laughed me ass off, she never forgave me
FrothyFishCabinet
I laughed so hard I spit out my coffee picturing this. Bravo!
Sciencemuller
EClaire1073
"MY CLI*TORIS*!!”
TheDudeOrHisDudeness
How do you "accidentally" put it in the other hole? You would just hurt her. Only an idiot would do that on purpose (I meant "accidentally")
thelaughingknight
That's what I tought until it happened to me. It really was an accident.
StirlingRanger
Got a better story? Add it here!
dumbkiddoeslife
I was giving my ex boyfriend a blowjob while I was a tad sick and blew a HUGE snot bubble. God why.
philcollinsdrumbreakdown
Went down on a girl-her bush was prolific and it tickled my nose. Sneezed right into her and she queefed right back. We laughed and laughed.
alexatrf21
We were laying after she rode me. My phone rang. I elbow'd her in the head reaching for my phone.
BlakeTortilla
One time my GF had a cold, and when i was inside her, she sneezed and my dick shot out of her like a rocket. This happened 6 more times.
BC2k2
Before my wife and I got married, we did a couples camp out with a former Friend with Benefits and her fiance. They had their tent, we had 1
BC2k2
ours. We were trying very hard to be quiet (more like she was trying hard, I was eating pussy for about 20 minutes straight), and after 2
BC2k2
I move up to slide in, I hear my friend's fiance call out "Did you fall asleep? I don't hear any fucking going on over there!" Much 3
BC2k2
laughter was had, and I had get mini me to stand back up so I could slide in.
dudeloveall
Was in a rush to bang my gf before my family got home and skipped the foreplay. She was so dry, I ripped my foreskin on entry.
YourInfoIsCrapImgur
LUBE MAN LUBE OOWWWW
Scusername
Biteymcbiteface
I once fucked a guy that had a fixation about pulling it out every thrust he made, pushing air into me at an uncomfortable level. I told 1/2
Biteymcbiteface
2/2 him to stop but he said he liked it. After a while I queffed. He was pissed as fuck at me for it. Did not see the connection at all.
CaptainMiffles
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
ThatWhichRemains
Scored at a party but couldnt get it up. went down on her in darkness, when i went to get some water i looked like hanibal Lecter...
YourInfoIsCrapImgur
Ugh grim and she let you do that?
ThatWhichRemains
Yeah i dont think She realised it herself to be honest
YourInfoIsCrapImgur
Dear god.
lemonfluff
Couldn't you taste that?
ThatWhichRemains
i was drunk, hence the floppy willy
LCPLunderground
I one inadvertently used Aqua di Gio aftershave to fuck a girl in the ass. It was also the night I met my ex-wife. (Not the same woman.)
TheGuyWithTheMagikarpTattoo
Gf and I are in a hotel room, decide to have a quickie before friends show up. About 20 minutes later, we've both gotten off, and I 1/?
TheGuyWithTheMagikarpTattoo
black out, coming to almost instantly... with amnesia. I've forgotten everything except how to speak, and I'm yelling at her, wondering 2/?
TheGuyWithTheMagikarpTattoo
who she is, where I am, where my clothes are, etc., and forgetting everything every time I closed my eyes. After a few moments, I'm okay 3/?
TheGuyWithTheMagikarpTattoo
and she was very patient with me as it happened. This happened twice. It's called Transient Global Amnesia. Different girls have had 4/5
TheGuyWithTheMagikarpTattoo
different effects on me. I'll share more if anyone wants to hear them. 5/5
BlueEyeGuy82
+1 for "Whale mating fart"
bligs
Gotta keep this one in my repertoire.
lilmisspax
One time while doing the do. my bf asked to talk nerdy to him. So i said that the jellyfish mouth is also the anus i laughed/killed the mood
YeahNoMaybeIDK
I don't think people realize how gross/messy/awkward sex can be sometimes
itsPixie
Right? That girl who cried, wtf. My husband has done that same thing and I laughed, then congratulated him.
YourInfoIsCrapImgur
If you're 17 and inexperienced then yeah crying would happen.
itsPixie
I have mixed feelings about this. Like I don't really want to hear about a 17 y/o crying cuz cum got on her face but you're not wrong.
Illinisig
Whatever happened to the Ruffcats confessions? Those were hilarious
CmRock136
@Ruffcats Yeah what happened?
EClaire1073
he ded
Sciencemuller
I nearly vomited reading some of those
Illinisig
It's time to bring it back...
TopCommenter
Controversy because they started advertising an imgur shirt during the dump despite the "no advertising" policy.
TheSacrificialButter
Apparently the mature filter took a bite out of imgurian submissions to him because less people saw his posts, so he stopped
ZombiePirateLeChuck
I am concerned that these people are procreating
lordofhouselurker
Now we need to start handing out darwian awards
AliBarber
.. Darwin? Those are for people who remove themselves from the gene pool
imightbeawesome
Username pretty much checks out
prozack8356
Except sloth guy. That was genius
MindRape
Don't worry, dog girl can't get pregnant by dogs
Vivificus
Nothing more important to worry about eh?
PonyMadness
It's hard to believe most of these. The first 10 or so sound like something a 14 year old would tell his friends to sound cool.
CrazierConspiraciesThanTrump
Hey the dog fucker isn't
XenomorphZZ
It's all fun and games until someone says Edward.
WaggyTails
Sex is sloppy, disgusting and beautiful
margaretolson
And sometimes hilarious!
SpikeTheGoat
Yep. These days a fart or a queef might get a laugh, a changed position, and some friendly jabs, but it isn't going to stop the sex =P
Flounk
I once fingered my wife after cutting fresh jalapeño. She laugh/cried for half a hour.
ThatChecksOut
That's happened to me too! It was so funny and painful.
CaptainMiffles
did almost the same thing after eating a hot curry. thankfully i realized quickly and stopped. she did not have a good time.
HuffleTuff98
Missionary with my ex and he pulled out to cum. Usually hit my headboard or hair but this time he looked down and shot himself in the eye
BlakeTortilla
That's just impressive consistency with powerful ejaculations. Im jealous.
HuffleTuff98
It got to the point where I had put my hand up like a wall in front of his penis to avoid injury
BlakeTortilla
I can only cum like that like, a third of the time. wish it was more. I dont pull out though that much so im sure i miss the best ones.
PrepareFoulBeast
Also waiting for that grown big penis... anytime now...
OliverClothesoff70
Me, too. I'm 47.
kiwiflavored
If you're self-conscious about your dick, put some amateur masturbation porn on XTube and revel in the compliments and propositions. Of...
kiwiflavored
course they're from gay and bi men, so if you're straight you're unlikely to find a date this way.But it's probably still a confidence boost
YamatoIouko
Nothing gay about a bro job, bro!
LukeKarr22
Doesn't have to be a monstrosity or anything, but, y'know...a little bigger would be nice.
reid2048
At least 15 inches. And black
LukeKarr22
Go RDJ from Tropic Thunder on a single part of me.
chinoelpastelero
QuiteADapperAsshole
Sometimes the small penis gets stuck and needs removed first, like baby teeth. Try tying a string to it and a doorknob and closing it hard.
tippytruck
Does it grow in a cockcoon? I'll show myself out.
ImKimJongUnAndEverythingIsFine
You need to go looking if you really want it. Grindr is a great place to start. Good luck!
01010011011001010110111001100100001000000110111001110101011001
What ever happened to the stay classy imgur guy?
01010011011001010110111001100100001000000110111001110101011001
Why did this get down voted? All I did was all a question?
CaptainMiffles
no idea, voted up for you. he gave up because imgur started taking them down because they were too weird :/ during the hyper censor phase
theycallmedrtwo
I accidentally peed on my husband and to lighten the mood I said I was marking my territory.
AussieNotNamedBruce
That's ok, I did the same thing recently, he's my property now!
DocVolt
That's my fetish.gif
Vicissitude
"Sorry, I thought I saw a jellyfish."
Proudfoots
Dude, drunk sex with highschool gf, from behind, pulled out, pissed all over the curtains in her bedroom.
maximsk
I'm sure she was thrilled.
YesIChangedMyNameAgain
Some of us are into it. I once had a woman who WANTED me to pee in her. It was actually pretty hot. Thank God for hotels.
maximsk
What, for the ensuing mess?
YesIChangedMyNameAgain
Pretty much. It was a tile floor, though. Cleaned it up with towels. I do hope the cleaners wore gloves. Sorry cleaning lady in OK in 2013.
UnhipDruid
Wait for the furries to respond.
JustARandomStrangerOnTheInternet
"accidentally"
Gradwin
Yeah... completely by accident...
Quaxx
Exzellent, you showed dominance
banz111
My fiance and I do that in the shower. On purpose.
LuckyWristbands
My brother pissed in one chicks throat. We all hated her so he plays it off as a victory
TheCollectorOfTaboo
Like she was into or like it was accidental? Or like he was just that deep in there?
LuckyWristbands
He was drunk and she was giving him a blow job and he just ended up pissin
Butane9000
Whatever you say Mrs. Kelly
lemonfluff
Guys that put their dicks in the wrong hole are dickheads.
sicsided
It gets slippery down there; it's not always on purpose.
SoiledFool
More like dickbutts, amirite or amirite?
ChibiYui
Yeah, somebody could get pregnant from that kind of mistake.
TimtegrityGT
Ha. Most underrated comment on he post.
Keiliana
Oh no I hope my vagina doesn't fall off during menopause!
keelikat
Haha, how fucking terrifying would that be?
MyLittlePonyHentai
Us neither!
AliBarber
Your fucking name man.. For shame
likeimfromcorklike
Nah it's much more likely to just fall out
SatansTesticles
Prolapse? More like Nolapse amirite!
HD2composer
Well hello there, soon-to-be cougar https://imgur.com/tbUBVXM • • • •
Keiliana
No no no I have a lot of time left!!
HD2composer
As a guy turning 35 this year. You do not... the last 17 years went quick-as-fuck and I am sure the next 15 will come, with the quickness
Keiliana
I do have lots of time left. I am not 35
HD2composer
SwankyPotato
Nice to see "Keep it classy Imgur" is back
EzekielsRage
What happened to those?
DonnaNobleInTheLibrary
It was during Imgur's extreme censoring phase and they became a bit too weird, so a number of them were deleted as soon as posted.
CaptainMiffles
i think that in itsself is worthy of a submission to stay classy...
MasterSavage
Didn't that guy also have some partnership with imgur to make merch for stay classy and people found out and got pissed at him?