I'm from a working class family and married an ex-miner's daughter. Really got on with my FIL. But we had a little chat before the wedding - "I'm glad you are marrying my daughter, but I need to let you know - if you ever hurt her in any way, I'll sort you out so bad you won't ever forget what you've done." I knew he loved her far more than she ever knew and expected me to feel the same way, and this was his way of saying that.
It's not an actual conversation for the purpose of exchanging information. This was a symbolic act for the father, coming to terms, that his little girl is now her own woman, with a separate life, making her own decisions. And as a last act of letting go, he tells her husband to always love her and not to play around and that she still always has a place with him. Sure it was in somewhat outdated language you can interpret as patriarchal. But it's a man trying to put complex emotions into words.
NOPE! That's weird. I have two daughters. If I thought their partner was a bad fit (Or a POS), I'd have this conversation WAY before the wedding. If I thought their partner was a good fit, I wouldn't have this conversation at the wedding! And I'd have this conversation with my daughter AND with their partner, not just the partner like she isn't a fully capable human being.
You would sit down with your daughter and her partner and say "Dude, if you ever not laugh her anymore. Don't cheat. Just call me, I'll pick her up."? This is clearly a symbolic act for the father, not an actual exchange of information. The amount of people thinking there's about to be some paperwork signed is ridiculous.
Odd thing to say on the wedding day. I know a lot of people get divorced but a wedding is basically saying "I'm with you forever" and then this dad is like "yeah but you might not be"
Yeah, dude. Nah. If my future father in-law said that to me at my wedding, in front of everyone, I would feel slighted and maybe sad. It would mean, he doesn’t trust me fully. And/or, it would mean I didn’t prove to him that I truly loved his daughter.
Explain why you believe this? What makes a father good for believing that there’s no man or woman in the world who can love their daughter with all their heart?
yeah, ok, maybe not in front of everyone at the wedding. that seems a bit… too much especially for the daughter who actually decided to marry just like the groom did.
is she not his daughter??? is he a stranger?? did I miss something?? (you guys can't be serious that he's saying "she is your property now" can you? is that what you're getting at? seriously misinterpreting what he means if so...)
Yep, this comes from a culture and a mindset where women have much lower standing than men by default. And let's be honest, this only started to change in our own Western cultures sometime in the 20th century, and we're not done with it yet. It's touching, it's intended to be sweet, but it comes from exactly the same place as a father's right to command his adult daughters, to chastise them physically, and his right to marry them off at his discretion. And that place can fork right off.
Obviously you don't have children, or been to a huge wedding, or talked with many other culture's elderly. That's okay. The ownership being discussed here isnt possession, its responsibility and accountability for her safety and success
I dont have children and I understood it, you dont have to have children to understand this, this person just tried to make it about themselves, thats all
Why not he means if you stop loving her don't cheat on her, don't beat the shit out of her, don't make her life a living hell, send her back home to us where she is love. If he was American he would have talked about running him down with a shotgun if you ever hurt my baby girl
Aa a person I don't need to 'be send back's anywhere. Those the fact that apparently Americans are insane make the speech on the vid better? I don't think I follow
"I am his, and he is mine" and father "giving daughter to husband" mentality during a marriage ceremony creates a sense of codependency, teammwork, and union imo, doesn't evoke ownership feelings for me. She is his daughter, and he's giving that caretaker role symbolically to the husband "I cared for her all this time, now you have to take care of her too." The same transfer symbolically takes place for his mom "giving him away" to his new wife. You might be cynical.
Traditionally it Is. Is a transfer or property. Yes, i know this is not exactly what is happening here but for me the whole tradition is really fucked up.
Okay well nowadays, that is not what marriage is about, as the article points out. Refusing to acknowledge how views and attitudes towards marriage have evolved over time is petty and useless. This video is not about giving ownership to anybody, it's about forming a union and bond between two consensual adults. The father is symbolically trusting the new husband as the new person to take care of her (and she will take care of him too). How is that fucked up? Accept change.
Read the words again. He says “she is yours” and “give her back to me” Now whilst he may not think of her as “property” intentionally, that is sure as fuck the implication. Women are “given away” at weddings, are men? How can you “give away” something that is not property. I dont think that is his sentiment, he is clearly just trying to be a great dad, and I am sure he is. But think about the history and meaning behind the words we use, women were and sometime still are treated as property.
You are really interpreting his words through your own bias of what you WANT to believe and hear. You are cynical of them and want to interpret it as cynically as possible. The father, arguably one of a daughter's biggest caretakers, is giving this role to the husband, as in "I love her and have cared for her her whole life, now you must do the same" jesus christ 🙄
Lol, I am not cynical, I am a happily married woman. But marriage historically has been for the transfer of ownership of women. This is not an opinion this is fact. There are and were laws specifically written for it. Google it. I explicitly said that I don’t believe that dad is a bad guy, I am merely giving background on the origins of marriage and the language that is used in regard to women. If you are outraged by that then ask yourself why?
MelfsAcidArrow
This is nice but also she gets no autonomy in this? Just given from dad to husband and back to dad if husband wants to return? She’s not property
JustDriftingAboutTheInterWebs
IneverWantedToBeBorn
my grandpa told my dad in same voice : no returns my man
Gustave13
So many people commenting and missing the entire vibe of the event and people involved.
080080
HodgePodgekin
Is there audio on what they’re saying?
Hardwaterguy
I'm from a working class family and married an ex-miner's daughter. Really got on with my FIL. But we had a little chat before the wedding - "I'm glad you are marrying my daughter, but I need to let you know - if you ever hurt her in any way, I'll sort you out so bad you won't ever forget what you've done." I knew he loved her far more than she ever knew and expected me to feel the same way, and this was his way of saying that.
blablubby
It's not an actual conversation for the purpose of exchanging information. This was a symbolic act for the father, coming to terms, that his little girl is now her own woman, with a separate life, making her own decisions. And as a last act of letting go, he tells her husband to always love her and not to play around and that she still always has a place with him. Sure it was in somewhat outdated language you can interpret as patriarchal. But it's a man trying to put complex emotions into words.
TonyDiethelm
NOPE! That's weird. I have two daughters. If I thought their partner was a bad fit (Or a POS), I'd have this conversation WAY before the wedding. If I thought their partner was a good fit, I wouldn't have this conversation at the wedding! And I'd have this conversation with my daughter AND with their partner, not just the partner like she isn't a fully capable human being.
blablubby
You would sit down with your daughter and her partner and say "Dude, if you ever not laugh her anymore. Don't cheat. Just call me, I'll pick her up."? This is clearly a symbolic act for the father, not an actual exchange of information. The amount of people thinking there's about to be some paperwork signed is ridiculous.
dancingsprinkles
I wish my dad had said this
downvoteifyouhatekittens
Odd thing to say on the wedding day. I know a lot of people get divorced but a wedding is basically saying "I'm with you forever" and then this dad is like "yeah but you might not be"
Betteranchorblake
Yeah, dude. Nah. If my future father in-law said that to me at my wedding, in front of everyone, I would feel slighted and maybe sad. It would mean, he doesn’t trust me fully. And/or, it would mean I didn’t prove to him that I truly loved his daughter.
lovingspace
You can't prove to a good dad that you are worthy of his daughter
Betteranchorblake
Explain why you believe this? What makes a father good for believing that there’s no man or woman in the world who can love their daughter with all their heart?
KingKelloggTheWaffleHaggler
A lil odd to do this at the wedding
lsrulevitch24
This made me cry.
bravotipo
yeah, ok, maybe not in front of everyone at the wedding. that seems a bit… too much especially for the daughter who actually decided to marry just like the groom did.
thesmelge
"You have finally released me, the beast is yours now"
ThePastmaster
I was waiting for the: If not I'mma kick your ass.
herescrazy
See, I wish all, if not most dads were like this. my dad told my husband “no returns even with the receipt” or some bullshit like that.
Dodel1976
Hurt either my Son or Daughter, and I'll show you my special set of skills, I may either die or end up in prison, but I'd pay that price any day.
pr3viso
My daughter didn't ask. I like that.
dednaHtfeLmI
sold as is
Hmuda
"My precious daughter is yours". 😬
duhqueenmoki
is she not his daughter??? is he a stranger?? did I miss something?? (you guys can't be serious that he's saying "she is your property now" can you? is that what you're getting at? seriously misinterpreting what he means if so...)
berlinson
*Unintended misogyny*
FvckinNailedIt
Fuckin' nailed it.
3rdoption
Dad knows men can be scum. Trying to cover his bases.
TonyDiethelm
If Dad was worried about it, he should have had this conversation a LONG time before the wedding.
redwesley
I took him to mean hurt her emotionally (as many married couples do).
CeoHuntingSeason
Except that this kind of "cover his bases" can itself create resentment in many ways, creating a hostile atmosphere when visiting them (the inlaws)
SnarkyDude
People *
endo357
Exactly. Women can ruin good men also
SnarkyDude
People. Don't discriminate life exists on a Spectrum
Aksuuuh
My father-in-law absolutely hates and despises me. Just because I defended my now wife for when he was verbally abusing her. In his eyes I am scum.
BlueDsc
That is something to be proud of.
hotrodny
Wear it as a badge. You're good in my book.
GANZTALISHUZ
My mother-in-law told me NOT to bring my wife back to her. She said, "I don't take used goods." True story!
vigilantinfidel
I mean, I guess that would be touching if they weren't talking about a whole separate human with her own agency like she wasn't even there.
JasonFndrbrkr
Why is this downvoted ?...
flarflarf
i get when youre comin from but your anger is misplaced.
trigaranus
Yep, this comes from a culture and a mindset where women have much lower standing than men by default. And let's be honest, this only started to change in our own Western cultures sometime in the 20th century, and we're not done with it yet. It's touching, it's intended to be sweet, but it comes from exactly the same place as a father's right to command his adult daughters, to chastise them physically, and his right to marry them off at his discretion. And that place can fork right off.
ilejk
Obviously you don't have children, or been to a huge wedding, or talked with many other culture's elderly. That's okay. The ownership being discussed here isnt possession, its responsibility and accountability for her safety and success
SacrificialClam
Just like the responsibility and accountability of DIS DICK
B99Reactions
I dont have children and I understood it, you dont have to have children to understand this, this person just tried to make it about themselves, thats all
TonyDiethelm
I have children. That was weird. If Dad was worried about it, he should have had this (and many other) conversations LONG before the wedding.
KingKelloggTheWaffleHaggler
Fr at the wedding seems wrong
cyllan
I can't find this sweet, but ok
SharkoutofWata
Yeah it makes me think he had another daughter and she’s dead now cause of a husband. Like that’s not a request you just make.
cyllan
Sure Jane. Anything is a possibility
IvanGordy
It’s big time ick.
TacoPoweredHelicopter
Seems really creepy to me.
Willowknowsall
Why not he means if you stop loving her don't cheat on her, don't beat the shit out of her, don't make her life a living hell, send her back home to us where she is love. If he was American he would have talked about running him down with a shotgun if you ever hurt my baby girl
cyllan
Aa a person I don't need to 'be send back's anywhere. Those the fact that apparently Americans are insane make the speech on the vid better? I don't think I follow
SillyMistMaker
I dont like the "women are property" thing
cyllan
Same.
duhqueenmoki
"I am his, and he is mine" and father "giving daughter to husband" mentality during a marriage ceremony creates a sense of codependency, teammwork, and union imo, doesn't evoke ownership feelings for me. She is his daughter, and he's giving that caretaker role symbolically to the husband "I cared for her all this time, now you have to take care of her too." The same transfer symbolically takes place for his mom "giving him away" to his new wife. You might be cynical.
Gin3r1c
Pretty sure that’s not what’s happening here.
WilliamHuskerAdama
Google how common it is for Asian men to essentially 'buy' their wife. Dowry is still very much part of many cultures in Asia
duhqueenmoki
Okay, that's obviously not what's happening here. Imgur always gotta destroy any sense of joy and happiness when happy couples come up 🙄
Iblamemyparentstoo
This community sometimes
SillyMistMaker
Traditionally it Is. Is a transfer or property. Yes, i know this is not exactly what is happening here but for me the whole tradition is really fucked up.
duhqueenmoki
Okay well nowadays, that is not what marriage is about, as the article points out. Refusing to acknowledge how views and attitudes towards marriage have evolved over time is petty and useless. This video is not about giving ownership to anybody, it's about forming a union and bond between two consensual adults. The father is symbolically trusting the new husband as the new person to take care of her (and she will take care of him too). How is that fucked up? Accept change.
WhyCantIStopArguingWithInternetTrolls
Read the words again. He says “she is yours” and “give her back to me” Now whilst he may not think of her as “property” intentionally, that is sure as fuck the implication. Women are “given away” at weddings, are men? How can you “give away” something that is not property. I dont think that is his sentiment, he is clearly just trying to be a great dad, and I am sure he is. But think about the history and meaning behind the words we use, women were and sometime still are treated as property.
duhqueenmoki
You are really interpreting his words through your own bias of what you WANT to believe and hear. You are cynical of them and want to interpret it as cynically as possible. The father, arguably one of a daughter's biggest caretakers, is giving this role to the husband, as in "I love her and have cared for her her whole life, now you must do the same" jesus christ 🙄
WhyCantIStopArguingWithInternetTrolls
Lol, I am not cynical, I am a happily married woman. But marriage historically has been for the transfer of ownership of women. This is not an opinion this is fact. There are and were laws specifically written for it. Google it. I explicitly said that I don’t believe that dad is a bad guy, I am merely giving background on the origins of marriage and the language that is used in regard to women. If you are outraged by that then ask yourself why?
cyllan
That's marriage baby
Bugkeeper
Marriage: getting a wife like you'd get a car. Very romance, much partner.
gimme
I'm married and I'm no one's property.